


The Honey House

by SuperPrincessPea



Category: The Walking Dead, The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (Comics), The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Banter, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, F/M, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Kissing, POV Female Character, POV Negan, POV Negan (Walking Dead), POV Original Character, Romance, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-16
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2018-08-15 09:13:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 96,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8050648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperPrincessPea/pseuds/SuperPrincessPea
Summary: On a desperate trip to gather supplies Rae falls into the hands of Negan, the foul mouthed leader of the Saviour's. Attractive, charismatic, brutal. The exact kind of man she shouldn’t be bringing home to meet Grandma.





	1. Supply Run

The halfers were everywhere. Pooling out of doors along the corridor and tumbling down a flight of stairs to the sickening ping of bones cracking against metal. From the outside the pharmaceutical building had seemed secure. Rae supposed it really was secure, everything locked up tight, a dark maze filled with hungry little mice and she was the cheese. 

She spotted a long window in the distance, the mid afternoon sun shining brightly like a beacon to guide her out. She squeezed the grip of her Glock and her last bullet fired, shattering the glass. The narrow corridor filled with a hazy ringing that silenced the groans of the half dead but made the tiny hairs on the back of her neck stand to attention.

A chill ran down her spine and then she jumped. For a heartbeat Rae thought it was all over as flesh ripped along the side of her body. She chanced a look as she scrambled to her feet. There were no teeth marks but there was blood and lots of it. She held tightly to the injury, stumbling along from the halfers until she reached the chain linked fence she had climbed over less than half an hour before. Climbing up the second time was almost impossible. She threw her rucksack first then heaved herself over with a graceless landing and a cry of pain. 

Rae didn’t look back at the gathering horde but she could hear them rattling the fence in a desperate attempt to pursue her. She jogged and walked, weaving between cars and cover as quickly as she could for as long as her legs could carry her. 

She eventually stopped in the middle of a long street lined with detached houses, once perfect lawns now long overgrown and soccor mom SUV’s still waiting to rush kids to school before the first bell. Streets like these filled her with a deep set melancholy. All these people, gone. Rae didn’t think she’d ever get used to it. 

She glanced around for any signs of danger, spotting a halfer clawing lazily in an upstairs window. Feeling somewhat secure she leaned against the abandoned ice cream truck that was sitting in the middle of the road. Even the strong odour of milk long since turned bad wasn’t enough to ruin the relief she found in her lungs filling up with a steady stream of air and her legs turning from jelly back into solid. She didn’t know how long she stood next to that truck regaining her senses but when she looked down her hand and her clothes were soaked with red. She allowed herself a couple of tears but that was all. She didn’t have energy to cry right now, she’d save it for later, or never, whichever one came sooner. 

She popped her head in through the hatch of the icecream truck to see if there was anything salvageable and was pleased to discover a box filled with stale cones and a big tub of sprinkles that had all congealed into rainbow glue. She held the items awkwardly in the crook of her arm as the other hand held pressure on her wound.

Walking further wasn’t much of an option, it would be dark soon and she needed to tend to her wound. Rae needed to decide which house to find shelter in and pray it was already empty. She picked the house on the end of the street, the corner plot would give her views over three roads and she liked to feel like she wasn’t trapped even if it was only an illusion. 

The two story house was enclosed by a white picket fence, the drive empty and the gate latched up tight. Rae left her cones and sprinkles on the doorstep before sneaking around the entire perimeter, peeking in windows and listening out for noises. There was only silence so she tried the front door, jangling the handle to find it locked. She pressed her ear to the wood listening out for any movement brought to life by her attempted break in. There was still only silence. Satisfied, she flipped over the door mat then the assortment of blue and green plant pots gathered around the front of the house until she found a spare key and breathed a sigh of relief.  _ Thank God. _

The door opened with one long heart stopping creak. In the silence of the street the sound seemed tenfold and paranoia made her wonder if the dead would hear it all the way back at the factory. Of course the noise probably wouldn’t carry much past the front gate but a morning of halfers snapping at her feet was making her skittish. She pushed the door open just enough to slip inside.

The door led into the lounge and beyond that she could see a large kitchen diner and a flight of stairs along one wall. Rae explored carefully from room to room. There was no disarray in any of the furniture, no missing photographs from the walls or clothes strewn about the bedrooms as if the former occupants had tried to pack in a hurry. Maybe they had been out of town when the world ended? Or maybe they had just never made it back. Either way this place offered the sanctuary she needed.

She found a spool of electric blue thread and a box of sewing needles in the kitchen then she gathered a small first aid kit from the bathroom cabinet. She tipped everything onto the double bed in the master bedroom before peeling off her shirt. The skin where her flesh had been sliced was dirty. She hadn’t washed in the days it had taken for her to reach that pharmaceutical factory. Rae could only imagine the germs that were working their way into her bloodstream as they prepared to poison her. Sometimes she thought it wouldn’t be the jaws of a halfer that got her in the end but some miniscule bug that had been all but eradicated by modern medicine and sanitation.

She took two paracetamol to help prepare her body for the pain of what came next and with gritted teeth she cleaned and stitched as best she could. Which was pretty much terrible. Her stitches were large, hesitant, messy. She gave up after closing the worst of the wound and hoped a bandage would do the rest. After a long time spent lying on the bed and staring at the ceiling while her body calmed down from the shock of what it had just endured she pulled herself up to search through the dresser for fresh clothes. 

The women's clothes were far too large and even though the mens jeans were too long they had a slim enough waist to make them suitable if she used a belt. She could easily cut the ends off in the morning but right now all she wanted to do was eat and sleep. She pulled on a mans green flannel shirt. The feeling of the clean brushed flannel against her skin was comforting.  She pressed her nose to the cuff of her sleeve to inhale the faintest trace of lavender. She savoured the fleeting feeling of being clean and safe before grabbing her cones and making her way to one of the other bedrooms.

This room had the best view of the street and she’d pushed the single bed up against the window to help her keep watch but more than that it was to bask in the fragments of light that sank into the room from the night sky. 

Rae scooped the rainbow sprinkles onto broken pieces of sugar cone and it wasn’t worst thing she’d ever eaten nor was it anywhere close to filing her tummy or injecting some much needed strength back into her veins. 

With a heavy sigh she settled into bed and pulled the cover up to her chin promising herself that tomorrow she’d make it home and this supply run would fade to nothing but a bad memory.

///

Morning had broken through the window but Rae had been too exhausted to notice the light filling the room. The thing that brought her back to the land of the living through half glued eyes was the sound of that squeaky front door bursting open followed by several muffled men’s voices. She froze, clutching tight to the blanket.. 

“I’ll check upstairs,” a voice called out a little clearer as footfalls began to thud one by one on the carpeted steps.

Rae rolled off the bed, biting back the pain in her side as she popped out one of her haphazard blue stitches. The pain made the room spin, her breath holding in tight, zipping up the cry of pain she wanted to scream. 

She was too slow to get away, the room she had picked for its view of the streets was the first along the corridor and the door swung open. Bang.

There was no flash of steel on the man’s axe as he raised it above his head. It was all matt and dirty, layers of blood and grime clinging to any part that might have been shiny. He held it suspended for a heartbeat that seemed to last a lifetime before it would come smashing down on her skull. Rae winced, preparing herself for her last moments and focusing on the only thought that crossed her mind.  _ Nobody will ever know. _ She’d be gone and they’d never know what happened to her. She hated that more than anything.

The axe whooshed inches from her face to wedge in the nightstand next to the bed. A blast of air sucked through her teeth filling her lungs in heartstopping relief. Rae’s eye’s locked with his. 

“I thought you were a fucking roamer,” the man sniggered, glancing from her face, along her bare legs. “You alone?” There was something predatory in the way he asked her that.

She licked her dry lips and suddenly the pain in her side seemed more bearable. She couldn’t go down like this. She was injured but it wasn’t over.  Her eyes skirted to her glock sitting empty by the side of the bed. He didn’t know it was empty. All she had to do was get away. She dove for it feeling the last of her stitches popping from her skin. 

Donnie’s boot landed hard on her forearm, pinning it to the floor before she could raise the weapon to threaten him. “What the fuck’s wrong with you?” he demanded, snatching the pistol from her fingers with a hard yank and shoving it in the waistband of his jeans. 

“Get away from me,” Rae screeched, suddenly possessed like a trapped animal. Her legs flailed wildly, uncoordinated in her panic. “I’m not going with you.”

He didn’t flinch, he heaved out an irritated sigh and grabbed her by the back of her shirt, manhandling her down the stairs until he flung her on the road outside.  

“Look what I found,” he announced as he forced her to her knees in front of a group of men who were standing by a van and a scattering of motorcycles in the middle of the street. Realisation began to weigh like lead in her stomach. She’d thought she'd been careful coming all this way out to find supplies. She’d thought she could avoid running into the Raiders. 

Feeling light headed and wearing nothing but a shirt and panties Rae had never felt so vulnerable in her entire life. No, that was wrong. She’d felt like this before and it had almost destroyed her. 

One of them cocked his head to the side, a slow smile filling his face as he swung his baseball bat onto his shoulder. “Alright Donny, no need to fucking hurt the fucking girl.” His gaze danced carelessly over her body before he knelt down right in front of her, his eye’s at a height with hers, his breath blowing hot and steady across her face, “good fucking morning doll.”

Rae looked away from him and the devilish grin that had her heart racing.

“Bitch tried to shoot me,” Donnie kicked her leg hard enough to make her sway but not so hard that it hurt. She was too numb for it to hurt.

“Is that fucking so?” he tugged on the end of her ponytail so her eyes could lock with his. Espresso brown, dark and dangerous until he tilted his head and the sunlight ignited a faint spark of green enough to soften them back down. 

Rae jerked her head away from him. She knew the score with the Raiders, they were anything but soft. 

“Not much of a fucking talker? Don’t matter much to me doll. I might even fucking prefer it.”

“I’ve nothing to say and I’d rather die than go to Jacob!” Rae spat, both hands clutching her side.

“Who the fuck is Jacob?” his face was next to hers again with those dark eyes studying her.

_ Who’s Jacob? _ Rae felt a stab of confusion, any words she might have muttered couldn't pass the tip of her tongue. She was slipping, the sounds of the street muffled, the lines of the man's face blurred. She felt the hard press of his arms, the smell of leather, a floating feeling and everything faded to blackness. 

///

Negan stopped the girl from going face first into the tarmac. It was the least he could fucking do when she had a face as nice as it was. He picked her up bridal style to carry her to the truck even if he could already see the patch of blood that was slowly staining her giant ugly as fuck shirt. Roamer had probably taken a tasty chunk right out of her. What a waste, a goddamn crime to humanity. Before he ended things with one hard blow to her tangled red hair he at least needed to be certain. It wasn’t everyday that he found a woman like this.

He laid her out in the truck, she was all long creamy legs that on any other day would have made his cock beg for freedom against his zipper but half dead unconscious girls weren’t his style today or any other fucking day. 

Negan ripped open her shirt with a well practiced tug. The buttons sprang free and his throat went dry at the sight of all that satin smooth skin. Alright, maybe half conscious girls weren’t his style but he still had eyes, he was still a fucking man, he nodded his head to the side appreciating the treasure map of barely there freckles that were sugar coating her. Then he grimaced at the horrific sight of her purely functional old lady bra that had seen better fucking days and had probably been white a couple of shades of grey ago. _A fucking waste._

After he’d sufficiently checked out the goods it didn’t take an expert to see her injury wasn’t a bite mark. His gaze swept over her body again, slower this time. If he left her out here she wouldn’t have much chance of survival. Even if her wound didn’t fester she was obviously too weak to find food or fend for herself. But he didn’t need any fucking justifications. Donnie had dropped this leggy redhead at his feet and there was no fucking way he wasn’t taking her home. He could definitely find a space for her in the Sanctuary. Right in his bed. 

“Take her to Carson,” he slammed the door of the truck closed and poked his head through the passenger window, “and don’t fuck this up.” He glared at Mike long enough to watch his adam’s apple bob with one big nervous gulp.  _ Good _ , he smacked his hand on the hood, knowing with certainty that Mike would be doing whatever the hell it took to get that redhead to safety. 

After watching the truck pull away he caught the glare that Dwight gave him, but fuck Dwight. Dwight and Sherry had made their bed and now  _ she  _ had to lie in it. They knew what they were signing up for. When he took a wife she didn’t just fucking walk away and she certainly didn’t fuck around behind his back. That wasn’t how shit worked in the Sanctuary. It wasn’t some pussy assed democracy. If people wanted safety then they lived by the rules and if the women wanted an easy life with all the fucking perks then they lived in his bed and did whatever the fuck he wanted until he decided not to want it anymore. 

“Come on fuckers, see what else you can find me but I gotta say I think Donnie might be the star of the fucking day today.” 

They still had plenty more daylight and he wasn’t going to waste it playing nursemaid to some piece of ass no matter how nice it looked. 

“Roamers,” Dwight shouted, nodding his head down the street to where a whole fucking gang was ambling along like they might stand a chance. 

_ Too fucking perfect. _ Negan clenched his hands and found them distinctly empty. 

If there was one thing in this whole fucked up world that he always kept close it was Lucille. He glanced to the right and there she was, forlorn and abandoned in the middle of the fucking tarmac. 

How the fuck had he managed that? Negan didn’t throw Lucille down for some random pussy. He’d make it up to her though. He rolled his shoulders, loosening up, promising to make it up to her. Lucille was thirsty and she liked to crack skulls as much as he did. He’d decided long ago that she would be the only one he’d ever care about in this fucking mess.  _ The only one. _


	2. Wake Up Call

“She’s awake.”

Rae’s eyes flicked towards a woman’s voice only to see the back of a head scurrying from the room. The walls were dark grey concrete, no windows. Fear channeled into her body, funneling fast shallow breaths through her lips. Her hand fumbled under the crisp white sheet to find the pain that was throbbing at her side. 

She was wearing a mens pale blue dress shirt which she hitched up to see her injury. She tore off the fresh bandage to see her own mangled blue stitches gone, replaced with a neat row of little black lines. The puckered flesh around the stitches was ugly and red but it looked clean and as well maintained as she could have expected. 

There was a glass of water sat atop a crate next to Rae’s bed. She reached for it, wincing at the stretch of her sore skin. She consumed the entire length without a breath before wiping the back of her hand along her dry lips. 

A million questions began to pound across her brain before all thoughts quickly turned to Jacob.  _ Shit _ . Rae only had one thought and it was to get out of this place as quickly as possible.

Her legs were tingling with pins and needles. She urged them awake, slapping her hand along her calves and thighs before easing them out of bed onto the rough concrete floor that was never poured for barefeet.

She wondered if an industrial room like this one belonged at The Refuge where Jacob lived with his people. She’d driven past the place many times before the world ended. Past the rolling fields and thick clusters of trees that surrounded the facility she’d only ever caught glimpses of the building that catered for recovering addicts of all variety just as long as they could pay the large bills that accompanied the treatment plans. 

One last glance at the windowless walls told her she could be in a basement. The idea of being underground made her stomach turn over and gave her the burst of adrenaline she needed to force her aching body to its feet.

Rae stumbled out the door only to be caught in a man's hands.

“You shouldn’t be moving,” he insisted. He wasn’t a big man, nor did he seem particularly strong but it didn’t take much force for him to push her back onto the bed.

“I’m Carson,” he adjusted his glasses and ran a hand through his dark hair, “I’ve been looking after you. I have to say it was touch and go for a while.” His smile was smug and he was still looking pretty pleased with himself as he reached for her injury. 

Rae flinched away from his advances.

“Woah…” he hesitated, “I just want to check you haven’t messed up your stitches.”

Rae held her side, “I haven’t,” the words came out through laboured breaths, her eyes drooping heavily as the rush of adrenaline seemed to fade away. 

“It's the meds, they make you... woozy.”

Rae forced her eyes wider, trying to fight the sluggish feeling. “Give me my things. I’m leaving,” she commanded in her best attempt to sound authoritative. 

Carson shifted uneasily from foot to foot, “I-”

“That's no fucking way to say thank you is it?” a voice boomed as a man overtook the doorway before strutting into the room.

Rae recognised the man from the road immediately. He had the kind of self assured smirk that a person didn’t easily forget.

“Leave” he commanded, looking directly at her but talking to Carson, who was quick as lighting to scurry away like a terrified rabbit who’d sniffed out a predator.

Rae tugged at the blanket pulling it over her legs to avoid the way his dark eyes caressed her skin so intense that she could almost feel the way he looked at her. There was no point playing games, she was pretty certain she’d lose, “what do you want from me?”

He narrowed his eyes, the smirk on his face seemed even more satisfied. He grabbed the wooden chair from the corner of the room, pulled it into middle of the floor and took a seat. The wood creaked under his build, his tall frame overtaking it like goldilocks on baby bear's chair except he was nothing like goldilocks. He was all wolf, a predator, dangerous. He leaned back, his long legs akimbo, his hands settling on his thighs while she just waited, barely breathing, hardly knowing where to look. He was the kind of man who took control of things without a single word or nod of agreement. “Well doll first your gonna tell me your name. Then, you’re gonna tell me who the ever loving fuck Jacob is.”

Relief. Fright. Both feelings just as intense as each other struggled for supremacy. He wasn’t working for Jacob, he probably wasn’t going to hand her over on a silver platter. She couldn’t feel too happy because if this man wasn’t a Raider then who was he? “If you don’t know Jacob then I hope for your sake you never do.”

“Well thank you for your fucking concern sweetheart but that just really makes me wanna meet this fucker,” he laughed, his brown eyes dancing without a trace of fear.

“Whatever,” she wasn’t interested in some pissing contest between Jacob and this man. She definitely didn’t want to be around if it came to that. “I can tell you where to find him if that's what you want. I only want my bag and then I’ll leave.”

He shifted forward, his eyes locking with hers, “not a fucking chance baby doll. No.”

Rae’s fear sparked into fire. Nothing could ever be worse than not making it back home. “No! What do you mean  _ no _ ? You can’t hold me here like this!” Although she was pretty sure he could.

“You’re injured. Weak. You wouldn’t last five fucking minutes out there. A mother fucking gust of wind would blow your ass over before you got five minutes down the fucking road.”

“I was doing fine until you and your men showed up and kidnapped me!” Rae threw the covers off herself. To hell with his roving eyes and his bad language. Her feet jabbed into the floor and standing up was definitely more unsteady than she wanted especially with the way his smirk taunted her. 

He grabbed her hand pulling her towards him and she resisted as best she could. 

“I need to get home,” she wished the words came out more forceful that they did but her voice broke and instead she just sounded desperate.

“This have any-fucking-thing to do with all the pills I found in your bag?”

“What did you do with them?” she demanded.

His brow furrowed, “are you some kind of fucked ass junkie?”

“No! They’re not for me but if you think you can just take them then I’ll… I’ll...”

“What will you do? I’d just love to fucking see…” his gaze travelled her length completely unashamed, “believe me doll. I would fucking love to see what you would do...”

“I-” she deflated. She’d never met such an arrogant bastard in her entire life. Crying seemed like her only viable option at this point.

“Don’t worry sweetheart I haven’t taken your shit.” Negan laughed at her, the well worn lines at the corner of his eyes crinkling like he laughed at people every day of the week. “Fucking hell doll, you need to start calming the fuck down before you fall on your sweet ass.”

Rae was swaying. He was right of course. It was taking all her strength to keep upright and every passing second was making it more difficult. In fact the only thing keeping her from sinking into the cement floor was his hand, gripped tight to hers, tethering her like a safety line.

“Rest a couple of days, get some fucking beauty sleep and I’ll take you home myself. Right up to the front fucking door like your goddamn prom date oughta have done. An this isn’t a negotiation doll,” he stood, clamping his hands tight to her hips to hold her upright. “Better?” the grin on his face was all bright white teeth. 

Suddenly her body was incredibly aware of him. It was like all her senses had snapped awake to feel the power of his hands melting hot through the thin cotton shirt that played barrier between his skin and hers. The smell of his leather jacket which seemed absurdly out of place for wearing indoors. His height as he towered over her like few men did. For a moment she couldn’t speak, she couldn't even look him in the eye. All she could do was focus on the square line of his jaw and the salt and pepper scruff that lived there. Why was she even letting this stranger hold her like this?

“Now, enough fighting.” One of his hands swept across her cheek to brush away the hair that had fallen across her face, tucking it behind her ear. She had to stop her head from tilting to follow his surprisingly gentle touch. “Tell me your name.”

“Rae.”

“ _ Rae _ .”

“You didn’t tell me  _ your  _ name,” her voice was barely a whisper. 

“You wanting to get to know me better?”

“I… uh… I’d like to know your name. At the very least.”

“At the very-fucking-least?” he smirked. “Well since you’re asking me so fucking nicely doll I’ll let you in on a national fucking secret.” He leaned closer, his words a husky whisper in her ear “I’m Negan.”

_ Negan _ . She laughed, a combination of schoolgirl nerves and “what kind of a name is that?” The words had tumbled carelessly from her lips before her brain even had chance to consider the situation.

Negan didn’t take offence. He laughed loud and hard, the force of it vibrating across his whole body. “You don’t have to fucking like it doll.” He tipped her chin to look at him, “when the time comes, you just have to remember it.” 

Rae’s cheeks filled with pink and she definitely didn’t want him to see her blush. She turned on her heel and quickly climbed into bed, pulling the covers all the way to her chin, keeping her eyes locked in a staring competition with the wall. What the hell was going on with her? She’d suffered a cut to the side not a blow to her head yet here she was acting worse than one of her students, letting his crude way of talking go unchecked and somehow feeling glad that he’d found her yesterday. “I’ll rest today. Tomorrow you won’t stop me leaving.”

“I’m certainly not fucking interested in having you as my prisoner.”

“What  _ are  _ you interested in?” she chanced a glance his way and regretted it. He was looking at her like he could see right through the blanket and anything else she wore.

“Nothing doll,” he winked. “Nothing but saving your life and making the fuck sure you stay that way.”

Grandma would have scolded her for being so ungrateful for his help. She would have scolded Negan twice as bad for being such a brazen foul mouthed letch. But Rae couldn’t deny that aside from his arrogance and love of the word fuck, he’d done nothing to hurt her. Not everyone was like Jacob. She certainly wasn’t. Perhaps Negan wasn’t either. “I guess I’m not used to help coming without a heavy price tag.”

///

_ Fuck _ . Negan could hardly tear his eyes away from this woman and the way she was looking at him. There was a hint of trust shining in her bottle green eyes that had him wanting shot after shot until he was drunk as sin on them. When was the last time someone had looked at him like that?

Negan’s stomach clenched tight. Rae wouldn’t be apologising if she knew the real fucking reasons he had brought her to the Sanctuary. Long legs and creamy skin were reason number one. Reason two was her group. He hadn’t known for sure if she would have one but at this stage in the game most people did. It wasn’t really a question of what he would do to her people it was just what they always did. When they found a group they took over the management of it and by that he meant to take half of their shit and then keep on collecting. They were the Saviors and they made sure to save every fucking thing for themselves.

“Get some rest,” he mumbled, standing from the tiny chair. “That's the doctors fucking orders doll and I don’t want to have to come back in here and tie you to the bed.” He cleared his throat.  _ Fuck _ . He just couldn’t fucking help himself. The moment he’d seen Donnie pulling her into the road, all long limbs and hair that shone like burnished copper he’d wanted to get to know her a whole lot better.

“Thanks for helping me. I do...” she cleared her throat, “appreciate it.”

_ Fuck _ . She sounded genuine. She looked genuine, it was all right there on her face. There was no games, no lies, just a real thanks. When was the last time someone had thanked him without it being through gritted teeth or under duress at the end of his bat? 

Suddenly Negan couldn’t even stay in the room to ask her any of the questions he’d wanted to. A strange feeling started to pulse through his veins. He hadn’t felt like this for a very fucking long time, not since Lucille. Fuck, he barely even recognised it.  _ Guilt _ . 

Of all the things he might have cause to feel guilty for, helping this woman wasn’t one of them. He’d fucking saved her life, used a shit load of meds. She owed him. If her people wanted her back safely then they owed him too. It wasn’t his problem if Rae didn’t understand the game now.

He stomped down the hallway towards where Carson was standing. “Nobody speaks to Rae except me. No fuckers in the room except me and you.”

Carson tilted his head, “Rae?”

_ Rae, sweet and sincere,  _ “the piece of ass down the fucking hall.”

“Yes sir.”

_ Good _ . Carson didn’t question it. If he did then Negan didn’t know what he would say. Would he admit that he didn’t want her to know the truth? His help did come with a fucking price. A price he was always happy to collect on. All help came with a fucking price, one hand always fed the other. That had been the way of the world since the first fucking men had crawled out of the fucking primordial soup and thumped clubs over ass, land and anything else worth killing for. 

He stormed into his room bypassing his wives. He didn’t want to deal with their bullshit nagging right now.  

“It's not guilt,” he told himself, picking up Lucille, stoking his hand along the end. He just wanted to keep Rae sweet, that was all. He wanted to keep her sweet just long enough to sink his dick into her. He’d take what he wanted then he wouldn't give a fuck what she thought or how those green eyes looked at him. 

His bedroom door opened and Kirsten snook in swaying her hips, her tit’s jiggling in the fusia pink bra that couldn't quite contain them. She placed her hands straight on his belt, no fucking around. He lay Lucille on the bed, standing still with his hands at his sides while he watched his blonde haired wife fall to her knees taking his jeans with her.

This was definitely a distraction.

His cock filled, interested, unstoppable. She pressed her palm against him, rubbing one firm stroke through his boxers before her fingers curled into the waistband, her tongue slicked wet across her lips.

“I was thinking…” she purred, flashing her sky blue eyes and fluttering her lashes. He wondered how many times she had done that exact same move? Exactly how many times this shit had worked with him? This had been what he’d liked about Kristen at first. She’d been a spoiled, lazy bitch before the end of the world and she was even more spoiled and lazy now. All she knew about was falling to her knees, whoring out her mouth and collecting whatever payment she wanted. 

His dick fell limp. “What the fuck you want now Kirsten?” he roared, pulling up his jeans and tightening his belt. 

She had the audacity to look pissed off as she stood up, flicking her platinum blonde hair over her shoulder and pouting. “Send someone to get some more of my face cream. Its nearly out.” She put her hand on her hip, a fake smile curving at her lips, her voice baby soft, “you want me to look good don’t you?”

“There’s creams in the fucking stores or can’t you walk your lazy ass down a couple flights of stairs?”

“That shit breaks me out Negan,” she spat, soft fake smiles all used up.

“Get the fuck out of here Kirsten. Right. Fucking. Now.”

She knew she’d gone too far, her bitch face fell flat and she scampered away without one more word. Kirsten would quite happily have his men risk their lives for a tub of face cream or some other useless shit. She didn’t have a fucking clue about anything past the end of her plastic nose. 

Negan slumped down on the satin sheets of his bed. He could hear the chatter of his wives through the other side of the door where they stood in nothing but silk and lace amongst all the finer things in life. Crushed velvet baroque chairs, a gold gilded chandelier, plush drapes, fresh food, every comfort, a world outside of the real world. He had everything up in his rooms yet his mind was down three flights of stairs, along the dark corridor filled with mouse droppings in that tiny grey room with Rae.

What had Rae risked her life for? A bag of pills that weren’t even for her taking. He stared at the rucksack in the corner of his room. He’d gone through it twice. The first time to see what it contained and the second time… just because. There was nothing personal inside just boxes of pills and a small flashlight. Besides the bag sat the pistol she’d tried to threaten Donny with. It didn’t even hold a single round. The idea infuriated him at the same time as it made him laugh. 

He’d said he wouldn’t keep her prisoner but maybe that wasn’t entirely honest. Tomorrow he’d take her back to wherever the fuck she had sprouted from then gather up her people, gather up their shit and bring them home with him. It wasn’t what he usually did but it was what was going to happen and there wasn’t going to be any fucking debating.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has left Kudos and subscribed! And especially TWD_Is_Life, glad you're liking this so far :)


	3. Lucky's

Carson brought Rae breakfast. A bowl of granola and a cup of coffee. The milk on the granola was  powdered but she didn’t mind. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had breakfast in bed or eaten a bowl of cereal with milk (powdered or otherwise). It was all very luxurious. Too luxurious.She felt guilty for lounging around in bed while outside her room she could hear people scurrying around starting the day's work. 

The next time Carson returned he was holding a blue plastic crate. “Negan sent these. He’ll be collecting you shortly.” He set the box on the chair, grabbed her breakfast tray and left.

Inside the crate was a pile of clothes, tags attached and not even a wrinkle in the fabric. There was even a new pair of boots. She pulled all the items out, laying them on the bed one by one until she was holding the underwear. Lingerie would have been a more appropriate term.  Delicate emerald green barely there lace. The kind of bra and panties that would have cost more than a week's wages in another life. The kind of material she would have ruined on the first wash. 

Rae checked the cup size, a perfect fit. For more than a sweeping thought she wondered if Negan had not only sent these items down for her to wear but hand selected them. He seemed like the kind of man that could guess a woman's measurements with one expert look. 

She glanced over her shoulder to check the door was firmly shut before shrugging off her nightwear and pulling on the clothes as quickly as possible. Aside from the lingerie, she’d also been given dark wash jeans and a black tee both of which clung to her body leaving far too little to the imagination. She was grateful it was autumn time and a khaki bomber jacket had been included so she wouldn’t feel so exposed. 

She was kneeling on one knee lacing up her boot when Negan strolled into the tiny room suddenly commanding all the space. 

Her gaze travelled from his boots to his grin. “Good morning,” she said. She’d been waiting for him to arrive but now she was wishing she’d had more time. Her stomach was flip flopping like crazy and she hardly knew where to look.

///

Rae stood up awkwardly like a baby giraffe who’d just discovered gravity and its own feet. Fucking hell the woman had legs that went all the way up. It wasn’t usually his kind of thing, he liked an out of control rack that he could get lost in. But he couldn’t deny there was something very nice about limbs long enough to wrap around him twice. He’d spent half the night and all the morning thinking about the acrobatics of those long legs. “You look good Red.”

She blushed, “I’m feeling much better.”

“I have that effect on women.” 

“Actually  _ Carson  _ has taken very good care of me and I’ve been thinking…  It’ll be a lot easier if I make my own way home.”

“Nice try doll. I said I’d take you home so that's exactly what's going to happen. No negotiations. No complaints.” He slid her backpack off his shoulder and held it out.

“Thank you,” he could see the relief in her eyes.

“Open it.”

Rae turned on her heel, dropping her bag on the bed and pulling open the zipper. She pulled out her Glock, releasing the clip to see the magazine of bullets he’d personally filled. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Just no fucking shooting my men okay Red?”

A smile quirked at her lips, “I can try.” 

It occurred to Negan that Rae was a near perfect stranger who could raise that pistol and kill him right now if she wanted to. It made him wonder exactly what part of his brain had decided to trust her with a loaded gun before realising it must have been his cock. She was useless dead, bullets could keep her alive.

He stepped closer to her, feeling her body tense before he leaned over her shoulder and dug his other gift out of the bag, “no slicing and dicing either.” 

Rae’s thumb brushed along the black handle of the hunting knife before she turned to face him, “okay.”

Negan stepped back and gestured to the hall, “ladies first.” He sure as fuck didn’t mind watching her ass in those jeans. 

He guided her through The Sanctuary taking a lesser used route. Anyone they encountered didn’t dare say a word to Negan but they certainly looked his way, then to the woman next to him. Rae would have been a head turner before the world went to shit and in these dank grey halls she gleamed as bright as a brand new penny. 

He placed his hand on the small of her back, staking his ownership and hurrying her long legs along before any of the big mouthed fuckers who were milling around could incriminate him. 

When he was settling her in his truck he could finally breath a sigh of relief and start to believe that at least until he returned her home she wouldn’t have to know about his wives or anything else she might not like. For that purpose he’d hand selected 6 men to join him on this drive. They weren't necessarily the best fighters but they were the loyal ones, then ones who knew when to keep their traps shut and not question orders. He couldn’t risk any of the sly fuck’s like Dwight. He sent him and a couple of others on some bullshit mission that would keep him busy and most importantly away from Sherry or any real trouble for a few days.

Negan grabbed the map from the driver's side, handing it to Rae, “which way’s home Dorothy Gale?”

“You a big fan of musical theatre?”

“I’m a big fan of redheads.”

Her eyes fell straight to concentrating on the map, her long fingers absentmindedly twirling hypnotic circles in the end of her red ponytail. Fucking hell, she sure as shit was a head turner. Out here in the sunshine her hair was redder, her eyes more green, she was a real trophy. He’d swore off a sixth wife but he could definitely make an exception. 

“Here,” she passed him the map, a little circle marking out the middle of nowhere location.

“Thats a hell of a drive Red.”

She cocked one eyebrow, her face all business like, “I’ve already said I’ll be fine on my own.”

“You’re my guest and lucky for you princess I always take care of what's  _ mine _ .”

Rae’s eyes went a shade darker as she quickly swivelled in her seat, trying in vain to get passed him, “I don’t belong to you Negan.”

“Calm the fuck down Red. I found you, I fixed you up. By all fucking accounts that makes me responsible for you. So until I get you home in one fucking piece you bet your ass belongs to me.”

“I’m not a lost puppy.”

He smiled, looked along her body, “oh you better fucking believe I’ve noticed exactly what you are.”

“And what's that?” she bit, making him wonder where the hell sweet little Rae had disappeared to.

“A beautiful woman with a giant fucking chip on her shoulder.”

“You don’t know the first thing about me.” She slumped back into the chair, eyes forward, jaw set indignantly. “Don’t you need to show you’re men the map?”

“Abso-fucking-lutely. You just sit tight, Red.” As quick as he slammed the door of the truck he was opening it back up , “and one more thing, I’ve taken a keen fucking interest in the niceness of your ass so don’t try anything stupid.”

///

The convoy made slow progress. Rae had thought being in the truck with Negan would be uncomfortable but it wasn’t. Probably because he didn’t actually say much. He was focused on the road, always alert for danger or opportunity. His vigilance made her feel safe even if he was a macho, conceited, perverted yet devilishly handsome asshole. 

God, why did he have to be such an asshole? Why did he have to look at her like she was a steak dinner and he was a starved man? Mostly she couldn’t understand why her body betrayed her doubts every time she looked at him. Self assured bad boys were nothing but trouble at the least and destruction at the worst. 

Despite Negan's obvious flaws Rae couldn’t deny that for the first time in a long time she felt like she could sit back and not have to worry, at least for a while. It felt nice, a vacation from the things that kept her up at night. Negan didn’t even let her out of the truck to help clear the road or kill halfers along the way. All she had to do was enjoy the ride. 

She snuck a look at him, one hand on the wheel and the other on his barbed wire bat. She wanted to trust him but she’d trusted people before. 

The truck ground to a halt, “we’re gonna have to call it a night doll.” 

The sun was hanging low in the sky, soon it would be dark, “I agree.”

He laughed, “I’m glad. Your satisfaction is my ever-fucking-lasting priority Red. Any objections to spending the night in a bar?”

‘Lucky’s.’ The yellow neon sign was half smashed and all dull. She jumped out of the cab of the truck, grabbing her rucksack and giving Negan his answer. The less words she actually said to him the better. The less time she spent with him the better.

She wondered who the hell would build a bar all the way out here. There were no houses or civilisation. Just the bar and its surrounding pine trees. The gravelled carpark contained one stationwagon, its door hanging open. She peered in and there was nothing but water damaged upholstery. 

“Boss don’t want you wandering off,” the one called Mark said, as he took a seat on hood of the car lighting up a cigarette and watching her every move.

“I’m just looking around,” she slammed the door of the stationwagon walking away and leaving her guard behind. Negan said she wasn’t a prisoner but he had a funny way of making her feel like one.  

The windows of Lucky’s were half boarded up with plywood and the door was wedged wide open with a body lying face down and decomposed into nothing but a dried out puddle of goo, tattered clothes and bones. She shuddered watching another of Negan’s men kick the remains from the door like it was nothing but trash.

“You might wanna stay out here a while,” Mark suggested, still puffing on his cigarette and ghosting her every step. 

Rae took Mark’s advice walking around the perimeter of the building while Negan’s men secured the inside. A night in a bar with seven men was the last thing she wanted to do but she resigned herself to it.

“That your natural colour?” Mark asked. Rae felt her face screw up as she looked at him in disbelief. As if she had time to be colouring her hair or anything as self indulgent as that. She didn’t even answer him.

Inside Lucky’s Negan’s men had made themselves at home. From the looks of the bar the booze was long gone but there was still a pool table, a dart board and a general relaxed feel of simply being in a bar. 

She took a seat in one of the pleather booths and Mark finally left her side to join his friends. Negans men had lit a fire hazard amount of tealights around the room and now they were standing by the pool table placing bets with cigarettes as currency. 

Eventually Mark came back over handing her a bottle of water and a can of chicken supreme. The sloppy looking image on the front made her stomach turn over and she hadn’t dared her first bite before Negan was sliding into the seat across from her, his knees knocking against hers.

“Where’ve you been?” she asked.

“Miss me?”

“That's not an answer.”

He laughed, stretching his arms out across the back of the seats, “neither was that.”

“Well I asked you first.” Spoken like a five year old.

“I was securing the truck, hiding the bikes. Can’t trust these fucks not to fuck things up. So,” he leaned his elbows on the table, “you miss me?”

“No,” Rae pulled the ring pull from her dinner and ignored him, or at least tried to. His ego was big enough to fill the entire inside of the bar, there was no way she was going to add to it. She was certain he did the same overbearing flirting with every last woman he met.

Before she had a chance to dip her spoon into her dinner Negan’s fingers plunged into the can taking out the piece of chicken that was floating on the top. She watched him throwing it into his mouth, licking his fingers clean with a wink, “fuck me Red.” 

“ _ What _ ?”

“You sure that shit’s not fucking cat food?”

She huffed pushing the can towards him, “that  _ shit  _ was supposed to be my dinner.”

“Yeah well I’ve just fucking saved you from a whole world of pain. But don’t worry, I’m sure I can find you something else to get your mouth around.” 

“Don’t bother,” she stood, “I’ve lost my appetite.”

///

“Fuck,” Negan whispered under his breath as he watched Rae walking away. Unlike his wives who handed themselves over for an easy life and the prestige of being in the harem Rae didn’t give a shit. She didn’t care about his power or his point system, she had no fucking idea about any of it. 

He couldn’t remember the last fucking time he’d pursued a real woman or the last time he’d been this fucking awkward about doing it. She was making him feel like an inadequate pimple faced fucking 15 year old again. 

Donnie passed her a cigarette before lighting the end and getting far too fucking close and personal while he did it. It bothered him, it made him want to make Donnie spend the rest of the night on duty outside. Then it occurred to him that Rae could be a married fucking woman for all he knew. Not that it would stop him. Nothing could stop him now he’d set his sights on her and he was nothing if not determined. 

She walked across the bar toward the door and he made a deal, if she looked at him he’d follow her if not he’d let her go. For now. She looked, the quickest little green eyed glance but it was enough. Mark made a move to follow her when she stepped outside but Negan stopped him. “I got her.”

Rae was walking against the treeline, a stream of smoke following her every step.

“Thats a dirty fucking habit you got there Red.”

She didn’t miss a beat, “you sound like my Grandma.”

“I’ve been compared to a lot of things. Never a fucking Grandma.”

“Glad I could be of service.”

Jesus Fuck, she’d got her strength back, no more meek and mild half dead Rae, “are you always such a bitch?”

She shot him a look, “that depends. Are you always such a potty mouthed letch?”

“That's just all part of my irresistible fucking charm.”

Rae snorted, “does your charm work on a lot of women?”

“I’m only interested in it working on you,” he twirled Lucille stalking his way around the parking lot to where Rae was standing, “is it?”

“No,” she said quickly, breathlessly. “I find you…  _ intimidating _ .”

_ Intimidating _ , with the lip she was giving him he found that hard to believe. “You sure as fuck don’t seem very intimidated.”

Her gaze swept along him, “well I can’t exactly run away crying from all the things I don’t like.”

“You don’t like me Red? I’m fucking wounded.”

“I don’t know you.”

His boots crunched along the gravel until he was standing directly in front of her, “then ask me anything...”

She dropped her cigarette down, stamping it with her boot, “would you have helped me if I was a man?”

Rae was tall for a woman. He didn’t have to crouch down or bend in half to look at her face. All he had to do was tilt her chin and it was all right there. Bottle green eyes and soft pursed lips. His eyes grazed her lips for more than a fleeting look, he didn’t kiss women, at least not on the lips, “probably not.”

Her tongue licked along her bottom lip, her gaze drifted from his face to his chest, “it's getting late.” Then she walked away. Again. 

He laughed under his breath. He was crashing and fucking burning in his race for Rae’s panties.  _ Fucking hell _ , when he’d picked out those wisps of green lace this morning he was pretty fucking sure he’d be ripping them off tonight. Now the idea of that green lace was taunting him like a big fuck you. 

Lucille tapped at his ankle, a gentle reminder that she was the only woman he could ever trust. Other women were just ass, pussy, fun and nothing else. Hell, sometimes they weren’t even that much goddamn fun. He wasn’t sure why he was letting this fucking redhead give him the runaround. 

When he walked into the bar he spotted Rae curled up in one of the booths, her jacket over her shoulders and by all accounts dead for the night. But there was not a shitting chance in hell that she was sleeping. Nobody went to sleep that fucking fast. Not unless he’d given them the workover of their lives and they passed out from sheer motherfucking post orgasmic exhaustion. She’d missed out on that fucking opportunity, at least for tonight. 

///

Rae had lain cramped and uncomfortable for hours as she turned her options over in her head. Negan had saved her and by all accounts he was only trying to help her but she couldn’t shake the doubt. More than anything she knew she couldn't trust her own judgment. She always looked for the good in people, always had. But she’d also been naive far too many times before and in return she’d never met a man who hadn't let her down. She couldn’t make that mistake again.

The men were snoring. Mark had been tasked with watch and a couple of minutes ago he had  disappeared outside. This was her chance. She eased herself from her temporary bed, slow and steady, pausing after every squeak of the pleather. She’d already checked out her escape route on an earlier trip to the ladies, and her walkaround of the bars’ perimeter. 

She crept through the darkness that was lit only by the remains of a couple of almost extinguished tealights. Slipping through the bathroom window was easy, it was a good size and she had already opened it so the noise was minimal.

In no time at all Rae was outside and pulling on her rucksack when she heard the crunch of gravel. She leaned back into the the bar, desperately trying to sink into the brickwork and be as flat as possible. 

From the light of the moon she could just about make out the outline of a man’s head and shoulders, the tip of a cigarette glowing, moving from head height to hip rhythmically, endlessly. Every second of time made her heart beat a little faster and the instinct to run for the trees a little more desperate but she waited. Eventually Mark flicked the cigarette through the air without a care to extinguish the smouldering ember then turned on his heel, crunching along the gravel until she could just about hear the door of the bar thudding closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading and I'd love to hear some feedback :)


	4. Rock and a Hard Place

Rae let go of the breath she’d been holding and peeled her body from the wall of the bar. One hand found her Glock tucked into the waistband of her jeans and the other touched the tip of her new knife. She couldn’t remember the last time she had been out at night like this and the very idea had almost stopped her from climbing through the bathroom window.

Rae tread carefully on the gravel, but the crunching still echoed around the clearing just as the pounding of her heart echoed around her ears.  

Past the first row of trees was charcoal fading into obsidian. Nightmares real and imagined lurked behind every tree, she checked her weapons again and her heart pounded louder. The moon sank behind a cloud and the night suddenly got a little darker. A bird flapped its wings diving between branches, shrouded and invisible in the dark. She put one foot onto the place where gravel turned into dirt. Her footstep a soundless touch that sent an eerie shiver along her spine.

“Leaving so soon?” Negan’s voice so loud and confidant was like a slam to the chest. All air pushed out of Rae’s lungs and for a split second she considered mindlessly running but the darkness of the trees were like a fortification that seemed impossible to penetrate. 

She mouthed the word ‘fuck’ to herself and the universe before slowly turning around. 

Negan stood tall with his men filing in line behind him. His bat was hitched on his shoulder, one thumb was looped in his belt. He looked relaxed. He wasn’t smiling but he was amused. She was trying to run for her life and he was mocking her. Rae had thought she could just slip away from him. The idea seemed so ridiculous to her now. For the entire day she’d seen the careful way he had watched the road, his vigilance, his overbearing presence. There was no slipping away from a man like Negan.

Her Glock found its way into her hand before she had a chance to really think about it. She held it out, two handed and steady.

“Wrong fucking answer Red,” he cocked his head to the side and took one step forward.

“I just wanna leave. I’ll go my way, you go yours. Nobody has to get hurt.”

“Very fucking reasonable of you doll. How about we cut the bullshit right fucking now?”

“What?”

He turned his head to look at his men, “leave us.”

“Sir?” Mark questioned.

“Inside. The fucking lot of you.” 

His men still hovered, casting glances between her gun and their boss.

She wavered, the gun shook, maybe she wouldn’t really shoot him? 

“If you pricks think  _ I  _ can’t handle one motherfucking woman then I’m starting to think the lot of you don’t know jack fucking shit.”

Maybe she would shoot him. God he was arrogant.

“Yes Sir.” Adequately scolded, all six grown men hurried into the bar as quick as they had hurried out. 

With only Negan and the moon Rae’s heart beat even faster, she suddenly felt even more nervous. Without witnesses he might really turn into a wolf and devour her. She swallowed the dry feeling in her throat, strengthening the grip on her gun. 

“Jacob,” Negan pointed his bat at her. “You’re afraid of him, even the mention of his fucking name and I can see your face going 50 fucking shades whiter. Don’t try to deny it. I can help you but if you leave now then you’re on your own. An offer like mine doesn’t come every fucking day so you better think about it before you make the wrong fucking choice.”

“I’ve already thought about it. I’ve spent the whole day thinking about it. But better the devil I know, right?” 

“Is it? What are you so afraid I’m gonna do Red?”

“Take what I don’t want to give.”

He edged closer, his toothy smile finally making its appearance, “and if I cross my heart and say I won’t?”

God she wanted his help, she wanted desperately for his help to be real. Keeping her people together had been a never ending nightmare. Her voice broke, “this isn’t a joke Negan!”

“Maybe I am the devil, Red.” 

Negan stood so close that the end of her gun pressed into his chest. Her arms slacked, lowing the weapon and he advanced on every inch of her retreat until she could breath the scent of his skin and the leather of his jacket. Rae found a strange comfort in it. 

“Maybe sometimes you need a little of that on your side.” 

“How do I know I can trust you?”

“You don’t,” he took her pistol, releasing the magazine and pocketing it. Then he grabbed her arms, his grip firm but not painful, “now you try that shit again doll. Pull a fucking gun on me again and I will bend you over a table and spank your ass so fucking hard it’ll match your hair.”

Her mouth fell open, the shock of his words stunning her into silence.

“Thats right Red. I can be a mean sonofabitch. I’m not some scrawny little asshole that you can control. You better start fucking getting used to it because you belong to me. You’re ass is mine until I decide otherwise.”

The sound of the slap as her palm connected with Negan’s cheek cracked like electricity. Rae’s hand burned so hot it went numb. Negan’s face had barely moved at the full force of it. He kept looking at her with the same dark expression. Her heart was beating out of control, tears burned at the back of her throat. She’d never met a man who talked to her like this, what kind of person talks like that?

“Jesus fuck, what is it they say about redheads?” he cupped her chin and he was smiling. “I’ll let you have that one doll. It's been an emotional fucking day. Now, we are going to sit the fuck down and you’re gonna tell me every-fucking-thing about Jacob. I mean it Red. No more bullshit. Lay it all fucking out and let yours truly take care of it.”

He grabbed her arm and steered her inside, sitting her in a booth at the furthest end of the bar from his men who were none too stealthily snigggering at her and the big grin Negan had plastered across his face.

He sat opposite her just as he had done before. His arms stretched lazily across the seat, one booted foot hitched onto the seat next to her, effectively hemming her in. Then he raised his eyebrows,  _ waiting _ .

“I don’t like you,” she managed, swallowing down tears. She wasn’t going to cry. At least not in front of him. Even if he was going to help her, it didn't mean she had to like him. 

///

Negan was always an untrustworthy fuck even before the end of the world. A cheater, a vow breaker. Nowadays he didn’t bother trying to earn people's trust. He didn’t even care that much about their respect as long as they did as they were fucking told. He harnessed something else, a delicate mix of fear and admiration. People didn’t like him, he wasn’t trying to start some best buds fantasy baseball bullshit, he didn't need a badge of approval. People, men, they didn’t want to be his pal they wanted to _be_ _him_. Hell, who the fuck wouldn’t?

No matter what Rae said, she hadn’t reserved her judgment for him just yet. She was teetering on the edge. She wanted his help but she didn’t want to ask for it. Call it what you will but he found a perverse sort of personal challenge in getting this woman to put her faith in him.

Negan wanted to taste a woman who handed herself over without a fucking motive. Helping her with Jacob would definitely earn him a place in her good books and at the same time he could squash the weasel who was muscling in on his game. Negan was the only Master of the Universe and he wanted to fucking keep it that way. He’d take the fucker out and then he’d take all his shit. By all accounts it would be a glorious flex of his power for a woman in need. Correction, a  _ beautiful _ woman in need, made his unexpected generosity of spirit a whole lot more fucking palatable. 

“Better start talking Red.”

“When I met Jacob he was nice, charming, well spoken. He said he wanted to help us and he did. He helped me find the medicine we needed. Gave us extra food. One day he asked us to join his community. He said we’d be safer if we were all together.”

“You refused?”

“Not at first. Not everybody trusted him. Not everybody wanted to leave our home.”

“So what happened?”

“We followed him. Me and three of my people. We had to be sure.”

_ 7 months earlier... _

“Look we’re doing what you want so give me a break okay?” Rae pleaded, ducking under the low slung branch of a tree. She was getting tired, it had been a long hike from where they left their truck and she had a million things that needed doing back home when they returned from this fool's errand.

“We wouldn’t have to do any of this if you hadn’t invited him back to the house in the first place,” Miguel spat. For months he’d been giving her a hard time about Jacob. In fact, ever since Miguel had first shown up he’d given her a hard time about one thing or another. 

“Jacob’s helped everyone,” Tim backed her up like always, smiling and pushing his stringy blonde hair from his eyes, “all you have is a hunch, Miguel.”

“Yeah well two tours in Iraq, I learn to trust my gut.” Miguel thrust out his chest, like he always did. It reminded her of an ape and she half expected him to start pounding it with his fists before he jumped into one of the trees. Then he turned to her, one dismissive glance, “maybe Rae would too if she wasn’t too busy spreading her legs.” 

“Hey!” Boot’s pushed barged past her, jumping over a half fallen tree to size up to Miguel, “that's enough. Rae and her family have been good to us brother. I don’t forget that and I don’t disrespect it neither.”

_ Great _ . She wanted the ground to swallow her whole.

Their was a distant scream and then another one. Boots held up his hand and everyone stood still, barely breathing. They could hear footsteps pounding over the forest floor, twigs snapping and leaves rustling.

“Halfers?” Boots pulled his knife from his belt.

“I don’t know man,” Miguel gestured his hand, indicating for everyone to follow him towards the sound.

“Please, help me, please.” A flurry of mousy brown hair, dived from where the tree’s were choked with dense brush. She stumbled to the ground before clawing towards Rae, grabbing hold of her leg. Tears and terror were all over her face, her words were coming out an incoherent jumble.

“Fucking shut her up,” Miguel shouted.

Rae knelt down to shush her, stroking her hand along the side of the woman’s face, “you’re okay-” she began.

A burst of men sprang from the undergrowth and there was a moment of confusion as everyone merged. The butt of a rifle cracked across a head, a fist connected with a stomach, arms, legs, shouts and screams filled the jumble then recognition set it. Both groups split down the middle taking a stance over an invisible divide on the forest floor.

“Jacob,” Rae gasped, his always perfectly coiffed hair was uncharacteristically dishevelled and he’d earned a small cut on his forehead that had a trickle of blood pooling into his eyebrow. “Whats going on?”

He glanced quickly to the woman. “I think a better question would be what are you doing here Rachel? You’re a very long way from home.”

“I uh… came to see you.”

“ _ Okay, _ ” Jacob ran his hand through his hair before taking a white hanky from his pocket with a flourish that opened it up. He pressed the material to his cut before inspecting the blood staining the white with a frown. “This is all a misunderstanding. She’s an ill woman, we’re trying to find her before she harms herself or someone else.”

Jacob gestured to two of his people, “my men will take her now and we can go talk,” he smiled but it didn’t quite reach his eyes and the icy blue that had always seemed so mesmerizing in its purity now just seemed cold.

“Please.” the woman grabbed her hand, “he’ll kill me.”

“She killed one of my men.” Jacob grimaced at the pressure he was applying to his forehead, “she’s owed a punishment.”

“He’s lying, he’s crazy,” the woman was shaking, her hands grasping at her shirt pulling open the buttons to reveal the unmistakable swell of pregnancy. 

“Hand her over Rachel.” Jacob’s hand rested on the revolver holstered at his hip, “straight swap.”

_ What? _ That's when she noticed Boots. Two of Jacob’s men pulled him to the front of the group, shoving him onto his knees.  His eye was swollen and red, his lip busted open. 

“She’s pregnant,” Rae stated the obvious, surely he wasn’t considering hurting a pregnant woman, it was inhuman. “I can take her home with me.”

“It doesn’t work like that Rachel. She’s dangerous and my people want blood. One way or another they’re going to get it.” 

She looked at the woman who was pleading for her life. Aside from her stomach that had been concealed under baggy clothes she was tiny, defenceless and terrified.

“ _ Jacob _ ,” she half laughed. He wasn’t serious, a few days ago he’d been bringing over a bag of licorice for Zoey. Her palms started sweating, her heart started tapping out an irrepressible rhythm. He wasn’t the kind of man to kill a woman. Surely she hadn’t been  _ that  _ blind?

“I didn’t want you to be a part of this Rachel,” he pulled out his revolver, the tiny clicks of the hammer being cocked was like a sonic boom in the silence that had mounted in this small cluster of trees. “Hand her over and we can forget about it.”

She pushed the woman behind her, “I... can’t.”

Jacob pressed the gun to the back of Boots’ head. “Think about it Rachel.”

Her breath caught, time slowed, the look in Boot’s face was resolute. No fear. He shook his head, so gently she might have missed it if she wasn’t studying his every feature. “Don’t do it R-” he began.

_ Bang _ . Jacob didn’t even look at Boots as his body crumbled to the ground. 

Rae screamed, it was unstoppable, the scream of a mad woman. A high pitched screeching sound she’d never heard leave her lips before that day or after. All this time, everything that had happened, all the people who had died but this was the first time she’d seen a man murder another in cold blood. She didn’t even think about shooting, fighting, saying a single word. All she could do was scream. She watched everything else unfurl like it was a nightmare.

Miguel raised his gun.

Jacob’s men raised theirs.

“Don’t try it Nacho,” Jacob waggled his finger, “not unless you all want to die today.” His men were five to their four, no without Boots, three. Only three. 

She could see the tension in every ripple of Miguel’s face, his vein was bulging in his neck, his finger was shaking over the trigger, “you’re gonna regret this!” 

“See you next Friday Rachel,” Jacob said without remorse, like all this was nothing more than a chance meeting in a supermarket. He even smiled as he nodded to his men, leading them away.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” the pregnant woman kissed her hand in between choked sobs.

Rae stood motionless staring at the speckles of blood that were clinging to the front of her shoe.

“W... w... we... should go,” Tim stuttered.

“Not without Boots,” Miguel demanded, flinging his rifle on his shoulder before he heaved his friends body into a fireman’s lift.

She reached her hand out, the tips of her fingers brushed against Boots’ trousers, “I can help-”

Miguel shoved her, his face as hard and hateful as she had ever seen it. “You don’t get to touch him,  _ puta _ .”

_ Now... _

“There’s no children in his community, no elderly, no sick. If you're not strong enough you’re given…  _ mercy _ . At least that’s what he calls it,” Rae was fidgeting with her fingers, the colour in her face was drained taking all of her sass with it.

Without really considering it Negan reached out, covering her hand with his. It was like ice, long icy fingers that wanted heating up. She looked at him studying his face before her hands slipped from the table onto her lap.

“We’re strong, behind our walls we can defend our home, it would be a bloodbath but we could do it. But it isn’t like that, he doesn’t attack us. He watches. I don’t know how, I’ve never seen it but my people leave and most times they don’t come back… at least not alive. He’s taken everything from the surrounding areas, including all the medicine we need, he’s set fire to our crops. The road block’s we set up to protect us from the halfers keep getting opened back up. He’s choking us, forcing us out into the open, we don’t have enough people to play his game like that.”

_ Fucking hell, _ he knew he should have been more concerned about her situation. It was a fucked up situation but he was immune to fucked up shit. He wasn’t immune to Rae, she looked so tempting sitting there with her runaway freckles making a little path along the bridge of her nose, reminding him about the dot to dot they created all over her alabaster skin. It was fucking distracting. He cleared his throat, tamed his cock and scratched at the scruff that was taking over his face. Not that it mattered, but, “what exactly were you planning on doing baby doll?”

Her eyes downcast, her body slumped into the chair, “I don’t know.”

“I figured as fucking much.”

“We’re not useless… we’re just not an army.”

“One more thing?”

She looked at him, wary green eyes.

“What the fuck did you circle on that map?”

Her brow furrowed, her words a sheepish whisper, “Jacobs compound.”

Negan laughed, very fucking sneaky. “You were gonna let me drive into a fucking shitstorm?”

“Well… no… yes… I guessed you’d figure it out. Or…” she licked her lips, pondering her next words, “you seem like the kind of man who can take care of himself.”

“Yeah. You better fucking believe it doll. Looks to me like I’m the answer to all your fucking prayers.”


	5. Soul Man

“Was this really necessary?” Rae could barely even look Negan's’ smug face.

“Maybe not, but I sure as shit enjoyed slapping the cuffs on you Red.”

Last night he’d cuffed her wrist to the table leg so fast she’d barely had chance to react let alone stop him. He’d said ‘nighty night’ and walked away without a second glance. Rae had spent the night silently seething, there was no way she would degrade herself further by begging for release.

“You’re enough to try the patience of a saint,” she said.  

“I’m an acquired taste,” he countered with a smile, his thumb brushing along her wrist with a featherlight touch before he slid the key into the lock. “But don’t worry Doll… we got all the time in the fucking world for you to adjust your pallet.”

“Heaven forbid you make an adjustment to your behaviour.”

Negan laughed, “the mountain never fucking moves, Doll.”

The cuff fell open giving sweet relief to where it had dug into her wrist for the entire night. She rubbed her thumb across the red welt that had been left behind. “You’re not a mountain, you’re just a brute.”

Negan kneeled down and grabbed her hand back towards him before inspecting her wrist with a small frown. “You should have fucking said something Red.”

“You handcuffed me to a table. Did you really think it wouldn’t hurt?”

Something flashed across his face, remorse, a little guilt. It was a look that didn't quite sit right on his usual cheshire cat face. 

“I’m sorry baby,” Negan breathed the words so gently that she could barely make them out. She wanted to throw his apology back in his face but suddenly his lips were brushing against the inside of her wrist with tenderness that he shouldn’t have been capable of. The niggling pain was masked with wave after wave of unexpected tingles, shooting all along her arm to her core. 

Rae sucked in a sharp breath, she regained her senses.  _ Arrogant bastard.  _ She couldn’t believe he was daring to kiss her like this. More than anything she couldn't’ believe her body was actually enjoying the sensation. 

She tried to snatch her hand back but Negan held on with an ironclad grip until  _ he  _ decided to let go, which he did with a mocking grin that had quickly replaced any remorse. “Anywhere else you’d like me to kiss you better Red?” 

“Why don’t you kiss your own backside?” Rae pushed passed him, grabbing for her rucksack at the same time as Negan yanked out of reach.

“That's what my men are for,” he chuckled, standing up and standing far too close for comfort. He held her back pack at arms length away from them both. “Next time you need me to help you all you have to do is ask.”

She touched her wrist and the pain stung. “I can’t ask for your help if you’re the one hurting me.” She didn’t trust him, she didn’t like him and no matter what help he offered she wasn’t sure it was worth it.  _ Urgh _ . Rae grabbed her backpack with both hands and forced it from him.

“Play nicely and you won’t get locked up, pretty fucking easy choice baby doll.”

She turned back to say something to him, anger was bubbling out of control all over her body but the way he just stood there with his arms crossed and his self satisfied smirk made her hold her tongue. He would just love the attention. Like a spoilt baby looking for any attention, negative or otherwise.

Rae tried not to look any of his men in the eye as she stormed out of the bar. It was humiliating, the way he was controlling her. Like she was an animal, his pet, a thing to be tied up to a post all night. Maybe she could get away, it was light, she could move faster and safer in the daylight. The idea had barely formed in her head when she heard the crunch of footsteps following behind her. She huffed angrily, “I need to go pee, is that okay?” 

Rae whipped around, exasperated. She was surprised to see Negan following her rather than Mark, surprised but still very annoyed, “am I not allowed any privacy?”

“Not if you’re gonna be using those long legs to run away.”

“So you’re gonna watch me?”

“That's not really my sort of thing Red,” he winked and held out his hand, “the bag.”

Rae hesitated. Damn Negan. He might have been an arrogant bastard but unfortunately he was a smart one too. She couldn’t run without the medicine in her bag. It wasn’t a few stray pills to be abandoned, it was a very precious six month supply.

“Hand it over and you can go potty,” he smiled, knowing full well his plan was working.

She shrugged the backpack off, letting it fall to the floor in protest. If he wanted it he could get it himself. Rae turned on her heel and tromped disheartenedly towards the trees.

“You got one minute before I’m sending the cavalry after your ass.”

///

Rae gave Negan another middle of nowhere address on the map. He knew she needed to get those meds back to her people so sooner or later she would have to take him home. He just hoped it was sooner. But with the way she was playing hard to get it would likely be later. 

“So Red, you wanna play a little driving game?” He needed to soften her the fuck up if he stood a chance of getting his hands in her lacy green panties. 

Rae ignored him, her resting bitch face set hard and uninterested. But still beautiful, enticing enough to keep him very fucking interested. He deserved it, he couldn’t stop himself fucking with her, pushing all her buttons to get her as angry as a cat with its tail on fire but then Negan didn’t exactly do saccharine sweet. 

He shifted in the driver's seat, leaning over Rae to search through the glove box for a CD. She edged away, crossing her leg and making sure he didn’t touch her which of course made him want to touch her even more than he already wanted to.

“You like Motown, Red?”

No answer. Fuck, it would be a long fucking drive if she kept this shit up. Although he probably should have enjoyed the peace. If there was one thing he complained about when it came to his wives it was the nagging. There was always one of them chewing his fucking ear off until he gave in or shoved his cock in thier mouth. 

He shoved the CD in the player and Marvin Gaye started hearing it through the grapevine. He might have been a heartless fuck but he did love soul music, perfect for driving to, fucking to, killing to, a song for every fucking occasion. 

Negan pulled out of Lucky’s carpark starting day two of their journey. He tapped the steering wheel in time with the beat, might as well fucking enjoy this road trip. It wasn’t long until he could sense the tilt of Rae’s head as her gaze crept up on him. She was probably thinking of ways to kill him but he liked to think she was thinking about how his lips had felt on her skin. He’d affected her, he’d seen it all over her face. He looked at her quickly, winking as her green eyes shot wide open like a kid with their hand in the cookie jar before she turned away. Negan laughed under his breath. Maybe this drive wouldn’t be so bad.

The CD played track after track and by the time Bill Withers was proclaiming it was gonna be a lovely day Rae was relaxed, bitch face melted, her feet tapping along. When The Temptations started ‘My Girl’ he couldn’t resist joining in, clicking his fingers and singing like no one was listening. Hell, Negan did everything like no one was listening, he didn’t get shy, he didn’t give a flying fuck. 

Rae didn’t look at him but he could see her smile in his wing mirror and he found satisfaction in it. A genuine smile when she was trying to play mad.

‘Come see about me’ played next and he stopped his truck driving serenade. He could sing like no one was listening but he drew the fucking line at falsetto. 

“You don’t like the Supremes?”

Words, actual fucking words, Negan grinned, “I think Diana Ross does it better baby doll.”

“The Temptations did it better… didn’t stop you drowning  _ them  _ out.”

Negan snorted, “I thought you might enjoy some of my oral pleasure.”

Rae choked out a laugh, “I prefer it when you’re  _ not  _ talking.”

“Only one way to shut me up Red.”

She shifted in her seat, running agitated fingers through her hair, “pass me a gag and I’d gladly help you.”

“You into that kinky shit?” he looked her up and down, “always the unexpected ones.” 

Rae crossed her arms over her chest and pouted, “I don’t know how you make it through the day with your one track mind.”

“I’m a fucking marvel of the human condition.”

“There's no talking to you.”

“You can talk to me. You just can’t fucking beat me.”

“Then let's talk. Why don’t you tell me something real?”

He paused, “this is me baby. You get one you see. I’m a man of singular fucking interests.”

“Then I feel sorry for you.”

“Oh? And what's so fucking real bout you baby doll?”

She laughed bitterly, her head giving a dismissive shake before she glared at him, “I. asked. You. first.”

“Oh we’re back to that again?”

“We’re not back to anything.” Resting bitch face made its reappearance. Fucking hell. Negan couldn’t remember the last time someone had dared to give him so much fucking attitude, it had his blood pumping excitedly. 

The truck rolled to a T junction and he pulled over before checking his map.

“Its that way,” she pointed left, “but…” she softened, licking her tongue across her lips and like all women she wanted something. “Maybe we could have a little detour?”

What a disappointment. “Why don’t you ask me nicely? Put a little sugar on it?”

“Just forget it!”

Her jaw set, her arms back tight around her chest then she huffed and looked at him again. Swallowed her pride, “please, its important.” 

This wasn’t a thing like Kirsten asking for face cream or Amber asking for Louboutins. “What’ve you got in mind baby doll?”

“Lets call it something to keep your mouth busy.”

He grinned, “you coming onto me doll?”

“Not even if hell freezes over.”

///

‘Stricklands Orchards’. The gate was still chained shut just as she had left it last autumn before she’d met Jacob and her biggest worry was a couple of stray halfers disrupting the harvest.

Rae loosened the heavy chain, letting one side of the gate swing open while Negan and his men stood with their guns in hand watching her every move. “Have you ever been apple picking?” she said to noone in particular.

“Do I look like the kind of man who goes apple picking?” Negan laughed.

She considered him for a moment, he looked like an arrogant bastard, which was exactly what he was.

“I went with my Grandma when I was a kid,” Mark offered.

“Me too,” Rae smiled.

“She used to make the best apple pie,” Mark tapped his stomach a far off look in his eye, “you make apple pie Rae?”

She opened her mouth to answer but Negan interrupted, “how about we stop talking about your fucking stomach and get a fucking move on?”

Mark’s lips pressed into hard line as he walking into the orchard, his rifle at the ready for a quick sweep of the area. The rest of the men followed suit.

Rae turned to Negan, “you don’t like apple pie? Or do you not like Grandma’s?”

“My Grandma was a nasty old landlady who chain smoked herself to a painful grave, that's the real fucking truth Red. Your turn.”

“My Grandma makes good apple pie and doesn’t like cursing, she says it's classless and ignorant.” With that she stepped through the gate. She could already see the bright red apples, juicy and ripe filling every branch, some already fallen, blanketing the floor between honey brown leaves. 

If Negan really wanted to help her then this would be a start. She strolled over to a wooden shed that contained the baskets and ladders she’d found last year. She flung open the door and turned to Negan. 

“These apples aren’t gonna pick their-fucking-selves.”

His men threw their rifles over their shoulders, their sweep of the area over, and got to work with minimal grumbling. Negan just watched, he’d never picked an apple and it didn’t look like he was about to start now. 

Rae grabbed a basket and a set of ladders. An afternoon spent quietly harvesting this orchard wasn’t a chore for her, it was nice. She could just feel Negan following her without even turning around. She leaned her ladder against a tree, climbed the first couple of rungs and plucked an apple using her new knife to cut the stalk. She pressed it to her nose, breathing in the tangy smell, her mouth watering. She hadn’t thought that this would be possible with Jacob watching their every move. She’d imagined all these beautiful apples falling from the tree and rotting into the soil as food for the worms.  

“Chew on this.” Rae threw the apple at Negan rather than to him but despite the force and speed he still caught it.

He rubbed the apple against his shirt before taking one crunchy bite. “Mmm,” he groaned,  “so fucking juicy.” 

He pulled another apple from a branch above his head and rolled it in his hand before passing it to her. “You know red apples are my absolute favourite.”

Rae took it and took her own crunchy bite. It was good, she bit back her smile at the way he was grinning at her, his eyes wrinkling at the corners, the sunlight bringing out the flecks of green that hid in the dark. She might have liked him if he wasn’t such an unscrupulous bastard.

She filled her basket and she wanted to ignore Negan. Instead, Rae found she could barely take her eyes off him. Leaning against a tree, his leg cocked, one hand in his pocket and his devilish grin barely wavering. He looked carefree and in that he looked dangerous, only the most dangerous predators could look as relaxed as Negan was. 

Their relaxed time in the orchard was about to be ruined as the unmistakable rumblings of an engine caught everyone’s attention. From her height on the ladders she could just about make out the top of a familiar yellow truck bouncing along the dirt road to where their own vehicles were parked up.

Rae jumped down the ladders, dropping her basket of apples to the ground. “Its Jacob’s men.”

“This might be easier than I fucking thought,” he grabbed her arm, steering her towards the road.

“We can’t just walk out there! They’ll kill us!” Rae couldn’t keep the desperation from her voice.

Negan looked over his shoulder, “cuff her.”

“No!” Rae exclaimed, trying and failing to resist as Mark and Donnie restrained her wrists behind her back.

“Calm down doll, behave yourself for five motherfucking minutes.”

“Asshole!”

“Better fucking gag her too,” he grinned, pulling his red scarf from his neck and making good on his statement.

Donnie and Mark dragged her along with only Mark muttering a small “sorry.”

As the truck drew nearer she recognised the driver and the passenger. Neither of them were Jacob but one of them was his right hand man, Logan. She could see his smile slowly spreading across his face as he spotted her, she could remember the last time he’d looked at her like that. 

The same yellow truck had rolled up at her house, a handful of men jumped out. They called for her and she watched as they produced two huge burlap sacks, the contents thrashing against the material.

Logan had pointed to where he wanted his men to set the sacks down before he loosened the strings that bound them closed just enough for the contents to crawl out. 

“We found them for you,” he smiled, “Jacob wanted me to bring them back specially.” 

Two of her people, Maddie and Patrick, not that it mattered to Jacob who they had been or who they had left behind. Logan had climbed back in his truck without her daring to fire one shot, the last time she’d done that had been when her crops had caught fire in the dead of the night.

The truck pulled over, the doors opened. Logan and four men climbed out, stepping into the road. Rae tensed, her heart was beating out of control. Then she looked at Negan and he was still smiling, still carefree. “Afternoon,” he said.

“Afternoon,” Logan returned, “looks like you got yourself some trouble there friend. That little red heads not to be trusted.”

Negan’s fist curled around her ponytail with a gentle tug, “good fucking thing I’m not interested in  _ trusting  _ her then.”

Logan laughed, “yeah, Rachey is a real sweet prize. But what use is a woman who’ll stab you while you sleep?”

“You tell me.”

“We’ve been looking for her and we’ll happily take her off your hands, make it worth your while,” Logan sat his hand on his revolver. “This is our territory,we’ll make a deal then you and your men will be on your way.”

Negan scratched at his chin, casting a quick look to Rae, “what you gonna give me for her? Seems to me she’s worth a pretty fucking penny,  _ friend _ .”

“No,” Rae cried against her gag.

Donnie shoved her to her knees, she landed awkwardly with her hands tied around her back.

Logan and his men enjoyed the show, laughing at her as they brokered the deal like she was nothing more than cattle. “Tell you what, we’ll take you to Jacob and he’ll give you what he thinks she's worth to  _ him _ .”

“I don’t know,” Negan swung his bat onto his shoulder. “I’m not really interested in fucking around. Let's say we make a deal right here, right fucking now?” he weaved between the motorcycles that were providing a barrier between everyone. “What’ve you got to trade?”

Logan turned his head to look at his men who were shrugging their shoulders, their guns lowering in consideration.  _ Thwack _ .

Negan’s bat crashed against Logan's skull with so much force that even Rae shuddered at the impact. He collapsed onto the road like a marionette with its strings sliced. 

It was like a signal, the opening of a floodgate as wave of bullets all whizzing past Rae’s head to sink into their fleshy targets.

Negan stood tall and unflinching among the carnage and the gunfire. He actually laughed as he swung his bat on a second target, the man had taken a gunshot to the chest and Negan finished the job with a hard crack to the underside of his chin. 

Satisfied, he twirled his bat in his hand and turned his attention back to Logan.

Rae peered through the tyres of the motorcycles to see Logan’s shaky hand reaching weakly for his revolver. Then there was one final thwack of Negan’s bat and Logan’s hand fell limp before a channel of blood began to weave along the worn lines in the dirt road. 

As quick as it had started it was all over. Surreal, horrific, human life extinguished in the blink of an eye. Rae glanced at Negan's men. They had just killed for him,  _ for her _ , without question or hesitation. It was terrifying. The lines between good and evil were nothing more than a endless smear of grey. 

Mark unclipped her cuffs in between leisurely puffs of his cigarette, like killing five men was just a regular walk in the park. Perhaps it was. 

Rae had never actually killed another human being. In fact it had taken her months to kill her first halfer. 

She pulled off her gag, inhaling Mark’s smoke and clasping her shaking hands together, “I need a cigarette.”

“Boss said no,” Mark shrugged, taking one long drag, “sorry darlin’.”

_ Great _ . Rae scoffed. Negan was bludgeoning men to death with a bat and she wasn’t allowed a simple cigarette. His compass of ethics, morals and righteous behaviour had a serious screw rolling loose. 

“Its getting late, load up the truck and let's get on the fucking road,” Negan barked before his eyes turned to her. 

Rae wanted to say she was disturbed by his brutality but she only felt relief. Relief and if she was honest,  _ delight _ . He held out his hand to pull her from her knees and she let him.

“You okay doll?”

“Yes.”

“You didn’t think I’d really give you over to them fuckers did you?”

“I don’t know.”

Negan tilted her chin so she was looking him in the eye, there was no mocking, no arrogance, “your problems are my problems Red.”

For the first time, she actually believed him, “okay.”

His lips quirked into a smile and it didn’t bother her as much as it might have done before. God, he’d just killed for her, it was a strange feeling. She didn’t know quite what to say so she said nothing. Instead she noticed the spray of blood speckling his cheek and without much consideration she reached out. 

Her palm cupped his cheek, the bristles of his salt and pepper scruff were rough against her soft skin. His breathing changed, deeper, more laboured and she suddenly realised the intimacy of this touch. Rae’s breath held as her thumb slowly wiped across his cheek, erasing all traces of blood.

Negans fingers wrapped delicately around her wrist, he stepped even closer, the smell of his jacket enveloping her, the carnage of the road disappearing to a million miles away.

“All better,” Rae cleared her throat, trying to tug her hand away. 

Like always Negan only held tighter, his smile soft, “let me take you home Rae.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who left Kudos and subscribed to the last chapter! Hope you're still enjoying my take on Negan, I'd love to hear what you think so if you're liking it or not liking it please leave some feedback :)


	6. A House Made of Sticks

The turn in to Rae’s house was marked by a metal gate built between two fences. It was an ugly thing, pieces of scrap metal improvised together but despite appearances it was strong. At least strong enough to withstand any wandering dead that might think to walk the long road which led to Rae’s people.

Rae said it should have been closed but it was wide open, a sign that Jacob’s men had been here. Probably the same men that now lay dead in a ditch besides the apple orchard. He smiled, he was hard just thinking about the way Rae had looked at him and stroked his face so gently after he slaughtered all those men. 

He never had any of his wives with him on the road to witness him in his glory or to fuck him when the blood rush pumped around his body untamed. Those bitches wouldn’t like five minutes out here, Rae was different, he could take her on all his adventures.

The  truck passed through the gate and he pulled over but before he could ask one of his men to shut the gate Rae was already jumping out the door. Negan followed, helping her push the barrier back into place with a resounding groan of hinges that needed oiling. 

Rae pressed her palm against all the rusty pieces of metal, testing their strength like she had probably done countless other times. “Your men should wait here,” she said eventually. 

“Why would they do that baby doll?”

She glanced at him, “7 armed men and a big truck rolling up to the house. My people won’t like it.”

Negan grinned, if she thought she could get away now she was wrong, “and why the hell am I gonna care what people like?”

“If they don’t trust you, they won’t let you in.” Rae scoffed and tested another piece of the gate, “it makes no difference to me, Negan.”

Negan stepped close to her, his hand rested on her hip and his lips brushed against her ear until he could feel her tremble. Even after a night on the road she still smelled sweet, “if they don’t let me in, then I’ll just have to fucking break in and I might not give you back.”  

“You said you’d bring me home,” her voice was sharp as she turned around so they were face to face. 

Dangerously face to face, he could almost taste her,  she was all freshly picked red apples. His mouth watered for another tangy bite as his hand reached behind her to brace himself on the gate, hemming her body in with his and enjoying every inch of her softness relenting to him. “I also said your ass belongs to me until I decide otherwise.”

She didn’t say anything, she just looked at him with those bottle green eyes, her chest heaving in slow frustrated breaths until he could barely stand another second of being this close to her without doing something about it. He swallowed hard and did the unexpected,  _ compromised _ . “Mark and Donnie will come with us, everyone else will stay with the truck. But your people try anything stupid Red and they will sure as fuck be regretting it. Understood?”

Her smile was as fake as Kirsten’s titties, “yes. Sir.” 

“Don’t try to be smart Red. I’ll always be smarter and I will always fucking win,” Negan stepped aside, watching every swish of her ass as she walked back to the truck and grabbed her backpack. 

For the a split second he considered that Rae might have been the predator, the little red wolf manipulating him into doing whatever she wanted. He was killing men for her, gathering her fucking apples and now he was going to walk into her den with tweedle dum and tweedle fucking dee. The idea was more thrill than fear. Rae was a woman who he didn’t quite control. Sure, he could overpower her but he could never take full ownership over what thoughts processed behind those bottle green eyes. Besides which, Rae had such a pretty tail he’d chase it chase it like a rabid dog into the very jaws of hell. 

Negan ordered the remaining four men to “keep watch, keep vigilant, the first sign of trouble you bring your asses to Red’s house.” The last thing he needed was to lose his men and ended stranded in the little house on the fucking prairie.

Rae was already a hundred feet along the road by the time he started following with Mark and Donnie. “When we meet her people I wanna play it nice and easy, understood.”

“Yes sir,” Donnie was quick to say and Mark just shrugged, lighting up his cigarette and accepting whatever fate lay ahead.

“You trying to run away?” he said when he finally caught up to Rae’s long legged strides.

“Pretty sure I’m walking.”

Negan laughed, that smart lip of hers was going to get her into trouble but fuck if he didn’t like it. 

On one side of the road were meadows with grasses growing long and uninhibited. On the other side was nothing but a mile of crops burnt to a sooty desert that still held the lingering stench of ruin. 

Rae didn’t look at it, not once did she glance at all that blackness and more than anyone he could understand why. Keeping shit together, keeping people together in this fucked up world, was a twenty four hour job. A loss like those fields was the ultimate nightmare. He thought about saying something but sentiments were not exactly his style.

When the house finally started coming into view Negan thought they must have crossed state lines they’d been walking so fucking long but any irritation he was feeling was quickly squashed. In fact he was grinning like a damn kid at christmas. It was like a life sized version of the wild west fort he’d got one year from good ol’ Santa Claus. Wooden walls standing 15 feet high, crows nests on each corner and a big wooden gate wide enough to fit a stagecoach and a team of horses. The only difference between this and the old west was the 50 calibre machine gun mounted pride of place above the entrance and the glint of two sniper scopes watching their every move. He had a sudden need for a revolver and a black ten gallon hat, he’d always played on the side of the outlaws even when he was kid. 

“You built all this, Red?”

“With a lotta help.”

“She’s a beauty.” Fuck, this matchstick fort in a field of meadows made the Sanctuary look like the very ugly fucking cousin. 

“Its Rae!” a female voice bellowed from atop one of the crows nests, “she’s back!” 

_ Show time _ . Negan felt an uncomfortable knot in his stomach. Usually at this stage in the game he would march in with his men and give everyone a run down of the new world order. Anyone who disagreed would die until everyone decided to agree. This was different. He wasn’t demanding. He was earning. 

Behind the gates he could hear indistinct chatter followed by several loud bangs and then they creaked open, offering the first glimpse of what lay protected by those high walls and it was a whole world.

“Come in,” she said and he followed. 

The area inside the wall was about half the size of a football field. In the centre sat the turn of the century farmhouse, buttercup yellow siding and a wrap around porch. It was the kind of house that he’d once imagined living out his retirement in, a rocking chair out front and a shotgun on his lap for scaring the neighbour kids with. Beneath the porch steps was a well trod communal area that had a BBQ pit set up on one side. On the other side was an old stone well with a cast iron pump and a pile of metal buckets sat waiting.  

Along the left wall were three huge RV’s, parked bumper to bumper and outside of them stood long washing lines. Almost every inch of land was filled with plant life; bushes and vines, stalks and shoots. Even the tops of the RV’s had been covered in raised beds and the entire left hand wall of the fort had row after row of pallets nailed to its sides with cascades of peas and beans spilling from the pots to make a sea of foliage. l

Somewhere behind the house came the call of a cockerel and the kitchen window allowed the rich scent of supper to escape. Negan’s mouth watered, onions and garlic, herbs and home. 

He drank it all in and looked at Rae, standing tall and ethereal with her red hair offset by the backdrop of all that lush green. It wasn’t just him, Mark and Donnie were gaping as much as he was. There was magic in these walls and by god there were women. Almost everyone weaving through the gardens to greet Rae was a woman. He counted at least 25 including a young mousy haired woman holding a scrawling baby. She was the first to embrace Rae, holding her so tight she might have burst her open.

The men were outnumbered ten to one but despite the candystore variety of women on offer Rae was like a rose amongst the thorns and Negan’s sites were set firmly in stone. 

“I knew you’d come back!” A little girl with two long red ponytails came bounding down the porch steps, her sneakered feet kicking up dust as she slammed straight into Rae’s injured side with a thud. 

He watched her wince in pain but she didn’t cry out or reprimand the little girl she held her tight, burying her face into her hair before peppering her with a million little kisses. “I’ll always come back, baby.” 

Negan’s stomach had plummeted right to his feet. Oh Jesus fuck. Kids were complications he definitely wasn’t fucking interested in. Fuck, fuck, why hadn’t she mentioned a kid? He wouldn’t have been letting his imagination sprout wings and take flight with a million and one red haired fantasies if he’d had known she came with a plus fucking one. It wasn’t that he didn’t like kids, actually fuck that, as a rule he didn’t like kids. Snivelling, stupid, annoying.

The little girl looked at him in the way that only a kid could, big round eyes, bottom lip falling open in wonder. He pulled a face, sticking out his tongue and screwing up his nose so quick anyone else but the kid would have missed it. 

She looked away quickly, burying her face into Rae before blubbering, “has the bad man come to take us away?”

Rae kneeled down, holding the girl's arms and smiling as she wiped away her errant tears, “no Zuzu, of course not baby, this is my…” she gave him a once over, her face a total contradiction to the word “ _ friend _ .”

“He is?” 

Rae stood up taking the little girl's hand and pulling her along, “Zoey meet Negan, and Negan this is my niece Zoey.” She twirled the end of one of her ponytails, “but we all call her Zuzu.”

Niece. Nice. “Auntie Rae,” he let the grin slip across his face, he could definitely get on board with auntie Rae. He winked at the kid, “little red.” 

///

Zoey dived behind her, tiny hands bunching into her shirt. Rae could hardly blame her. Negan was a six foot something, leather clad macho brute. The barbed wire bat did absolutely nothing to soften him. The last man Rae had brought home was Jacob and now he was the boogeyman. The man who set fire to the fields while everyone slept, the man the grownups only mentioned in hushed whispers. No matter how much everyone tried to shield Zoey she was a precocious five year old and she understood more than even Rae wanted to believe.

“Any other tiny redheads running around the place?”

Like clockwork a stern old voice bellowed, “Rachel Eleanor Honey! You will come here and have words with your Grandma this instant.”

The wrong side of thirty and her her stomach still dropped just like it did when she was Zuzu’s age. 

“I’ve been worried half to death about you child,” Grandma held her arms out and Rae’s folded into her embrace. She might have been almost eighty but Grandma Ellie was still strong, still indomitable and her arms still felt like a safety; all soothing and protecting.

“I’m okay,” Rae peeled away.

“You said a couple of days and it's been almost two weeks.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t wanna make everyone worry about me,  _ but _ ,” she shrugged her backpack off, opened it and held it out, “I found what I was looking for.”

Grandma nodded with a relieved sigh that said she understood. “Seems you found something else too.”

Rae looked behind her to see Negan and his men waiting patiently on the porch steps. He smiled at her and her stomach did a flip. “You could say that.”

“Well, we don’t have strangers in these walls so you better tell me your names and your intentions.”

“The names Negan, this is Mark and Donnie. My intentions...” his eyes burned into her for the briefest moment before he looked back to Grandma. “I saved your granddaughters life and now i’ve returned her to you.”

“I was cut, he helped patch me up,” Rae added.

Grandma gave her the eye, the stern look that she had perfected over the last fifty odd years since she became a mother, “how many times have I told you not to go out there alone?”

Rae was going to say she had no choice. How could she let her people leave and die? She was the only person that she could guarantee Jacob wouldn’t kill so for her the risk of leaving this place was smallest. But she couldn’t say anything because Negan answered.

“You should listen to your Grandma Red.” he stood on the porch, right next to Grandma like he was an authority on these things, “she’s lucky we found her when we did.”

“Well,” Grandma gave Negan a shrewd eye, “I suppose you can call me Grandma Ellie, everybody does.” She looked him up and down, “no boots in the house, mind your manners and you better wash up before dinner. Its nearly ready and I assume you and your men are wanting feeding?”

“The smell of what you have cooking in that house would make just about any man want feeding darlin’,” he even had the audacity to wink.

Grandma gave Rae a look before heading back into the house.

“Flirting with my 78 year old Grandma?”

“Jealous?”

“Of course not.”

“She’s a beautiful lady. You obviously come from very good fucking stock.”

“I don’t know what game you're trying to play here Negan but let me make something clear. These are my walls, my people and in here  _ your ass is mine _ .”

God that felt good. Negan’s eyes darkened. 

“Auntie Rae, Mama wants to see you,” Zuzu’s muffled call came  from the window above the porch despite being told a hundred times not to shout out of that window. 

“Okay,” Rae shouted up, her whole body filling with the strange mixed emotion that came whenever she thought about her sister.

“We’re not done here Red,” Negan smiled, his dark eyes still finding a way to mock her.

“Tim,” she called and waited for him to bound up the steps, “show Negan and his men where they can clean up for supper.”

Tim gave them a wary look. 

“And if they give you trouble… shoot them,” she said flippantly. She’d endured enough of his heavy handed dominance, this was her home and he should try playing by her rules.

///

Holy fuck. Rae scurried into the house and up the stairs in a flash of red hair. Negan’s palm itched, he was going to spank her ass so fucking hard the first chance he got. No more fucking foreplay, now he wanted the soft fucking edge of Rae’s tongue.

He turned to Tim, a weedy looking dweeb with his big wire rimmed glasses and straggly blonde hair. He looked like a child playing with his Daddy’s rifle and there was not a chance in hell that he would actually use it on them. 

If Negan had learned one thing it was how to read people to see who were the killers, who were the followers and who were the wildcards. Tim was all follower, Rae, hell that redhead was all wildcard but the fucker who was marching over with a face like he was gonna either shit or have a coronary was all fucking killer.

“Weapons!” coronary shouted, “you’re on our land. You don’t carry in these walls.” 

“We’re Rae’s honored guests,” Negan twirled Lucille onto his shoulder. There was no fucking chance he was handing her over to this asshole.

“Fuck Rae!” coronary squared up to him. “I don’t give a damn who’s sniffing around her pussy this week. Hand your shit over or leave.”

_ “Miguel!” _ Tim pleaded for Rae’s sake or his own Negan wasn’t sure but it was too late. Negan was already seeing blood, he might take the edge of Rae’s smart tongue, fuck he enjoyed it, but this fucker needing squashing the only way he knew how.

His fist clenched at his side and it didn’t take a single moment's consideration before he slammed it full force into Miguel's nose. Crack, the outpouring of blood was instantaneous and Miguel's crazy expression got a shade crazier. 

It wasn’t every day Negan fought with his hands like this but he didn’t want to risk using Lucille. When Lucille got a taste for blood she didn’t stop at the first drop and he wasn’t exactly planning on killing Rae’s people. Just making sure they knew how to fucking respect her. It was a new idea for him, helping another person hold onto power, fuck he usually just helped himself to the reins.

Miguel reacted quickly, clipping the edge of Negan’s chin. He was surprised by the strength of it and vaguely impressed that the asshole wasn’t just all talk. Negan swung again, straight to the stomach, hitting so hard Miguel’s eyes bulged. Miguel wasn’t finished, he shoulder barged Negan knocking him off balance before swinging for his face like he was on a fucking mission to make him toothless. Negan ducked, grabbing Miguels arm before twisting it at an awkward angle and forcing him towards the floor.  He cocked his elbow, slamming it to the sweet spot between his shoulder blades and Miguel fell. 

There were shouts outside of his own personal wrestling ring and suddenly he was being pulled back. 

“Sorry sir,” Donnie muttered as he helped Mark hold him. 

Rae’s people grabbed Miguel who was kicking and screaming, blood still pouring from his nose. 

Grandma Ellie and Rae pushed their way out of the house and the cluster of people who had gathered on the porch. 

“That bitch is gonna get us all killed,” Miguel shouted, his eyes set on Rae.

Negan didn’t need to say a single word, Donnie and Mark released him to land one final blow, quick as lightening, to the side of Miguel’s skull. He was out, his body falling limp. 

Negan’s knuckles were bloody and burning, he shook his hand out, looking over at Rae. Those bottle green eyes unreadable as she moved towards Miguel, “someone help me get him to Doc’s before he wakes up and does something stupid.”

Grandma Ellie stood next to him, her eyes were the  exact same shade of bottle green as Rae’s, “you finished Negan?”

“I didn’t like the way he talked to her.”

“My granddaughter didn’t ask for you to fight for her honour.”

“All due respect Grandma Ellie, but I’m not a man who asks permission to defend your granddaughter.”

“Your men will hand their weapons over to Hamish,” Grandma Ellie gestured to a white haired man who looked even older than she was. 

“And you,” she pointed to Negan, “take your boots off and lets go clean up the mess you’ve made of yourself.”

Negan looked at his bloody knuckles and laughed quietly before nodding to his men. 

If Grandma Ellie only knew the mess that he made of every fucking situation he ever encountered. But he had to admit that this was nice, he wasn’t the wolf blowing down all the sticks to get to the little piggies, he was being let into the house like he was just a man. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :) I hope you like Rae's community I was feeling inspired by my love of George Clarkes Amazing Spaces and a pinterest board filled with vertical gardening.


	7. Poetry

If Negan would have known he’d be bootless in Grandma’s kitchen he would have worn better socks. As it stood there was something about the orange and burgundy stripes that didn’t exactly scream badass. He tucked his feet under his chair and placed his bloodied hand on the kitchen table for the old ladies inspection. 

He couldn’t remember the last time someone had mothered him like this. When he came home to his lovely wives they only turned up their nose at the blood and sweat that came with leading the saviours and putting food on their table.

Grandma Ellie dabbed his knuckles with something that stung like a sonofabitch and Negan sucked in an involuntary hiss.

“Don’t be a baby,” she scolded, dabbing him again. “So, you’ve brought my granddaughter home but why you really here Negan?” 

That was a very good fucking question, “Jacob,” was the easy answer and one that caught her attention.

She let his hand slip back to the table and quickly picked it back up, “he’s a problem.”

“Then I think you’d agree it's in everyone's best interests if that fucker met his maker.”

“I’ll remind you to mind your manners, this isn’t a gentleman's club.”

Negan chuckled, “Grandma Ellie, I could’ve used a broad like you when I was setting up the Sanctuary.”

She gave him a disapproving look, dabbing his knuckles with the hardstuff once more. “What have you asked my Rae for in return for your help?”

Negan frowned, “what do you take me for Grandma Ellie?”

“A man who comes to a strangers house and bloodies his knuckles before he’s even crossed the porch.” She wrapped his hand with a fresh bandage her shrewd eyes never wavering from him. 

Not that it mattered to him, or maybe it fucking did, “you don’t think I should have hit that…  _ dingleberry _ .” 

“Oh, Miguel has needed a good-hiding for a long time,” Grandma Ellie said matter of factly as she stood up and motioned him into the adjacent dining room with her bony little hand. “Plates and cutlery are in the dresser and no more trouble before supper.”

There was no option in her order and Negan stood confused for a moment as he stared at the dresser. Grandma Ellie was certainly a force to be reckoned with and he decided right then that he liked the crazy old broad. 

He opened the door to see three neat stacks of mish mashed china plates and tried to remember the last time he’d set a table before wondering if he had in fact ever set a table. It seemed an oddity, an entire life without giving one moment to lay plates and cutlery out to turn food into a meal.

He looked over his shoulder and the door between the kitchen and dining room was closed leaving nothing but him and the huge mahogany table to witness him carrying out the orders of a 78 year old lady. He laughed to himself as he laid down delicate floral plates and the shiny silver cutlery. He was just about to sit down when he realised he’d forgotten about Lucille for the second time since Rae had stumbled into his life. 

His heart hammered as he bounded into the kitchen to find her under the table, sprawled on the floor like she was nothing. He picked her up and she punished him with a nick of a barb slicing into his thumb to remind him who was top bitch. He was fucking loosing it, laying grandma’s table when he should have been dividing shit and owning the place.

His fists clenched tight around the end of Lucille, he was a heart beat from unleashing holy hell when the kitchen door swung open and in stomped Little Red who gave him one horrified look before she scurried over to Grandma.

“Go sit your butt down and stop causing trouble,” Grandma exclaimed, shaking her hand towards the dining room.  

He loosened his grip on Lucille and without a word he did as told. 

///

Rae couldn’t avoid Sarah’s room any longer. Since coming in the house she’d done a million little things to put off this very moment and even now she was hovering, standing with one hand on the handle and half a mind to come back later. 

“Hey brat,” she said like always but the words were barely loud enough to make it across the room to where her sister lay sunken in the middle of the bed. It hadn’t even been two weeks but Sarah looked smaller. Her eyelids barely opened when Rae stood at the side of the bed.

“You’re back.”

“You look good.”

“ _ Liar _ .” She half smiled, slowly shifting in the bed, “I was worried about you.”

“Hey,” Rae scolded, carefully nudging Sarah’s shoulder, “I’m the big sister, I get to do all the worrying around here.”

“Zuzu said you found a man.”

Rae smiled brightly, “he’s gonna help us. Everything is gonna be okay.” 

Sarah half nodded. Whether she was convinced or not it didn’t matter, she didn’t have the strength to discuss anything more or even stay awake.

Rae kissed Sarah’s hand, tears burned at the back of her throat but she’d save them for later. She couldn’t cry in this room. “You should get some sleep,” she whispered but Sarah was already snoring, the little sounds no louder than the rustling of autumn leaves.

How had it only been two weeks? Had Sarah looked like this when she had set out to find the medicine? She hadn’t seen it, she hadn’t listened to Grandma telling her not to go. Rae had found the medicine hoping it would help her sister see another summer, now she was wondering if she would even make it through the fall. 

She closed the door softly before pressing her forehead against the wood and muttering “shit.”

“You said a swear.” Zoey’s voice sent a bolt of shock to Rae’s heart. She whipped her head to the side to see Zoey sprawled across the floor further down the hall with her ice cream tub of crayons and a little notebook. “Is Mama sleeping?”

“Yeah baby,” Rae forced a smile onto her face before sitting on the floor and pulling her niece close, “I love you.”

Zoey wriggled free, her face lighting up, “did you find me any candy?”

A stab of guilt, “not this time.”

Zoey shrugged, the excitement in her eyes dulling down, “s’okay.”

///

Negan wasn’t waiting long before Tim brought Donnie and Mark in from outside and Rae brought her niece down from upstairs and soon they were all sitting around the dining table with Grandma plating up like it was just a regular fucking Sunday dinner.

Two others joined them one was the young mother he’d seen earlier. She settled her baby in a bassinette before introducing herself as “Carly.” 

The other was a portly broad with salt and pepper hair and a face that had forgotten how to smile. Grandma introduced her as “Margo,” and Margo barely looked at him. Instead she  flicked through her clipboard and started giving Rae hell over supplies or some shit until Grandma shut her long list of complaints down and demanded “no work at the table.”

He scooped up his mashed potatoes and savoured the taste and texture. Real mashed potatoes. De-fucking-licious. He had to admit it was nice to not be on the receiving end of the endless bullshit complaint he always got when he was back home and despite what grandma said Rae flicked through the papers while her dinner went cold. 

He shifted his foot under the table so it brushed with hers and enjoyed the breath she sucked in her eyes flicking quickly to his before dropping the clipboard to give extra care and attention to helping Zuzu cut her food.

He looked at Mark and Donnie. They were lapping up their own dinner, deep in conversation with Tim. It was like the twilight zone. Or a weird extended family thanksgiving dinner. 

When the plates were being cleared and himself and his men had been banished to the porch he noticed Rae and her Grandma standing in the kitchen having a very dramatic hushed conversation with one of two glances directed to the porch before she brought out a casserole dish full of food.

She passed the dish to Mark, “this is for the other men.” Then she looked at Negan, “you can spend the night at the farm down the road, I’ve drawn you a map,” which she passed to him. “Tomorrow I’ll come by and collect my apples.”

“Your apples?” he passed the map to Donnie, “that  _ my  _ men picked?”

Rae’s jaw tightened for a moment, “I think half each is fair.”

Negan chuckled. Half each, she was giving him what he usually took without him even having to say the words. “You boys go on ahead, I’ll catch up after I’ve had some words with our new associate.”

“Thanks Rae, I’m sure the guys will appreciate this,” Mark said before he turned to leave and he didn’t like the sweet as molasses way Red smiled at him. Like Mark was some kind of innocent fucking party. 

Negan snorted as he began to walk through Rae’s community, past her people, between all the gardens to where the sounds were nothing more than the clucking of a distant chicken and the light of the big house disappeared behind the outbuildings and some tall plants. If Rae thought he was going to just give over her apples and disappear than as always she was wrong. If she thought she would smile sweetly at Mark while giving him nothing but her sharp tongue then she was doubly wrong.

He could hear the anger in each of her long legged strides, “I really don’t think we need to talk about anything else Negan. You brought me home. Now you can leave.”

She really did have no fucking idea. It was dark but her hair still found cause to shine, the green in her eyes was bright, the only thing that faded were her freckles. He stepped close enough to find them again, “did you fuck Jacob?” 

///

“Not that it's any of your business Negan… but yeah, I did! God, like I’m the first woman to sleep with a man who turned out to be a liar and an asshole.” 

Rae stormed passed Negan to the potting shed. She reached up to grab the half broken terracotta pot that was hidden on the top shelf. Its contents her very precious and only for emergency’s pack of cigarettes and a lighter. “I’m sick of hearing it from everyone. You know I didn’t stumble out of a convent when the world went to helI.” It was too much, everyone wanting something from her and judging her when it went wrong. She was never suppose to have this much responsibility, she’d wanted to feel something and now all she felt was ashamed.

“Alrighty. No fucking judgements here baby doll, I’m not interested in deflowering a holy fucking vessel. Everyone should be having good sex, and lots of it, especially me and you Red.”

“Just, stop,” she fumbled with her lighter, frantically flicking the wheel to ignite the flame that was refusing to spark. Before she could be successful Negan snatched the lighter right out of her hand and pitched it through the night sky to be lost in the long grass. 

What? Her mouth fell open, dumbfounded, as he casually took her cigarette and stomped it into the dirt.

“Better?” he grinned.

She ran an agitated hand over her face, “why are you such an asshole?”

“Watch your language.”

Rae gripped her hands at her sides, he was so infuriating, so arrogant. “Watch your language!”

“Fuck that, I have more important shit to worry about…” he cupped her chin and she pushed his hand away. “I wanna erase every trace of Jacob from this fucking world. Starting with you.”

“You wanna fight Jacob? Go right ahead. But I’m done with men and I don’t need you here to watch my language and throw away my things.”

“You’re not done with men Red.” He pushed her against the potting shed. “You’re done with  _ other  _ men. Me and you are only just getting started.”

“Then stop.”

“I don’t think I will.”

“Then you’re wasting your time.”

He raked his fingers through the end of her ponytail, his other hand pressed into the curve of her waist, holding her in place but just the way he was looking at her was enough to stop her moving. “The moment I saw you I wanted to fuck you and now I know you.... hell, I only want you more. It's not poetry but it's the fucking truth you like so goddamn much.”

Her heart thumped wild, angry, maybe even a little excited as she pushed him back, “so what? I should thank you for your honesty? I should just lay down on the floor and let you get on with it? Maybe I want a little poetry.”

Negan laughed, “says the woman who was done with men.”

She jabbed him in the chest, “men. like. you.”

“There are no men like me,” his smug grin was enough to make even the most patient person lose all control.

“You’re not special Negan! Men like you are everywhere, they take what they want, do what they want and they don’t care about who they’re hurting.”

///

Negan studied her, there was no way in hell Rae knew about his deals with Hilltop and The Kingdom. Since she’d been placed at his feet he’d been on his best fucking behaviour, he’d done nothing but act like a goddamn gentleman,  _ almost _ . “What have I taken from you?” he demanded. 

She shifted from foot to foot, her jaw twitching in annoyance, “ _ nothing _ .”

“That's fucking right. Nothing.” He grabbed her arms, “It's never gonna be hearts and candies with me Red but I can promise you one thing.”

“And what’s that?”

“I’m gonna kill that fucker Jacob. Just for you baby doll. I’m gonna slice off his head and drop it at your fucking feet.”

Her nose scrunched up, “that's disturbing.”

“But you’ll like it. Fuck, Red, you’ll even find a way to thank me for it.”

“I won’t have sex with you for it if that's what you think.” 

“No, you’re gonna give yourself to me because you’re attracted to me pure and fucking simple sweetheart.” 

Sure he was a liar and an asshole but Rae didn’t need to know that and he didn’t do kissing but that would be another little secret for him to keep. Right now he couldn’t think of anything sweeter than Rae’s red apple lips. He wanted to see how soft she could be, how warm and he wasn't leaving without a taste. 

Negan’s hand splayed between her shoulder blades to hold her steady, the other held her hip, his thumb tucking into the belt loop of her jeans. 

He leaned in, almost unsure, he hadn’t kissed a woman in years, hadn't wanted to, hadn't needed to, he didn’t question what was different now. Rae’s lips parted and before she could protest he kissed her and fuck, she was soft and sweet. Negan kissed Rae like it was his first time and his last; hot, wet, urgent. She arched into him, gripping the lapels of his jacket as his hand glided from her shoulders to bury in her hair, deepening their kiss. His lungs gave up the chance of air as their tongues entwined, dancing and devouring every stroke. 

He moaned, his thumb slipping from her belt loop inching under the hem of her shirt to caress her skin and suddenly the moment was lost. Rae began to struggle, her knuckles digging into his chest trying in vain to push him away. 

Negan growled as he gave into her, releasing her lips but still holding her close. His breathing heavy, his heart racing, he never usually got so worked up without a guaranteed ending. Fuck, he never usually got so worked up, his body was tingling in all the right places. Maybe some of the wrong places too.

Rae pushed against him harder, “let me go,” she panted and he did. He let her go and turned away, wondering what in the everloving fuck had come over to him.

“Leave,” she demanded.

Negan looked over his shoulder. Long legs, runaway freckles, “ _ fine _ .” He’d been letting this woman and her endless legs tangle him into a huge fucking mess. No more. No fucking more. He was Negan, the leader of the fucking saviours, he wasn’t some kind of pansy asshole. And he didn’t fucking do poetry either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. I wanted to update sooner but I ended up getting distracted by a million things including Negan smut week. If you haven't seen my one shot, please check it out. Its called Negan's Mistress and its my very first reader POV fic :) Also big thanks for all the Kudos this story has received over the past week x


	8. Special Delivery

Negan didn’t want to wait for Rae. Despite what he said, sometimes the mountain did fucking move. Sometimes it rolled right up to your gate in a big ass truck. 

The gate didn’t open. He hadn’t exactly expected it to. He pulled his truck up right outside the entrance and jumped out of the cabin. He hoped Rae remembered their little conversation about letting him in versus breaking in as much as he hoped the woman standing guard wouldn’t decide to shoot him.

“Special delivery,” he grinned to the little asian woman who was this morning's gatekeeper. 

Negan could see the muzzle of her gun pointing his way and the cogs turning in her head before she looked over her shoulder with a frantic, “get Rae.”

The heavy clunking of the gate peeling open had him breathing a sigh of relief. Sure he’d force his way in but that didn’t mean he wanted to and he sure as shit didn’t want to get shot in the process.

Rae stood central as the gate’s split apart, her hair was loose about her shoulders, perfectly framing her bitch face as she carefully plucked soil covered gardening gloves off her long fingers.

He saluted to her before climbing back into the truck and waiting none too patiently for her to stand her sweet butt aside and let him in. Her eyes never left his and Negan wondered where this woman got the balls to challenge him. He’d seen bigger men fall at their knees but not Rae. Even if she quite rightly thought he was the big bad wolf and not to be trusted that hadn’t made her more pliable or subservient. As much as it had annoyed the fuck out of him last night it made him chuckle this morning. 

He drove the truck into the dusty courtyard, taking up the entire space much to the annoyance of Margo who was sneering at him from behind her ever present clipboard. He winked hoping it would make her flustered before making his way around the truck to let his men out from where they had been squished amongst the produce.

“I brought your apples,” he declared as he strolled, Lucille by his side, to where Rae was standing with her arms folded.

“I can see,” her arms fell to the sides, her green eyes studying him with contempt. “I said I would collect them.”

He pointed Lucille at her, the end just touching her chest, “looks to me like I saved you a fucking trip.”

Rae shifted from foot to foot in stilted movements before she cleared her throat, “ _ thanks _ .”

Negan held his hand to the side of his ear, “did my ears fucking deceive me? Now that is a very pretty word coming from you Doll.”

Her jaw tightened before she took a deep breath, “we should talk about last night.”

_ What a chick move. _ The last thing Negan was going to do was talk about last night. So, he’d kissed her, it was a moment of fucking madness. He laughed, looking her up and down, “nah… turns out I’ve changed my mind about you Red.”

“Excuse me?”

Negan liked to think she was disappointed, he pointed the end of Lucille at her again,  “you’re one fucked up woman do you know that? That almighty chip on your shoulder is going to snap you in fucking two and I’m not sure I wanna be there for the fucking fall out. You know some fuckers would be grateful for me saving their sweet little ass, driving them home like a fucking gentleman and  _ then  _ offering to take care of all their goddamn problems.”

“You’re right.”

His eyes flicked to hers, Lucille dropped to his side. 

“I’m sorry,” she continued.

_ Sorry _ . That word again, why did she say it like that? Like she fucking meant it. He didn’t like it.  

“I admit I haven’t exactly been grateful, but…” she stepped towards him, her tongue licking across her lips in a tiny motion that was just enough to remind his body exactly how much it had wanted hers last night. “We need your help.  _ I  _ need your help.”

He shifted uncomfortably, “why the sudden change of heart?”

“This place is more than me. More than any of us… I thought with everything that has happened that people would come together. It’s us against them right? The living and the dead. But men like Jacob are just tearing everything apart.”

“And...  _ men like me _ ?”

Rae looked at her hands, toying with the gloves she was holding, “you helped me, you’re offering me more help and I’d be foolish to turn it down or...” she looked back at him, “to keep telling you that I don’t need you.”

This fucking redhead, burning hot and cold, yes and no.  Negan grunted, scratching at his scruff and looking her up and down. “Gather your apples, Red.”

She tucked her gloves into the waistband of her jeans, allowing him the smallest glance of her ivory skin in the process. He swallowed hard, enjoying the glimpse more than was necessary for anyone other than virgin teenage boys. 

Negan was lost in watching her walk around the truck that he barely noticed Mark sidling up to him “you want me to start lining everyone up boss?”

Negan twirled Lucille, feeling the weight of her as he glanced at the farmhouse and with one long breath, “no.” He wasn’t sure what game he was playing with Rae but he couldn’t stand the idea of it being over. He couldn’t stand the idea of her being like the other women in his life. 

A look crossed Mark’s face and Negan couldn’t quite put his finger on it,  _ relief _ ? “Rae has nothing to give us anyway. These people can barely make enough for themselves. Tim said-”

Negan interrupted Mark’s little speech, whacking the end of Lucille across his chest “you growing a fucking brain?”

“Sir?” he coughed, winded.

“I’ll fucking decide what these people have and what I want. Your job is to keep your mouth shut and follow orders.”

“Whatever you say boss.”

Negan didn’t like his tone and made a mental note to strike Mark off his list of fuckers he could trust. Fuck, half the saviors were off that list. Like a pack of dogs, everyone wanted a place at the top, like it was so fucking easy being in charge of all the non stop shit that cropped up. He glanced at Rae, dishing out orders to her people while Margo stood by with a face like thunder. 

///

Rae had to stop letting Negan get under her skin, swallow her pride and take what he offered. Last night she could have kicked herself for allowing him to kiss her. She still wasn’t entirely sure how it had happened. One minute she had been thinking he was the most arrogant bastard alive and the next she was in his arms. Curiosity outweighing good sense, her lips wanting to see, just for a moment, what it would be like. Kissing Negan was as expected; spine tingling in an awfully good way.  _ Arrogant bastard. _

She picked a basket of apples from the truck and Tim came over to take it from her before he passed it to one of Negans men.  “Miguel’s pissed.”

Yesterday she’d managed to contain him in the doctors RV, releasing him only when Negan was gone. To say he’d been angry would have been a severe understatement. He was furious. At her, Negan, everyone. The only thing that had placated him was her promise that Negan wasn’t coming back here this morning.

“Where is he?” she said.

“Round back, chopping wood… for now.”

“Take two people and make sure he stays out of the way,” she looked at Negan who was overseeing everything, “this situation is delicate enough.”

“What if he puts up a fight?”

“Contain it,” Rae snapped, feeling instantly guilty as she watched Tim lower his head and back away. 

She sighed and squished her eyes shut for a moment's relief. She’d spent hours last night holding her sister while she vomited what looked like the lining of her stomach into a bucket.  Other people had offered to do it but she’d refused, it was her sister and if anyone was going to hold her hair and stroke her back it was going to be Rae. 

She stifled a yawn before leaving Margo to finish counting up the apples and hurrying into the kitchen to grab the pot of coffee for Negan’s men. Just because Negan was incorrigible didn’t mean his men had to suffer. On the whole they’d been nice, or as nice as could be expected.

Grandma was waiting, her stern look enough to make Rae’s heart do a flip, “did you make nice?”

“Yes,” Rae sighed as she began to prepare the coffee.

Grandma gathered a stack of metal camping mugs, “I don’t like it but right now we need that mans help.”

“I know.” Grandma had quizzed her about Negan and Rae had somehow ended up being scolded for  _ her  _ behaviour. Of course she hadn’t mentioned the kiss or his general lewd behaviour otherwise she was certain there would be a different scolding happening in the middle of the vegetable garden right now. 

Rae took the coffee outside. Negan’s men were exceptionally grateful and surprisingly polite while the man himself just looked bemused.

“You playing first lady to my men?”

Rae passed him a cup before carefully filling it, “I’m just being friendly.”

He sniffed the contents, “that's what makes me fucking suspicious.”

Rae scoffed, “how  _ exactly  _ do you want me to be Negan?”

“Just be yourself.”

“Okaaay.”

“Don’t fucking bullshit me… all your sweet little thank you’s, sorry's, pots of fucking coffee. This is not the woman from yesterday, not unless this coffee is filled with fucking arsenic.”

“Are you saying you don’t like my coffee?”

“Not if it's brimming with bullshit.”

She poured the last of the coffee into her own mug and took a sip, “tastes good to me.”

Negan grinned, twirling his bat and taking a lean against the porch. 

Rae stood next to him, watching his men talking with some of her people, her women. Men over the age of twenty and under the age of ‘too old’ had become a rare commodity in these walls over the past two years. There hadn’t always been such an uneven distribution of sexes but it was the men that volunteered for the more dangerous jobs and it was them that had died. 

She banished the thought of all those lost people and instead tried to think of how to ask Negan what he was going to do about Jacob. She couldn’t just outright say it, he wasn’t the kind of man who didn’t like to show all his cards and fawning over his strength would only feed into his ridiculous ego.

The remains of the coffee had been barely a mouthful in her dented mug but Rae had savoured every sip in her hesitation to speak. She was just about to say something when Negan began.

“Those pills you were so worried about…” she looked at him, his eyes were fixed in the distance, “don’t tell me they were for your Grandma.”

“Is that genuine concern?” Rae studied his profile, watching the way his cheeks moved, hinting at a tiny dimple under all that beard as his lips curved into a smile. 

“Would that be so fucking hard for you to believe?”

“I don’t know. But maybe now you’ve lost all interest in me, we can hold an actual conversation?”

Negan laughed, sipping his coffee, “sass me like that and I might change my fucking mind.”

Rae bit her tongue and averted her eyes from his, “don’t worry. I’m sure Grandma will outlive us all.”

“Good, I might have a soft spot for the old bird.”

“They were for my sister,” she could feel him looking at her as much as the lump that had swollen in the back of her throat and the tears that were filling her eyes. Rae played with her metal cup, anything to distract her. 

“Oh a sister? She a redhead too?” he joked.

“She’s dying.” She didn't expect Negan’s sympathy. She wasn’t sure why she admitted it. He didn’t care about anything real.

An uncomfortable silence settled between them.

“And she’s a blonde, you like blondes too?” she kicked off the wall, feeling stupid for revealing something so painful to a man who didn’t seem to care about anything but his dick.

///

The unfamiliar guilt settled in his stomach, fuck. How did she manage to make him feel like shit when out of all fucking people he was giving her his best fucking attempt at good behaviour.

He grabbed her arm, “ _ Red- _ ”

“You’re right Negan, I’m not sorry or thankful, I’m just desperate. I’d do anything to protect my niece.”

He pushed her back against the wall, “I don’t know what I want from you Red, but it sure as fuck isn’t bullshit or desperation…” he ran his hand over his face in agitation, “just… just fuckin... be real.” Flesh and blood, sharp tongue and soft skin, a real person who he didn’t have to fucking control. A woman he didn’t have to fucking bribe because she was desperate. 

Maybe he didn’t know how to play nice, he’d forgotten or never learned how. Either way he couldn’t be the good guy but he hadn’t changed his mind about Rae. He wanted her, he wanted her to give herself to him as much as he wanted to possess her.

“Have you ever killed an innocent person?” Rae demanded.

He scratched his beard, “ _ define innocent. _ ”

“Thats a yes then.”

“I’m the leader of the Saviours, it isn’t a fucking jamboree. In this world innocence is pretty fucking subjective sweetheart.”

She huffed, her green eyes glaring wildly. “I-”

A sudden burst of machine gunfire interrupted whatever hell she was going to give him. Negan didn’t know whether to be grateful for the interruption or not as the shots continued intermingled with screaming. Rae pulled herself from his grasp, dropping her cup and tripping over a hose as she ran around the side of the house. Negan picked up Lucille and followed. Sure, he wasn’t the fucking hero but that didn’t mean he didn’t get to have the beautiful woman. The beautiful woman that ran towards the hail of gunfire. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> I've made a Tumblr account for my stories for anyone interested its superprincesspea
> 
> TWD fan- I enjoyed the image of Negan and Grandma too, lets call this a behind the scenes cut haha...
> 
>  
> 
> Negan's toes curled free in his socks while Grandma fetched the tea. She'd already laid out the china cups and although it wasn't the usual thing he liked to do he decided fuck it. She was the kind of Grandma worth having tea with, the kind of Grandma who could probably kick his ass. He drank the Darjeeling, Lucille at his side and Grandma decided to tell him that she kept her late husbands shotgun within reach at all times. Polite conversation or a threat, who cares if the tea tastes so fucking sweet.


	9. Kissing Ass

As Rae cornered the house she watched Mary toppling from her place on the wall, a line of blood chasing her like the jetstream of a plane. For a heartbeat it was like time ticked a little slower, the din faded and everything but Mary took pause, held breath, until her body hit the dirt and the clamour of bullets started again.

Rae gasped, her vision tunneling as she ran over, falling to her knees besides Mary. She remembered the first time she’d ever seen Mary. She’d been driving home from a supply run and there she was, alone, walking by the side of the road. One side of her face covered in dried blood, the other nothing but a vacant expression. Rae had stopped the truck and without a single word Mary had climbed in, wrapped her arms around her centre and sobbed the whole way home. 

“I’ve got you,” Rae pressed her hand against Mary’s neck to try stem the blood that was pouring but it pooled relentlessly, flooding through her fingers, a viscous mess as Mary’s terrified eyes locked with hers, accepting her fate.

Rae’s other hand held Mary’s, “I won’t let go.”

Mary gurgled, blood spluttering from her lips, her eyes staring blankly as her grip on Rae’s hand fell away. It was quick, a matter of seconds and she was gone. This morning Rae had asked her to stand watch on the gate and now she was dead.

Rae turned her hand over, staring at her bloody palm before frantically rubbing it across the dirt and picking up Mary’s fallen rifle. 

Negan squeezing her shoulder gave her heart a start before she turned to look at him, he held his hand to pull her up and she accepted, letting him heave her from the floor like her limbs were leaden.

“She was...” Rae tried to think of something profound, Mary had been a wife and mother, a waitress in a some nameless diner, a friend, a woman. They didn’t talk very often but “she was family.”

“I’m sorry Red.”

Rae turned, walked to the wall and the instant her foot touched the bottom rung of the ladder the shooting stopped. Someone shouted, “it's the Raiders,” and her body tensed, taking pause before she forced herself up the ladder with Negan close behind.

A familiar truck was pulled up on the drive. Just as at the Orchard yesterday Raider’s climbed out, 6 in total and none of them Jacob.

“He’s not here,” she muttered before Negan had chance to ask.

“Not this time,” he said and she looked at him briefly before she focused back on the men who were here.

“You fucked with our people Rachy.” The man that spoke she’d only met a couple of times in the months she had known Jacob, his name was Danny. “They were here yesterday and they never came home last night. That can’t be a coincidence. Jacob is very unhappy with you. What you gonna do to make him happy?” 

Rae held tight to Mary’s rifle, her eyes filled with tears, “I didn’t do anything.”

“Don’t lie to me Rachel, where are they?” He raised his weapon, “Jacob might want you alive but I’m not so generous. I don’t give a shit about you or your people, I would shoot every last one of you and tear this house down brick by brick.”

“She’s not lying,” Negan countered, she could hear the smile in his voice. “I can guaran-fucking-tee it.” Negan laughed. “ _ I _ fucked with your people. Cracked their skulls into the dirt. Gotta tell you it was a dirty fucking mess but you are most…  _ welcome _ .”

Rae’s heart fell to her feet. 

Danny stepped forward, his face twisted, “who the hell do you think you are?”

“Judge... Jury... hell... I’m the fucking executioner too,” Negan baited as the front gate groaned open. 

Rae glanced over the wall to see Mark strolling out followed by the rest of Negan’s men and some of her own people too. Part of her wanted to squeeze her eyes shut and like Zuzu pretend that if she couldn’t see it then it wasn’t real. There was no way this was going to end without bloodshed, the only question was who’s.

Danny’s rifle changed direction, pointing to the people on the ground. He didn’t seem to know how to react, to Negan’s men who faced them down without flinching.

Negan flicked the safety on the 50 calibre. “This isn’t normally my style Red but I made you a promise and I’m a man of my fucking word.”

The Raiders had come here expecting to negotiate with Rae, terrorise her people and remind her who was really in charge. They hadn’t expected Negan. Nobody expects a man like Negan. He was so unafraid, so controlled, her stomach was churning so hard she thought she might vomit and he was smiling.

Negan winked at Rae and the hail of metal that spat from the 50 cal was like a knife through butter. Bam, bam, bam, a rhythmic clunking of bullets flying home.

There was no cover, nowhere to hide and Negan showed no mercy until it was over.

Rae watched him the entire time, he even laughed until the shooting stopped and he turned to look at her his expression amused but not smiling.

What Negan had done yesterday had cost Mary’s life, this could cost everything. She wasn't sure how many people Jacob had but she knew it was a lot and she knew his compound was not a place you could just walk up to, “he’s going to kill us.” Jacob had never wanted to outright kill Rae, but after this she was sure he would stop at nothing.

“You, your people, sure he could fucking do that. You’re just a dot, Red. I’m a motherfucking mountain and I do the fucking killing.”

///

Negan strolled out of Rae’s wild west fort to make sure the job was finished. Usually he’d chop the fucking balls off a group and they'd be working for him but this was different, personal somehow. He wanted to cut off the balls, the head and then rip out the heart and hand them all to one leggy redhead.

Rae had been terrified by these men, hiding behind her fort with her tiny army of women and old men but Negan was afraid of nothing, intimidated by nothing, his strength was going to push all the way into Jacob's home to tear him the fuck apart. 

He kicked over one of the dead bodies, and turned to one of his men, “you got a fucking twin you don’t know about Gary?” 

“Sir?” Gary raised his brows as he walked over to take a look. “Jesus,” he gasped, “what a fuckin’ trip.” 

It was almost uncanny, aside from the different shades of hair the resemblance was creepy as fuck. Negan scratched his beard, a plan formulating in his mind as he watched Rae pulling one of the dead mens rifles from the floor before passing it to Tim. They stood close, talking in hushed tones and sharing what looked like some bullshit sentimental heart to heart until Tim held her, his nose pressed into her hair enjoying himself a little bit too fucking much.

When Tim finally let Rae go she glanced at Negan, her eyes locking with his until she walked to stand in front of him.  “Get rid of them, I don’t want them outside my front door.”

“Oh I’m gonna do much fucking better than that,” he kicked the body with his foot. “You think you can get the blood off these clothes?”

Rae’s eyes went wide before giving a sideways glance to the body, “send them to the house, I’m sure Grandma can sort something.” 

Then she walked away and of course Negan watched her, long legs, tight ass, big fucking gun. She might have been man hating and dragging a fort full of fucked up baggage but his dick didn’t seem to care. 

Negan gave Donnie and Gary a list of names. “Take your bikes, get back to Sanctuary and I want you back here tonight.”

“But Sir, that might be-” Donnie started. 

Negan gave him a look, “tonight means tonight and if that means you need devine fucking intervention then you better start praying.”

Then he turned to Mark the fucking brain, “strip the bodies, then get rid of them. Store the truck out of fucking sight and no fucking shit up.”

Himself, he took Rae’s devoted lapdog Tim on a little field trip. 

“You’re one lucky motherfucker,” he said to Tim as the truck ambled along the road, his companion sitting awkwardly. Things were about to get more awkward. “Bet you can’t believe your fucking luck, the end of the world and you wind up in a farm full of pussy.”

Tim looked horrified under his big wire glasses but he didn’t say a word.

Negan chuckled, “bet you have the pick of the beds.”

Tim pulled at his collar, his cheeks bright red.

“Or are you more of a one woman man Timmy?” Negan studied him, “long legs... red hair…”

“Rae’s my friend.”

Negan laughed, “your friend you’d like to fuck. No man kisses that much ass without wanting a piece of it.” 

“She’s a nice person.”

They pulled up outside Stricklands Orchard, and Negan jumped out of the cab. Tim followed. “Don’t worry Timmy we’re just talking, two men shooting the fucking shit, your dirty secrets are safe with me.”

The Raider’s yellow van was where it had been left yesterday. Useless to the owners who lay in the ditch right next to it.

Negan opened the driver's door, checking the ignition for keys before coming up empty handed. Of course that would have been too fucking easy. He jumped down, using Lucille to point to the ditch, “you best get looking Timmy, haven’t got all fucking night.”

Tim peered down, gritting his teeth with reluctance before he turned to Negan. “Rae wouldn’t ask me to do something she wasn’t willing to do herself and… she… she’ll never go for someone like you.” 

Even as Tim said the words Negan could tell he was afraid of them and the possible repercussions. His words were all fight but his tone was all terror. Still, it was more than he had expected and he laughed at the show of force, “I don’t want her to come easy Timmy… I’m not you...  I want Rae to come hard.”

///

The hole was halfway dug. Rae didn’t know who was preparing Mary’s body for burial or fixing the destruction caused by the bullets. All she knew was digging. Her shovel hit a large rock and she screamed in frustration but it was a half formed noise, too tired, too upset to really be more than a whimper. Instead she angrily jabbed at the soil around the rock trying to loosen it until a pair of boots came into vision. She looked along the legs to see Mark.

“You need a hand?” he asked.

Rae pushed her hair from her face with the back of her arm, “nope.”

Mark crouched down to sit with his legs dangling into the hole, “I’m gonna help you anyway.”

She huffed, pushing the same errant strand of hair off her face once more, “shouldn’t you be kissing Negan’s ass somewhere?”

Mark smiled, pulling a pack of cigarettes from his pocket before dragging one out with his teeth, “should you?” 

“I don’t do that.”

“Good,”  Mark lit the end of his cigarette and jumped into the hole, pulling a shovel behind him. “You seem like a nice girl.”

“Is that an accusation?”

“I dunno…” he looked over his shoulder to where some of his men were standing, “I wouldn’t wanna be with someone who wouldn’t let me smoke a cigarette.”

“His Grandma died of-” she stopped herself, why the hell was she defending that arrogant bastard anyway. “I’m not with Negan.” Rae turned her back to Mark, jabbing her shovel back in the dirt, annoyed, upset. She wanted to be alone, all she wanted to think about was digging the hole. Shovel in, dirt out. Sometimes she couldn’t stand the worries and the thoughts that ran ring after ring around her head, all loud and screaming for attention that she could never find time enough to give.

Mark seemed to understand, he started digging in silence, nothing but the rhythmic noise of the shovel and his cloud of smoke to tell her he was there. God she needed a cigarette.

///

Night fell and as requested Donnie returned with the Saviours Negan had sent for. He’d taken them all over to the farm across from Rae’s before he briefed them on tomorrow's plan. Now everyone was settling down and Negan decided to make the journey back across the field. 

When he approached the gate it opened and he couldn’t help but smile as he strolled though. To these people he really was a fucking savior.

Miguel climbed down from the crow's nest, his face decidedly calmer as he walked towards Negan. They stared at each other like two stags about to strike fucking antlers before Miguel spoke, “you did good today… that don’t mean I trust you,  _ hombre _ . But whatever you got planned for tomorrow, I want in.”

A smile twitched at his lips, “now that all depends…”

“On what?” 

This fuck had a nasty habit of pushing out his chin and squaring up his chest than Negan didn’t like, “say please.”

“What?” Miguel snapped.

“You wanna play with the big boys… you say please like you fucking mean it or you can stay home and knit doilies with Grandma, comprende?

“Yo, fuck you man, I’m a United States Marine, I don’t say please to some-”

Negan grinned, squaring up to Miguel, “I don’t care if you’re the fucking President. I’m not Rae, your shit doesn’t slide with me. You saw what I did, those fuckers didn’t piss me off half as much as you are right fucking now and every morsel of time I fucking spend with you.”

Miguel backed away, his face like thunder, a vein in his forehead bulging like it might burst “talking to you was just a courtesy, you can go fuck yourself asshole.”

Negan shook his head as Miguel fucked off back to the safety of his crows nest. He wondered how the fuck Rae dealt with that jumped up little prick. Jesus fuck, he twirled Lucille in his palm, she was thirsty, she wanted to shut Miguel's shit down but he resisted. He thought about bottle green eyes and run away freckles and suddenly his dick was doing the decision making as he wandered through the vegetable gardens to find Rae sitting on the ground, back against the potting shed a cigarette in hand.

“That shit’ll kill you baby,” he said. 

She looked at him, her eyes ringed with red that didn’t sit well on her face, “not if Jacob gets there first.”

He smiled, lightening the mood, “you don’t think I can perform?”

Rae laughed bitterly taking another drag of her cigarette as he took a seat on the floor next to her.

“How the fuck do you keep that prick Miguel in line?” he asked, genuinely curious. 

Rae blew her smoke away from him before looking back, “he wanted control, I didn’t want to give it to him, so we held a vote.”

Negan grinned, “how fucking democratic of you Red.”

“I rigged it,” she said matter of factly, extinguishing her cigarette in the dirt and licking those soft lips.

Negan’s head fell back as he laughed hard, “you really can’t fucking trust anyone.” Holding an election was for pussy’s, rigging the election… fuck, stroke of genius. Another person might have been appalled but Negan knew he liked Red and it only added to her appeal. 

Rae waited until his laughing subsided before she spoke again, “I’m coming with you tomorrow.”

“Definitely fucking not.”

“These are my people, it's my fight. You can’t stop me!” 

“I sure as fuck can. Did you forget the part where your ass is mine?” he smiled, looking down her body then back to her eyes. “Or do I have to show you.”

Rae’s jaw tightened, “I thought you’d lost all interest.”

“We both know that isn’t true baby doll. You might be a fucked up woman but hell… I’m a fucked up man. We can be fucked together.”

Rae ran her hand through her hair, rage subsiding until she was all bitchface and business like, “your plan tomorrow relies on using Jacob's trucks right?”

Negan nodded. Jacob’s trucks was the entire fucking crux of his plan.

“I’ve taken the spark plugs. Hidden them, you’re going nowhere without me.”

Negan could hardly keep the smile off his face when he was talking with Rae. Where the fuck had she been these past two years? “You’re a sneaky little fucker Red, I’ll give you that. But what's to stop me taking the plugs and locking you in the fucking broom closet? Besides which, your people rely on my plan to fucking kill Jacob. So unless you want me to change my mind you’ll hand back the spark plugs like a good girl and nobody has to have a spanking. Because I gotta tell you Red when I get around you and you try to be smarter than me my palm gets itchy as fuck.”

Her cheeks flushed, she sucked her bottom lip and he hoped she was thinking about it as much as he was. He wanted her to say ‘do it’, his mind was running away with ideas but her flush subsided and bitch face returned. “I think you want to kill Jacob for yourself… you don’t wanna share the pissing spot with another dog.”

He laughed, how very true. He didn’t like sharing anything. If he took a woman she had to give herself to him in full but in return she only got part. Negan wondered if Rae liked sharing or if her  people would leave this place and return to the Sanctuary with him. He decided the answer was probably no on both accounts and as much as he wanted Rae where he could see her he didn't want her in the Sanctuary anymore. He wanted Rae right here, a world of her own with her sharp tongue and long legs.

“Alright, you can come but I gotta tell you Red, if you get your ass killed I am going to be bitterly disa-fucking-pointed.”

“I don’t care what you think.” She stood up, wiping the flecks of dirt of her ass and the backs of her legs, “see you in the morning.”

“Not if I see you first.”

Rae rolled her eyes, a smile almost forming on her lips as she backed away leaving him with the last word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Glad to see I'm still have subscribers after Negan's dramatic debut. I'd love to hear some feedback from you guys to know if you're enjoying this story, Rae and Negan's dynamic/my storyline etc :)


	10. Negan is Always Smarter

Negan beckoned Carson over, “have you got everything ready for our little plan?”

“I’m not sure this is a good idea boss.”

Negan glanced over his shoulder to Rae, who was fitting the spark plugs back into place with one of her people, “it's a fucking excellent idea.” He was full of them. 

This morning Rae had helped Negan choose the four men who would best impersonate Jacob’s Raiders. They would be the driver and passenger of the two stolen trucks, everyone else would ride in the back. Negan was taking inspiration from legend, two trojan horses and of course it would work. He had the element of surprise. After talking with Carly, the woman Rae had rescued from the Raiders, Negan's men had constructed a map of the compound. Now everyone had a good idea of what they would be facing when they got inside and everyone knew their job.

///

“Have you ever used one of these?” Mark said as Rae slammed the hood of the truck down.

Rae glanced at his hand, “is that a taser?”

“Just press this button on the side,” he handed it to her so she could see what he was talking about, “it’ll take a man out without actually killing him. Most of the time anyway.”

Rae turned it over in her hand before frowning at Mark. “Why are you giving me this?”

“You’re smart... but you're no killer.” He laughed, “if you was, you probably would have killed Negan when you had the chance.”

“You think I’m weak?” Just like Miguel, Jacob and probably Negan thought.

“No, killing is easy.” Mark took the taser from her placing it into a leather pouch that she could clip on her belt. “I think it's a good thing.” 

He handed the taser back to her, he was right, she wasn’t a killer, “thank you.”

When Mark walked away in a cloud of cigarette smoke Rae’s eyes sought Negan. He was talking to one of his men. His barbed wire bat sitting on his shoulder, his face serious like it almost never was when he talked to her. Should she have killed him when she had the chance?

He caught her eye and winked, the dimples in his cheeks creasing and the very idea of him being gone made her stomach sink. He was an arrogant bastard but he was also the only person in the world who she’d told about rigging Miguels election and the only person who hadn’t judged her for having sex with Jacob.

Rae added the taser to her belt and took her place in the back of the truck. Negan sat next to her. If asked Rae would have said the journey was uncomfortable and it wasn’t because she was sitting on the cargo hold of the truck floor next to Negan. It wasn’t even because of the dark that had her pressing her shoulder closer to him like he was an anchor in the blackness. It was because she was in a truck full of men and they were silent. No banter, no talking, just quiet. She wondered if it was because she was here or perhaps because of Negan but then it occurred to her that these strangers were going to war for her, right now. They were on their way to fight, possibly die, for a strange woman who didn’t even know their names.

Rae sank further into Negan, as if in the darkness he wouldn’t know it was her. Like she could take comfort from the smell of his skin, the warmth of his body and he would just ignore it. Of course he didn’t. She felt his arm snake around her waist, his nose nuzzling against her hair, his breath tickling her neck. 

“You okay Red?” he breathed the words for her ears only.

Rae held her breath, her heart was pounding so hard she was certain everyone could hear it. She shifted her body so she wasn’t as close to him and regretted it instantly, “I’m fine, I just... “ she looked into the darkness, the faded outline of faces, the hidden ears all listening. “I’m fine.”

The truck pulled up, the engine died and the back door rolled open, the last ray’s of daylight burning her eyes for a moment. She was sure they couldn’t be at Jacob’s compound just yet.

“Everybody out,” Negan commanded.

Rae like all the others did as she was told.

“Right children,” Negan grinned, “time for potty, a cigarette, or even a quick fucking shifty. You got five minutes. I don’t wanna catch any fucker with his pants down when we get inside, I don’t care if you fucking shit yourself.”

“Yes Daddy,” Mark saluted and Rae bit back her laugh. 

Negan grinned waggling his eyebrows as though he quite liked the moniker. Then he pointed to her with Lucille, “Red, this way…” he gestured to the treeline.

“I thought we discussed supervised toilet breaks.”

Negan chuckled, “you trying to be smart doll?”

Rae bit her tongue, resigning herself to doing as she was told and walking to where he had pointed. As she walked past Negan he gave her one sharp slap on the behind, hard enough to make her yelp.

She spun on her heel to glare at him and of course he just grinned, “itchy palm baby doll.”

“You’re a…” she tightened her jaw, holding in anything that she wanted to say, convincing herself that he’d only enjoy it.

“What?” he shrugged his shoulders, his eyes dancing.

“You’re such a… asshole!” 

“I know, now get your ass moving and watch your damn language before Grandma Ellie gives you another spanking.”

_ Urgh _ , she cursed herself for cursing and giving him exactly what he wanted. She was going to say he was ‘unbelieveable’ but he would just love that.

Negan led her through the trees to a clearing where they came across a stray halfer crawling through the undergrowth. He slammed Lucille down, one hard swoop that crushed the halfers skull like an egg. 

Rae cringed, “are you gonna tell me what we’re doing out here?”

“You were getting pretty fucking cosy in that truck Red. I thought you were gonna climb into my lap.”

She blushed, she wanted to sink into the undergrowth and disappear. She couldn’t even think of a good excuse.

Negan leaned Lucille against a tree, “I thought you might appreciate some alone time before we have to go fight. We could fucking die, you wanna go to your doom without one great fuck?”

Rae snorted, “you’re deranged!”

Negan held his arms out, “because I wanna fuck you? You’re too hard on yourself Red, you’re a beautiful woman.”

“How could I possibly resist? Where do you wanna do it? On that rock, by the tree? Next to that dead body? What about in front of all your men?”

“If that's what tickles your fucking fancy. Shit, I’d be giving my men a fucking education,” he laughed. 

Rae wondered why in the world she had thought bad about the idea of shooting him. She wanted to take the taser Mark had given her and plant it straight in his crotch. Instead she felt a prick of pain in the side of her neck followed by an ice cold whoosh flooding her body. She turned to see Carson, syringe in hand, his face cringing in uncertainty.

She pressed her palm to her neck, already feeling sluggish, “what have you done?”

“Its for your own good Red,” Negan crooned, his smile as satisfied as ever.

Rae reached for her glock, fumbling with the leather strap that clipped it in her holster, her limbs were already heavy, her eyelids already drooping as she began to stumble.

“Woah Red, you don’t need to fucking shoot me,” she felt his fingers pulling her wrist away from her gun, his other hand on her lower back, “you’re just gonna take a nice long nap sleeping beauty, if you’re lucky I might even give you a kiss to wake you.”

She wanted to shout at Negan but her mind was slow, her eyes closing for longer than she could keep them open. 

Negan picked her up like a bride, her head hung limp. 

“You fuck,” she slurred and she could hear him laughing until the world went black.

///

Another perfect fucking plan executed. Negan could read people like a book and he loved pressing every last one of Rae’s buttons. She’d been so mad that she hadn’t even noticed Carson creeping like a fucking elephant with a bell on its head. 

This morning he’d promised Grandma Ellie that he would keep her granddaughter safe. Last night he’d told Rae she could join him on the trip. Before both those things he’d already sent Gary to retrieve Carson and a syringe of tranquilizers. He knew Rae would want to come on this trip, he also knew there was no fucking way it would happen. Just like he had told her last night.

He placed Rae in the back of Carson’s car, tucking the crook of her arm under her head and stroking the wisps of hair off her face. This was probably as close as he was going to get to her for a very fucking long time. Jesus, he almost couldn’t wait to wake the sleeping lion back up. He took the time to look at her, longer than was necessary and longer than he was comfortable with doing in front of Carson. Her mouth was open, catching flies, and her hands curled into angry fists. 

Negan almost reached out to touch her hair again before ordering himself to get a fucking grip and hitting his head on the doorframe as he stood from the car. He opened the passenger door and rested his other lady comfortably in the footwell. He didn’t like to leave Lucille like this but a warzone was no place for his girls. 

Negan shut the door softly, even though Rae was out for the count and turned to Carson, “take care of my girls,” he stepped even closer to Carson, “no touching.”

“I would never.”

Of course he wouldn’t. That’s why Carson got the job of babysitting the girls and not some fuck like Mark. All Carson had to do now was drive to the safe place and wait until Negan swung by to collect them all later.

Negan began to walk back to the trucks. There was only two people that would question his plans or one missing red head; Miguel who was had been conveniently placed in the other truck and Mark who could go fuck himself. 

“Where’s Rae?” Mark said the moment Negan stepped into the back of the truck. 

Negan laughed, how fucking perfect, “what did I tell you about growing a fucking brain? I’ll worry about Red. You just worry about not fucking things up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and for all the comments on the lasts chapter, I love reading them. I decided to split this chapter because it was getting out of control but hopefully I can post the next instalment either tomorrow or the next day ;)


	11. Break in

The truck ground to a halt, it was dark and it was time. Negan held his breath. He could hear people talking. Gary was in the driver's seat of this truck, the passenger was a Savior named Seth. They’d both been given silenced pistols and instructions to shoot if the Raiders at the gate cause any problems. 

Negan heard three muffled gunshots followed by the thwang of something hitting the side of the truck. When the passenger door opened nobody in the back of the truck said a word, nobody even breathed. The next noise was the clank of what sounded like a metal gate grinding open before the passenger door slammed shut and they started moving again.

Negan sighed, everyone fucking did. This was phase one of the plan and by the sounds of things it had gone fucking perfectly or as close to perfection as possible. The next time the truck stopped it would truly be show time and he could hardly wait. He hadn’t become the leader of the Saviours by running away from fights, he actually fucking enjoyed days like these. The adrenaline, the gun pressed in his palm, a dice with death made him feel alive. 

The back door of the truck began to open with a clatter to reveal Gary’s grin shining brightly before there was a pop of gunfire and Gary’s face split like a coconut smashed against a rock. Bits went everywhere. 

“Everybody out,” Negan roared, shoving people through the door. The worst fucking thing they could do was stand still. 

He jumped out with his men, firing a blast of his M4 for cover as his people spread out. He’d hoped for an easier entrance, more stealthy, but it was too late now. Time to adapt. The gunfire blared, a grenade went off, the dark was alight in Negan’s organised chaos.

“Everyone do their job,” he commanded over the din but to their credit everyone was already doing it. His men didn’t fuck around, they were forming into their groups without need for instruction and heading off to their predesigned destinations like dutiful soldiers. He grinned, he was proud, when he needed focus they found it in bucketfuls. 

Miguel, Simon and Donnie ran to Negan’s side to form his little group. He was heading straight for the jugular of this shitstorm. Carly had pinpointed the rooms in the compound that belonged to Jacob and he figured they were his best chance of catching him alive. He wanted that fucker in one piece and breathing.

Rae had said that Jacob’s home had been a rehab facility for rich fuckers and he could definitely see it as they entered the main hallway. It was all clean and new with potted fucking plants everywhere. They took the route Carly had suggested to avoid the main lounge area but that didn’t stop them encountering Raiders.

The first was an unarmed woman who fell to her knees crying messy tears and begging for her life. Negan cocked her over the head with the back of his gun before Simon cable tied her wrists and threw her in the nearest room. 

The next was a boy who couldn’t have been older than 16, he raised his gun and Donnie took the kill without hesitation. Before Negan could think ‘fuck’ an older man came charging from behind the boy firing one shot of his pistol before he took a bullet right between the eyes. A great fucking shot by all accounts, it was just a shame that the rifleman was that jumped up prick, Miguel.

“Lets keep going,” Negan commanded. The one thing this plan needed was speed and he’d made sure to force feed the idea down his men’s necks. He wanted to catch these Raiders with their hands up their asses and shut the shit down so fast they wouldn’t know which way was up and which way was fucking down.

Negan entered Jacob’s bedroom with a kick of his boot slamming open the door to find some naked broad all splayed out, her tittie’s jiggling as she jumped from the bed and ran across the room. He laughed,  _ perks of being the fucking leader. _ He followed big tits into the ensuite room where she was wrapping a towel around her modesty. 

“Did you not hear all the gunfire out there darling?” Simon said.

She didn’t answer, she probably thought the gunfire was outside the wall. These fucks probably thought nothing could touch them, Jacob probably assumed he was king dick. The thought made Negan want to get his hands on Jacob more than ever.

“Where’s your boyfriend, princess?” Negan cranked up the charm.

“I… I… I don’t know.”

He could see her hand reaching behind her, fumbling for the giant can of hairspray before she pointed it at him and sprayed. He moved his face to avoid a hit of spray in the eye before knocking it across the bathroom with the back of his hand and grinning, “no time for a fucking hair do.” 

He had to give her credit for at least trying. Negan laughed as he manhandled big tits into the shower, flicking it on full blast and freezing. “You cool off while I find your shit for brains leader.” He wedged the bathroom door shut with a chair before they exited the room. He wasn’t going to kill every fucker here, just the top fuckers and anyone who had half a brain to raise a gun. 

“I’m definitely coming back for that mama,” Simon grinned, humping the air, “she’s gonna need comforting when all this shit is through.”

Negan laughed, “you’re one desperate motherfucker.”

“You’re not interested? Thought I might have to fight for a chance to tame those puppies.” 

Negan laughed it off but Simon was right, he had barely even looked at big tits. Jesus, he usually lived for that shit and it didn’t matter if he had a gun to his head or a herd of dead on his ass. His dick was too preoccupied with long legs and dot to dot freckles. 

It wasn’t far to Jacob’s office. Although Negan thought that if the man was worth a dime he’d be out in the thick of things with his people, taking care of business and killing the fuckers who’d decided to fuck up his home. Negan wouldn’t blame him, Negan would personally fillet a person who tried the shit that he was pulling right now.

Outside Jacob’s office were three Raiders, with three very tasty machine guns. They fired off a burst of rounds enough to make Negan and his men shrink back around the corner for cover.

Donny started shouting like a sonofabitch, clutching his shoulder. 

“Shut the fuck up,”  Negan demanded before he turned to Simon who had this crazy look in his eyeballs spreading them wide before running his fingers over his moustache.

Simon reached to his belt and pulled out a grenade. Without a word of warning he pulled the pin with his teeth and released the handle.

Negan nodded, there was no time to suggest throwing a grenade in a small corridor full of his own men and his own ass was dipshit thinking. 

Simon pitched it like a baseball. 

The blast was like a nuclear bomb it resonated so damn loud. Jesus fuck, Simon was one crazy motherfucker.

Negan jumped through the residual smoke like the star of some 1980’s cop movie to find two of the Raiders dead and the other, not dead. But what a fucking mess. Negan had seen some fucked up shit since the world ended. He put the fucker out of his misery before following Miguel through the half blasted door.

The man behind the ornate desk was wearing nothing but a flimsy pair of silk pajama bottoms. He ran a hand through his hair and didn’t even try to grab the pistol that sat on the desk. “Good evening Gentlemen,” the man smiled, “I’m going to assume you want to strike a bargain?”

Negan cast a sideways glance to Simon. This fuck had to be Jacob. “What bargain?” Negan humoured him. Unlucky for Jacob he had no earthly fucking idea who Negan was or how bad this shit was going to get.

“I have supplies hidden,” he started, his smile smug as he negotiated like this was some board meeting in a corner office, like Negan gave a shit what he could give him. “You call off your people and we can come to an arrangement. There’s nothing here, we can be men about this. I’ll take a loss of supplies, you walk away without more bloodshed.”

Negan nodded his head like he might consider it before he grinned, “how about I arrange for my friend Simon here to cut off your balls and shove them so far up your ass that you’ll choke on them.”

Jacob’s smile faltered, “there’s no need to be ugly, surely?”

Negan stepped deeper into the room, “there is every-fucking-need. You don’t know me  _ Jacob… _ ” 

His face dropped, the King Dick facade slipping entirely.

“But. I. know. you.”

Jacob fumbled for his pistol but it was too late, Negan slammed the end of his rifle onto his hand.

“Oh fuck, did that hurt?” he laughed as Jacob crumbled with a cry of agony. “I gotta tell you Jacob, I’m not fucking sorry.”

Negan grabbed him under his arm and pulled him to the centre of the room, the gunfire outside was fading, the fight was over and Negan was confidant, he never fucked unless he could fuck hard.

“What do you want?” Jacob managed.

“Doesn’t matter what I want, because I’m already here fucking taking it. But I will tell you one fucking thing… Rae sends her regards,” Negan slammed his rifle into Jacobs nose, the crack split through the room with a sickening crunch. Negan laughed, slamming his rifle into the side of Jacob’s head with an even harder blow and then another until he was unconscious.

“Bag him,” Negan ordered. Simon was already on the move. If Jacob thought it was all going to be over with tonight then he was wrong.

Donnie was sitting on the floor, inspecting his bullet wound.

Negan looked at Miguel who was pacing, his chest all puffed out, the vein in his head bulging. There was one reason he’d brought this fuck with him, well, two reasons, “that fucker definitely Jacob?”

“That's the asshole,” Miguel spat. 

“Thanks,” Negan grinned before picking up Jacobs pistol from the table and firing, point blank. Miguel slumped to the ground and Negan threw the pistol after his body.

“Boss?” Simon questioned, his face amused.

“He was a jumped up little prick that had the gall to try and undermine me,”  _ and Rae _ . Now he was gone. Negan was a man of his fucking word when he said he’d take care of  _ all _ Rae’s problems.

When Negan dragged Jacob outside there were bodies everywhere, those who weren’t dead were ceasing fire. It seemed that seeing their leader on his knees and defeated was enough persuasion for everyone to give up the fight and surrender. Negan wondered if his men would do the same thing. Would they fight for him if he was in chains or bow to whoever took his place? He didn’t like the answer to that question.

“Make sure there’s no fucking stragglers and I want a number on our people,” he said to Simon, there was no one like Simon to get shit done. 

To Mark he said, “find me a vehicle that runs.”

Then he waited as the Raiders were gathered and shoved to their knees. Negan stood tall with Jacob hooded and bound at his feet, he was King Dick to everyone while their home burned to ash behind him. 

Simon returned eventually, dragging along big tits and throwing her in with the others, “all Jacob’s people are here.”

“Our people?”

“Three dead, five wounded but they’ll be okay.”

“Who?”

“Gary, Alan and Craig.”

“Okay,” Negan didn’t like it, he fucking hated losing his people. He might have ruled with an iron fucking fist but it was to keep his people safe, he controlled them for their own fucking good. He clenched his fist and released it, “make sure we bring them home.”

Negan eye fucked all the Raiders, even after all the fighting and deaths there was still more than twenty faces. Now he needed to own this shit even if it didn’t feel right without Lucille by his side. It was time to lay down the law.

“I’m Negan. You all belong to me now. There’s no more Jacob, there’s no more Raiders. This place is finished. You’re going to be working for me. You’re going to be coming home with me. Not only am I taking all your shit but you are going to load it up in your best trucks for me. The party is fucking over.” He stared at each person as he spoke, looking for a spark of defiance, any signs of resistance but these fuck’s were beat. Maybe it had already happened before he even came here. 

“You,” he pointed to a man, it didn't matter which one, “where’s all the supplies?”

The man hesitated for a split second but that was all, “a warehouse... ‘bout three miles from here.”

Negan laughed, Jacobs best kept secret now belonged to him. Power was all just smoke and mirrors, gained as easily as it was lost. He felt a strange camaraderie to the asshole he had bound and hooded on the floor at his feet. Not one of his people had spoken for him. Nobody seemed to care what would happen to him. He wondered if Rae’s people would speak for her, if his people would speak for him. Of course he knew the answer to both those questions.

Negan turned to Simon, “I want you to take the lot of them back to the Sanctuary.”

“All of them?”

“This place is finished… and I don’t think they give a fuck who’s calling the shots. Load every salvageable fucking thing up from here and the warehouse and take it back home.”

“What about Rae?” Mark said, popping up like a bad penny.

Right then Negan decided there was no fucking way that Mark was setting his toe in Rae’s community or within three feet of her again.  _ “What about Rae?” _

“You’re not gonna give her anything? Her people lost all their crops because of that asshole…” Mark nodded to Jacob.

Simon was watching Negan’s reaction, in fact most of his men were watching. He was the boss, he’d set all the rules, everyone knew the score. He couldn’t just change things because he had a soft spot for some long legs. Seeing the once powerful Jacob kneeling by his feet only reminded him that he couldn’t risk being weak for even one split fucking second. “Rae pays the toll like any other fucker. We just put our fucking lives on the line for her, so you better believe she’s gonna pay. Mark’s right, she has fuck all but what's in Jacob’s warehouse will be more than she could give us in a year.” 

It was the toll he gave to every other fucker but this felt different. Rae wasn’t even here giving him one of her green eyed looks but she might as well have been. He remembered the meagre dinner than Grandma had served and shared with his people, the worried look Rae had got as she poured over Margo’s clipboard of supples, the way she’d let him have half the apples. 

That redhead was a problem, the guilt weighed heavy, uncomfortable, but he couldn’t just hand her half the score. His men had fucking died for her, his men expected to take half of her shit. That warehouse would be her payment indefinitely. What Rae didn’t know couldn't hurt her. Fuck, it might even save her. She was getting off fucking easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and for all the kudos and new subscribers my last chapter picked up! xxx
> 
> I hope you all liked this instalment, Negan did a couple of questionable things in there. Killing Miguel, taking all the supplies... is he too bad? Redeemable? Is Rae gonna kill him when she she's him next? What do you all think?


	12. Retribution

Negan sat on the hood of the car as he watched the sun rise on a brand new day. The sky was blue the fields were green, Red was stirring on the backseat. He wiped his hand over his face, it had been a long night but there was no rest for the wicked and he was certainly no fucking saint.

Rae had been faking sleep since before dawn but he was letting her take the time she needed. He had the time and if he was being completely honest he wasn’t quite ready to face sleeping beauty. He was exhausted and she was going to be pissed, the question was how much?

Negan heard the car door opening. He’d already removed her gun but there were other things she could do besides shooting him. Refuse to talk to him, avoid his gaze, give him the cold shoulder from hell. The idea of those things shouldn’t have bothered him, what did it matter if a person didn’t talk to him or look at him? Fuck, sometimes he prayed his wives would give him the silent treatment. Above all Negan didn’t usually worry about the aftermath of his actions, he made his moves and the chips fell where they may. 

Negan couldn’t hear her footsteps but he could feel her approach, fast and furious. Then she hit him. Not a dainty little girl hit, but a full whack of bony knuckles right in his temple followed by “asshole!” 

Negan knew he deserved it as he blinked back the stars and held tight to his grin. He’d pissed her off and she was making sure he knew about it, he couldn’t deny he didn’t like it. He was so used to people creeping and crawling around him that it sucked all the joy out of being the king dick. 

He made sure to duck away from the next blow, kicking off the car and standing tall to get a good look at not so sleeping beauty. Her bottle green eyes were furiously lit, her hair tousled wild, her cheeks red with pure undiluted anger. He couldn’t help the smile that eased across his face at the mere sight of her.

“Fucking hell, you really are something Red.” She’d punched him in the head and it was quite possible he wanted to fuck her more than ever.

“You  _ fucking  _ drugged me!”

All l Negan could think about was Grandma, she was right and curse words didn’t sound pretty coming out of Red’s mouth. 

“I mean what kind of arrogant, self righteous, asshole does a thing like that?”

“You didn’t like the handcuffs…” he might have been an asshole but at least he fucking listened.

“Are you insane?” 

Rae fucking sounded insane, shouting loud enough to attract an entire swarm of dead. Of course he’d planned for that, not that she would see it that way but he’d brought her to this middle of nowhere field, just the two of them, so she could say whatever the hell she liked and get it all out of her system. Negan, folded his arms, trying not to smile, it would only hurt his cause.

“Do you not understand anything at all? You didn’t wanna handcuff me, so you drugged me? Oh my god!” She ran an agitated hand through her hair, “how about letting me make my own decisions? You can’t just keep me as some kind of pet!”

The idea of her body being one of the ones in Jacob’s compound, her eyes closed and dull, rekindled another forgotten feeling, the sort of feeling that told Negan that keeping her away from danger was always the right call no matter what the consequences. “That’s a matter of opinion… I’d call it keeping you safe.”

“You were putting me in my place!” She shoved her finger hard into his chest. “You only care about yourself and having everything your own way.”

“Is that why I just risked my life for you and your people?”

“Cut the crap,” she went to strike him again but he grabbed her wrists. “Nobody tells you what to do, nobody makes you do something you don’t already wanna do.”

Negan’s eyes fell to her lips, “oh you’d be surprised.”

“Fuck you Negan! Fuck you! You… fucking fuck!” Rae forced herself from his grip with surprising strength, like the incredible fucking hulk.

“I love it when you talk dirty to me baby,” he laughed.

“Urhg!” She shoved him hard enough to knock him back onto the hood of the car, “I hate you! If I had a gun, I’d shoot you.”

“Good thing I took your shit then isn’t it Red?”

Her eyes were wild enough to tell him she wasn’t bullshitting and he was beginning to suspect he might have gone too far. He was beginning to believe she was going to rip him limb from limb as she went for him, tussling like two preeteen girls with her trying to inflict damage and him trying to not hurt her. It was an awkward dance and fuck if he wasn’t enjoying every last second of it. If only she’d turn all this pent up anger into something useful, he was so lost in fantasy that she managed to break from his grasp, landing a blow to his shoulder. 

“Negan,” she panted, his name a breathy whisper that travelled from her lips and straight to his crotch. “You’re bleeding…” she was instantly softer, staring at the blood coating her fingers then back at him with concern. He could almost see the cogs turning behind those green eyes. Part of her wanting to kill him, the other part worried he was hurt, typical woman thinking.

“It's probably nothing.” It was definitely Miguel.

“Probably?” She exclaimed, unzipping his jacket in one quick pull before her long fingers fumbled the the buttons of his shirt.

“Maybe you should slow down Florence Nightingale.” he half suggested, almost stopping her.  _ Almost _ . The way her brow was knitted in concern was far too irresistible for him to resist. Even for a brief moment he wanted to be on the receiving end of her tender loving care. 

Her touch was like ice on his skin. He sucked in a breath, half enjoying the cold, half wanting to take her hands between his palms and heat them through, heat all of her through. “If I’d have known you’d have this reaction I might have let you get a shot in when we were outside of Lucky’s.”

Rae snorted, pulling back his shirt, her eyes landing on the tattoo on his chest before she sucked her bottom lip in the nicest way. He watched her face and saw the very moment the softness left her eyes and she realised her mistake, “there's nothing there.”

“It's not my blood.”

She glared at him, “oh you're such an asshole!” 

“I never fucking said I was perfect,” he grabbed her icy fingers, rubbing them in his palm.

“Trust me Negan, I would have never accused you of that!”

Negan chuckled before pressing his lips to the back of her hand, “you were worried about me, Red?”

She snatched her hand away, “don’t flatter yourself.”

The way she’d looked at his tattoo, the way she was looking at him right now, told him a very different story, “I’m growing on you, admit it.”

Rae’s jaw tightened before she began to move around the car. But he wasn’t finished with this conversation and nobody walked away from Negan. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her back, “admit it Red.”

“Just because I didn’t want you to die doesn’t mean I don’t hate you and think you’re the most arrogant man alive.”

“Well that's progress. A minute ago you wanted to shoot me.”

“I still would, right in your fucking balls.”

“Language baby.” He laughed and it only made the look on her face even angrier, “did I ever tell you, and I’m fucking sorry if I didn’t, but you are spectacularly fucking beautiful when you are threatening to shoot me.”

Rae didn’t say anything and he decided she looked less angry. Or maybe she was just dumbfounded, he had that effect on woman. All part of his natural fucking charm.

“Have you calmed the fuck down?”

“No!” 

“I told you that your ass was mine and that I was going to keep you safe. All I did was make good on my fucking promise.”

“No, I’m not yours. I’m not a thing you can just maneuver. I belong to me and I’m not gonna stand for your shit anymore, Negan.” Rae was waving her hands, getting angrier and angrier and he was starting to get pissed, he’d tried to calm her down nicely and the time for that shit had well and truly passed. 

Negan spun her around, throwing her down onto the hood of the car, her hair splayed out like wildfire against the black paint work. He couldn’t even count the number of times he’d tried to save someone's sorry life only to watch them ignore his order and throw it all away. He’d stopped playing nice, fair and easy long before he met Red and he wasn’t going to start that shit up again. There was only one way things were ever going to work, this was the only way he knew how. 

“Let's get one fucking thing clear right now and I do not want to have to lay this shit out again so you better fucking listen up good sweetheart. You belong to me. Your house belongs to me. Your people belong to me. Little Red, she’s mine now too. Your problems are my problems, I was not pulling your fucking chain on that one baby. I saved you and your people and I’m not handing it back or walking away. I’m in your life now princess so you better make the necessary fucking adjustments. And even though I’m not sure you fucking deserve it right now I’ve got you a gift, as fucking promised.”

///

Rae didn’t say anything, whether she didn’t know what to say or didn’t have time to react she couldn’t even begin to decide. She just stared at him as he held his hand out to pull her up. She didn’t take take it, she rolled away and stood on her own feet. To Negan, drugging someone was a little time out and nothing more.

He took hold of her elbow, maneuvering her towards the back of the car. “You didn’t like the idea of the head so I brought you the whole fucking hog.”

In the distance, crumpled and tied to a post like a dog was Jacob. Or at least what looked like him, bound and gagged, knees sunk in the dirt and defeated. His hair was matted with blood, the side of his face swollen purple, his lip busted open. He was a mess and he didn’t even look at her. He just stared at the ground.

“Oh my god,” Rae gasped, missing her footing in the grass with only Negan’s hand to keep her balanced. 

“You didn't ask how everything went,” Negan taunted. She hadn’t asked because she’d already known. He was the mountain, just like he kept telling her, the way he’d been sitting on the hood of the car had told her he’d succeeded. 

Rae turned, keeping her back to Jacob, “I don’t want this.”

“Well you’ve got it doll, what the fuck do you think would have happened in Jacob’s compound? What did you think we were going there to do? You think they were gonna open the gates and let us in for dinner and a fucking movie?”

“I’m not stupid,” she snapped, but all her fight was gone.

“No, but this is broad daylight and you don’t wanna get your hands dirty right?” he wasn’t being cruel or laughing at her, he was reading her as easy as a book. 

Negan popped the boot of the car, leaned in and pulled out a revolver. “This is Jacob’s, the one that killed your friends…” he began to pass it to her before quickly pulling it away, a smile half formed on his lips, “and before I give you this, let me make it clear from the fucking get go that I really, _really_ , like my fucking balls.” 

Rae’s eyes crept from the gun to meet his gaze as he carefully placed the gun in her palm. It was cold, heavy, a cumbersome thing that didn’t feel right in her hand. She looked down at it, wondering if she could really use it while the sun was shining and the meadow grass was so still and peaceful. It was one of those perfect autumn days. The leaves were falling like yellow confetti, the sun was still warm enough to fight the bite of cold that threatened winter. It was the sort of day where she would fill a flask full of coffee, grab her favorite book and take a walk down by the old train lines that had been long since reclaimed by the wilderness. 

“A man kills my people,” Negan’s tilted her chin to look at him “that man pays a price. I’m sure it's what Miguel would have wanted...”

Rae felt her brow furrow, Negan’s words not quite connecting in her mind,  _ Miguel would have wanted _ . “Miguel’s gone?”

“It was quick.”

The gun fell down to her side, all the air rushed out of her lungs and Rae bent over, she thought she might actually be sick. Miguel might have been a lot of things, he might have given her the hardest time out of anyone and he certainly wasn’t her friend but he was something even more important that that, her ally. He was the only person left who she could truly depend on when it came to fighting and joining her on the supply runs that fed her people. 

“You okay?” Negan asked as his hand slid along her spine in a motion that was surprisingly soothing. 

She wasn’t okay, she didn’t know if that was a possibility anymore. She took a breath and pulled herself together, or as close to together as she could muster. Thinking about Miguel would have to wait for later, she could only worry about one thing at a time and right now that thing was tied to a post. 

Rae held her head up but she didn’t look at Negan, she turned to Jacob, walking one step at a time until the barrel of his revolver was flush against the back of his head. In the same way Jacob had held it to Boots’ head that day in the forest. He didn’t move and it shouldn’t have bothered her but it did. 

She half cocked the hammer and the noise seemed so loud, disproportionately loud to the silence that was all around them. Her heart was thundering in her chest as she pictured Boots’ face and the way his crooked smile only afforded him a dimple on his left cheek. She cocked the hammer the rest of the way, trying to enjoy the way Jacob flinched at the sound and remembering how he’d shown no remorse when he’d shot Boots. 

Jacob hadn’t even blinked but in her own clammy hand the revolver shook with uncertainty as her breathing pushed in and out of her lungs so fast she thought she might choke on it. She couldn’t understand it, she hated this man, she’d wanted him gone, he deserved to die. 

She pushed the revolver even closer to the back of his head, on the count of three she promised, _ one, two…  _ she looked away,  _ start again, one, two- _

“Don’t tell me you’ve never killed a man, Red.”

Rae’s breath shuddered from her lips as she looked at Negan, “then I won’t.”

“Jesus fuck,” he stormed over, grabbing her by the crook of the arm and pulling her several paces away from Jacob. “You’ve never killed a man?” his eyes studied her, the sun was catching all those hidden flecks of green and he looked different to before, no mocking grin or arrogance.

“I've never had to.”

“Fucking hell,” he ran his hand over his face and took the revolver from her. “Well you’re not popping your fucking cherry like this.”  

Rae stared at her feet, gone was the racing of her heart, instead she felt like she was sinking. She was weak. She hadn’t fought for her people and she couldn’t kill for them either. 

“You have any problem with me killing this fucker?”

“I-” 

He interrupted, “wasn’t really a question baby. Now go wait in the car.”

“But I…”

“I drugged you because you wouldn’t fucking listen, when people don’t listen they die and I want you to fucking live. I wasn’t trying to put you in your place, I don’t wanna fucking manipulate you but when I say wait in the car, it's not a fucking request.”

Rae swallowed what was left of her pride and did exactly what he said. She waited in the car. She sat in the passenger seat, waiting for the sound of a gunshot that didn’t ring out but she could hear the thwacking, dull and deadly. Over and over until she was certain she didn’t want to see what had happened to Jacob’s body. 

When Negan returned to the car, he held his baseball bat in one hand and it was matted in blood. He stowed it on the backseat with care before taking his place in the driver's seat. They stared at each other before his lips curved into a smile that brought out his dimples, both sides, “see baby. We can be a great fucking team.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

Negan reached out, his thumb brushing her cheek before he pushed away the hair that was falling over her face, “you gave me apples, I gave you freedom.”

Rae looked at him, really looked, she couldn’t even begin to understand him or the way his mind worked. He drugged her to keep her safe, he killed for her, he took his boots off in the house and he sang along to The Temptations. She moved her face away from his touch which was so gentle, so soothing, “how can I be free if I belong to you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! This chapter took a little longer for me to write than planned, damn writers block! I swear the more I know what I want to write in a chapter the harder it is to write! Thanks for all the comments, kudos and new subscribers. This is quickly becoming my most popular story and I love you all :D


	13. Those Who Can Do

Negan hadn’t answered Rae’s question about her freedom, he’d just started the engine and pulled out of the field. She supposed that was his answer, she was free to belong to him. Part of her wondered if that was such a bad thing? While a bigger part screamed ‘hell yeah it was’. 

They drove in silence for what felt like forever but must have only been twenty minutes. Every little movement that Negan made seemed to catch her eye and when he stifled a yawn with the back of his hand she realised two things. One, under all that ego (and there was a lot of ego) he was just a man. Two, he’d spent the entire night awake, not just awake, fighting. 

“Pull over,” Rae said, a suggestion rather than a command but he did it instantly.

“You need to go potty, or… something else...” 

“You’re exhausted. You can get some sleep while I drive.” 

His face softened and he gave her this look that wasn’t his usual smug smile, his eyes were melted chocolate and her stomach did a flip. “You taking care of me Red?” 

Rae looked away, instead focusing her attention on the side of the road where a cluster of halfers were trying their best to scramble over a four foot fence that Zoey could have climbed. “You’re gonna fall asleep at the wheel and get us killed,” she began, hardening her voice, “I, on the other hand, have just had the longest nap of my entire life.”

“Damn,” he smacked the steering wheel, his voice amused, “just when I think you’re being sweet you sass me with that fucking tongue of yours. Are you looking for a spanking because I gotta tell you doll, I am never too tired to take care of business.”

“I’m just offering to drive… or am I incapable of doing that too?” She glared at him, hating the way he seemed to take up every inch of the car and the way his voice resonated deep and smooth like a fountain of good bourbon that trickled right down to her core.

“I never said you weren’t capable baby. I happen to think you’re a very capable woman,” his eyes swept down her body before he reached over and popped the release of her seatbelt. “You wanna show me how capable you are?”

Rae bit her tongue, clumsy hands reaching for the door before she clambered out of the car. Somewhere in the steps it took to get to the drivers side she decided to forget about melted chocolate and screw her head back on.

Negan stood in the doorway, blocking it up with his devilish smile. 

Rae held her chin up, defiant to his ridiculous charms, “you're in my way.”

Only Negan could have a devil smile that grew even more fiendish, “ask nicely and I’ll move.”

Rae huffed, he just couldn’t let her win, he just had to always be so domineering, “when was the last time you asked nicely for anything?”

“I’m not you.”

Inside she was screaming, outside she remained perfectly calm, “please excuse me oh mighty one so I can drive us home.”

He sniggerered before holding his hand to his ear, “do I detect sarcasm coming from your sweet lips right now baby doll?”

Rae cocked her head to the side, her tone of voice as sweet as sugar, “you don’t think you’re mighty?”

Negan didn’t respond, he gave a smile that was all teeth before he ran his tongue along them and stepped aside. She liked to think she’d won a small victory but there was no victories with Negan, he’d already told her that he always wins.

She watched him settling into the passenger seat, rolling the chair back into a more relaxed position and resting one boot on the dash. He gave a big sigh and closed his eyes before they sprang back to life, catching her unnecessary staring and affording her a well deserved blush. “No funny business sweetheart. I know I’m irresistible and I can only imagine what’s going on in your head with the way you were just eye fucking me but if you want funny business be a good girl and wake me up first.”

Rae didn’t answer him, she started the car hands at ten and two and eyes facing strictly forward. Somewhere along the way she decided not to drive straight home to Grandma’s. It was daylight and for the first time in months she could be outside her community without worrying that Jacob was lurking behind every corner. So with that in mind there were some errands she wanted to run while she had Negan with her. He might have had an ego bigger than the car, bigger than the entire state, but he made her feel safe. At least in the physical sense.

She drove to her hometown, population unknown. It was the kind of place you spent your childhood trying to leave and your adulthood making it back. It was in this little town, 7 and a half miles from Grandma’s house, that she’d watched the world go to hell and ran away screaming from her first halfer. Most of the people in her community had lived here or just outside and she missed it. Mostly she missed the idea of it. Getting up, going to work, petty problems. All the mundane things you hate in life were faded nostalgia like watching old reruns of your favourite cartoons. 

Rae had spent last winter with Miguel, Boots and a team of others trying to clear all the halfers from the town with the idea that they could build an even bigger wall and have an even bigger community. But that had been before Jacob, back when the number of people living at Grandma’s had been far more than the walls could hold. 

They’d blocked off the three main roads that led into town with cars and makeshift gates made out of shopping carts loaded with breeze blocks to stop them from rolling away. She pulled up outside one of her roadblocks to see it still intact. She didn’t know about the other two or the fences and railings that made up the rest of the natural barriers but when she had last been here there had been no halfers left wandering the streets. They’d been taking their time, clearing the houses one by one and gathering all supplies. It had been her way of keeping everyone busy and productive when it was too cold for farming. This winter Rae wasn’t sure what she was going to do.

As soon as she killed the engine, Negan’s eyes shot open and he jumped up in his seat. It made her jump. “What the fuck is this?” His voice was all detached and sleepy. 

“I need to pick up some things.”

He rubbed his hand over his face, scratching his scruff and truly waking up. “What things?”

“Shoes, clothes.”

“Fucking hell. You can put a woman in the apocalypse but you can’t stop her dragging a man shopping.”

Rae gave him a pointed look, “wait here then.” She left him behind, feeling irritated that he was even suggesting she was ‘shopping’ like some idiot end of the world bimbo who cared about pretty shoes and sparkly accessories. She grabbed her glock and knife out of the car boot and holstered them in their rightful place on her belt before climbing over the shopping carts that were always a pain to open up to allow entry to cars.

Negan followed her. Keeping a comfortable distance as she head for the little high street that held a handful of stores and more than a handful of coffee shops. 

Zuzu was growing like a beanstalk, her jeans had all turned into capri’s and her shoes had needed replacing for a bigger size for more time than Rae wanted to think about. Then there was Carly’s baby who’d been spending his first weeks wearing some contraption Grandma had made out of old tea towels coupled with knitted leggings. Carly would never mention it but Rae was certain she’d like to see her newborn in real babygrows. And it wasn’t just the children, everyone needed extra clothes and shoes. Apparel hadn’t been high on her list of supplies when she had been sneaking around trying to find food but that didn’t mean it wasn’t important, especially now winter was fast approaching. 

The children’s store was half dedicated to overpriced clothes and half dedicated to wooden, eco friendly, toxic free toys. Boots had picked the lock last winter and she’d never asked where he’d learned the skill but his wonky smile had told her he didn’t pick it up in the army. 

Rae picked up a burlap shopping bag that was on a display next to the cashier’s desk when the tinkle of the door bell announced Negan’s arrival in the store. “So…” she turned to look at him. With her anger at Negan drugging her subsided, she’d spent the entire drive mulling over a million questions about last night, “I wanna know what happened. I mean, aside from Miguel. Are all his people gone? Carly said there were over fifty of them when she was there.”

He had his bat on his shoulder and no smile on his face. “The ones that didn’t die, I offered them home in the Sanctuary.”

She was surprised, she hadn’t expected him to make an offer like that, she’d assumed he was the kind of man that left no one standing, she liked the revelation, “they said yes?”

“Their home was burned to dust. Most people just want a place to lay their head at night, they don’t give two fucks who’s running the joint.”

“What about their supplies? He must have had things? God knows he stole enough from my people when he caught them.”

Negan turned to stare at a stand of toddler clothes, his focus fixing on a miniature leather jacket before he thumbed the lapel, “there's nothing left.”

“Not even-”

“Look sweetheart, I lost three of my guys saving your ass and I don’t need to give you a fucking rundown of how every-fucking-thing happened,” he turned on his heel and slammed out the door leaving her feeling winded. Negan was always an asshole but he was always a controlled one. 

Then it struck her that perhaps she’d made another assumption, she’d assumed he didn’t care about anyone but himself, but maybe he did. Losing people never got easier for her and last night he’d lost three. She pictured the faces of the men that had silently sat in the truck with her and a wave of guilt, so familiar and so palpable hung tight to her lungs before she tried to shake it. 

She almost wished Negan was still in the clothes store distracting her with his innuendo ladened mouth. She filled her shopping bag and then another as quickly as possible. When she stepped outside she found him lying on a low wall, ankles crossed as he basked in the sun like a big cat. “Where next baby?” he crooned without even looking at her.

“Actually I could do with going to my apartment.”

“Oh really,” Negan grinned, jumping from the wall, “you want me to come up for coffee?”

Rae decided that almost missing him had been temporary insanity brought on from whatever he’d dosed her with as she shoved a bag of clothes in his hand with as much force as she could muster, “you didn’t like my coffee, remember?” 

In this town nothing wasn’t in walking distance and it was only fifteen minutes to her apartment. On the way they encountered a lone halfer. Rae didn’t know whether it had escaped from a house she hadn’t cleared or made it past one of the defences but she hoped for the former. 

Before Negan could take care of it, she picked up a broken fence panel and took one satisfying swing for the head. It was quite cathartic, proving if not to Negan then certainly to herself that she wasn’t useless. She’d made it this far without him, his ego or his potty mouth so she didn’t need to start leaning on a crutch now or ever. She threw the fence panel down and carried on walking.

Rae’s apartment was one of many in a long block of brownstones. She’s stashed the front door key under a fake rock last time she’d been here and she retrieved it before letting herself and Negan into the communal hall. Her apartment was on the second floor, the door hardware read 2C and she hesitated before opening it. 

When was the last time she’d invited a man up to her apartment? She couldn’t even remember. She wondered what state she’d left it in when she’d last been here and decided it was too late to really worry about that now. Besides which, worrying about piles of dirty clothes was about the stupidest thing she could think of doing anyway. She opened the door, dropped her keys in the end table dish by force of habit and caught a glance of her face in the mirror. Jesus, she wasn’t the same girl who had lived here before. Her cheeks were hollow, her eyes hard, her hair bedraggled and she wondered what the hell Negan even saw in her.

Her tiny hallway lead onto her living room, bedroom and bathroom. All the doors were firmly closed and she opened the furthest before pointing at her sofa, “take a seat.”

///

Negan ignored Rae’s request. Instead, dumped his bag of baby clothes onto the floor, placing Lucille besides them. He wasn't missing this chance to snoop around the inner workings of her life, or rather her old life. He imagined a world before where he might have come here after a date that didn’t involve getting punched in the head followed by bludgeoning a man to death. Then he glanced at Lucille and felt shitty for even thinking about dating Rae. Fucking her yes, but dating was for pussy whipped assholes.

Her apartment was nice, cluttered, a little messy but it suited her. The one surprising thing was the baby grand piano, it took up most of the room sitting in its corner by the window and behind it were a showcase of photographs in a muddle of frames. In one of them she was a little girl sitting by a different piano and a very young looking Grandma Ellie. There were others filled with friends, a woman who maybe looked like her sister and a newborn he assumed was baby Zuzu. It was a wall of women. 

He turned to see her watching him, “I bet your neighbours loved you,” he gestured to the piano.

“Actually they did.”

He half laughed, he could believe it, who wouldn’t like a leggy redhead. For one tantalising minute he imagined long red hair trailing down her spine, her ass perched on a stool as her icy alabaster fingers tinkled the ivories. He didn’t give a fuck what she played as long as she did it without a shred of clothing and for his own private entertainment. “You’re a musician?” his voice was hoarse just thinking about it.

“Maybe once upon a time I thought I could be.” Rae shrugged, taking what looked like a well practiced perch on her windowsill, “I guess I was never good enough.”

“I find that hard to believe.” Negan loosened the top button of his shirt. “So what did you do Red?” he rubbed the point where she’d punched him and waggled his eyebrows, “pro wrestler?”

“Does it matter?”

Negan brushed his index finger along the piano keys, a fast flutter of notes going low to high. Did it matter? Not really, but he wanted to know anyway. And on second thought maybe it did matter to him what kind of music she played. “I think it does.”

“Well you know what they say about those who can't do? I moved home and took a position at the same high school I couldn’t wait to leave when I was a kid. But it was nice, I miss it.”

Negan snorted, “you’re telling me you were a highschool teacher?”

“Everything you’ve seen and you find that ridiculous?”

Negan made his way back around the piano, he didn’t find it shocking so much as he found it amusing as hell. “What do they say about those who can’t teach?” he pointed his thumb at his own chest and pictured meeting the lovely Miss Honey in the faculty lounge. His school sure as shit hadn’t had teachers with legs like hers.

Rae’s laugh was genuine, it lit up her entire face, bottle green eyes almost glowing, “you were a gym teacher?”

He held out his hands, “we all gotta make a livin’ sweetheart. And I prefer Coach.”

Rae shook her head, “no, I refuse to believe it. You were always king of the apocalypse, or just waiting to be. There’s no way you cashed cheques and went grocery shopping.”

Negan stepped closer to her, he swept the hair off her neck and whispered, “I even had homeowners insurance and a subscription to Netflix.”

“Wow, quite the life you had there Coach.”

Negan found himself shifting even closer, his hand bunching into the soft velvet drapes as he towered over her perch at the window. This redhead was putting his dirty fantasies in overdrive, “so Miss Honey… you had the pleasure of my oral repertoire the other day, what's my musical grade?”

Rae half laughed, her bright green eyes studying him as her lips pulled into a mischievous grin, “you mean when you drowned out The Temptations like a strangled cat? I’ll give you a C for effort.... F plus for technique.”

“F must stand for for fucking awesome.”

She held his gaze, her grin never wavering, “try failure.”

“You’re really gonna make me work for this huh Red?” With five grateful wives he didn’t have to work for much. 

“You know…” Rae cleared her throat, ducking under his arm, “Tim taught physics and uh… Margo worked in the school office.”

He held her arm to stop her moving to far with her bullshit change of conversation, “that’s real fucking nice but we both know I don’t give a fuck about Timmy and Margo.” 

“Well maybe you should. They belong to you don’t they?” her tone was sharp and she was beginning to remind him exactly why he forced people to their knees before he gave them the rundown of the new world order. But he didn’t want her on her knees, at least not in the metaphorical sense.

“Say the word baby and I’ll walk away. I’m not saying it will be easy, it definitely fucking won’t be but there are no half measures. Either you belong to me or you don’t, I can’t have it any other way.”

She sucked her bottom lip, holding in any and all words. He released his hold on her arm with a smile, “play me something Red.”

She hesitated, “maybe some other time. I’m just gonna grab a few things and we can leave.” 

Negan didn’t follow her when she left the living room, he wasn’t the sort of man to force himself into a woman’s bedroom if she didn’t want him there and god only knew what the fuck Rae wanted. Sometimes she looked at him like she might eat him with a spoon, other times she looked like she might gouge his eyes out with one instead. When she returned she had a well loved holdall crammed until the zipper was strained. He could understand where that fucking zipper was coming from, Rae had a way of straining a zipper fit to burst.

“I’m all set,” she said like a woman who had no fucking idea how crazy she was making him.

Negan grabbed Lucille and his bag of baby clothes and with every step he kept with Rae he began to wonder how the fuck he’d ended up trailing after this redhead and carrying her fucking shopping. He never did this much shit for his actual wives and they were at least willing to fuck him for the privilege. What was Rae willing to do? Not tell him to walk away. Jesus fuck, he was losing it, all the blood that kept heading south must have been draining directly from his brain.

He could already hear the groans of dead before they turned onto the street that lead to the car.  One quick glance showed a sizable number, at least nine. It might have frightened most people but Negan needed this, he needed at least some kind of fucking stress relief.

He looked at Red, any one of his wives would have been cowering and shitting themselves by now. She was standing tall on her endless legs, scraping that fiery hair into a ponytail and her eyes were filled with a fierceness that was in devastating combination with her honey gold freckles. “They must have broke through the defences…” she pulled her knife from her belt, “just don’t get any blood on the baby clothes.”

Negan twirled Lucille in his hand and grinned, it was going to be a difficult fight, he could barely take his eyes off her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and all my Kudos and comments!! This was a bit of a slower paced chapter but I hope you all liked it anyway :)


	14. Blackbird

Rae turned into the drive that led to her house and without so much as a prompt Negan jumped out of the car to close the metal gates. She couldn’t resist teasing him when he slid back into his seat, “aren’t you the happy little helper?”

Negan’s face fell for a split second before he grinned, “you know me baby, ever the fucking gentleman.”

She laughed under her breath, deciding that a little altruism suited him and that she could definitely like Negan when he wasn’t staring at her ass or turning innocent conversion into not so innocent innuendo. Except maybe that was a white lie, maybe a small part of her liked the innuendos that were so distracting she could almost forget about the halfers and find cause to laugh, for a split second maybe even feel normal. There hadn’t been anything normal about the past couple of days with Negan yet at the same time she hadn’t laughed as much since before she could remember.

“I’m gonna have to leave today, take care of business on my end. I can only imagine the shit circus that the Sanctuary might have turned into without me there to ringlead the clowns.” Negan leaned towards her, his face in her personal space like it so often was, his breath minty from the sticks of gum he’d found in her apartment, “you gonna miss me Red?”

Would she miss Negan? “Like a hole in the head.”

“You’ll miss me,” he winked, “I’m a goddamn teddy bear and a fuck load more fun than the boys you have running around your matchstick fort baby doll.”

“Hamish is 82, I’d hardly call him a boy.”

“What about little Timmy? He need you to tie his shoelaces? Fix his glasses?”

“Tim’s a grown man,  _ very  _ athletic too.” Rae didn’t look at Negan as she spoke but her hairs prickled at the way she could feel him staring at her and she wondered why she was even saying ‘very athletic’ to him in the first place.

Negan snorted dismissively, “athletic? Humph, how about you let the coach be the judge on who’s athletic and who’s an asshole.”

“Tim’s not an asshole, he’s pretty much the nicest person I’ve ever met, you know he used to volunteer at the shelter and every year he ran the blood drive.”

“All that goody goody bullshit, he’s probably a fucking serial killer.”

Rae bit her tongue and stifled her laugh. The idea of Tim hurting a fly was ridiculous, he was sweet, overly so. 

“So, you think you can stay the fuck out of trouble until I come back?”

Rae looked at Negan, he had his baseball bat snug between his thighs, his leather jacket was still speckled with blood, “can you?”

Negan chuckled, the corners of his eyes crinkled with mischief that made him seem more boyish than Tim ever was, “definitely fucking not.”

Suddenly she wondered what other women were on the receiving end of his non stop flirtatious advances, she guessed more than one and sighed. “So, um…” pride tried to stop Rae but something stronger forced her tongue, “when will you come back?”

“Sounds like you’re missing me already baby doll,” Negan said with a satisfied smirk. “I don’t know when I can get back but I won’t wanna go too long without the pleasure of your freckles.”

Rae’s cheeks heated and her inner 15 year old touched the bridge of her nose where she used to cover up with a thick layer of foundations that was a closer match to a tangerine than her own ivory skin. Of all the things she wondered why he said freckles, not that she was going to ask.

As she approached the front gate of her home she noticed Margo standing watch as gatekeeper, the position that was always filled by Mary during the day. Margo’s face was even more displeased than usual and no doubt Rae would have to endure an earful about it later. 

She parked the car below the porch steps where Grandma was standing stock still and what felt like scrutinising her every move. Rae sighed even more heavily, the mere idea of one of Grandma’s scoldings and Margo’s complaining was enough to make her want to turn the car around and head back out the gate. 

She glanced at Negan, he would probably just love her being dressed down like she was a naughty child. She could picture the grin that would slip so easily across his face and the idea irritated her enough to remind him what an asshole he was. “I think it's best that we don’t tell Grandma that you drugged me, don’t you?”

Negan cocked his head to the side with a carefree shrug, “Grandma Ellie told me to do whatever-the-fuck it takes to keep you safe.”

“Really? Whatever-the-fuck?”

“Maybe not in those exact words.” 

She didn’t even want to look at the way he would be grinning so she made a quick escape, maneuvering around the car and opening the trunk to grab her holdall of clothes as well as the things she’d picked up for Zuzu and Carly’s baby. She lugged the three large bags up the porch steps, squeezing past Grandma who was standing like a statue in the most awkward space. 

Tim was no better standing in her way with his brow furrowed, his gaze looking at the ground rather than at her. He was probably still annoyed that she hadn’t let him join her and Miguel yesterday. But the fact was Miguel wasn’t returning alive and Tim was still here so whether he liked it or not didn’t really matter. Tim had helped build the wall, he’d put solar panels on the roof but just like her he’d never taken another human life. If Miguel hadn't made it through last night then Tim’s chances would have been even worse.

“I know you didn’t want me to go yesterday but I’m back now…” Rae dropped the bags just inside the front door before turning to Grandma with a smile that she hoped conveyed hopefulness and certainty but Grandma was still statuesque, she hadn’t even turned around, “it's over.” Jacob was gone and for a first time in a long time they were safe. 

“I thought you’d be back in time…” Grandma’s voice was quiet, barely a broken whisper.

“What are you talking about? I’m here. I never said how long it would take. ”

Grandma slowly turned, her hands worrying the hanky she was clutching, her eyes bloodshot and watery. Her mouth opened to say something but the words seemed to catch in her throat. 

Rae’s stomach plummeted. She couldn’t speak either but she didn’t need words to know that Sarah was gone.

“She… we couldn’t…” tears rolled heavy down Grandma’s cheeks as she looked past Rae’s shoulder, into the house to where the stairs led to Sarah’s bedroom, “we couldn’t do it child. We thought you’d be back in time.”

“I’m sorry Rae,” Tim’s fingers touched the skin of her neck and she jumped, a spark of reality that sent her feet running to where her mind had already flown. She kicked the bags of clothes as she fell through the door before pulling herself up the stairs two at a time. 

There was no Zuzu keeping sentry in the hall, no crayons spread across the floor. The afternoon sun had dipped to the other side of the house and the hallway was a gloomy shade of grey, like the sky before a storm. She hadn’t even reached the door before she could hear it. She knew. She knew right away what Grandma and Tim couldn’t do. Shuffling, scraping,  _ Sarah _ .

“Red?” Negan’s voice was low, calming, the kind of voice you use to coax a child from a hiding spot under the bed and she realised the clambering footfalls on the stairs hadn’t been hers alone. 

“You were right. I should have stayed home.” She looked at him, expecting him to gloat, wanting him to gloat, wanting to lash out at anything or anyone who could withstand it.

He leaned Lucille against the wall, holding out his hands, “just tell me what you want me to do baby.”

Rae could hardly look at him, he wasn’t suppose to be like this, he was supposed to be the arrogant ass who said all the wrong things and had an ego as big as the house. But his eyes were soft and his smile was gone, he just looked… compassionate, if he was even capable of such a thing. 

“Just don’t fucking look at me like that”. She staggered into the door, pressing her face against the grains of wood. She knew that one day she’d have to say goodbye to Sarah she just never knew it would be today. She thought she’d be more prepared but she couldn’t even remember the last thing she’d said to her sister, only that it hadn’t been I love you or anything meaningful. She hadn't been there to hold her hand or stroke her hair. She hadn’t even been here to stop her baby sister from becoming a monster. She’d let her down. All the shit she tried to do and in the end she’d let Sarah down. 

Rae pulled her knife from her belt, it was still dirty from the halfers she’d killed in town. Tainted and blunted but she couldn’t walk away and let her baby sister be one of  _ them  _ any longer. “I don’t…” she rolled her hair against the door to face Negan, “I don’t wanna ruin her face.” 

“Okay.” He didn’t try to tell her to leave or that he would do it. He didn’t make her feel weak or useless. For what felt like the first time he treated her like she was his equal and not some stupid pet.

Rae pushed the door open with as much force as she could manage and Sarah went staggering backwards. The front of her nightgown was stained in a dried up mix of vomit and blood. In death she was moving with the strength she’d lost over the past few months and she charged at Rae, her eyes empty of spark or recognition. Her face was cruel and twisted in a way that Sarah’s face had never been. Sarah was always sweet, kind and everyone’s friend, people couldn’t help but adore her from the moment she was born with her honey blonde curls and eyelashes as long as spiders legs. For the longest time Rae had thought she was nothing more than an annoying brat who was spoiled and favoured by everyone. Growing up had brought them closer, Zuzu had made their bond irrevocable.  

Negan grabbed Sarah’s arms to keep her steady and in a quick almost choreographed maneuver Rae slid her knife into the base of Sarah’s skull like she’d done to countless halfers. In a matter of seconds the struggle was over, Sarah slumped into Negan’s arms and he held her, carrying her to the bed before gently laying her down. 

Rae slumped into the chair next to the bed and took Sarah’s hand just like she usually did, except this time it was cold and her sister was really gone. She heard the door clicking shut before turning to see Negan had left. She was grateful, she knew Sarah would have hated having him in her room and seeing her like this. Rae didn’t even like seeing her like this so she closed her eyes and rested her head against the mattress. “I’m sorry, brat.”

///

Negan had helped Rae with her sister but he needed to get the fuck out of that room as quickly as possible. It brought back the sort of memories that he’d spent the past couple of years suppressing and now they were all bursting to the surface gasping for life. The overwhelming smell of disinfectant that never quite covered the stench of vomit and piss. The death lingering stale in every breath and splayed across every surface of the room, packets of pills, catheter pouches, medical supplies that belonged in the tiny private hospital rooms where you wait for the deathrattle that signals the end.  

He ran out into the open air with Lucille tight in his hand and drank in the freshness of it all before he noticed beady eyes all looking his way. Negan straightened his back, telling himself to stop acting like a fucking pussy. He hadn’t slept much and that was the only fucking excuse for the way he ran down those stairs. He walked past Grandma Ellie who was sobbing with Zuzu clutched to her chest and head over to Rae’s potting shed and her hidden stash of cigarettes. Suddenly he felt guilty for crumpling one of her cancer sticks and throwing her damn lighter away. He really could be an asshole.

He put his back to the shed and thought about Lucille, not as a the bat he held in his hand or the persona he’d created to terrorise but in real terms, a real woman, the woman he’d asked to marry him, the woman he’d watched slip away. He’d stopped missing her as a conscious decision, he’d switched everything off and focused on one thing, staying alive. Maybe staying alive wasn’t enough. 

He could hear the metal scraping of a shovel as it ploughed through dirt and rock and followed the sound to see Timmy with his floppy hair and wiry glasses, emptying a rectangle in the ground next to two fresh graves.

Negan grabbed Timmy under his armpit and hauled him from the hole before he threw him against a nearby fence, “you’re one weak minded little fuck Timmy. I knew you didn’t have the fucking balls to step up to the plate but how the hell could you let her come home to that goddamn mess?”

Tim tried to stand straight, his eyes were red from what must have been hours of crying, “she turned so fast, we didn’t think it would be that quick.”

Negan threw Timmy back down the fucking well before he did something he might regret. He liked to think it was Lucille that called for blood but right now it was his own fist that wanted to smash into Timmy’s face. 

Negan knew he had a good thing going at the Sanctuary. He had an army of men under his command. What did Rae have? Women and pussies that couldn’t even stop her sister from turning while she was outside fighting for their asses and putting her life on the line. The whole thing pissed him off.

Fuck, he swung Lucille, clipping a plant pot and sending it hurtling to the floor where it smashed. If he forced her home with him she’d probably hate the sanctuary as much as she’d hate him. If he left her here she would be vulnerable to whatever fucker decided to come along and have Rae and her people for themselves. Negan knew exactly what kind of assholes there were out there and exactly what could happen to a sweet little goldmine of women. But Negan was a selfish bastard. He wanted Rae more than ever so he needed to make this place work no matter what.

He walked the perimeter, checking every stick of the fort and making sure her people were posted in the best locations. He was sure some of his men would volunteer to live here with Rae full time. Most of them would probably give their left fucking nut to live here. The only question was which fuckers could he truly trust. Fucking hell, it was crazy for him to be even considering moving men in with Rae. He’d never been such an under the thumb asshole even when he was a married man. Negan laughed under his breath, this redhead was fucking him over with barely a single touch. He looked at the sun and resigned himself to another night at Miss Honey’s house, but first he’d have to find Carson and Seth who were waiting at the farm across the field like obedient dogs

///

Autopilot had Rae shovelling the dirt into the hole like it was any other. She’d done this so many times before that she could almost forget who she was saying goodbye to. It was surreal, a series of well rehearsed motions that she did in a trance. All she could do was cling to the numb feeling because what came after would be worse.

Grandma read a passage from the bible, the sort of thing that was suppose to make people feel better about the shit sandwich they were choking down but Rae didn't listen. She blocked everything out, her eyes focusing on the blackbird that was sitting on the fence, silent witness to the whole farce like a tiny harbinger of death before it flew away, a tiny speck fading into the horizon. She realised the world had changed but not for the birds, they were always free. Just like Sarah. 

Her gaze drifted over the people gathered around the grave and she realised Negan wasn’t one of them. It didn’t make her sad so much as jealous, she didn’t want to be here watching people’s grief like an outsider. Everyone seemed to be sobbing except for Rae and she wondered perversely if she should fake it? What if she’d run out of tears? What if she’d shed the last of them while hiding in her closet as Negan waited in her living room. She’d told herself she was crying for Miguel but she suspected it had been more for the idea of him, his strength and usefulness were the biggest loss she’d had in a long time. 

“I’ll be serving the last of the wine and we should all take the time to grieve everyone we’ve lost,” Grandma announced, her hand folding into Zuzu’s to try and tug her along but Zuzu wouldn’t budge. 

Rae knelt down, stroking Zuzu’s little face and thinking just how much she looked like Sarah. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t wanna do. We can sit here together if you want or we can-” 

“I hate you! You’re not my mummy! You killed her and I hate you!” Zuzu lashed her arms out clipping Rae on the cheek before she bolted, stomping over the seedlings that were freshly sprung and disappearing past the outbuildings. Rae didn’t blame her, she wanted to disappear too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life and this chapter kicked my arse for the past couple of weeks so I'm pretty glad to finally be posting the thing! I Hope you enjoyed it :) And yes any Beatles fans who might be reading its named after the Beatles song Blackbird <3


	15. Redheads

Negan had told Seth and Carson to settle in for another night away from home and now he was walking back through the long grass to the matchstick fort that held Rae and her many complications. He didn’t usually enjoy a difficult woman with a shit-tonne of baggage but none of the other women who had fallen into his post apocalyptic lap had held his attention quite like a certain fiery redhead.    
  


He thought about the way she’d looked standing on Grandma’s porch when realisation had walked right up and smacked her in the face. In fact he’d been thinking about her crestfallen look on his entire walk over to Carson and Seth. It was a look he knew the exact feeling of and nothing he could have done would have spared her from that. It had made him feel powerless for the first time in a long time and that bothered him. Guilt wasn’t the only emotion that Rae was rekindling in his long smothered conscience. She was reminding him of the way it was to really give a shit. Not just counting numbers and taking names but really seeing people and giving a damn what happened to them. It bothered him, he didn’t fucking like it at all.    
  


Negan knelt down with a groan to fasten the lace of his boot when, through the fence and the tall grass, he spotted tiny legs running at full pelt before they went stumbling with a yelp and a slap of palms hitting dirt.   
  


He finished the knot of his bootlace and carefully stood to see Little Red picking herself up from the floor, her hands covered in grazes, the knees of her dungarees all scuffed, but that didn’t stop her. With her nose running and her eyes streaming she carried on running, darting over the fence before disappearing into the long grass and rustling along like a little rabbit.   
  


Negan glanced over to the matchstick fort then back to Little Red with a resigned sigh, she was running away and doing a damn good job of it too.  _ Fucking hell _ , he scratched his scruff in agitation. Little kids were not his fucking scene at all. Even when he was a kid he wasn’t sure it had been his fucking scene.   
  


He swung Lucille onto his shoulder and tread as fast and light as he could go to keep up with her runaway rusling. When she finally stopped she was curled up between a river bank and a tree. He approached carefully but the ground underfoot changed from soft grass and dirt to a mix of rock and brush that was crunchy enough to give up his stealthy game. Pigtails bobbed as her head span to catch a glimpse of his intrusion.     
  


He grinned but it was only half formed, “hey kid.”   
  


Zuzu just stared at him, too sad to be afraid of him anymore and with the empty sigh she snuffled, far too beaten to even move.    
  


He stepped a little closer and took a kneel, “does your Auntie Rae know you’re out here by yourself?”   
  


Zuzu didn’t react, she didn’t even blink, he had an urge to reach out and click his fingers in front of her vacant expression but resisted and that was it, he was pretty much out of fucking ideas at this point. He had zero clues how to speak to a five year old and he had little to no interest in them either. He stood back up, blowing air through his nose before stepping back, giving her some space and taking a seat against a tree across from her.  

 

“Go away,” her voice was pure venom, her glare a look that could kill and Negan couldn’t help but burst out laughing. The kid was like a miniature Rae with all that red hair and attitude. Jesus christ, it must run in the family to be a sassy, pain in the ass. No wonder there were hardly any fucking men around these women, they probably offered them up as a blood sacrifice once a damn month.    
  


“Don’t laugh at me,” she pouted, her tiny hands clenching into fists.   
  


“Sorry Kid.” He held up his hands, hell he didn’t need another beating, “you’ve had shitty day, I get it. You got five more minutes out here then I’m taking you back before your Grandma Ellie kicks my ass and strings you up by your pigtails.”   
  


She wiped her nose on the sleeve of her tatty pink sweater, drawing her knees against her chest, “you said a swear.”   
  


“Shit happens kid.” Negan stood, flicked the collar of his jacket up to block out the breeze that was chasing the retreating sun. He began to walk away and stopped, turning to look at the way her fists were still clenched tight about her scuffed knees, “I’m sorry about your Mom, kid.”    
  


Zuzu was back to ignoring him and he was content as a cat in a vat of cream at the situation. He moved far enough away to give her some privacy but close enough to still keep an eye on her in case she got any ideas and tried to be smart. When her five minutes were up he gave her ten more then called, “come on little red, time’s up.”   
  


To his surprise she didn’t need asking twice. She walked to his side, following at his heel with her nose sniffling with every other reluctant step as they walked back through the long grass. They hadn’t made it back to the road when he heard Rae’s frantic voice calling out for Zuzu. Negan smiled to himself, giving himself a mental pat on the back for fucking sorting out her problems yet again.    
  


He helped little red over the fence as his eyes searched out Rae to be reminded just how long her legs were and how fucking hot she looked holding onto a giant rifle. Jesus fuck, was it weird that watching her with that gun did things to him? Was it weird that merely seeing her did things to him but not in the same way? He swung himself over the fence, turning his back to Rae and taking the time he needed to wipe the weird look he could feel glazing over his eyes.   
  


“Zuzu!” He could hear the relief in the way Rae’s voice broke as fast footfalls pounded against the dirt. He hopped off the fence in time to see her falling hard to her knees, the rifle slinging to her shoulder as she plastered little red against her body like a human bandaid. She held her smothering tight, her frantic breaths quieting before she peeled Zuzu from her chest and gave her a hard stare that apparently wasn’t just reserved for his indiscretions. He felt bad for the kid, that bottle green stare could cut like broken glass.    
  


“Do you have any idea how dangerous it is to run away like that? You could have been hurt, or worse!” she shook Zuzu lightly, her voice shrill, halfway between furious and hysterical. “You silly girl! What if something had happened to you? What if I couldn’t find you? What if-”   
  


“Alright, Jesus Fuck Red, give the kid a fucking break.” He yanked Rae’s ass up.    
  


“Don’t tell me what to do,” she thrust her finger into his chest, “you don’t know the first thing about raising a child.”   
  


“I know you're scaring the goddamned shit outta her.”   
  


“Yeah! Well, there’s scarier things than me outside those walls!” she pointed to her home with a point well made.    
  


“You know what,” he gritted his teeth trapping a frustrated laugh at the absurdity of the situation, “I’m not fucking fighting with you over how to raise a fucking kid.” He did not fucking sign up for this shit. He picked up Zuzu in one hand and with the other grabbed Rae by the crook of her arm, hauling both trouble making redheads home.    
  


How he had ended up in the little house on the prairie, waste deep in women with none of them fucking him, was beyond him. Completely fucking beyond him but not completely unenjoyable either, that was the real fucking problem.   
  


///   
  


When they entered the walls of the fort, Negan let go of Rae’s arm and set Zuzu on her feet. She wanted to pick her niece up, squeeze her close and tell her she was sorry for losing her temper. She wanted to make Zuzu understand that the idea of losing her was more terrifying than any she could imagine. She was going to make things right but she barely had a chance to move when Zuzu was already running with purpose, making a line straight for Carly’s open arms.    
  


She nestled her little red head against Carly’s soft chest and found the motherly comfort she craved while Rae stood empty handed. Except that wasn’t quite true, the rifle fell from its place at her shoulder and she held it with both hands while another woman held Sarah’s baby.   
  


What did she expect? Over past couple of years, when Zuzu had needed her the most, she hadn’t been home. She’d been out, scavenging, hunting, farming, doing whatever it took to keep people alive. She swallowed the hurt of losing Zuzu to Carly and focused on the fact that Sarah’s only baby was sleeping safely tonight.     
  


Maybe she had to give up being anyone's favourite person. Maybe she needed to settle for being the one who was the first volunteer for whatever it was that needed doing. She looked at Negan and thought about the way he spoke to his men, the rules he had, the way he dominated and she got it, she got him. He’d taken to this world like a duck to water, she was a little more cautious, one toe at a time, slowly sinking and doing her best to keep her head above the water but in the end they were both just trying to make it to the same side; keeping people alive.   
  


Rae hitched the gun back on her shoulder and wiped her hands over her face. It was dark now but this shitty day still had plenty of hours left. It felt like it would never end and she would be trapped forever in the day she’d buried her little sister. 

 

She shut her eyes and felt Grandma’s bony arm settling across her shoulder, “you wash up child and I’ll serve you and Negan some supper.”   
  


Rae’s stomach turned over at the idea of food, “I’m not hungry.”   
  


Grandma squeezed her tighter, her voice stern, “you’ll eat.”   
  


She was exhausted but she wasn’t an infant. She was about to open her mouth and unleash holy hell when there was a tug at her jacket and Grandma’s ironclad grip loosened. “I got her Grandma Ellie,” Negan crooned like he was just one of the family, “you go on inside sweetheart, get yourself out of the cold.”

 

Rae opened her eyes in time to catch Negan winking at Grandma. His lips curved into a smile that didn’t belong with the way she was feeling as the numbness started to crumble, giving way to something stronger. She wasn’t sure she was ready.

 

She thrust her hands into the pockets of her jacket and turned on her heel to walk towards the potting shed. She had no cigarettes, or anything else to slow the feelings swelling in the pit of her stomach and that only made the feelings intensify. Moments like these deserved a cigarette or a large brandy, that was what Grandma passed her when they lost their first person to the halfers. An almost full tumbler of brandy that sank so sweetly into her veins and made the shock a little more bearable.    
  


Right now Rae was running on frayed nerves that played montage to all the terrible things she’d endured in the past couple of years. She supposed even brandy couldn’t touch a day like today. She grabbed her terracotta pot from its hiding space and rubbed her thumb over the hair line crack that made it unfit for purpose, too weak to hold soil and now too empty to hold value. She turned, taking three fast steps and cast it over the wall with a grunt, listening for the tinkle of broken pieces and wondering who would pick them up, if anyone.   
  


“Nice pitch.” Negan’s voice didn’t startle her, part of her knew he would follow.   
  


“Thanks coach,” her voice was wooden, stilted, an automatic response that fell from her lips without quite reaching every corner of her weary brain.   
  


He moved behind her, kicking her foot into position and taking control of her throwing arm, “I mean you could improve your form.” He cast her arm into a fake throw that brought her body closer to his, the curves of her body settling like two pieces of a puzzle into his. She leaned her head against his chest, the rise and fall of his breathing rocking her as his arms held her tight. She ignored the part of her brain that thought he was an unforgivable asshole and gave into the part that thought his arms felt  _ nice _ , safe even.    
  


She felt her nose nuzzling against her hair before tender lips pressed warm against her head, the last of the numb feelings seemed to choose that very moment to melt away with the softness if his kiss. She held her breath, trying desperately to fight what was building at the back of her throat.    
  


“I’m sorry about your sister baby,” he breathed the words so delicately that she was lost, she couldn't fight it. She’d lost Sarah and no matter what she wanted, it was going to hurt like hell.    
  


It started with one single tear rolling free down her cheek where it faded to nothingness but it was like the first crack in the dam as the tears snuck out bigger and more easily. She pulled herself from the safety of his arms, clutching her wasting trying to hold herself together.

 

“I’m not sorry,” Rae’s voice was broken, she didn’t want to be broken, she pushed away the hurt and chased after the anger as she turned to look at Negan, “I’m not sorry! God, I’m so  _ fucking  _ tired of being sorry. Mary, Miguel, Sarah… hell even Jacob, they’re all free.” 

 

Negan gave her this look, like he didn’t know what to say and the worse part was she knew the feeling well. So many times had she been the one to break the news that a person's loved one wasn’t coming home and grief was a inconsolable beast. 

 

“I feel sorry for us. Tomorrow we have to wake up and we have to keep going. Finding food, fighting, watching people die, it's exhausting. I’m sick to death of feeling sorry and sad,” she pushed away her tears in a frantic drag of fingers under her eyes. She was sick of crying, she wanted something else and despite his ego, Negan was the only person who made her forget about the monsters and worry.  

 

Rae stepped towards him, her eyes locking with his as she unzipped his jacket and placed her palms on his chest. He watched her in silence, his eyes espresso dark as she slowly slid her hands to his shoulders, her fingers brushing the collar of his shirt, “I wanna feel something else.”   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)


	16. Bedtime

Rae stood on the tips of her toes, bringing those bottle greens eyes of hers level with his but Negan could hardly look at them. Instead he focused on the way her tongue licked across her lips before she said, “I just wanna feel the way you make me feel.”  


That was all it took, her hands on his chest and those words and Negan was already feeling exactly how she made him feel, like a desperate man. He tipped his head away from her advance, his gaze creeping from her lips to see the determination in her red ringed eyes. He didn’t say anything and she didn’t hesitate. She buried her hand in his hair, pulling him close enough for her lips to brush against his and demand a kiss. Who was he to resist such sweet temptation?  


Negan groaned, reaching for her waist to hold her tight as their kiss deepened, his body raging with unquenched need. It felt so fucking good yet so fucking wrong, he could almost taste the salt of her tears under the sweetness of her lips.  


“Red,” Negan shuddered, taking her wrists in hand, “fucking hell baby, you really fucking know how to kill a man.” His voice was hoarse and his dick crying out ‘what the fuck?’ as his gaze darted from her lips to her eyes. It took every ounce of his resolve to not follow the head in his pants and use the one that sat on his shoulders, “you’re not at your fighting weight and fuck me…” he groaned, his frustration as painful as a kick to the balls, “I can’t have you like this.”  


Negan hardly fucking knew what had gotten into him. Here was Rae giving him exactly what he wanted and like a virgin prom date he couldn’t go through with it. Fucking hell, he cupped the side of her face, his thumb brushing against her honey gold freckles and he knew, he knew that despite the blood that had rushed southwards so quick he felt light headed, he’d rather never have her than to have her like this.  


For once he’d like a woman to hand herself over without a catch. He was so fucking tired of being nothing more than a meal ticket. It had been fun at first, he’d enjoyed women falling at his feet because he was King Dick. But when he’d taken his first wife he hadn’t been thinking it would last, instead he’d been thinking any day could be his last. Now he wasn’t sure it would ever end. Sure, he was a man, he liked women but he didn’t need five of the damn things. Yes, they made him look powerful as fuck and god knows he liked being the bastard that was living out every mans wet dream but even dreams had to end, some dreams were nothing but a fucking nightmare.  


She twisted her wrist from his grasp, her long fingers clutching the lapels of his jacket to pull him towards her, “I know what I want Negan.”  


“No you don’t.” He deserved a motherfukcing medal for this shit. Yet he probably wasn’t going to  get anything more than another frustrating nights sleep only to wake up with a boner that could break through drywall. “I’m not gonna fuck a crying woman. The only crying I want a woman to do is when she is praising the good lord for my dick. I’m worth the wait baby and I will gladly be of service to every last filthy as fuck fantasy that you can think of Miss Honey,” he kissed her wrist, inhaling the medicinal smell of disinfectant soap, “next time, Red.”  


“Next time?” her words were hard almost as hard as the look that cemented her bitch face before she turned, leaving him with nothing but a nice view of ass he’d just denied himself. “There's no next time! That was it, and you what? _thank you_ ,” she looked over her shoulder, her cheeks tinged with pink, her green eyes as sharp as when she’d looked at Zuzu. “Being rejected by _you_ just tops off my day so yeah, thanks for that.”  


“Don’t fucking do that.” He wanted to laugh but didn’t, sometimes he forgot what he was dealing with here, a crazy ass bitch. “You’d hate me for taking advantage of your sweet little nice girl ass. Jesus fuck, Red.”  


“I already hate you! And you’re right, that _was_ a mistake.”   


“And they say redheads have a temper, I can’t _fucking_ imagine why,” he threw his arms out to release some of the ball aching frustration, his lips pulled into something that was halfway between a snarl and a grin.  


“I don’t have a temper. I have _you_.” Rae squared up to him on her endless legs, “you’d try the patience of a saint, I hope you leave and never come back!”  


“Don’t fucking tempt me sweetheart.”  


“Leave then,” she prodded his chest, barely touching him, “you talk the talk,” her finger pointed upwards before it deflated to a limp curve, “but you can’t walk the walk.”  


Why he had ever thought that this redhead was not at her fighting weight, he couldn’t say, but that was the absolute fucking limit of his niceness. The absolute fucking limit of his gentlemanly good manners.  


Negan grabbed her hard, pulling her to where his mouth could claim hers, lips pressing unrestrained, his tongue unrelenting until he was taking her breath away and all her smart ass attitude with it. His palms slid to the back of her thighs, picking her legs up to wrap around him as he carried her, stumbling in a daze to the potting table where he dropped her down before his lips set out to discover every last freckle on Rae’s alabaster skin.  


“You can’t hold this against me, it's not fucking easy turning you down,” he mumbled into her neck as he pushed her jacket from her shoulders. She wanted fucking, he’d fuck her until she couldn’t speak or stand and then he’d fuck her once more to make the fuck sure.  


///  


“Don’t talk.” Rae didn’t need Negan to justify it, or say anything at all, she just wanted to surrender to the promise of mindless bliss.  


“Let's get one thing fucking clear baby doll,”  his hands slid under her shirt, yanking it over her head before his rough touch settling on her waist and his eyes locked with hers, “I’m gonna do whatever the fuck I want.”  


She bit her tongue, her mind on the verge of declaring independence but she wasn’t exactly listening to her head.  


His smile spread slowly across his face, “it's not gonna be a one time thing between me and you Red. I’m not gonna fuck you and pretend it didn’t happen. When my dick is in you and I’m finally getting a taste of your ever fucking evasive sweet side. I can fucking guarantee that I’m gonna want it again, and again and again,” he rocked his hips into hers, letting her feel the hard truth of his promise, “so you better fucking decide if you want it too.”  


Rae pushed at his arms, half appalled by the crude way he was talking and disturbingly aroused, he didn’t budge, his devilish smirk beamed even brighter, “you want this, I already fucking know you do baby.” His eyes fells to her bra, it wasn’t the delicate green lace he’d given her, just plain black cotton but he devoured it like it was agent provocateur, “tell me no and I’ll stop.”  


Negan’s ego was just goading Rae to reject him but higher powers were wrapping her hands around the back of his neck, pulling him in for a kiss and enjoying the way his beard tickled her chin before his tongue sank deep into her mouth, deep enough to curl pulses of heat between her thighs.  


“No more cat and mouse bullshit,” his lips sank into the tops of her breasts as his thumb scraped away the cotton of her bra, her nipples puckering even tighter in the cold before his tongue licked red hot against it. She let her head fall back, her body trembling with want as he reminded her how good it felt to be touched by another person. “You’re mine Red.”  


“Negan,” she moaned, her body a willing slave to the pleasure he was stirring with each touch. She pinched his chin between her fingers to make him look at her, “I’ll decide how many times we do this.”  


Negan smirked, but his eyes got a little harder, he didn’t like losing control any more than she wanted to give it up to him. “Baby-”  


“Rae!”  


The sound of her name filling the air in Tim’s accusatory tone splashed cold water all over any heat and reminded her that this home was filled with eyes and no bigger than a postage stamp when you wanted privacy. She could barely turn her head from Negan to lock sights with Tim and the way he was looking at her, not quite pity, not quite hurt, something in the middle that had the power to make her want to shrink as far into the shadows as physically possible.  


Tim didn’t turn away in embarrassment like she was hoping he would, he stood his ground, his gaze never shifting. “Grandma Ellie wants to talk to you.”  


Rae took in one breath, glancing at Negan who didn’t seem at all fazed, in fact by the way he was smirking she suspected he actually enjoyed being caught.  


She covered her bra with her forearm and didn’t meet Tim’s eye instead looking at his chest, “okay.”  


He folded his arms without moving to walk away, “right now Rachel.”  


Rae couldn’t remember a time when he’d called her by her name like that, like she was a teenager from his class or someone he had authority over. She sat up a little straighter, this might not have been her most shining moment but she was a grown woman and she made her choices, good and bad. “I got it.” She met his eye, he didn’t budge, “I said I got it! Could you not just stand there?”  


Tim glared at Negan with a fierceness she wasn’t sure he was capable of, “ _fine_. I’ll be right around the corner.”  


Rae sighed silently adding feeling ‘completely embarrassed’ to her long list of the days shitty emotional rollercoaster. Was she embarrassed to have been caught with her top off or because of the man who was wedged between her thighs? She couldn’t decide. Maybe a little of both. Negan was attractive, more than attractive, he was the kind of man a woman could eat with a spoon but he was also an asshole as he had demonstrated many times.  


Choosing Jacob had cost people their lives. Negan had saved them and that should have been proof enough except it wasn’t quite. Jacob had helped her many times, he’d been sweet and kind, sweeter and kinder than Negan was. He’d brought Zuzu candy and found Grandma Ellie a pair of earrings that were almost identical to the ones she’d had as a girl, but in the end all of those things were just a lie, a clever ruse to seduce her into handing over her people. Negan said goody goody bullshit could hide the heart of a serial killer, maybe being an egotistical domineering bastard could hide the heart of a good man? Or maybe you just never knew.  


Rae pressed her forehead against Negan’s chest, the soft cotton of his shirt and the warmth of his body was a place she could get lost in no matter what kind of heart was beating.  


“He’s in love with you,” Negan said.  


A small part of her suspected it, a bigger part ignored it. She glanced at Negan, “you’re bad for me.”  


“But it feels so fucking good, right?”  


“I don't know.” That was a lie, it felt better than good. She hopped off the potting table and grabbed her t-shirt off of the floor. In the cold light of Tim’s reaction the good had competition with the bad, “I don’t know what to think.” She pulled her shirt on, her stomach churning, her limbs leaden as the events of the day began to sink back into her bones. “I’m tired, I can’t think.”  


“Then sleep,” Negan kissed her forehead, “rest, get your strength back and when I return we’ll fucking finish what we started here.”  


“I’m not sure that's a good idea.”  


“Because of prince fucking charming?”  


She bit her tongue. Being with Negan was bad for about a million reasons but good in a way that ignored any logical thinking. Either way, good or bad, yes or no, “I make my own decisions, I don’t base them on men and what they think.”  


Negan scooped her jacket off the floor, taking hold of her arm when she reached for it, possessing her like he always did, “what about little Timmy? What you gonna do when that fucker comes knocking at your door?”  


Rae snorted before noticing the serious way Negan was looking at her and realising it wasn’t a rhetorical question. “Are you jealous?” she blurted.  


His smile forced across his face, “I don’t get jealous baby… if Timmy thinks he can have you then I’ll just beat the everloving crap outta him until he changes his mind.”  


Because beating the crap out of someone wasn’t jealous at all. She wasn’t sure what to think of that information, instead she gave Negan a once over and pulled her jacket from his grip, “I hope you’re joking.”  


“You’re mine Red and I don’t fucking share.”  


She bit her tongue, instead letting him drape his arm across her shoulder as he walked her to the porch of Grandma’s house as Tim lurked in the distance. She was about to put her foot on the bottom step when she hesitated and turned to face him.  


“This is it Red, I’ll be leaving at first light. Any parting words?”  


She just stared, what to say? Thank you, goodbye, something stronger? “Stay out of trouble.”  


His smile was boyish. The taste of him still lingered on her tongue and despite everything her heart was fluttering in the same way it did when her very first date had dropped her off on these very steps. The feeling was almost forgotten and entirely misplaced after the days events but there it was.  


“Red,” she savoured the way the pet name rolled from his deep voice like dark chocolate as his hand tugged hers to pull her into his arms. He held her, embracing her like she was a lifesaver and he was a drowning man, his hand raked through her hair in almost painful possession before he kissed her one last time, his voice breathy, his eyes holding onto hers, “you’re bad for me too.”  


That was it, no long goodbye, he turned and she watched him. She watched every single step, cathing the way he looked back with that same boyish smile before he slipped through the big gate. She had no idea if she really would see Negan again but watching him leave made her realise that she wanted to. She needed to. His ego might have been bigger than the house and he might have done some questionable things, under normal circumstances unforgivable things, but the way her heart raced and slowed, danced and stopped wasn’t a lie.  


Rae found Grandma in the sitting room, a pile of knitting in her lap, her fingers working tirelessly like they always did. She hung in the doorway, recalling the way she used to watch her doing the exact same thing when she was a little girl, Grandma had seemed so old then but she must have been no older than Margo. “Tim said you were asking for me,” the sound of her voice was almost unnatural in the quiet room.  


“Hmmm?” Grandma glanced up from her knitting, her mind a million miles away. Tim had lied. Nobody was looking for her, at least nobody except for him.  


“Nevermind,” Rae backed out of the living room. She was done for the day, she grabbed the bag she’d brought from her house and headed up the stairs.  


She paused at Sarah’s door, it was firmly shut and something in Rae pushed her to reach for the handle, twisting it to open before nudging it with the toe of her boot. The sheets were changed, all traces of sickness and Sarah gone. She wondered if Grandma had done it or someone else. All that remained was the silver framed photo of of Zuzu that rested on the dresser.  


Rae stepped over the threshold, dropping her bag next to the dresser before she took a seat on the bed. The window was open a crack but enough to make the room feel as cold as the front porch, the smell of cheap pot pourri clung to the air. She let her body flop back to stare at the ceiling that had been Sarah’s daily vista for the past few months. The tiptoed sound of sock clad footsteps were the only sound before the door creaked open a little wider. Rae turned her head, looking through the metal bars at the foot of the bed to see Zuzu in her pajamas with Fuzzy Bear tucked under one arm.  


Rae chanced half a smile and spread her arm across the mattress as invitation. Without a word Zuzu took it, bounding over until she was curled into the crook of Rae’s arm with Fuzzy Bear between them. She stared at the top of Zuzu’s head and sighed, letting go of the weight of the day. Tonight she wouldn’t be alone and Zuzu was the far safer option because no matter how her heart beat for Negan he was nothing but trouble with a barbed wire bat.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. I had a mixed response over how people saw things progressing but I hope you all enjoyed it anyway xoxo


	17. No Sanctuary

Driving back home to the Sanctuary was easier than driving to the Matchstick Fort. Without having to clear roads, find passable routes or check out any likely looking places to loot it took exactly one hour and thirty eight post apocalyptic minutes. Negan had timed it, his eyes almost constantly flickering to the LED clock as it counted just how far away he was from the little house on the prairie.    
  


Over the course of the journey he’d switched between kicking himself for not bringing Rae back with him to feeling relieved she knew none of his dirty secrets. Or at least none of the secrets that would make her want to smack him in the face rather than kiss him.    
  


Right now he was kicking himself. What if something happened while he was gone? Maybe bringing her home wouldn’t be that bad? Maybe she would have wanted him to? Maybe he should have scooped her ass up, strapped her in the passenger seat and said “no fucking arguing sweetheart.” Or perhaps what he really should be doing was to stop asking himself so many fucking questions. He groaned, his eyes flicking to Seth and Carson who were sitting silently besides him. No matter what he thought it was too late for changing his mind. He was home now and the decision was already made.    
  


Carson cracked half a smile and Negan reciprocated, “home sweet fucking home boys.”   
  


He jumped out of the truck and the gravel crunched under his boots just like it did all the other times he’d returned from a run except this time it was different. He stared at the industrial grey building with its wall of roamers clawing for their next meal and it wasn’t exactly the picturesque scene of Rae’s fort with its rolling fields. There was something special out there with all those women and the planters that wove a sea of life across the matchstick walls.     
  


He rolled his shoulders and twirled Lucille in a practice swing with a grunt, just when had he turned into such a fucking pussy? It was as if all the time spent with Rae busting his balls had made him forget he fucking had a set of balls in the first place. This was the Sanctuary and there was no time for interior design, potted plants or the slightest sign of weakness. He had to get a grip before he started crying over spilt milk and worrying about breaking a motherfucking nail.     
  


He slammed the truck door on the past few days and his whirlwind adventure like it was a case closed. But before he could think a single other thought he was already back to wondering how many times he’d be able to leave the Sanctuary and make the journey for the pleasure of some long legs, freckles and smart ass man eating attitude.    
  


He was screwed, he was crazy, the whole thing was crazy. He should have cut a deal with Rae’s people like he did with everyone else but he didn’t, he hadn’t, something had stopped him and he’d be back. He’d be back before the week was out if he had his chance but instinct told him it would be longer.   
  


The levels of shit he had to deal with at the Sanctuary on a daily basis were never ending, he could only imagine the pile he had waiting for him right at this very moment. He could only imagine the questions he’d be facing as he scanned the people who were in the forecourt. He’d never been away from The Sanctuary for as long as this, he’d never trusted to leave his people for as long as this.   
  


Simon was waiting for him, his grin as crazy as it always was, “I thought you might have decided to stay out there boss.”   
  


Negan chuckled, how astute, or was it that fucking obvious? “You can’t get rid of me that fucking easy.”   
  


“So you’ve brought your redhead back?” Simon looked over Negan’s shoulder and he was back to thinking about long legs and green eyes. His mind flying him into space before Simon cleared his throat to drag him back to the Sanctuary.   
  


Negan frowned, clearing off the soft soppy look that had glazed his eyes, “another wife? I’m not trying to give myself a fucking heart attack. Red can be my holiday fuck. A nice second home in the country that comes fully stocked with tits, ass and solar power.”   
  


Simon laughed enthusiastically, it was exactly the sort of thing everyone expected Negan to say. In fact it was just the sort of thing he would say and think. So he laughed along, glancing back at his people, everyone kneeling, heads bowed down. They stood or rather didn’t stand as a stark reminder of the real reasons he hadn’t brought Rae home.    
  


No matter how ugly the walls or how he felt about bringing Red here, this was his home and he’d been letting shit slide for too long. He’d left Simon in charge of corralling and bringing back the remainder of Jacob's people as well as the supplies they found in the warehouse and although he trusted Simon there was no way he would delegate such a task under usual circumstances. He liked to be the one bringing people home and showing them who was boss. “How are our new guests doing?”   
  


“They’ve settled in, like you said, they don’t give two fucks who’s in charge.”   
  


“Good,” he looked at the forecourt of people on their knees one last time, “I’m gonna hold a gathering later. Make sure everyone knows the fucking score around here,” he needed to cement himself as King Dick before someone decided to start a bloody revolution.   
  


“I’ll spread the word Boss. You wanna go over the supply ledgers now or you wanna spend some  _ quality time _ with your wives first?”   
  


Negan forced his grin, “you drop the paperwork off upstairs and I’ll look over it.” He spotted Dwight kneeling by the wheel of the truck, “but you know me, first things fucking first and I’ve been away from my wives for far too fucking long. They’re probably dripping wet with anticipation and I wouldn’t wanna start a fucking flood up there.”   
  


The shit eating grin filled Simon’s face at the same time a grimace crossed Dwight’s. He hadn’t touched Sherry since she betrayed him but that didn’t mean he didn’t own her and it certainly didn’t mean he wasn’t going to fuck with Dwight. He had his rules for a reason and breaking those rules was the ultimate betrayal. The last thing he wanted people thinking was that they could betray him. Whether it was fucking his wives behind his back or thinking they could take charge and be the king of the saviours. He waited until Dwight caught his eye and winked as if in confirmation that he was going to spend the entire evening balls deep in Sherry.    
  


Dwight quickly looked down at the ground and Negan didn’t feel the same satisfaction that he usually would, part of him felt sorry for the miserable fuck. He let the door slam behind him, leaving Simon to organise everything while he headed for the kitchen and ignored the long forgotten feelings that were more than stirring.    
  


The second he crossed the threshold of the kitchen there was a buzz of energy. Staff that had been idling with their fingers up their asses were suddenly in a flurry of activity. Everyone else was concentrating on their jobs so hard he could practically see the beads of sweat rolling down the backs of their neck. He pointed Lucille at the man in charge, a portly old bastard with a limp that made him useless anywhere but in the safety of the Sanctuary. He hobbled over, oven glove in one hand, wooden spoon in the other.   
  


Negan couldn’t remember the man’s name but everyone called him Chef, even if most of his food was treading the line between passable and barely edible. He might not have been first choice for the title but he was the only one with the balls to take the job since the last man had met a sticky end after giving Negan and every other fucker in the Sanctuary food poisoning that had them shitting through the eye of a needle for forty eight hours. Negan hadn’t killed the old chef but he’d demoted him to a job that had made him as good as dead and a lesso n w ell learnt to everyone else.    
  


Chef kneeled, his eyes firmly fixed on Negan’s boot. “Get your ass up,” he barked, when he’d made people kneel he hadn’t realise just how much it might piss him off to have to conversate with the tops of their heads instead of their faces.   
  


Chef hesitated, his eyes slowly creeping along Negan’s body until he began to stand in considered movements, as if he was standing before a crazed bear that would rip him apart if he dared to move too fast. “Sir?”   
  


“I have a hankering for apple pie.” His mouth salivated at the very thought, “you know the kind of apple pie Grandma might make if she wasn’t a crazy old bitch.” He snorted, imagining his own Grandma extinguishing the end of her cigarette in the pastry before giving Chef a stern stare, “don’t fuck this up, you’re not the only one around here that knows how to use an oven glove.”   
  


“Yes sir,” and that was it. Conversation over. Chef turned and practically ran for the safety of the pantry.    
  


Negan idled in the kitchen for a further five minutes but not one single person dared to look him in the eye let alone strike up some friendly conversation. He was the uninvited asshole that nobody wanted at the party and he knew it. He turned leaving them to their work and the resounding sighs of relief he was sure were filling every inch of the stainless steel kitchen.    
  
  


Not that it bothered him, he didn't care if people hated him, he wasn't trying to win a popularity contest, he was trying to keep people alive or at least that's what he started out doing. Popular or not, there was no avoiding things now that he was back. The people in the kitchen might have their relief but he certainly didn’t. He’d asked for his pie and now he had to face his wives and all their bullshit complaints.   
  


Negan trudged up the stairs like a child with an early bedtime, Lucille was practically dragging on the floor. The door was shut and nobody would know if he turned and found something else to occupy his time but he didn’t, he flung it open and spread his arms out wide. They were all there, waiting, lined up on the sofa’s like china dolls dressed in black with painted smiles.   
  


Kirsten’s smile at least looked marginally genuine and no doubt she had a list as long as her nose of things she wanted to ask for.   
  


Sherry and Amber’s smiles had fallen flat before they had barely had a chance to twitch at their cheeks. Now they were more like two constipated grimaces and Negan held back on rolling his eyes, his displeasure would only be their pleasure.    
  


Jennifer and Sonya barely even looked up from their books. It wasn’t that they hated him, he was sure for a while they enjoyed the deal they’d made with the devil but good sex was nothing more than good sex and like most women they always wanted something more. They wanted to be the only one, they wanted the top spot that belonged to no one but Lucille. Good sex didn’t mean good conversation and it certainly didn’t mean intimacy, so here they all were, playing house and going through every last motion except the ones that really mattered.   
  


“Nice to fucking see you too wives,” he announced like they were falling over themselves with excitement to see his return. They all looked at him now, their faces blank, “have you missed me?”   
  


Kirsten slinked off the sofa, flicking her hair over her shoulder, her lips pouted, her eyes gleaming with pure seduction as she stood before him. She placed one had on his chest, letting it glide lazily along the leather, “I was worried about you, ” she purred, the seduction in her eyes lighting up to a sly smile, “did you bring me anything?”   
  


Negan leaned back on his heels, his grin plastering to his face, “isn’t the presence of my majestic fucking company enough?”   
  


“You know you’re enough,” Kirsten changed tact, her hands creeping along his chest to find the zipper of his jacket, “you’re enough for five women but I want you all to myself. Right. Now.”   
  
  


“Is that so?” His gaze trailed the length of her body. Negan was wound so tight that he probably could blow his load right now. _ In the right hands _ .    
  


Kirsten rubbed his crotch and he closed his eyes, forgetting anything but the sensation before he opened them back up and like a heat seeking missile his gaze zeroed in. There they were in a cut glass bowl slap bang in the middle of the room, red apples. A dozen of them all piled high with their glossy skins catching the light as if they were precious jewels. Sweet and sour, all red.  He looked back to Kirsten who was staring right through him with a vacant expression that had his balls forgetting they were desperate. He batted her hand away, “maybe later sweetheart.”   
  


He didn’t care for her reaction or wait for it, he strolled to the table, picked up one of the apples and brushed his thumb over the smooth skin. “I wanna take a bath first, you’ll sort that out won’t you darling,” he nodded to Sherry who was the only one of his wives who could follow a simple instruction without pouting or fucking it up. At least a simple instruction that didn’t include breaking a vow and fucking her ex husband.    
  


Sherry raised one brow and stood without saying a word and Negan was already disappearing into his room, inhaling the skin of the apple until he could almost taste the sweet juicy tang. He placed Lucille in her spot by the bed, set the apple on the desk next to the ledgers that Simon had brought up and began to flick through his collection of vinyls.    
  


If there was one good thing about the sanctuary it was his bedroom, his own oasis filled with any-fucking-thing he wanted. He chose a Motown album, slid the record from the sleeve and placed it onto the player before dropping the needle, relishing the familiar scratching as the pin finds its groove and the music begins to sing.    
  


Negan peeled his jacket from his shoulders and poured a measure of scotch, swishing it in the glass as if he had a couple of ice cubes to throw in the bottom. He took a seat in his executive chair, leaning back with his boots taking purchase on the desk while his wives began scurrying in and out of the room setting up the tub and filling it with bucket after bucket of hot water.    
  


He sipped his drink, it was the good stuff, single malt, 15 years old and satin smooth with just a little hint of honey. He pictured Rae in his procession of wives, her long legs stealing the show in a tiny black dress, her green eyes sparkling as she carried buckets of water, walking all the way over to him and tipping its contents over his head, even in his imagination she wouldn’t play ball.   
  


Negan laughed under his breath and downed the remainder of his drink as his boots slid from the table. “Thats enough!” he commanded as they hurriedly poured the last of the water into the steaming tub and all but Kirsten scurried out as obediently as they had scurried in.     
  


She perched on the edge of the tub easing the straps of her dress down her shoulders until she shimmied out of the whole thing, her plastic breast defying gravity above her washboard abs. Negan barely looked at her as he went to pour another drink. Gold Digger Barbie, even before all of this she’d been playing the same game, the only difference was the dick.    
  


“I hope you're not planning on shoving your ass in my bath sweetheart,” he downed his drink and she sauntered over, her hands smoothing down his shirt before she began working the buttons.   
  


“You usually love getting me all wet,” Kirsten grinned and laughed despite himself, she was an old pro when it came to getting what she wanted. He let her help him out of his shirt and rub the tension that was knotted in his back, “you’re all worked up baby. Let me make you feel good.”    
  


Sometimes he thought he’d let his dick get him tangled up in a huge mess. Other times he told himself he was a fucking idiot for not enjoying pussy on tap but no matter how big his appetite, and Negan was a man with a very big appetite, there was only so much mindless pussy one man could fuck. Sometimes he just wanted to talk to someone that didn’t tell him what he wanted to hear or do what they were told. Sometimes he just wanted to spend an evening not talking or fucking, just sit with a record playing in the company of another living and breathing person who didn’t make him feel like his skin was about to crawl off his body in unadulterated irritation.    
  


He ran his hand through Kirsten’s bleach blonde hair and couldn’t help but think of Grandma Ellie. Not one person in the whole matchstick fort gave two fucking shits who he was or what he thought. Even that dweeb, Tim was not above giving him the fucking stink eye. He laughed under his breath, for the dick swinging he’d done in the past two years he fucking loved being treated like he was just a regular douchebag.    
  


“Tell me what you want me to do baby.”   
  


What would Grandma Ellie think of this and a woman like Kirsten? Who was he kidding? What would Rae think? “Leave,” he said and the words almost stuck in his throat. His dick didn’t care he was sending willing pussy out the door but another part did, the part of him that had never been loyal to Lucille when she was a living breathing woman, the part that told him losing her was his punishment for being a colossal fuck.    
  


Kirsten did as she was told with nothing more than a frustrated huff which was a small mercy. Negan waited for the door to click shut before he unbuckled his belt and removed his clothes until he was standing as naked as a newborn baby with the rug soft under his toes. He reached for the apple as the song changed to Smokey Robinson, You Really Got A Hold On Me. He laughed and couldn’t help but think about Red, as was the theme of his homecoming. He took one satisfying crunch of his apple which was just as tasty as he recalled and sank into the steaming hot water.   
  


Goddamn Red and her little house on the prairie, every thought was a road that led right back to her. She was nowhere and everywhere at the same time. She was in the sour sweetness of the apples, the music crooning from the vinyl records and the endless tug of want that was pulling at his balls.   
  


Negan let his heavy head find rest on the rim of the bath. He was mostly buried under the suds  except for his knees which bent above the water like they always did in any bath since he’d hit puberty. 

 

He bit the apple again and Red was there. Just her, no procession of wives, just creamy skin and polka dot freckles as she climbed into the tub. He spread his knees allowing her space to lower every inch of her endless legs into the water. He imagined her sitting between his thighs,  washing a bar of soap over her skin, the iridescent bubbles slipping and sliding over her skin before she sluiced them away with the squeeze of a sponge and a cascade of steamy water lining the curves of her breasts and the hard peaks of her nipples.      
  


Negan swallowed hard, the apple slipped from his fingers, thudding on the floor. Red might have been just his imagination running away with him but the desire that swelled without a single touch was heart pounding real. He pictured Rae climbing into his lap, her sweet apple lips on his, the ends of her hair swirling in the water as she slowly sank her body down onto his. Negan bit back a groan, sinking his body further into the heat of the water and he could almost feel the soft tight grip of her body as he pumped his cock in time with Rae’s movements. Losing himself in the fantasy of her long legs squeezing around his body as she milked him dry with every grind of her hips.    
  


It didn’t take long, he was a desperate man after spending day after day chasing her red tail like a ravenous dog. His orgasm groaned from his body in uncontrollable hot spurts of pleasure that tainted the water when they should have been buried deep in Rae. He gripped the side of the bath to stop himself from drowning as the heavy feeling of pleasure pulled him under and the aftershocks trembled along his body.    
  


Five wives and he was jerking off in the bath over another woman. “Goddamn Red,”  he mumbled to nothing but the walls. She had well and truly fucked him.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I wanted to give some insight into the dynamics at the Sanctuary, at least how I see them in this story. I'm not going to be following the TV show or the Comic, more of a mix of the two with poetic license ;)
> 
> December has been hectic for me but hopefully I can get back to a more regular posting schedule now its nearly over :)


	18. The Lion Tamer

The matchstick fort was just as Negan had remembered, except of course for the frost that glazed the blades of grass and topped the wooden beams to remind everyone that winter would soon be here. He drove right up to the gate and climbed out of the car, leaning one hand on the door frame while the two guards trained their rifles in readiness. He'd never spoken to either of these women but he could see the recognition slowly sinking into their eyes as their lips spread into easy smiles.

"Ladies," he nodded with a panty dropping grin, or at least that's what he liked to think, when he turned up the charm, not that is charm had been working too well in these parts the last time he was here.

Without another word the women scrambled from their post and the gates began to creak open wide enough for him to drive inside the walls. The planters weren't as green as they had been but it was still just as beautiful and it still had the same feeling of magic whistling between the long rows of washing lines.

Negan climbed out of his car for the second time, spotting Zuzu darting between people and planters in pursuit of one very unhappy looking chicken. Her little legs were clad in long wellies over thick socks and her bobble hat was desperately clinging to her head with every bounced step. She stopped when she saw him, her eyes growing wide, her attention suddenly undivided allowing the chicken to make it's great escape.

"Hey kid," Negan held up his hand in a half formed wave before turning to retrieve the cardboard box that was nestled in his passenger seat. When he turned back Zuzu was still there, the look on her face just as curious.

He kneeled, dropping the box to his feet and opening up the flaps to reach inside. One hand wrapped around a child sized pitcher's mitt while the other grabbed a baseball as he began to wonder why the hell he was kneeling before a kid with a box full of presents. He couldn't remember exactly what had been going through his head when he'd picked these up on a supply run but he supposed it didn't matter much now, people were watching, he needed to make his move or look like a fucking idiot.

He stood with his gifts in hand and threw the ball in the air to catch it behind his back. "I figured someone oughta teach you how to throw a curveball like a badass."

Zuzu cocked her head to the side, the bobble hat finally losing purchase on her head as she half took a step forward, changed her mind and scampered away without looking back. No mitt, no ball, no hat, no chicken.

He'd shot, he'd failed and he felt surprisingly deflated standing like a prick with his little girls baseball mitt outstretched and unclaimed.

"I think it's a sweet gesture. I'm sure she'll come around," a sing song voice cooed over him as a waft of sour milk tinged his nose. He turned to see Carly with her baby strapped to her chest and a enthusiastic smile of big teeth.

 _Sweet_. Jesus Fuck, it was like a dirty word and he didn't want to be anywhere near the fucking thing. "Of all the things I am darling, _sweet_ is definitely not fucking one of them."

"You keep telling yourself that Negan but I call it as I see it," she stroked the soft baby hair or her papoosed kid and flounced away like mother earth as he caught sight of two more women giving him lopsided smiles. The whole thing left a bad damn taste in his mouth. He wasn't being nice to the kid for altruistic reasons, fuck that, he was being nice for his own gain. That was his story and he was sticking to that mother fucker like a barnacle to the hull of a sinking ship.

He threw the mitt and ball into the box with a miserable grunt as the door of the house swung open, the movement catching his attention. He looked up to see Grandma Ellie and his smile returned although it wasn't exactly matched by hers. Her lips were pressed in a hard line, her eyes crinkling into a disapproving frown as she dried her wrinkled hands on her bright yellow pinny. "She's gone," she said, her voice empty of any emotion.

Maybe it was the way she said it, the way she was looking at him or just all of Negan's deep buried fears were suddenly realised but his stomach plummeted right to the bottom of his feet, a place it never usually rested. "What do you mean she's gone?" he demanded, half certain he was being paranoid yet too paranoid to give a shit.

Grandma Ellie crossed her arms about her chest giving him a pointed look, the sort of look that told him 'watch who you're talking to with that tone'. His Grandma had the same look, it was a look that came with the back of her hand upside his head and he'd been on the receiving end of it almost every time he saw her. Almost every time he spoke to her. "You've been gone a long time Negan."

He abandoned his cardboard box, taking long strides to the bottom of the porch steps where his hand gripped the wooden rail, "where is she?"

Grandma stared him down, her eyes a faded moss version of Rae's bottle green. Negan blinked, letting her win the unspoken competition they'd entered into and she rewarded him with an answer. "She's out."

Negan inhaled a heavy breath, relief plastering a smile on his face as he tried to smooth the furrow that had creased concern into his brow.

Her arms fell easily to her sides, her voice was now as carefree as a summer's day, "she's checking bait traps with Tim."

Bait traps with Tim. That fucker. He squeezed a little tighter to his handrail and memory joined forces with his imagination to flash an image of Lucille saying a thirsty hello to the side of Tim's head.

"But you were worried," Grandma's face cracked a knowing little smile peeling at the corners of her lips and twinkling in her eyes as she stood all high and mighty on her porch steps as if she were God. "That's good."

Negan snorted, "well I'm glad I have your fu- approval. Whats next? I have to jump through a ring of fire or bring you the heart of a mountain lion?"

Grandma's smile only widened as she looked him up and down like he was a dog come home covered in mud, "I suppose you'd better come in." At that she headed back inside, reminding him "boots at the door - this isn't a barn." Then she looked back over her shoulder with the laser point stare that also belonged to both Rae and Zuzu, "I never said you have my approval."

Negan bit back his smile, watching her walk away before he hopped down the porch steps to grab his cardboard box. He set it by the front door and unlaced his boots as he laughed to himself in private. He'd forgotten how being here was going to make him feel. Like he was just a man. Like he was back to a time where he still gave a damn what people thought about him. A time before he'd ever killed a person or seen a dead man stand up and keep walking.

He left his boots and his box next to the door then headed in the house to find Grandma Ellie sitting in her parlor with a pair of glasses perched on her nose as she mended the knee of some well worn trousers.

"I'd offer you tea or coffee, but we're fresh out of everything," she said without taking her eyes off her sewing.

 _Coffee_. Negan made a mental note. He'd brought a few things with him but not enough to make a dent in the supplies needed for an entire community. Even as King Dick he couldn't remove too many supplies from the stores without a shit tonne of questioning, or at least a shit tonne of people whispering behind his back that he was taking supplies somewhere. He didn't need that kind of hassle, he couldn't exactly break all his own rules even if he was the one sitting at the top. "I'm alright sweetheart," he crooned and Grandma made a noise that was both approving and disapproving at the same time.

He watched her pull the needle through the trousers a couple of times before walking to the window that faced the front gate and peeling back the net curtain with one gloved finger as the clock ticked silently in the background. He hadn't exactly expected a grand entrance but he'd at least expected Rae to be here. He never had to wait for his wives, they were always there. like vultures circling a dying animal and he supposed that wasn't really a good thing.

He let the net swish shut and turned back to the parlor. There was a piano in the corner, just like in Rae's apartment. Behind it there was a brass plaque that had once belonged outside, it read 'Mrs Honey's Piano School.'

"Sit down Negan, you're setting me on edge with all your loitering," Grandma Ellie ordered as he reached his hand out to twitch at the curtain once more. He clenched his fist and laughed under his breath before ignoring her request and walking over to the sideboard that held a collection of photographs in tarnished frames.

There was a very young looking Grandma Ellie, probably younger than Rae was now, she reminded him of Maureen O'Hara in all the Western's he'd watched as a kid and even though the print wasn't colour he could tell she'd been a red head. Another goddamn fireball redhead, he might have known. "You were a knockout Grandma Ellie," he said, smiling to himself.

"Were?" she peeked up from her sewing, her eyes almost sparkling now and he bet she'd been the kind of girl that had all the boys jumping through hoops of fire and taming mountain lions for a chance at a kiss.

" _Are_ ," Negan corrected as the telltale creak of the front gate caught his attention.

He was on the porch in time to see Rae returning with Tim by her side and he'd be lying if he said it didn't piss him off. It did fucking piss him off. He wanted to be the one setting traps or whatever the fuck they'd been doing. Except that was a lie too. He didn't want to be setting traps with Rae he wanted to be counting every last one of her freckles with his tongue and seeing exactly what sound she made when her legs were quivering in pleasure. She was a musician so he'd imagined that she'd make a great sound, the kind of sound he'd want to play on an endless loop.

Negan was hard just thinking about it, he'd done nothing but think about it. Every night, every morning, hell every afternoon since he'd been here he'd been thinking about her. He adjusted the crotch of his jeans and stepped off the porch, taking a lean against his car and just watching her.

She was more real than he remembered. Every fantasy he'd fantasized hadn't done justice to the long lengths of her legs or the deep red of her hair as it caught every ray of clouded sun.

She spotted him and when their eyes locked his heart stopped beating, but in a good way, the kind of way that told him there was something very special about Miss Rachel Honey. The kind of special that made a man wonder where he could find a mountain lion and a ring of fire.

/

Rae hadn't expected to see Negan yet there he was. Tall, dark and handsome with his leather jacket and devilish smile as he leaned against a cherry red car that looked like it belonged in the 1950's, all white walled tyres and chrome bumpers. His hands caressed along the bodywork, his eyes never looking away from her.

"I was hoping we weren't gonna see him again," Tim grumbled, slamming the gate closed with an unnecessary bang.

"He said he'd come back."

"That didn't mean I wanted him too," Tim stood directly in front of her, blocking her view of Negan as his hand toyed with the strap of his rifle. She stared at his chest, trying to avoid eye contact but he demanded her attention by calling her name, "Rae!"

She looked at him, her jaw tightened with annoyance. Since she'd kissed Negan, they hadn't spoken about it like she'd suspected they might have done and she'd been grateful. They'd settled back into the easy ways of their friendship and she'd avoided any situation or any conversation that might have led to the way he was looking at her right now. "He didn't come back for you," she said, sidestepping him and his disapproval.

"He doesn't care about you Rae, if he did he wouldn't have been gone so long."

Tim's words were just loud enough for her to hear and they poured salt in the wound that had opened up over the past few weeks as she'd told herself the exact same thing. Her giddy excitement burned down to a simmer that even Negan's smile couldn't reheat as she put one foot in front of the other.

Tim might not have wanted Negan and his Saviors to return and Rae might have had her own reasons but everyone else, even Margo, had been talking a whole mountain of gossip about when they would come back. With this many women all clumped together with nothing to do but chores and chatter it was to be expected. It didn't hurt that Negan had what seemed like a honeypot of good looking men who had, as Carly had put it, "saved them all."

Negan had been put on a pedestal by some of her people. Of course almost everyone had only seen Negan from afar, they'd never had an up close and personal meeting with his very large ego. They hadn't kissed him either. She licked her lips remembering the way her heart had raced. Despite all doubts that had convinced her Negan was a bad idea, it was racing right now at just the thought of his hands on her waist and his body pressed against hers. She could almost breathe in the scent of his skin all wrapped up in soft leather and the faint metal tang of blood.

"You missed me Red?" he spread his arms out wide, the corners of his eyes crinkling in a soft smile that betrayed the brutal way he could kill a man.

Of course he wouldn't say 'hello', he was probably expecting her to dive into his arms. "You almost seem familiar..." she toyed with his overzealous ego.

His smile faded, "it's been a while."

"Almost 4 weeks," Rae blurted, springing his smile back to life.

"You've been counting the days baby doll?"

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear in a motion she hoped was enough to hide the blush that spread as quick as her smile. She wouldn't call it counting up the days, she'd call it 'noticing' them. And if she was trying to make him feel bad or trying not to lose her head she was failing miserably.

Negan began to step closer and her heart hammered even harder than it had been since she'd first spotted him."I had unexpected difficulties but I definitely didn't forget about you, your freckles or any other parts." his gaze swept down her body, she was clad in a parker, jeans and a thick flannel shirt but she might have been naked with the way his eyes devoured her.

Rae cleared her throat, "I should take these to the house." She held up the two rabbits which happened to be her biggest game haul to date, not that the meat from two little cottontails would spread far with twenty four mouths to feed.

Negan looked at her hands, distraction giving her the opportunity to escape and regain composure rather than blushing and smiling like a juvenile. She turned on her heel, taking purposeful strides to the safety of the house and she almost made it. In fact she got further than she thought before an iron clad grip held her elbow, locking her into place on the porch.

"You running away from me Red?"

"Just walking," she answered just like she had when she'd first brought Negan here.

He chuckled, spinning her around and moving so his body was an inch from being flush with hers. His thumb brushed her cheek, the leather of his glove smooth and warm, uncontrolled instinct had her face nuzzling against his hand and soaking up the familiarity of him. Then right on the porch, where everyone was watching, his hands cupped her face and he leaned in for a kiss.

Rae pulled back, her heart fluttering with need but her head filled with reluctance and fully aware of all the spectators. "You're practically a stranger," she insisted, despite the fact that everything about the way Negan was making her feel was telling her otherwise.

"That's not what you said last time you kissed me sweetheart."

"That was different," she straightened up her spine, "you've been gone for weeks and…" his smug look pissed her off, no matter how she felt she had her principles - not that those principles had worked out too well with Jacob but that only made her more vigilant, she wasn't some floozy he could come and fuck, "just because I kissed you once doesn't mean it's gonna happen again."

She stepped into the house, away from prying eyes and with Negan in hot pursuit. If she thought he was letting her walk to where she wanted to go she was wrong. He held her waist, manhandling her into the broom closet.

He pulled the light cord, the bulb warmed up a hazy glow that filled the space that was so consumed by Negan and his wolfish grin. "You're right Red but you're also fucking wrong. You're mine no matter how many times you kiss me and you want this just as fucking much as I do."

Rae sucked her bottom lip in a motion that didn't go unnoticed by Negan as his gaze focused every ounce of attention on her mouth before slowly creeping back up to her eyes. When she'd told herself Negan was a bad idea she hadn't remembered how good it made her feel, or how alive.

"Let's reacquaint." He yanked the rabbits from her hands, dropping them to the floor before his lips crashed into hers in a desperate frenzy. His body pinned her against the shelves filled with canned apples as his hands snuck into her winter coat to explore. She couldn't breath and she didn't want to, she wanted him to consume her until there was nothing left but tingled electricity.

"Has anyone seen my granddaughter?" Grandma's voice filled the hallway in tune with footfalls.

Negan stopped their kiss, his forehead pressed to hers.

"She's probably with _him_ ," Tim replied and Rae could almost picture the agitated way he would be adjusting his wiry glasses as he said, "I don't think he can be trusted alone with Rae."

Negan laughed, his hand snaking between her thighs as he whispered, "he's not fucking wrong, I'll give Timmy that."

Grandma's response was faded and their footsteps retreated as Negan stood back, giving her room to collect herself. He dug into the pocket of his jeans and for a fleeting moment she thought he was going to pull out a condom and fuck her right up against the tinned fruit. Instead he pulled out a set of car keys, "red for Red," he purred in a deep husky whisper.

"The one outside?"

"Let's take her for a spin," he placed the keys in her palm, "and it's not a request baby doll. I didn't drag my ass here to help Grandma darn Timmy's trousers. And from the look on your face that's not what you want me to do either."

Of course he was right and that only made Rae want to prove him wrong, "you're so obnoxious."

"And you love every fucking minute of it," Negan spanked her so hard she yelped as she tried to casually slip from the closet. Luckily nobody was there to see it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Don't forget to leave kudos and let me know if you're enjoying this story :) xoxo
> 
> For anyone interested I've added some new oneshots onto my 'Princesspea writes prompts' story including an AU where Negan is a Daddy.


	19. Loose Lips Sink Ships

“If you cared about Rae at all then you’d stay away from her.”

  
  


Negan turned his head to see Timmy with his fists clenched into furious balls as he stormed down the porch to where he was waiting by the car. By the grace of God he somehow stopped the laugh that practically begged for freedom. But hell, he was trying to be fucking civilised here, he wasn’t trying to beat the shit out of anyone or do anything that might start a fight that he would definitely finish. 

  
  


He waited for Timmy to come to a standstill before asking, as nicely as he could, “why the fuck would I stay away from Red when she wants me here?”

  
  


Timmy’s nostrils flared so wide that Negan half expected steam to shoot straight out and fog up his glasses. Instead he just kept giving him the stink eye, “I don’t know why she can’t see right through you. You’re nothing but a sleaze ball, the only reason you helped us was because you wanted to...”

  
  


Negan straightened his spine, standing full height, “wanted to what?”

  
  


“You wanted to,” Tim swallowed hard, his words were barely audible, foreign on his good boy tongue, “ _ fuck _ Rae.”

  
  


“What was that? I didn't quite catch that Timmy,” Negan held his hand to his ear, his grin impossible to control now even if he wanted to and he definitely didn’t want to. 

  
  


“You know what I said,” Timmy spat.

  
  


“She’s a beautiful woman but no matter how fuckable she is I don’t risk my life for pussy. It's just the happy coincidence of being a fucking badass.”

  
  


“You don’t even know her. Not like I do.”

  
  


“You had you’re chance Timmy-too-slow, you had four long week to make your moves and get her all shacked up and settled down on your dick. Fuck me, you’ve had years.”

  
  


“You’re disgusting.” 

  
  


Timmy stepped closer and Negan started to believe he was going to end up in a fight afterall, he always did have the kind of mouth that landed him fights. 

  
  


“And there’s more than one way to be intimate with a person.” 

  
  


“Hows that Timmy? You tossed one out while you peeped on her? That’s fucking disgusting. Am I gonna have to mark you down as some kind of dirty pervert? Peeping  _ Tim _ ?”

  
  


Timmy’s face blanched like Negan had hit a nail very close to the head and Negan couldn’t blame him for knocking one out over Rae, he’d knocked out more than he wanted to admit. “I don’t know how she even talks to you!” Timmy covered, not exactly denying the situation.

  
  


“Or do you think you’re intimate with Red because you chase her ass around like a lost fucking puppy?”

  
  


“It's not like that! I know her. We’ve spent entire nights just talking, I helped her build this place, I know where she went to college, what her favorite songs are, every house we’ve scavenged together. I know how she got the little scar that cuts across her jaw and how many times she failed her driver's test. And… even if I know she doesn’t look at me the way I look at her, she’s still my friend and I’m not gonna let you hurt her.”

  
  


Negan bit his tongue. Maybe he didn’t know the secrets that were locked up in Rae’s head and maybe he could never promise not to hurt her because, at his core, he was always the man that had hurt Lucille and he wasn’t sure he could be a better one. But no matter what, Negan wasn’t going to justify a single fucking thing to anyone and Timmy was reaching the limit he had for fuckers that weren’t long legged redheads. 

  
  


“Good for you Timmy, you know what jersey to pick out and what album to play but here's the deal and I want you to listen very fucking closely. In a few minutes Red’s gonna to be getting in this car with me and leaving with me and you, well let's face facts,  _ you  _ can fuck off. It's as simple as that. You don’t like it? Tough shit because I’m here. I’m not leaving and you can't fucking make me,” he chuckled embracing the inner kid who wanted to follow that statement up with ‘nah nah na nah nah,’ it was childish but it was the truth.

  
  


Tim’s nostrils were flaring again and Negan lost his smile to erase any idea that what he said next was a joke or a false promise, “you try anything, you piss me off more than you are pissing me off right now and I can promise you won’t live to regret it.” It was almost exactly what he had said to Miguel and that had only ended one way, the only way Negan knew how to deal with troublemakers. 

  
  


“Are you trying to threaten me?”

  
  


“I never try to do anything Timmy-too-slow, I’ve told you before, but fuck it I’ll tell you again. I’m not you.”

  
  


Like clockwork Rae emerged from her house with Grandma Ellie close behind.

  
  


Negan’s smile sprang back into action at the sight of them both. When they were close enough to touch his hand almost reached out for Rae’s before he thought better of it and shoved it in his pocket, “don’t worry Grandma Ellie, I’ll take good care of your Grandbaby and bring her back in one piece.” He was planning on fucking her hard but he hadn’t split a woman in two yet.

  
  


“You’d better,” Grandma warned, wary old eyes switching from himself to Rae while Negan smiled at Tim like everything was super duper at the little house on the prairie. He even winked. If Timmy was hoping to frighten him away not only was he the most delusional motherfucker that he had ever met but he was also doing the worst fucking job in the world.

  
  


///

  
  


Rae told Grandma she was going out to look for supplies just liked she’d already planned to do after checking the bait traps. The only difference in her plan was taking Negan instead of Tim and if she was honest with herself, Negan was the better partner. She’d seen the way he fought, dead or living, he was unstoppable. If there was going to be only one other person with her, and there definitely couldn’t be both Negan and Tim if she didn’t want a fight on her hands, then Negan was the one that made her feel the safest. At least in the physical sense. 

  
  


Grandma headed back into the house and Tim had disappeared without her noticing so it was just her and Negan. He held open the door to the car, allowing her into the driver’s seat with a smirk that said, ‘see, I’m letting you drive I’m not always a sexist asshole,’ and Rae slid into the soft white leather with a thrill of unadulterated excitement. 

  
  


This was a beautiful car. The kind of car that turned heads when you peeled down the road and it was easily the nicest car she’d ever had the pleasure of driving. She turned the key in the ignition and the engine purred to life as Negan took a seat besides her.

  
  


“Where to, Red?” he grinned as Rae pulled a folded map from her pocket before shoving it in his hand.

  
  


“You can give me directions.” 

  
  


His face fell to something between disappointment and confusion but even if she wanted to let go and take a joyride with Negan this was the end of the world and a woman had to be practical. They’d take the car for a spin and they’d check out the places she’d already marked on the map. It was win win. At least for her.

  
  


“You know all work and no play isn’t fucking healthy. You should take the day off from being queen of the fort.”

  
  


“Are you a Doctor now?”

  
  


“I wouldn’t say I was a doctor but i’d happily give you a full body exam sweetheart. Just say the word...”

  
  


“Just read the map,” she said with a laugh as his outrageous flirting worked its charm. 

  
  


Negan snorted, unfolding the map as they pulled onto the main road. “So… you good at taking directions Red?”

  
  


She looked at him, if he was making a joke about women being terrible at directions then she was prepared for war. Instead, he had that hazel green twinkle that lived in his eyes when they were alone. “I need to know, are you gonna do exactly what I tell you to do?”

  
  


Her thoughts went to the gutter, probably the exact destination that Negan had in mind. Was taking a ride in this car an agreement that things would progress beyond a kiss? Was that the deal she was making with herself? She still couldn’t decide. She liked the way he kissed her, but he was a difficult man to trust; confident, arrogant, an impossible flirt. She knew almost nothing about him. “That depends,” she answered, not giving anything away. 

  
  


“On what?”

  
  


Rae laughed, letting out some of the nervous energy that was coiling in her stomach as she fumbled the button on the CD player to fill the car with nothing but silence that didn’t mask his need for an answer. So she played it safe again, “I don’t know. Just read the map and… behave yourself.”

  
  


“Impossible,” he chuckled and she could feel the heat of his eyes watching her before he gave up the conversation in favour of opening the glove box and flicking through his CD’s.

  
  


The destination on the map was a little one horse town, nothing more than a couple of rows of houses, a tiny convenience store and a small family doctors practice. She pulled the car up at the edge of the first house and its tall mesh fence and before they’d even had chance to climb out of the car, halfers had already began to file from the streets towards them. 

  
  


Negan had his bat and she had the knife that he’d given her, the Glock on her belt was purely for an emergency. She felt a chill inch down her spine like it always did before she faced any halfers and wondered _ would this be it? _ It was morbid but it was a thought impossible to ignore after watching the world and almost everyone in it succumb to the dead. 

  
  


He took the first swing, nice and easy. Killing walkers like these, slow and scattered in a wide open space was all about tactics. Don’t get cornered, don’t over exert. You had to pick them off one by one, taking as much time as you needed. 

  
  


Rae picked her target, a woman, shorter than herself and wasted away like she had been one of the first to turn and had spent the rest of the time outside being eroded by the elements. Rae grabbed her shoulder, her knife sliced through the top of the skull like breaking the shell of a creme brulee. After that it was all a blur and just like the day outside of her apartment she settled into an easy rhythm with Negan, covering each others back and killing with precision. 

  
  


When the street was cleared and they were safely inside the first house Negan rested Lucille on the kitchen counter, barbed wire dripping blood that collected into a sticky pool on the laminate. “Jesus Fuck baby, if I’d have a known our joyride would include facing hordes of the apocalypse I might not have fucking bothered bringing you a car,” he teased as she opened the door of the pantry to find it empty except for a half used bottle of sunflower oil and a bag of flour.

  
  


She picked the flour up, peeling open the paper to find it filled with hundreds of tiny bugs and ruined. With a sigh she threw it back on the shelf, wondering if all the fighting had been a huge waste of energy before turning to look at Negan who was grinning and as self satisfied as he ever was. “We’re almost out of food at the farm so I don’t have the luxury of taking the day off. If you don’t like this then you don’t have to come back again or be here with me right now.” 

  
  


///

  
  


The way Rae snapped, the way her eyes glowed like a wild cat made him think she was going to bite his head clean off and that’s when he realised just how scrawny she’d got since he’d last seen her. It was hard to tell with the heavy coat but he could see it in her cheeks and the sharpness of her jaw. It occurred to him that Rae was the kind of person who would be first to find the food and last to eat it. It also occurred to him that he couldn't remember the last time he’d missed a meal because there wasn’t any food. “I brought you some things, it's not much but...” fuck his people and what they would think, “I’ll bring more next time.”

  
  


“No. You shouldn’t take from your people to give to mine.”

  
  


All he could think about was the warehouse full of Jacob’s supplies, piles of food now all sitting in his own stores, not to mention all the communities he had ‘working’ for him. “You’re my people. I already fucking told you that Red.”

  
  


“I know but-”

  
  


“But nothing.” He wanted to make it better, he wanted to appease the guilt he felt when he’d decided that the only reasons she wasn’t at the Sanctuary, with him and all his protection, were selfish ones. “You’re no good to me if you’re half starved. I’ll bring you food next time. I already brought you some men, they’re setting up house in the farm across the field and you’re gonna use them. They’ll help you gather supplies and keep an eye on you.” 

  
  


She finished checking the last of the kitchen cupboards and gave him a pointed look, “I don’t need babysitting.”

  
  


“Well that's tough shit sweetheart. I’m not leaving you without protection. Hell, I shouldn’t have done it the last time. We both know exactly what kind of assholes are out there.  _ I _ can’t always be with you but you’ll have my men and you’ll fucking like it.”

  
  


He’d brought the ones he could trust to keep their mouths shut and told them that their only job, their only fucking purpose in life, was to live across the field and keep watch on the matchstick fort at all times. Every one of them had been happy to take the job, that had been his second requirement, he didn’t want someone watching over Red that didn’t want to be there. The idea appeased his guilt a little but not all the way. 

  
  


“Is it Donnie?” she said over her shoulder as she headed into the lounge.

  
  


“ _ Donnie _ ,” he wouldn’t call it jealousy but he wouldn’t call the feeling that swelled in his stomach entirely normal either, “you wanna tell me what's so fucking interesting about Donnie?”

  
  


Rae gave him one of her hard stares now, “is he at the house or not?”

  
  


“No, he was shot in the shoulder at Jacobs compound. He’s still not one hundred percent. Either that or he’s just one lazy motherfucker.”

  
  


“That's unfortunate,” she shrugged as she left the lounge and began to climb the stairs.

  
  


“For you or him?” he followed the sway of her ass, half forgetting what they were even discussing and half wondering why the hell he wasn’t between her thighs right now with his tongue in her mouth.

  
  


“Next time you see him,” her fingertips wrapped around the handle of the first door along the hall and she paused, staring at the wood, before sighing, “tell him he’s going to be a father.”

  
  


His gaze couldn’t help but flick instantly to her waist, the place where that kind of thing happened, the tent that had grown in his pants as he climbed the stairs lost a little steam, “a father?”

  
  


“Yes,” she swung the door open, her knife at the ready, “one of my girls is expecting a baby and he’s responsible.”

  
  


_ ‘At least someone was having sex at the little house on the prairie,’ _ was the first thought that crossed his mind but he decided to keep that one to himself. “Your girl, my guy?” Negan laughed, lingering in the door as she checked out the tiny room. “Do I pay for the wedding or do you?”

  
  


“It's not funny,” she poked him in the chest as she moved to the next room, a bathroom, blue tiles and the smell of mildew.

  
  


“Oh I think it is,” he chuckled, not quite sure if he should say the next part but saying it nonetheless. “Donnie’s girl is gonna be spitting blood when she finds out.”

  
  


“He has a girlfriend?” Rae demanded her jaw clenching like she was prepared to fight Negan over the revelation.

  
  


He held up his hands with a nervous laugh. Donnie wasn’t the only one. He felt guilty as fuck for letting the other man's cat out of the bag. It made him reconsider the men he was donating to Rae’s fort and how easily a happy little snippet of information can slide so juicily from a tongue. “I mean… I-”

  
  


“Oh my god,” she threw up her hands “you men are all the same!” she began bashing open the bathroom cupboards like they were practice shots at Donny’s head.

  
  


Negan wiped his hand over his face, wondering why the hell he had said anything and partly wondering if it was because he wanted to know how she would take the information. Rae’s angry clattered searching stopped and he looked up to see a cabinet wide open to reveal one very large, very brightly coloured, impossible to miss box of Trojans. Ribbed, for her pleasure.

  
  


His throat went dry and he hardly knew whether to laugh or cry as the room filled with a pregnant pause. He could hardly take the quiet before his boots met the tiles and he walked to where she stood, leaning his body into the back of hers. This was the sort of sign he could believe in. Her ass fit perfectly against his crotch as he reached over her shoulder and picked up the unopened box, “I guess your girl won’t be needing these.”

  
  


That riled her, the red of her hair was like flames licking against her alabaster skin as she turned to glare at him, poking her finger into his chest. “She’s a teenager! Impressionable. She had it on good faith that they had and I quote”,  _ he’d never seen such violent air quotes _ ,  _ “ _ a connection _.” _

  
  


Negan pictured all five of his lovely wives and let's say he got a little defensive, “maybe they do. Maybe he’s unhappy with the other woman. You don’t know every-fucking-thing that goes on in Donnie’s head.”

  
  


“Is he still with her?” she stepped out of the bathroom that was suddenly cramped, all filled up with attitude. 

  
  


He let her walk a few steps before following her, “I’m not his fucking stalker, I don’t exactly know his business.” All he knew was that he hadn’t slept with his wives since he’d met Rae but that didn’t mean he wasn’t married to them and lying through his teeth to her. 

  
  


“Well I’m sure he had a real special connection, screwing two women at the same time.”

  
  


She opened the last door and stepped inside the master bedroom while he idled in the hallway feeling suitably put in his place and like bag of shit on a hot day. Jesus fuck, when had he become so bothered about what this woman thought about him? It wasn’t his style, he needed to go back to cracking skulls and fucking pussy. He should be enjoying the ride rather than worrying about when he would get caught. 

  
  


There was a clatter, a smash of glass on a hard floor and it all happened quickly. A frenzied shadow dashed through his peripheral so quick that it didn’t register in his brain before a dead man's hands were tangled in Rae’s long ponytail, clawing towards her soft skin. Her bottle green eyes were as wide, her arms desperately flailing for her knife. She lodged it in the roamers neck to the spurt of dirty blood but it wasn’t enough to stop the attack as the man's teeth sank into her shoulder and dragged her to the ground.  

  
  


Time moved slowly, it was like Negan could feel every heartbeat as he clenched his hands to find them empty of Lucille who still sat downstairs, forgotten. He was going to lose her. Just like Lucille he was going to watch as Rae slipped away. It was all he could think about as he stumbled forward with panicked steps. He crashed into the door, scrambling through it. His ungainliness was enough to the distract the roamer and give Rae a chance to crawl away.  Negan grabbed the nearest thing to hand, a mirrored jewellery box. He slammed the corner right into the temple of the man's skull in one hard knock that split it open like an egg, all the inner goo dripping out as it slumped to the floor. 

  
  


Negan’s hands were shaking almost as much as his unsteady breaths as the jewellery box slipped to the hardwood floor, filling the room with more broken glass. He didn’t know who made the first move, maybe it was both of them but suddenly Rae was in his arms, her face pressed against his chest, his buried in her hair and the sweet smell of her shampoo. He held her, tight, protective, not knowing if he was doing it for her sake or for his. 

  
  


He let her out of his bear hug after a time, shrugging off her coat and pulling back the collar of her shirt to see a deep purple bruise flowering against her alabaster skin - but no open wounds. Her heavy winter coat had saved her, not him. “Rae I...” he didn’t quite know what to say or how to word the feeling that was swelling inside where the worry and terror had been, “Jesus Christ baby.” He kissed her forehead and pulled her against him again.

  
  


“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her fingers curling into his shirt. 

  
  


“It's not your fucking fault,” he nuzzled the top of her head, “I should have checked the room. I should be fucking looking after you properly.”

  
  


She looked up at him and Negan realised he never held any of his wives, in fact, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d taken comfort in another person's body without his dick being involved. It felt good. 

  
  


“I don’t need you checking my rooms or taking care of me like I’m your problem. It was my fault, I was distracted. I’m sorry because... I shouldn’t have even been having that argument with you.”  

  
  


_ Fuck _ , that was exactly the kind of argument she probably should be having with him and more. He felt even worse, “ _ Red... _ ”

  
  


“And you’re right,” she pulled from his arms, her hair half fallen from her ponytail, a smear of old blood on her cheek, “ _ fuck  _ responsibilities, we deserve to have the day off and to stop worrying about everyone else all the time. ”

  
  


“Yeah?” he forced a smile. If she knew the truth then she would never look at him the way she was looking at him right now, trust and softness. He couldn’t get enough of it. He touched his thumb to her cheek before tucking her hair behind her ear. This was exactly the kind of way he wanted her to look at him. With her lips a smile that he could kiss, her freckled skin a map still to be explored. Negan was torn in two, he just hoped Rae couldn’t see the proof of it all over his face or the way his pulse was racing, not just because she was near but because he knew that one day, just like Donnie, he would get caught in all his half truths. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and for all the Kudos and comments left on the last chapter! I love you guys :D xoxo


	20. Kissing on a first date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, its been a while since my last update! I've just been busy doing a bit of travelling. I was lucky enough to spend weekends in Rome and in Dublin and in between that I've just been busy with life and Negan Smut Week. I won't ever abandon this story, I love it too much! I hope you all enjoy this extra long instalment!! xoxo

Negan waited downstairs while Rae changed into the clean shirt she’d found hung up in the wardrobe. It would have been the perfect opportunity for him to offer her a helping hand but the dead man with his head caved in ruined the mood more than just a little bit. So he waited, patiently, and when she hopped down the stairs with her hair scraped into a messy bun and a psychedelic shirt that came up three sizes too big his throat was suddenly dry. He shifted from foot to foot trying to think of something smart to say before simply blurting, “you look nice.”

Rae did a double take, her brow creasing with suspicion before she looked at her shirt and laughed, “thanks, I guess.”

Shit. Negan cleared his throat, mentally moving the subject swiftly on. He didn’t compliment women, at least not their clothes. He praised them for how tight their pussy was or how great they were at sucking his dick. He didn’t tell them that with their hair tied up their ivory skin looked as soft as satin or anything as pathetic as that. “So where do you wanna go princess?”

“I dunno,” she shrugged, her fingers worrying the hem of her shirt, “where do you wanna go?”

With no money to think about and no long lines you’d imagine the world would be your oyster but it wasn’t like that and Negan felt fresh out of good ideas. All he could do was smile and feel the way his heart was thudding with what were certainly nerves. Jesus, even his palms were sweating, he needed to grab the bull by the horns here. “Why do I feel like this is our first date?” he laughed, trying honesty on for size.

“Because we hardly know each other,” she said a little too fast and he couldn’t help but think of Timmy. It pissed him off, god he hated that fucker and even the mere mention of his name.  

“So let’s get to know each other Red. I mean, that is what I fucking came here to do,” he stepped closer to her, his hands bunched into her ugly shirt to pull her towards him, “I wanna know you a whole lot better, inside and out.”

A small smile quirked at her lips and a blush graced her cheeks as she tugged her shirt from his fingers with the slightest nod that told him she wanted the same thing. He followed Rae out of the kitchen door, grabbing Lucille, the box of Trojans ferreted away in his pockets. Truthfully he didn’t care where they went as long as it ended somewhere that had a nice soft landing for when he threw her down like he’d pictured doing everyday since he’d met her.

Rae glanced over her shoulder before they reached the car, her eyes looking past him to the little town. “Me and Tim can come back here tomorrow,” she said more to herself than to him but the very idea stopped Negan in his tracks and it wasn’t just because the sound of Timmy’s name made his stomach turn with the kind of rage that got Lucille thirsty.

He turned to face the street. There were a couple of roamers that had appeared since they’d cleared the road, behind doors and windows he could see a few more. The notion of Rae being here with Timmy watching her back made his blood run like ice. It had been so easy for her to be grabbed my a dead man, a split second of distraction and suddenly the only thing keeping her alive was the thickness of her coat. He had the urge to hold her again, pick her up and take her all the way home with him. Instead he began marching in long strides towards the ambling dead, “fuck that, let’s just check out the rest of the houses right now.”

“You’re kidding me?” she called, “I thought all work and no play wasn’t healthy?”

Negan swung Lucille to crack the first skull, “letting you loose with Timmy isn’t exactly fucking healthy either.”

He knew that no matter what he said or did there was no way she would ever sit tight on the farm and out of danger. He could only pray they found a store of food in this one horse town that meant she could hold off scavenging long enough for him to donate some supplies. The amount he was wanting to give her was getting larger with each passing thought as he bust open a door to the next house and he felt her following behind, his mind racing at the possibility of some danger lurking to snatch her away.  

When they were finally loading up the car with the last of the supplies and the town was officially cleared it was already getting late, but he didn’t regret it. Scavenging with Rae wasn’t like doing it with Simon, not only did he get a nice view to watch but he liked talking to someone who wasn’t afraid of him and who laughed at his jokes when they were good or called him out when they were bad. Fucking hell, he liked this woman so much when she wasn’t fucking him that the idea of actually having her for real was making him all kinds of crazy.

///

Negan had been different while they’d been searching the houses. He’d babied her like she was made of glass but it was more than that. They’d talked like it was a normal day and they were meeting for coffee rather than rummaging through drawers and killing halfers. Rae had found herself telling him about the pet goldfish she’d had when she was eight, the first time she’d ever been paid to play piano professionally, an old boyfriend who’d convinced her to try her first cigarette and a bunch of other stories.

He slammed the hood of the trunk closed and she took a lean against it, her arms crossed as she watched his smile become a little more devilish, the twinkle in his eye a little more of what she was used to. Her heart thudded, she liked his nice side when it shined through his dark exterior but the wild side was what made her think about Negan when the lights were out.

“So…” he began, his smile now at full power, “what’s your favorite and least favorite part of your body?”

Rae choked out a laugh, glancing away from him while she considered her options. She could ignore him, call him obnoxious like he so rightly was but she didn’t. She stretched out her leg, the heel of her boot resting against the tarmac and admitted, “I hate my clown feet.”

Negan laughed, a deep belly laugh that bristled her temper as he took a lean besides her, his foot coming to rest against hers, dwarfing it enough to make her feel dainty. It was strangely nice. Even nicer was the press of his arm snug against hers as they leaned on the car side by side. She cocked her head to look at him, she didn’t think she could feel this way about Negan but despite it all she had butterflies taking flight in her tummy and she wanted nothing more than for him to kiss her.

“Favourite part?” he crooned, in the way that only Negan could, the way that made her feel like it could be just the two of them in this world.

She licked her lips. His eyes were fixed firmly on her face, waiting, she was sure he was hoping she’d say something outrageous but instead she held out her hand, “long fingers.”

Negan took her hand in his and her heart stopped as he brushed his lips over her knuckles, “you’ll play for me Red?”

“Yes,” her heart began to thud again, in fact it raced until she was dizzy, completely intoxicated with Negan. “It’s you’re turn,” she said, forcing the words out in a whisper that would have been inaudible if he wasn’t standing so close, “favourite and least favourite…”

“You tell me baby.” He leaned back, with raised eyebrows. “What’s your favourite part…” his hand rested on his thigh, dangerously close to his crotch. Of course she had never seen that part but that didn’t mean she wasn’t staring. Suddenly her throat was dry and when she dared to look at him he was grinning.

Rae straightened her back, she was a big girl, she wasn’t going to swoon over a boy no matter how tall dark and handsome he was, or how much he made her laugh. “Well… it’s certainly not your ego or your potty mouth.”

“A lotta girls like my dirty mouth.”

She felt her cheeks heat, and a pang of jealousy cried out, ‘what girls?’ as she narrowed her eyes at him, “you must be pleased.”

“Every-fucking-day sweetheart,” he stepped towards her, “but I’m still waiting. Favourite part?”

Rae bit her tongue and he held her gaze in a standoff until she decided, “I suppose you have nice… teeth.”

“All the better to eat you with Red,” he snarled, pulling her hair to expose the length of her neck and the trail of skin that ran all the way into the V of her shirt. She could feel her chest start to heave, waiting for his touch, his lips, anything. When his fingers brushed her skin it was at her jawline, a featherlight touch tracing the little scar that lived there courtesy of an old boyfriend.

“Where’d you get that?” he said and she pulled her head away.

“Nowhere.”

“Now there’s a loaded answer.”

“Well…” she wasn’t prepared to tell him another story of a relationship gone bad, her eyes landed on the bat he called Lucille with tenderness that made the wood seem alive. “Where’d you get that?”

A flash of something crossed his face before he laughed it off. “Lets call it nowhere, eh baby doll?” he decided as he ended the conversation by slipping into the car without looking back.

Rae hadn’t really thought about the bat much before, she’d only mentioned it because it was there to mention but watching his reaction made her wonder. Not enough to say anything as she took the driver’s seat but enough to look at him every now and again and realise Negan had asked about her but he still never said much about himself. So she drove him to the only place in the world she could think of besides Grandma’s house, her apartment, and when she was opening the first door it was getting dark enough for this to be a bad idea but she was old enough not to care. She was surprised he hadn’t made a comment about coffee or anything suggestive but the entire care journey he’d been withdrawn, watching the world go by without moving a muscle.

Her apartment was just as they’d left it. Rae let Negan shut the front door before she walked to the living room and took a seat at the piano. Her hand rested on the wood that covered the keys and she didn’t dare open it, she hadn’t played in a long time, not even the piano in Grandma’s house. It just didn’t feel like the thing to do anymore.

///

Negan watched Rae sitting at the piano like the world might crack in two if she made a sound and he knew the feeling. He sat next to her on the stool that was just about big enough for two, settled his hand on her thigh and told her what he’d never told anyone, “Lucille was my wife.”

Rae didn’t say anything, the words sank into the silence of the room like a bad smell.

“She wasn’t bit. She just died, cancer. It was slow and then she was gone. When I came out of that hospital room the world was fucked, I had no fucking idea. I spent months just drifting around watching stupid fuckers getting torn apart by the dead while I survived. For a long time I had no one to talk to but Lucille. She was the only one I could trust. ” That’s how it had stayed, until now.

Rae’s bottle green eyes were soft with pity when she looked at him. “I’m sorry about your wife,” she said like she’d probably said a hundred times to every other fucker who’d lost a loved one.

Negan’s laugh was forced, pained, he was regretting telling her as much as he was finding it a relief. “I thought you didn’t wanna be sorry about people dying Red, don’t go fucking soft on me now.”

“I decide what I wanna feel,” her hand wrapped in his, her thumb brushing over his knuckle, “or maybe I don’t.”

When it came to Rae he knew the feeling, being with her made him feel things that he wasn’t ready to admit.

“I’m sorry that happened to you and Lucille. But…” she hesitated, her eyes fell to the floor and he missed the sight of them even if they were filled with pity.

“But what?” she probably thought he was pathetic, naming a bat after his wife and talking to the fucking thing. “You better spit it the fuck out into the open Red.”

“It’s just… I’m glad you’re here with me.”

Nobody was ever glad about his existence these days, most people wanted him dead or worse. He just stared at her letting the words soak in.

“Is that wrong?”

Lucille was dead and Rae was right here, flesh and blood, red hair and long legs. Negan felt glad it was her, “what isn’t fucked up nowadays?”

Her fingers brushed through his stubble, “I just don’t want this to be fucked up.”

Negan pressed his forehead against Rae’s. He was going to fuck things up, it was only a matter of time, “I don’t deserve you Red.”

But that didn’t matter because she kissed him. Her lips were soft and giving, opening up in surrender for whatever he had planned. Her body pressed against his felt so right that he couldn’t stop to tell her just how bad he was or how much he didn’t deserve her because he was a selfish fuck. He needed her and he needed this. When it came to everyone else then he’d figure something out if it killed him.

///

Rae sank against Negan, her head tilting back as his lips explored her skin, kissing and sucking her neck in the way that made her tingle like crazy. She sighed his name, the sound of it a catalyst for him to kiss her lips again but this time more firm, more hungry as stumbled footsteps guided them to her bedroom. He ripped open the buttons of her shirt, pulling it from her shoulders before they fell on the bed in a tangle of limbs and hot kisses, grasping for each other like a lifeline.

Negan devoured her, his lips were hot wet brands chased by the tickle of his beard as her stomach began to curl with heat that tingled in all the right places. He paused only to brush his thumb along the raised scar leftover from the injury that had brought her to him. When he kissed it, his words were a murmur against her skin, “this is the only fucking time I’ll be glad you were hurt.”

Negan looked at her, his eyes serious despite his heavy breaths, “you know that Red?”

Rae nodded, she believed it, if she didn’t then they wouldn’t be here like this and she wouldn’t be feeling the way she was feeling when they were together.

Negan kissed the scar one last time before popping open the buttons of his own shirt. Her throat was dry as she gazed along his torso all the way down to where his jeans hung low on his hips, low enough for her to spy the trail of hair that crept into his waistband. She let out the breath she was holding, her skin tingling to feel his pressed against hers. When he reached underneath her body she arched her back enjoying the rough feel of his fingers as he tugged her bra clasp free.

Rae didn’t feel nervous for him to see her, she enjoyed the way Negan’s breathing deepened as he pulled her bra away, the way his eyes glazed with desire before he kissed her nipple with a featherlight touch that made her whimper. He chuckled, his laugh deep and sultry as he took her nipple more firmly in his lips. His tongue swirled around the outside enough to make her moan before he sucked hard, the pleasure tingling all the way to where she pulsed for his attention. She didn’t know how long she could last when she felt like this, like every nerve ending was heightened and every inch of skin painfully untouched.

“You’re beautiful,” he told her, his fingers caressing her skin from freckle to freckle and she believed him, the way he looked at her made her feel like she was the most desirable woman on the planet and butterflies joined the heat in her stomach, dancing in the flames.

She bit her lip as he began to slide her belt through the buckle, the idea of him removing the last of her clothes was exciting, she could hardly believe that this was happening and how much she wanted it. She hadn’t thought she’d want this again after Jacob but it felt right with Negan who began laughing softly as he realised her weapons were still flanking her hips like any good survivor.

“I better disarm you before that temper of yours gets any fucking ideas,” he teased, his tongue dipping into her belly button before he began slip her knife and glock from her belt and onto the nightstand.

Then his long fingers hooked into the waistband of her jeans and panties before easing them along her legs to the floor, leaving her completely bare. Rae trembled, even the heat of excitement was struggling to keep her warm in the cold of a frosted day but as his hand slipped between her thighs she found herself trembling for a different reason and suddenly nothing else mattered.

She bucked her hips, urging him to give her more as her breathing deepened, her body relaxing to feel nothing but what Negan would do next. He kneeled between her thighs, towering over her as his finger slipped between her wet folds, finding the right spot and stroking over and over until she thought she would burst, her hands bunching into the sheets, her breathing ragged.

“Slow down Red,” Negan crooned, his satisfied smile taking pride in how he was affecting her before he sank from kneeling on the bed to kneeling on the floor, his hands cupping her ass to bring her towards where his mouth was waiting to taste her.

She panted, catching her breath, her body filled with desperation as he began to lick along her thighs, driving her wild enough to beg, “please Negan.” Her desire to be touched was so overwhelming that she slipped her hand along her stomach wanting to relieve some of the mounting pressure but Negan stopped her, pinning her wrist to the bed before she could do anything more than groan in frustration.

“Listening to you say my name like that is too fucking good,” he taunted, his nose brushing along her sex, her body quivering with a prelude to an orgasm. “Tell me you want me Red,” he said and she couldn’t think of anything she wanted more.

“I want you. Please.”

“Say my name again baby.”

He was killing her in the best way and she was his willing victim. “Negan, please,” she whimpered, barely recognising her own voice.

“Mmm,” he groaned in satisfaction before giving her what she wanted. His tongue was hot, wet and deliciously soft as he began to lick in slow circles, sliding one finger inside without resistance to add to the pleasure that was consuming her like wildfire. Her body raced past the point of slowing down, his finger joined by a second, brushing and stretching, his tongue in perfect rhythm as she begged “don’t stop. Please don’t stop.” When her orgasm toppled over the edge it was like a powder keg lit by the flames, it shook her whole body in one explosion of toe curling waves as she panted his name and arched from the bed to enjoy every last sensation.

She floated down from her high with Negan still between her thighs, gently stroking her aftershocks until he crawled along her body, his kisses drawing a path to her lips where his tongue sank deep into her mouth taking her breath away before he asked, “was that good baby?”

Rae didn’t need to answer, the way she’d cried out his name had been proof of how good it had been and he could barely even form the word yes in her haze.

Negan lay on the bed next to her and she rolled onto her side, desire pushing away all sleepy feelings as her fingers tip toed along his stomach until they were tangled in his belt buckle. She eased it open, slipping her hand in his boxers excited to feel what had been straining against his zipper every time they had kissed.

Negan shuddered when she touched him, it was his turn to be desperate and even if she was still tingling from her climax the feel of his thick length was already making her tingle for more.

When Negan’s clothes were a pile on the floor next to hers she kissed his chest, inspecting his tattoos and nuzzling her nose against the soft hairs to breath in the smell of him. It was a smell that was starting to make her feel like she was home, like he was safety and she couldn’t get enough of it.

She settled her body between his legs, blowing on his end and licking her lips to tease him before she said, “tell me how much you want me.”

“Fucking hell baby, I’ve wanted you from the first fucking time I saw you.”

She smiled, the look on his face was so vulnerable, like he’d do anything for her mouth and she couldn’t wait any longer. She couldn’t tease him anymore, she had to taste him, she wanted him to feel how he’d made her feel. Rae licked his whole length before her lips wrapped around the end gently sucking as Negan’s hand bunched into her hair with a strangled moan.

She enjoyed making him writhe and whine, his length pulsing as he thrust into her mouth, unable to resist how good it was feeling. “Jesus fuck Red,” he groaned, pulling her hair to stop things ending too quickly.  

He shifted, sitting up to pull her into his lap, wrapping her legs around his waist as he kissed her, grinding his wet tip against her entrance, “you ready for more baby?” he said before sucking her nipple, his hand reaching down to feel how wet she was before he licked the arousal from his finger with a devilish smile and flipped her onto her back.

His dick pressed into her thigh as he reached off the bed to grab his jeans and pull out a condom from the pocket. “Remember what I said?” he asked as he kneeled between her thighs, ripping open the foil and rolling the condom into place.

“What?” she whispered, barely taking her eyes of what he was doing.

“I said that when my dick is in you, then you’re mine and I meant it baby,” he pumped his cock, before he leaned over her, resting on his hand next to her head, his body covering hers.

Rae didn’t answer, she couldn’t admit to belonging to a man out loud but she wasn’t exactly denying it either. He sucked her earlobe, whispering “all mine,” as a chance for her to reject the idea but his dominance created a flood of excitement that had her rolling her hips to his, desperate for him to take whatever he wanted and call her whatever he wanted.

Negan kissed Rae, the taste of her arousal on his tongue as he began to ease himself inside, stretching her around him and making her his. She ran her fingers down his back pushing for more until he sank all the way in, her walls tightening around his length, her body quivering with the fullness. She’d wanted this for longer than she’d admit and having his body joined with hers had her heart racing as she deepened the kiss. He pulled all the way out and slammed into her again in one hard thrust that had him groaning “fuck,” into her mouth. She didn’t know what to expect with Negan but as his fingers entwined with hers and he began to thrust in long grinding strokes, he made love to her, pulling her legs to wrap around his waist as her body rocked to meet his.

Rae could hear that Negan was getting closer from the way his breathing became more ragged, his strokes losing focus, “come for me baby,” he crooned kissing her again, his thumb brushing against her nipple with just the right pressure that her orgasm began to roll across her body in one long wave as she clung to him. Negan face buried into her neck as his orgams pulsed in hard thrusts that pushed her all the way into the mattress until they were nothing but sweat slicked skin glued together, wrapped up in each other as they caught their breath.

Rae could feel his length softening as he peppered kisses along her collarbone and neck. “Jesus,” he decided, rolling onto his back and taking in a deep shuddery breath while she just stared at the ceiling feeling exposed now all the pent up tension had been dissolved. She wanted Negan to say something and he did. He picked up her hand, kissed the back of it and said, “fucking hell, you were worth the wait Rachel Honey.”


	21. Breakfast

Negan rolled over in the bed, his voice thick with sleep as he mumbled “wrap me up in those long legs baby doll.”

  
  


Rae pressed herself against the warmth of him, happy to oblige as he eased her leg around his waist and her cheek found a home on his shoulder. She liked being the big spoon, squeezing Negan tight and hiding under the covers as a new day crept into the room. It was the morning after the night before and it felt good, better than she’d expected.

  
  


She brushed her fingertips through the soft hair of his chest, letting her breathing fall in sync with the rise and fall of Negan’s body. It was like any lazy Sunday with a new boyfriend, the only thing missing was breakfast in bed and a broadsheet she could pretend to be interested in while the radio hummed in the background. 

  
  


“You hungry baby?” he said, as if reading her mind but more likely hearing the gurgling of her stomach. Last night Negan’s body had seemed to satisfy her every craving, this morning she needed fuel for that fire that had burned for him.

  
  


“Starving,” her teeth grazed his shoulder like she might eat him up and he moaned happily at the attention before rolling over to face her. 

  
  


He made sure to keep her legs wrapped around him as he claimed a space for himself on her pillow, his face kissing distance to hers. “I could go for some bacon and eggs, coffee and bagels. What about you Red?” 

  
  


Rae’s stomach rumbled even harder, she didn’t realise how much she missed the salt and grease until right now, “don’t tease me… I can’t remember the last time I had bacon.”

  
  


Negan’s grin slipped across his face, “that's so? Well, if you behave yourself Miss Honey I might think about bringing you some next time.”

  
  


Her mouth watered, her enthusiasm peaked, “you have bacon and you’re only telling me this now?”

  
  


“I have whatever the fuck you want baby doll,” he murmured as his lips devoured hers, his hand cupping her ass to bring her closer to him.

  
  


“Whatever I want?” she asked, brushing her nose along his while his erection pushed against her thigh.

  
  


“Anything,” Negan’s breathing deepened, curling hot on her neck as his kisses trailed to her collarbone while his hand ventured with an insatiable appetite of its own. 

  
  


Rae’s stomach grumbled in protest and she laughed, batting his advances away and pulling the quilt all the way up to her chin with a mischievous smile, “what about the food in the car?”

  
  


“That your game Red?” he tickled her side, “get a man all worked up then ask him to run out in the goddamn cold to fetch you breakfast?”

  
  


“You got  _ yourself _ worked up,” she teased, nestling further into the quilt. If he went to the car then he was a keeper, if not, then he was still great in bed.

  
  


Negan’s eyes crinkled at the corners and he scratched his beard like a dog with fleas before planting a sloppy kiss on her forehead and rolling out from the bed. He stood by the door without a stitch of clothing on his body as he stretched his arms out as lazy as a big cat with a yawn to match. She rolled onto her side, tangling her legs in the sheet, enjoying the view as he bent over to pick up his boxers and slide them over his ass with the twang of elastic slapping against his waist. With a boyish laugh he grabbed the fluffy pink robe from the peg on the back of her door and slipped it on like the most natural thing in the world. 

  
  


“Don’t think about moving a muscle from that bed,” he warned with a grin before ducking out of the door. 

  
  


When she heard the door close, his footfalls down the hall stairs then the outside door slamming behind him she allowed herself to squeal, kicking her legs in the sheets like a crazy woman before jumping out of bed. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt like this, like she wanted to call her best friend and recount every detail of last night over a cup of coffee or a cocktail. She had no idea what had happened to her friends from her old life and the ones she had now were more interested in what supplies she’d found how much ammo was left in the stores. 

  
  


She threw open the bedroom curtains and sat on the window sill like she’d done a hundred times before. Only instead of watching the world go by she watched Negan hurrying towards the car with barefeet and her robe. It suited him, she liked him like this. She liked herself like this, even with Jacob it had never been this relaxed, this normal feeling. It had always been frantic, pushed against a tree, two people desperate to feel anything at all. This didn’t feel desperate or rushed, it felt like forever. 

  
  


Rae waited at the window until he was returning, his arms loaded with options and his smile devilish when he spotted her watching him, her nipples hard buds in the cold, her body completely bare at the windowpane. 

  
  


“I told you to wait in bed,” he threw the snacks onto the nightstand, “you disobeying me woman? You know how that makes my palm as itchy as fuck.”

  
  


Her jaw dropped, her eyes widened and a tingle of excitement crept across her skin, “you wouldn’t dare.” 

  
  


But of course he would.

  
  


///

  
  


All morning Negan couldn’t keep his hands off Rae. He didn’t want a inch of her to go untouched. She made him feel twenty years younger and a newlywed to boot and he’d been newlywed more times than he cared to think about. But not like this. He wanted to eat her with a spoon until he burst then he wanted to put all the pieces back together and burst again but no matter what either of them wanted even honeymoons had to end. It was already long past noon on day two of what should have been a couple of hours worth of scavenging. 

  
  


“Grandma will skin us alive if we don’t go back,” Rae insisted, attempting to slip from the bed. He pulled her back, plastering her back against his front in a bear hug until she sagged against him in surrender.

  
  


“Then let's not go back.” Negan laughed it off like a joke but part of him meant it when he said, “runaway with me Red.”

  
  


She nestled the back of her head against his chest, her voice light with opportunity, “where would we run?” 

  
  


“Somewhere hot,” he kissed the point where her shoulder curved into her neck, “with a nice beach. How’s that sound?”

  
  


Rae tilted her head to look at him, her lips quirking into a smile, “I burn like a lobster in the sun.”

  
  


He chuckled, his hand splaying across her stomach and all that alabaster skin, “then let's go to Alaska.”

  
  


Negan practically felt her shiver as she escaped from his hands, covering her arms across her chest with a “brrr… too cold.”

  
  


He hated the cold too, he liked a temperature where nobody had to wear clothes unless absolutely fucking necessary. He smiled to himself watching Rae pull on her bra like a strip tease in reverse as he quietly played out the fantasy of them just leaving the world behind with nothing but a sports car, a box of food and each other. “What about a national park, somewhere not too hot and not too fucking cold, how does that suit your majesty? We can be forest people.” 

  
  


She raised one eyebrow, her jeans smoothing over her legs as she laughed at him, “and what exactly do you know about surviving in the forest?”

  
  


Truth was he knew very little, but he knew he could make it with Red if they had to. She was feisty, strong and that's what he loved about her. Loved, as soon as the word crossed his head it sounded off like an overbearing klaxon. His chest was tight, his face froze in a look that was probably half shock and half terror but his body snapped into action reaching for his own clothes, thrusting his feet through his jeans like he needed the protection.

  
  


Rae snorted, “I’ll take your silence to mean you don’t know a single thing about living in a forest.” 

  
  


He buttoned his shirt, “you’re right, it was a stupid idea.”

  
  


Her smile faded a little, her arm brushing past him and reaching for her glock before holstering it in her belt. He watched every second of it, his heart pounding, before her eyes locked with his, “it’s not stupid. I think about running away all the time. It’s my guilty secret…” she laughed quietly, “one of them.” 

  
  


Negan didn’t say anything. He stood as still as a fucking statue but his blood was pounding, his palms sweaty.

  
  


This wasn’t love. It was great sex. Great sex with a great girl when he hadn’t had either in a long time. Jesus fucking christ, run away with her, what the holy hell was he thinking? 

  
  


Of course he knew exactly what he was thinking as she ran her fingers through her hair pulling it into a ponytail. He’d be fucked if he could keep his eyes off her for one goddamned second and fucked if he kept on watching. 

  
  


“Actually,” she said like nothing had changed in the past two minutes, “I’ve been thinking about setting up this town like I wanted to before. With Jacob gone, there’s no reason not to. There’s plenty of room-”

  
  


Negan’s laugh was as loud as it was nervous, “I know I’m fucking awesome in the sack but let's not jump straight to fucking living together. Jesus fucking christ Red, you don’t need to tie me down and brand my ass.”

  
  


“Don’t flatter yourself!” Rae bit back with her fiery temper, her cheeks pink, “I’m not the kinda girl to go all goo goo eyes because we had one night.”

  
  


Negan held up his hands. He’d be lying if he said it didn’t hurt, at least his pride if nothing else. He laughed it off, “but it was some  _ damn  _ good sex.”

  
  


Her tempered simmered just a touch, enough to leave her with a smile at the ready but her eyes still sharp and so fucking green. 

  
  


“What kind of girl are you Red?”

  
  


She rolled the idea around in her head. “I’m the kinda girl who liked sleeping in my own bed last night.” 

  
  


She picked up the quilt, flipping it through the air where it spread out before settling over every corner of the mattress to erase any sign it had ever been slept in, or fucked all over. As she fluffed the pillows back into place she had a wry laugh, “you know, I share a bedroom with Grandma and Zuzu back home.”

  
  


“ _ Jesus _ . Grandma and the kid?” Talk about a fucking cock block. Even if he wasn't sure about shacking up with Red, he was pretty damn sure he didn’t want to share a room with all three Honey’s. “You want this town baby just tell me whatever the fuck you need me to do and it's yours.”

  
  


She pressed her lips to his jaw, “you don’t need to do anything. This is my town, my people. And if you wanna move in then... I guess you’ll have to ask nicely.”

  
  


He cupped her cheek, what the hell had this woman done to him? Part of him knew it was time to walk away before he got any deeper, the other part refused to even remember he could walk. “I don’t ask nicely for any-fucking-thing.” 

  
  


“When you want something bad enough you might have to learn to be nice.”

  
  


“I already got you, so I don’t have to be nice to any other fucker.” He kissed her, his tongue sinking into her mouth claiming his own defeat.

  
  


When they finally pulled into the match stick fort it was almost dark. Negan noticed Tim playing catch with Zuzu and using Negan's glove. That fucker. He fumbled the ball when he saw Rae, dropping it between his sneakers and never taking his eyes off her while he crouched down to pick it up. 

  
  


If she had noticed the look Timmy was giving her then she did a good job of pretending she hadn’t. She called out for a couple of her people to help unload the car, leaving Negan to stand like a spare part with murder eyes directed to the fucker. 

  
  


“You staying for supper?” Grandma Ellie’s voice almost made him jump but he kept his shit together, glancing her way with his smile at full grin before he caught the hard stare she was cutting him down with.

  
  


His grin faded, “was that an offer or a threat Grandma?”

  
  


Her hand rested in her hip, her shoulders squared with indignation, “you kept my child outside all night and I don’t appreciate that!”

  
  


Negan might have laughed if his throat wasn’t so damn dry, it reminded him of the time he was caught with his pants around his ankles in his girlfriend's bedroom when they were teenagers. “With all due respect sweetheart, your Granddaughter is a grown woman.”

  
  
  


“You remind me of my late husband,” she said in a way that let him know it wasn’t a good thing, “I hope you prove me wrong.” With no more explanation she turned on her heel, heading back inside with Zuzu chasing hot on her heels. Timmy was lurking behind to stand by the porch steps like a guard dog with the sniff of a crook. 

  
  


Whatever Grandma thought he might have done he’d probably done far worse. 

  
  


He spotted Rae heading right for him and he couldn’t ignore the fact that he had five wives back home. If Rae knew the truth… he couldn’t let it get that far. 

  
  


“That should keep us going for an extra few days,” she smiled, slamming the hood of the trunk.

  
  


Negan grabbed Lucille from the footwell where she’d spent the entire night while he was with Rae, “I gotta go home baby.”

  
  


“But…” her eyes searched his, probably wondering why he was leaving like she’d done something wrong, “it's getting dark.”

  
  


He pressed his lips to her forehead, breathing her in before he let her go, “I know but I gotta get back.”

  
  


Rae sucked her bottom lip, her hand resting on her gun as her gaze drifted to his chest instead of his eyes.  Negan wondered what she would have said if he’d found the balls to tell her the truth, he wondered if it would have meant he could stay the night here and as many nights as he wanted to. Mostly he wondered how the hell she’d managed to bring him to this, to be a man standing with a woman and feeling something except completely fucking empty. 

  
  


“Is it gonna be another month before I see you?” she said.

  
  


“I didn’t plan on that Red, shit happened. I’ll be back in a week. I promise. Just don’t  do anything stupid and remember my men are just over the field for whatever the fuck you need.”

  
  


“Okay,” her face was a little crestfallen and he reached for her hand, holding it in his before kissing the very tips of her fingers before letting them slide away.  He couldn’t ignore it any longer, he couldn’t keep putting things off, if he wanted Rae then he had to do something about his wives. Fucking hell, he had to do something about a lot of things but his wives would be first. Whether he liked it or not, whether he fucking wanted it or not, things had changed.

 


	22. Right Hand Men

Negan had been up since dawn having spent the night somewhere between sleep and consciousness, his mind constantly turning over ideas and refusing to fully switch off. It was noon now although he hadn’t left his room or even wanted to. He sat watching the clock on his wall, waiting for the second hand to tick to twelve before he turned the cap of the bottle, breaking the seal of the lid and deciding it was five o’clock somewhere.

There was a knock at the door, as expected, and he poured the freshly opened gin into two cut glass tumblers before calling, “come in.”

Simon took a seat in his usual spot, his posture relaxed as he sank into one of the deep set armchairs with a satisfied grunt.

Negan pinched the tumblers together in one hand, in the other he carried the bottle before taking a seat opposite from Simon and passing him his drink. Gin, neat. “How did everything go with the Kingdom?”

“Good,” he raised his glass before taking a sip and sinking even further into the chair. “The drop was full but you know what they can be like...”

Negan chuckled bitterly, taking a sip of his own gin. He knew exactly what Ezekiel's people could be like. But he could hardly blame them. If someone tried to take just one box of his supplies he would be crazier than a bear with a thorn in its paw. There’s no way he could stand by and watch it happen week after week, even if it cost him his life.

Negan laughed again, he thought of Rae and the way she hadn’t surrendered to Jacob despite the terrible odds of her people making it through to the end. She was willing to fight until her last breath. Just like him. The thought didn’t exactly comfort him but thinking of Rae made the Matchstick Fort seem a milion miles away.

He nursed his glass, rolling it between his hands, he’d never been much of a gin man. He preferred scotch or a nice cool beer but anything was good when it had become as rare as a simple bottle of gin had become. Negan didn’t know how long they sat together in comfortable silence, like two strangers at a gentleman's club, but it only seemed to make what he was about to say feel even more significant.

He stared out of the window where he could just about see his fence of dead that had once been a source of joy second only to Lucille but now it was an eyesore. He sighed taking a big gulp of the gin, it tasted bitter and slid down just as bitter as everything in this place seemed so fucking dull. From the grey walls to the empty faces to the faded sounds of his wives doing whatever the hell they did on the other side of the closed door.

Simon was the closest thing he had to a friend but despite that they would sit in silence like this until Negan decided what they would talk about and it was never more than surface level shit.

“I need you to do something for me,” his gaze waited until Simon’s caught up, “and I need you to keep it fucking discreet.”

Simon laughed, “you know me.”

He certainly did. “That's why I’m fucking telling you to keep things discrete.”

Simon saluted with his lopsided grin, “whatever the hell you say boss.”

Negan took a breath and downed the last of his gin. He wasn’t sure why this felt so difficult except that it felt like the end of something and a shaky beginning of something else. “I want to get rid of my wives.”

Simon leaned forward in his chair, the smile gone from his face, “you want me to kill ‘em?”

Negan laughed. Hard. Any tension he’d been feeling heaved from his chest so loud that the whole sanctuary could probably hear. Jesus fucking Christ. Killing them would be the easy option. “No, I don’t want them fucking dead. But when I tell them this shit show is over then I wanna be prepared. I don’t want to be trapped in this room with five pissed off exes if you know what I fucking mean.”

Simon laughed, relaxing back into his chair while Negan topped up both their glasses.

“I want you to find them all new rooms. Amber and Sherry can fucking share.” No doubt they’d run right back to the boyfriends they’d thrown away for him and no doubt those dumbassess would welcome them back with open fucking arms.

“Kirsten.” He took a shot of gin, his eyes hard, “let's get one thing goddamn clear about Kirsten. I want her as far as fuck away from me as humanly possible. I want her on the other side of the compound with Skinny Joey making sure she doesn’t find her fucking way back here.”

Simon snorted, “maybe I’ll let her bunk with me. She might need a new sugar daddy to comfort those titties.”

Negan knew Kirsten was the most obnoxious woman he’d ever met the second he spoke to her but he hadn’t been planning on doing much talking. Out of all the wives she was the one that would give him the most trouble about a divorce. It wasn’t that she gave two shits about him, it was that Kirsten loved nothing more than herself and she liked herself as Queen Bee. Divorcing her would put her back with the rabble and to Kirsten that would be a fate worse than death. “I don’t care where the fuck you put her as long as I don’t have to be within ear shot of it.”

Negan could see the cogs turning behind Simon’s crazy expression. “What about the others?”

“Sonya and Jennifer,” he scratched his beard, he’d been thinking about those two all night. “They’re good girls. Set ‘em up with something nice.” He’d had fun with them and he wanted to look after them still. “But like I say, I want this to be just between us until abso-fucking-lutely necessary.”

Simon nodded with a shit eating grin. “So… are you moving the redhead in?”

“No.” Negan kept his face even. He didn’t want people, not even Simon, to think about Rae as anything more than a woman he liked to fuck. He didn’t want them knowing that he gave a shit about anything because giving a shit was what made you weak. Throwing away his wives already felt like he was giving up some power, the power to be the King Dick with five women in his bed, it created an image that people could follow whether they agreed with it or not.

“Why then?”

“I’m getting rid of my wives because I can’t stand a single fucking one of them.” It was too honest so he added, “I don’t need to be married to find decent pussy and I’m not gonna marry every last chick I wanna fuck.” Having a harem of desirable women didn’t seem so exciting anymore, neither did owning Dwight's scrawny ass. Dwight could have Sherry, she was a shit lay and boring as fuck to talk to - if she ever opened her mouth to say anything.

“Alright, whatever you want Boss,” Simon downed his drink and stood up. “Anything else?”

“Yeah, if you see that prick Donnie send his ass to my office.” Fuck, if Negan was going to be responsible then so could that little fucker.

///

From the second they left the house Rae felt the tension silently sitting between herself and Tim. She could see it in the way he squared his shoulders with his eyes never quite meeting hers and his words limited to ‘yes’, ‘no’ or a barely audible grumble.

She could have left Tim at the farm and taken Negan’s men on today's scavenging hunt and in the future she probably would. But today Rae needed to do what she should have done before, talk to Tim. The tension that lingered between them had sat at the dinner table last night and an awkward breakfast this morning. It wasn’t fair to everyone else and there was no avoiding each other when they lived in a community of less than thirty.

They pulled up at a daycare, the multicoloured lettering faded in the sun and the doors still locked up tight. They needed supplies for Carly’s baby and anything else that might be useful but more than anything she needed a place away from home and any real danger where they could talk without a million ears listening. Tim jimmied the door with a crowbar, the noise didn’t seem to disturb any halfers that might have been waiting inside but after scavenging with Negan she knew better than to be complacent.

Rae stepped in first, her knife at the ready, her breathing slowed to silence as her ears pricked for any and every noise.

Nurseries always had that same smell; paint, playdough, little boys urinals and school dinners. It took her back to the time when she started her very first day at kindergarten and if she closed her eyes she could almost conjure the memory that Zuzu would never have. She sighed tracing one fingertip along a display wall filled with hundreds of painted handprints. All different colours cut out of card and stapled down like a rainbow. On the other wall was framed photos of staff members, all of them women and all sporting that same cheesy smiles that said ‘I love kids’.

“Tim,” she said, glancing away from the photos and trying to work up the courage to say something more.

She could feel him looking at her and in his silence she could tell he knew, without a single word, what it was she wanted to talk to him about. “I know you don’t like Negan, I get it but he’s in my life now and I-”

Tim snorted, when she looked at him his face was twisted, “don’t tell me you’re in love with him!”

Was that what she wanted to tell him? Was that what she felt for Negan, a man she’d known for less than two months. Maybe it was. “I care about him. I think that-”

Tim surged forward, stopping short of colliding into her but close enough that she could feel the heat of his anger. “I thought you’d know better! I thought you’d figure out what he was on your own. Haven’t you learned anything? You can’t trust him Rae.”

“He helped us when we needed it. He’s brought us food, men, he’ll bring us more.”

“Do you know how he talks about you when you’re not there? The things he says?” His rage looked more like pity now, “I didn’t want to tell you because I don’t like to even think about women like that.”

Her heart sank, “what did he say?”

“He says you’re just nice pussy that he wants to fuck. And judging from the look on his face last night, you gave him exactly what he wanted.”

Her cheeks flared red, her denial kicked in, “it's not like that.”

“Jesus Rae, are you that stupid? Do you really think he cares about anything but himself? He’s got what he wants from you just like he probably gets it from every other woman he meets out there.”

She could feel tears swelling in her throat but she swallowed them down. Tim was only saying every single thing she feared about Negan but her heart refused to believe it.

“I’m sorry Rae,” Tim’s voice was softer, his hand reached for her shoulder but she pulled away. “I’m not trying to hurt you.” He pulled his glasses off his nose, and pressed his fingers against his eyes with a heavy sigh before he looked at her. “Do you remember when everything went to hell and I showed up at your apartment? I helped you find your sister and Zuzu then got you guys to your Grandma’s house.”

She’d been a mess, she’d watched an old school friend die right before her eyes and had barely been able to talk let alone think. “Yes.”

“God Rae, I went to you. You over everyone because I... I was in love with you, even then. Jesus Christ!” he leaned his hand on the wall, not quite looking at her, “I’ve loved you for years.”

“I...” she didn’t know what to say, there wasn’t an easy way of telling someone you didn’t love them back, she sheathed her knife. “Tim-”

He reached for her again, his hand cupping her cheek, his breathing more agitated, “and now... I have to watch another man putting his hands all over you. Do you have any idea what that's like? Its disgusting!”

Rae felt fire flare in her belly, her shoulders squared, Miguel had told her she was a whore for having a relationship with Jacob. She wasn’t going to let Tim make her feel that way about Negan. “I didn’t ask you to love me Tim. Yes, you helped me but that was your choice. I don’t owe you anything!”

Tim didn’t answer, he grabbed her. His grip painfully tight on her arms as he slammed her against the wall of handprints, the back of her head taking a blow that made her dizzy. “Ti-” she tried to reason with him but his lips crushed against hers, his tongue forcing between her teeth.  

Rae pushed against him but the weight of his body pinned her tight to the wall. She reached to strike his face but he caught her wrist, slamming it against her head as her other hand squeezed around his neck with as much force as she could find. He weakened and  her knee bent, landing on his crotch in one hard shove.

Tim released her, collapsing to his knees, his eyes watering as he cupped his hand over his jeans.

“What the hells wrong with you?” She shouted, her own eyes streaming with tears.

She wanted nothing more than to run to the car and drive all the way to Negan’s men and send for him but anything she might have done was irrelevant when the sound of a gun cocking seemed to echo from every wall.

Rae’s heart stopped beating, her hand instinctively reached for her glock but it was too late. There was already a barrel pointed at her head, the shine of the muzzle catching her eye as a man stepped through the door Tim had jimmied open.

“Put you hands in the air,” the man drawled but her hand kept onto her glock, her heartbeats creeping back in as she wondered if she could be fast enough, if she could pull her gun and duck behind a nearby bookcase.

“Y'all better do what he says,” another voice commanded, her attention glancing down the hallway to where two men stepped from a side room, blocking any chance she might have had at escaping.

Her heart beats were relentless now, her breaths desperate pants as her mind tried to think of an option that was better than surrender. Negan wouldn’t surrender but Negan wouldn’t be out here on his own either. Why hadn’t she brought his men?

“Are you Rachel Honey?” the first man said. Jacob’s men she decided, her head whipping back  around to look at him, his revolver held out straight, no hesitation and the look in his eyes as cold as ice.

“How do you know my name?” she said, her voice surprisingly even despite the fear that wanted to cry and collapse into a heap on the floor.

“A friend.” His stance relaxed, the gun never wavered but she felt hope. “He told me you were good people. The kind of people I can trust.”

“What friend?”

His eyes narrowed, his jaw tightening before he nodded to her gun, “put your weapon on the ground and we’ll talk.”

Rae looked over her shoulder to the other men who had inched closer, making her even more certain she could do nothing but do exactly what they wanted. Even if she wanted to fight Tim was already placing his gun on the floor. She pulled her glock from her belt, slowly, her eyes burrowing into Tim. If she hadn’t decided to come out here with him, if he hadn't attacked, a million of if’s and maybe she wouldn’t have been in this situation.

“Now kick it to my friend,” she did, it slid across the linoleum easily.

“Knife too,” the straggly haired man ordered, his accent even thicker than the first mans.

Rae bit her tongue, her eyes glancing between all the men as she pulled her knife free and did as told with irritated reluctance. When she was disarmed, she demanded, “who are you people?”

The first man lowered his gun, his eyes shining with softness, as if he was relieved things had gone so easily for him, “my names Rick Grimes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and to everyone who has left Kudos and especially those of you who have taken the time to leave me feedback over the last few chapters. You guys rock and keep me writing when I'm having trouble finding the words!!! xoxo


	23. A Leap of Faith

_ Rick Grimes _ . 

  
  


Rae looked him up and down, mid wash denim shirt, jeans a few shades darker and a pair of cowboy boots that matched his southern drawl. She’d never heard the name, nor had she ever seen him before but if he wanted her trust then hopefully he wasn’t here to hurt her. The idea didn’t offer much comfort, being held at gunpoint had a way of making a person feel the opposite of safe and relaxed. 

  
  


When her gaze flicked from Rick’s boots to his eyes he nodded to his friends, “the man with the crossbow is Daryl, the other is Jesus.”

  
  


Rae glanced over her shoulder. Daryl looked like the kind of man that could win a fist fight with a grizzly bear. Jesus looked like…  _ Jesus _ . She might have laughed if her throat wasn’t dry with fear.  Instead she looked away, her eyes settling on Tim who was avoiding looking at her as he slowly stood from where she’d kneed him to the floor. “He’s Tim,” she said, her voice flat as it forced out his name, “and you already know who I am.”

  
  


“Is he gonna be a problem?” Daryl spat, surging forward in several aggressive strides while keeping his crossbow aimed directly at Tim’s head

  
  


Tim looked at her now. A mix of fear and regret pooling in his eyes as it seemed his life hung in the balance of her decision. Rae didn’t pity him and she wasn’t sure she’d ever trust him again but she couldn’t hate him. She couldn’t ignore all the good that he’d done for her family over the past few years even if his actions in the past few minutes seemed to have unravelled most of the good. She wasn't sure what would happen with Tim but it couldn’t happen in front of these strangers and it would be  _ her  _ decision. “He’s not a problem.” 

  
  


Tim’s gaze fell to the floor, his chest puffing down in a sigh of relief. She wanted to tell him,  _ ‘I don’t forgive you, this isn’t over,’ _ but she bit her tongue, watching as Daryl hitched his crossbow on his shoulder and squared up to Tim until their faces were inches apart. “I see ya layin’ hands on a woman again an’ Imma have a problem, asshole.”

  
  


Rae felt her cheeks heating even though she had nothing to be ashamed about. It was Tim that had attacked her but she didn’t want these men to think of her as some silly victim that needed saving or a person that could be easily controlled. She ignored the embarrassment written all over her face and held her head high like she wasn’t feeling vulnerable for about a hundred reasons, “I don’t need you sorting out the problems I took care of on my own.”

  
  


Daryl glanced at her, his eyes narrowing as he looked her up and down like he could see right to her core, right to the place where her insides were crumbling away with nerves as she wished Negan was here to protect her from whatever it was they had planned. The way he snorted when he finished scrutinizing her reminded her of Miguel and any confidence she hoped to muster deflated away. 

  
  


“Check them for any concealed weapons,” Rick instructed and Daryl didn’t hesitate as he manhandled Tim against the wall, his hands rough and forceful as they frisked over Tim’s clothes to find nothing but a box of matches.

  
  


When it was her turn Daryl approached her with hesitation, not quite looking her in the eye as his hands slipped into the pockets of her coat before smoothing over her torso, sliding all the way along her legs as gingerly as possible while still being thorough enough to find the pocket knife she had tucked in her boot.

  
  


When he pulled it free he brushed his thumb over the outer shell with a soft snort before shoving it in his pocket and mumbling, “they’re clean.”  

  
  


“There’s a staffroom though here, it’d be a good place to talk,” Jesus motioned to the room he’d appeared from and Rae didn’t put up a fight. With no weapons or back up she was at their mercy. The idea sent a cold chill down her spine, they’d said a friend had sent them here but he didn’t say if it was  _ her _ friend.

  
  


The staff room was painted sky blue and kitted out like an ikea show room with modern build it yourself furniture that was as brightly coloured as it was new. On one wall were inspirational disney quotes printed on coloured paper and hung in a mishmash of frames. One of them read ‘Giving up is for rookies’ and she filed the advice away in the back if her mind as she took a seat in one of the green plastic chairs that surrounded a long table.

  
  


Tim sat besides her like he always did except this time she didn't take comfort in his presence. In fact she found herself shuffling in her chair so she was as far away from him as possible. Jesus and Rick sat opposite while Daryl paced the floor like he was waiting for trouble. 

  
  


The silence that began to build had Rae’s foot tapping a nervous beat on the lino while her sweaty palms crushed against her knees like she was holding on for life. The steady rhythm of Daryl’s pacing only made her heart race harder, as if it was trying to block out the noise so she could close her eyes and pretend she was home. 

  
  


Rick leaned forward, his hands down flat on the table in a way that was unthreatening yet instinct had her leaning back in the chair as he began to speak. “Several weeks ago you met a man named Mark.”

  
  


Rae kept her face straight, she might not have had control over her pounding pulse or the way her stomach was churning but she could keep eye contact with Rick who was scrutinizing her every blink. She remembered Mark. There weren’t many people left in this world so when she met a survivor it wasn’t hard to remember their name. He’d given her a stun gun, helped dig Mary’s grave and on Negan’s orders refused to share a cigarette with her. She wouldn’t have called him her friend but then, she looked at Tim, what did she know about friends? Besides, Rae hadn’t seen Mark since the Saviors had fought Jacob for her. But thanks to Negan’s heavy hand she’d been unconscious and hadn’t seen much of anything.

  
  


Rick took her silence for confusion or a bad memory, “he was part of a group that call themselves the Saviors, their leader is a man named Negan.”

  
  


She hesitated again. She was curious about what they were going to say but she didn’t trust these people and she certainly didn't trust what they would do if she said ‘yes’ to any of their questions.

  
  


Apparently Tim did trust them or at least he hated Negan enough to not care about the consequences. “Yeah we know that asshole and his men.”

  
  


Rae’s grip on her knees tightened painfully as she glared at Tim, hoping to give him a look that explained exactly how she was feeling but he ignored her, his eyes fixed on Rick like they were potential new best friends.

  
  


“Mark told us where to find you. He said you have a family and people that you care about, you don’t want them involved in any trouble and I can understand that. I have a son, a daughter, I’d do anything to protect them. So I came here, to meet you. We watched your house all morning, saw you leave and followed you.” Rick half smiled, gesturing with a nod of his head “he said to look for a redhead.”

  
  


Rae’s fingers began to reach for her hair but she stopped herself as even more worry began to pound across her head, “you’re still not telling me why you’re here.”

  
  


Rick looked to Daryl, waiting for an unspoken signal before he began to speak. “Coming here was a leap of faith but I wanna believe I can trust you. I wanna believe that Mark was right.”

  
  


Rae’s worry didn’t get any better, in fact it got far worse. In fact she was beginning to feel like she didn’t want to hear what he was going to say. “Trust me with what?” she whispered, bracing herself for the answer.

  
  


Rick’s voice was low, his eyes never leaving hers, “the Saviors are not who you think they are.”

  
  


Her stomach plummeted, thinking of the worst and remembering the moment she’d realised Jacob wasn’t who she thought he was. Suddenly she couldn’t breath and the sound of Tim’s chair scraping across the floor as he jumped from his seat was heart stoppingly shrill in the silence that surrounded Rick’s words. “I knew it! Jesus Christ Rae. I knew we couldn’t trust them,” he shouted as he paced across the room to the window. 

  
  


Rae pictured Negan and the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled. She knew him. She knew his men. She knew they could kill and she knew that Negan might have even enjoyed killing his enemies but this was the end of the world and she’d accepted that. She wasn’t going to sell them out based on the words of anyone. “I don’t know anything about the Savior's except they helped us when we needed it. That’s all. I don’t know what Mark’s told you but it has nothing to do with me.”

  
  


Rick sat back in his chair, relaxed, like he had the upper hand, “I know Negan helped you and I know he still visits your people.”

  
  


“He was here yesterday,” Tim spat and this time he caught the glare she threw at him.

  
  


“Alone?” Daryl demanded.

 

“No, he’d never travel alone,” Rae said before Tim had a chance to open his mouth.

 

“Look, I know what Negan has done for your people but he’s not who you think he is. When he came to your home he was planning on taking everything. That's what the Saviors do. They find communities and turn them into slaves.”

  
  


Rae scoffed, standing up from her own chair, “you’re a liar and he didn’t take anything.”

  
  


“He  _ did  _ take from you,” Jesus countered. 

  
  


“He didn’t,” she insisted. She didn’t know why they were saying these things or what they were trying to achieve but she wasn’t going to listen to it. “I’m not interested in listening to this. I want my weapons and then…” she took a breath, keeping her voice even, “I’m going to leave.”  

  
  


Rick remained in his seat, complete confidence in every word he spoke, “the man the Saviors fought for you, Jacob. He had a warehouse stacked with supplies. Food, medicine, enough to last for months. Negan told his men to clear everything out for himself. He called it payment. He said that your people had nothing else to give.”

  
  


Suddenly she didn’t feel certain that Rick was lying. She remembered Negan telling her that Jacob had nothing. She remembered the exact conversation. Had he lied to her? Right to her face? She couldn’t think, not with four sets of eyes all watching her, waiting for her to break and accept their words as gospel. 

  
  


Rick hadn’t finished and the look in his eyes wasn't relaxed anymore, “Negan killed my people, my friends. One of them, his name was Glenn, he saved my life after everything first happened. Negan smashed his skull into the dirt while his pregnant wife watched. While my son watched.”

  
  


“God Rae, what they hell have you gotten us involved in this time?” Tim shouted, no doubt loving the idea that he was right and she’d made a terrible mistake.

  
  


Her temper began to bristle, it was easy for these people to throw accusations around when Negan wasn’t here to defend them. And it was easy for Tim to hate Negan when he’d already got what he wanted. “Without Negan, Jacob would have killed us all, don’t forget that!”

  
  


Tim pushed off the wall, his voice filled with venom, “because he wanted to fuck you and have everything for himself. When he gets bored of you then we’ll get the same deal as everyone else. Surely you can see what's happening.”

  
  


Her temper began to flare uncontrolled as she pointed at Rick, “I don’t see anything but men who have us held at gunpoint while they tell us exactly what they want us to hear.”

  
  


Rick stood now, his own patience waning, “why would we do that? Why would we risk coming here for a lie?”

  
  


Rae didn’t back down. “You tell me. Why are you here? If Negan is what you say he is then what do you want me to do?”

  
  


“Sooner or later everyone has to choose what side they wanna stand on.”

  
  


“How can I choose? How can I believe the accusations of a stranger? Maybe Negan did do some of these things but maybe you deserved it. I don't know you, any of you!”

  
  


“We can prove it,” Daryl said, his voice low.

  
  


Her attention snapped to him, her own tone matching his, “how?”

  
  


“In three days he’s comin’ to collect, ya’ll can see fer yourselves.”

  
  


Rae laughed bitterly, “I’m supposed to follow you home? How do I know this isn’t a trap?”

  
  


Daryl hitched his crossbow higher in his shoulder, “If we wanted to trap ya then we already have…”

  
  


Rae didn’t say anything. He was right. 

  
  


“You’re not our prisoners, that's not why we came here today.” Rick handed Rae her gun like a token of trust but she had no idea what that was anymore. If what these men were saying was true then Negan was a liar and once again she was a complete fool who’d put her faith in a monster. 

  
  


Tears began to swell in her throat as the anger subsided, she felt so confused, so lost. She didn’t know what to believe. There were a hundred reasons for Rick to lie but there was a part of her that heard truth in his words. More than ever she knew that she was in love with Negan, if she wasn’t then her heart wouldn't have been hurting as painfully as it was.

  
  
“Coming with us is your choice, Rachel, but I’d wanna know the truth. I’d wanna know the kind of man I was letting into my home.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! xoxo


	24. Alexandria Safe Zone

Rae holstered her pistol, watching as Rick and the others stepped into the hallway. She could feel Tim pacing behind her before she turned to him, not quite looking him in the eye as she said, “I’m going with them and you’re going home.”

“No,” he answered, his voice loud and his stance hard. He was changed, every passing moment he was changing into someone she didn’t recognise and that made him a liability.

“I don’t trust your judgment here,” Rae hissed, “we don’t know who these people are and you’re telling them everything. You’re gonna get us killed.”

Tim stepped towards her, any sorrow he’d displayed at attacking her seemed like it was long forgotten. “I don’t think it’s my judgement that’s the problem here.”

Rae didn’t like the way he was looking at her almost as much as she hated the tone in his voice. Her palm itched for vengeance and she took it, her hand clapped across his face and his glasses hurtled to the floor. His head remained turned from the blow, his nostrils flaring and the mark of her palm glowing red. She didn’t feel good or satisfied, she felt just as confused and even more lonely than before.

Neither of them said anything as Tim picked up his glasses. He focused on cleaning them with the hem of his shirt while the silence swelled.

Rae took a breath, unclenching the fists that had wound tight. “Grandma can’t know about all of this, not yet. If we both leave now then she’ll worry, she’ll wonder where we are and send someone to Negan’s men to tell them we’re missing. You need to go home and tell Grandma that I’ve decided to go to my apartment for a few days.”

“She’s not gonna believe that.”

“Then make her believe it!”

Rae didn’t wait for Tim to say yes or no, she’d made her decision and there was no way he was joining her on this trip. She couldn’t control what he would say and she didn’t trust Rick, she knew how easy it was to weave a convenient truth and how much Tim wanted that truth to be real.

“I’ll go with you,” Rae said to Rick as she stepped outside where the men were waiting. “Tim’s going home and if I don’t return in four days then he’s going to contact Negan’s men and tell them everything.”

Rick glanced at Daryl, waiting for the other man to nod before he said. “Okay, let’s go.”

Travelling to Rick’s community was done in uncomfortable silence. Very uncomfortable. Rae sat in the backseat of the car with Daryl scrutinising her every move, she could feel the way he was watching, waiting for her to do something but she barely moved a muscle, she hardly breathed and she didn’t take her eyes from the window. She didn’t want to make small talk, or listen to any more of what they had to say. All she wanted to do was think about every moment she’d spent with Negan, every word he’d spoken and every time he’d made her feel like she was alive. Sure, he was a killer, but the rules had changed. He’d killed for her and she’d been glad of it. Rae was certain that all the men in this car were killers too and the idea offered no comfort to the journey.

The car began to approach a large set of gates and Rae sat a little straighter in her seat, craning her neck to see everything while her heart began to thud with nerves.

‘WELCOME TO THE

ALEXANDRIA

SAFE ZONE

MERCEY FOR THE LOST

VENGEANCE FOR THE PLUNDERERS’

Alexandria. The gates scraped open and Rick pulled in. He was home and she’d never been so far away.

Behind the industrial walls was a picturesque suburban housing estate, mown lawns, solar panels and the kind of homes Rae could only dream of owning before the apocalypse. To fill the cookie cutter houses were people and lots of them. She wasn’t sure how many she expected but there were more and she noticed that none of them had weapons.

The engine still, Rick and the others stepped out of the car but Rae remained rooted to her seat, wondering if she’d made the right decision to come here and accepting that it was too late to change her mind. She watched them greeting their friends and pointing to her as they spoke in tones that would be hushed even if she wasn’t hiding in the backseat.

She unclipped her seatbelt, letting it slip through her fingers with hesitation as she remembered to breath in and out. She was like the newbie on her first day of work except this was worse, she was the woman sleeping with the enemy and she had no idea what these people had planned for her. Or what they had planned for Negan.

Rick opened the door and Rae’s time for hesitation was over. She braced herself before she slipped from the car with as much grace as she could muster. Then she stood tall, her head high, her spine straight and her hand resting on her glock as she scanned the curious faces that were all turned to her.

One of them was a boy, his eye covered with a patch and on his head an old sheriff’s hat. He stepped forward when Rick gestured towards him, “This is my son, Carl. Carl, this is Rachel.”

“Rae,” she said, her voice not quite matching her demeanor before she repeated with more surety, “it’s Rae.”

Carl nodded his head and she locked eyes with Daryl who seemed to still be waiting for her to do something before she looked back to Rick. “I can show you around, you can meet my people. We have no secrets here,” he said, his hands open.

Rae looked past the welcoming committee, down the street to where a couple of children were playing hopscotch while an old lady sat on her porch with a knee full of knitting. It reminded her of Grandma, it reminded her of home. Negan’s compound had been dark, grey, hushed whispers of people not quite meeting her eye as he rushed to get her into his truck as quickly as possible. She didn’t know exactly what that had meant but she knew right then that Negan had been deceiving her, she just didn’t know how much. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know.

“This way,” Rick gestured and Rae followed in a trance, not quite wanting to believe that Negan could be the monster these people said he was and being reminded of home with every person she was introduced to.

When the tour was over, and she wanted to be where there were no eyes scrutinising her every movement, she found herself sitting at a dining table while Rick’s family gathered around to break bread over a meagre meal. Michonne, Judith, Carl and Daryl. From the outside they seemed like a family glued together by necessity but as her dish drained of food she could see how they were bound by something more intricate than merely survival.

It made her heart ache, it made her realise that whether she had planned it or not, she’d imagined a future for herself and Negan. She’d imagined family, life, a man who she could build something with and not just build it but keep it too.

“We’ll show you to your room,” Michonne said, pulling her from the fantasy. The table was cleared, Daryl and the children gone leaving Rae with no idea how long she had been lost in thought as she followed Rick and Michonne to the house across the street. They lead her upstairs, opening the first door to reveal a master bedroom complete with a plush carpet and cherrywood furniture. All that was missing was the bed. She could see the imprint where the frame had sat, now there was nothing but sheets on the floor.

“Sorry there’s no mattress but Negan took them all,” Rick said.

“He burned them,” Michonne added, her tone bitter and Rae didn’t look at either of them as she stepped into her room. Truthfully, she didn’t need a soft bed, she wasn’t sure that sleep was going to find her for even one moment of the long night.

The door shut behind her and she remained motionless, listening to Rick and Michonne’s footsteps as they padded down the stairs then watching them walking across the street, his hand folded into hers before they ducked into their house. When their front door shut she turned, walking with silent feet to her bedroom door and cracking it open as slowly and quietly as she could.

Her heart startled when her eyes locked with Daryl’s, standing watch at her door.

“I um…” she clocked the rectangular shape in the pocket of his jeans, “have you got a cigarette?”

His hand touched the box, as he kicked off the wall and pulled his crossbow higher on his shoulder, “ain’t no smokin’ in the house.”

Rae let the door fall all the way open, “I’m not a prisoner here am I?”

Daryl’s eyes narrowed but he didn’t reply, he simply turned leading the way down the stairs and through the front door.

Rae followed, watching him take a seat on the porch rail and getting the feeling he spent a lot of time in that very spot.

The breeze nipped through her jacket and she wrapped her arms around her centre as he dug in his pocket for the cigarettes. He slid one out with his teeth before passing the box to her. She took the least crumpled, rolling it between her fingers as he sparked the Zippo and offered her the flame with caution in his eyes. Like she might explode if the fire came too close.   

Rae inhaled the smoke, closing her eyes and letting it soothe her before she hopped up on the railing. She leaned her head against the post and thought about the supplies that Negan had promised her. Would he get them from here? Would he take from these people and give to hers? Did that matter?

Her eyes flicked to Daryl, his attention still focused, still waiting to see what she would do. “You don’t trust me,” she said.

“Ya trust us?”

Rae shrugged, taking another long drag of her cigarette before saying, “you invited me here.”

Daryl glanced away, his eyes scanning the pristine street, “just ‘cause we tryin’ to help ya, don’t mean we can trust ya an’ it don’t mean yer good.”

“And helping? Does that make you good?” Negan had helped her, no matter what else he had done, he had helped her. She was wondering if there was anything else. Did a falling tree make a sound if there was noone there to hear it and was a man a monster if you only saw his sweet side?

“I don’t know,” Daryl muttered and his honesty surprised her. Was there any good or bad anymore? There were no lines, there was just survival and the world was consumed by all kinds of monsters.

Rae stubbed her cigarette against the perfect white paint and flicked the butt into the bushes. “I don’t know either but… it’s not me that you’re trying to help.” These people didn’t want to help her people, they wanted to help themselves and they needed her to do it. She had to remember that.

Without saying goodnight she headed back to her room, shut the door and lay on her makeshift bed. She watched the stars from her window, drifting in and out of sleep until the room was filled with light. Two more days and Negan would be here.

///

Negan whistled as he strolled to the stores with the shopping list of supplies he wanted for the Matchstick Fort. He knew he couldn’t stop Rae from going scavenging and he could never keep her people fully supplied unless they lived here but he could do something even if it wasn’t much.

He could have asked anyone to make a shopping list and hand deliver the fucking thing but this morning Simon had told him that the new rooms were ready for his lovely wives and he was doing anything possible to avoid what came after.

He rounded a corner, colliding with some dumb fucker who spilled a pail of water all over his leg.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” the man begged as he fell to his knees grovelling like a dog.

Negan laughed, “get your ass off the floor, it’s only fucking water, it’s not like it’s the end of the fucking world and believe me, I’m used to things getting wetter than this.”

The man scrambled to his feet, his eyes wide with fear as a half empty laugh forced from his lips.

Negan’s smile was genuine as he patted the man on the back and ruffled his hair as if to say ‘good boy’. A bucket of water couldn’t drown whatever it was that had made him spring out of bed this morning. Hell, even the oncoming shitstorm with his wives wasn’t quelling the lightness that was lifting him up. The bounce in his step was as unstoppable as the tune he couldn’t stop whistling.

He handed his shopping list to the woman working the stores, giving the instruction to gather as much as she could and make up the rest with whatever goodies they were going to be bringing back from Alexandria. That was another way to avoid his wives. He didn’t usually go on pick ups but there was something about Rick and his merry band of motherfuckers. A part of him liked the asshole and an even bigger part knew that he couldn’t trust him. Rick wasn’t like Ezekiel or Gregory, he was battle hardened, he had the look of an untamed dog and Negan had recognised it immediately. So going to Alexandria was a no brainer, he could keep an eye on his new best friend and he could avoid the wrath of five angry women for a little longer.

Simon and the others were all gathered in the forecourt, checking weapons and preparing to leave. The trip to Alexandria wouldn’t take long. He’d come home, sort out his wives and in the aftermath he’d take a truck to Rae’s to find shelter in her soft body and long legs. Since the moment he’d walked away from the Honey house, he’d thought of nothing else but returning there. He’d thought of nothing else but Rae.

Negan settled Lucille in the footwell and Simon took the driver’s seat, “ready boss?”

“Ready as a bowl full of rubbers at a swingers party.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. I know its been a couple of weeks since the last update but if any of you are writers then I’m sure you’ll understand what it can be like to keep coming back to a longer fic without being distracted by all the fresh ideas. On that note I wanted to say a huge thank you to those of you that leave me feedback, knowing how much you guys are enjoying this story makes me keep writing it. I love you all xoxo


	25. Secrets and Lies

Rae sat on the floor opposite Daryl. The bare wood had become uncomfortable after a time but neither of them moved or spoke, they barely even looked at each other. They simply existed, each waiting in their own silent world as a hazy winter sun beamed between broken roof tiles of the dilapidated building. It was Rick who told her to wait here, that from here she would get the best vantage point of Negan and his men but it didn’t seem like enough. If she was going to believe the stories she was being told then she wanted to hear what he was saying and she wanted to look him in the eye when he took supplies from these people.

The rumble of vehicles was faint but they both heard it, her eyes locking with Daryl’s as they scrambled to the window overlooking the road. Rae wanted to see Negan’s face from the first possible moment and when she finally spotted him, his laugh was curling across his lips and she could almost hear the sound of it. Her heart ached as she pictured the way it had been when they’d spent the night in her apartment. She wanted to warn him, to tell him to turn around but she was powerless. All she could do was stand and watch.

The trucks rolled into Alexandria and more than twenty fully armed Saviors jumped out just like Rick said they would. She kept her rifle trained on Negan’s vehicle, watching as he climbed from the cabin and swung Lucille onto his shoulder. He had a huge grin slapped across his face as he sauntered over to Rick and he pretty much looked as arrogant as she’d ever seen him but that was Negan and Rae was okay with that.

He began to walk with Rick, a small group of Saviors trailing behind while the others scattered like they knew exactly what they were supposed to be doing. After a while some of the Savior’s returned to the trucks with boxes full of supplies and hard set faces that told her this wasn’t exactly a happy visit. She had no idea where Negan had gone, he’d disappeared around a corner and for all she knew he could be making family dinner or playing a game of chess while the trucks were loaded.

She dropped the rifle to her side and turned to Daryl. It didn’t look great but it didn’t exactly look bad either. Yes, the Saviors were loading up the trucks with supplies but what was the arrangement? She had no idea how this had started, all she had was the word of strangers.

“What am I supposed to be seeing here? I can’t hear what they’re saying, how do I know that Negan doesn’t pay you in kind? How do I know you’re not trying to hurt the Saviors? I should be down there. I should ask him to his face.” Rae was beginning to feel flustered, guilt made her stomach churn with uneasiness at ever doubting him as the proof of his misdeeds seemed to be hanging by a weakened thread. Who the hell were these Alexandrian’s anyway?

Daryl stood in front of her, “If he see’s ya down there then it’s gonna be bad for everyone.”

“Bad for you!” Rae spat, brushing past him, her temper flaring as her feet urged her to Negan.

He grabbed her before she made more than two steps, his arms locking around her arms and waist, the strength of them crushing her as he growled, “if he knows we brought ya ‘ere then he’ll know we’re plannin’ somethin’.”

Rae’s head whipped around to look at him, “what are you planning?”

Daryl kept his grip tight but he looked away, chewing his lip like he’d said too much.

“What do you want from me?” Rae demanded, struggling against him, even more desperate to leave this tower and find Negan.

He opened his mouth to answer but a clatter of wood caught their attention and suddenly she was free, Daryl released his grip in favour of unsheathing his knife as they both focused their attention on the door, their breaths held. A clunk of heavy boots on wooden stairs let them know their hiding place was no longer a secret.

Rae’s heart began to pound, the sound of it filling her ears as she rested her empty rifle against the wall. She pulled her knife from her belt, it was the one Negan had given given her and she held it at a height with her chest, her stance matching Daryl’s like she knew what it meant to fight a real person and not a halfer.

 _Could she kill someone right now?_ The footsteps were closer, turning the final bend of the four story staircase.

 _Should she give herself in and demand to be taken to Negan?_ Her palm was slick, the knife felt like it would slide from her hand if she actually tried to use it. She glanced at Daryl, he was ready, his eyes focused on the door, he looked like he could tear a man in half and she felt more unsure than ever.

The door banged open and two men rushed in.

Rae’s heart was a lump in her throat, time moved in its own way and before she could decide to  react the men held up their hands, their words almost muffled against the adrenaline that was pumping around her body. “It’s us, it’s us,” they repeated as Daryl relaxed his stance and Rae’s lungs filled back up with air.

She hardly recognised Mark. His face was melted on one side and the sight of it made her stomach turn over, the mere thought of the pain he would have endured with such an injury was unbearable. But then, the man besides him had the same melted face, the same size, the same location and suddenly she wondered if it was from an injury at all. She must have been staring and it must have been for a while because Mark didn’t say anything more than, “it was Negan.”

Her gaze flicked to meet his, her knife slipping back into its holder, “what?”

“Negan did this to me, to Dwight,” he pointed to the man standing in the shadows.

“Why would he do something like that?”

Mark stepped closer, his voice low, “he did it because… I slept with his wife.”

The words didn’t quite register. Rae felt confusion furrow in her brow as she remembered Negan telling her that his wife had died before the world had ended. She was shaking head, trying to ignore the feeling that was sinking like ice into her bones.

“Negan’s married,” Mark confirmed.

Married, as in married right now, a living breathing wife. It couldn’t be true.

All the men were looking at her, she felt like a rabbit in the headlights and had to look away. She focused her attention to where an old wasp nest had fallen from one of the beams. It was snagged on a piece of wood and everytime the wind blew through the hole in the roof it rustled like a paper bag.

“Ya didn’t know?” Daryl asked, his gruff voice as delicate as she could imagine.

“He’s married?” Rae wished she didn’t sound so broken when the words spilled over but she only sounded how she felt.

“Jesus Christ,” Daryl shifted from foot to foot, she could practically feel the way the men were looking at her and when she glanced over her shoulder it was just as she suspected, pity.

The only thing worse was that she could tell there was more, that there was something else wrong. None of them were speaking but they all looked like they had something to say. It reminded her of the time when her dog had died and Grandma had sat her down with Sarah and a plate of cookies as she tried to find the words.

“Tell me!” Rae demanded. She didn’t want to be weak, she didn’t want to be the kind of girl that let a boy break her heart when the world was falling apart. She focused on being angry. Angry they weren’t speaking, angry Negan was a married man, angry at herself.

“He…” Mark cleared his throat, reconsidering his words before choosing them carefully, “he has more than one.”

Dwight surged from his place in the shadows, “he has five!” he snarled. “He fucks five women! One of them is my wife and I got this as a thank you,” he pointed to his scar before looking along Rae’s body with disgust. “I guess he didn’t think you were worth making into lucky number six.”

If he’d have slapped her in the face with a brick it would have hurt less and stunned her just the same.

“Hey, don’t be an asshole!” Mark shouted, shoving Dwight so hard that he half fell to the floor but Rae was too dazed to care about Dwight and what he might think about her.

Five wives, the words ran uneasy circles around her brain while her body tried to find a way to react. “Five. Wives.” She was overwhelmed, anger would be a close word to what she was feeling but it burned hotter than that. It consumed her, she barely knew what she was doing only that within a heartbeat she was being restrained and three men could hardly contain her white hot fury.

A hand muffled her mouth as she kicked her legs, demanding, “let me go! let me go!” She clawed at them, fighting with every ounce of strength until unbidden tears began to spill down her cheeks and she crumpled to a messy pile on the floor.

Mark crouched besides her, “If you go out there then he’ll kill us. You can’t trust him Rae, when you start planting your crops then he’ll want to take half of everything. If you disobey him then,” he grabbed her chin, forcing her to look at him, “if you’re lucky a messed up face is all you get for breaking Negan’s rules.”

“We should go,” Dwight interrupted, his tone urgent as he glanced out the window.

Mark squeezed her shoulder as he stood, “I’m sorry Rae. I’m sorry I had to tell you like this and I’m sorry that Negan-”

“Just go,” Rae hissed. Mark could have found a way to tell her the truth before she’d made such a fool out of herself. She didn’t want him here to watch her grief, she didn’t want anyone to see it.

Rae turned to face the wall as their footsteps receded. She could still feeling Daryl standing watch behind her but he had the good sense to not breath a word or try to comfort her as she sobbed in silence. The tears were painful, stinging as she tried to cut them off and wipe the evidence away with the back of her hand. She could hear the trucks rumbling back to life, the metal clatter of the gate grinding open and she didn’t have the strength to watch them leave.

She had no idea how long she sat like that but when the sound of footfalls filled the stairs again she knew it would be Rick, she forced herself to her feet, turning to Daryl with a look she hoped conveyed, ‘don’t dare, don’t you dare tell them how much I cried.’

He didn’t.

Rae followed Rick and Michonne to where a group of people were waiting around a wooden table. One of them was Jesus, Rick told her the others were from a community called ‘The Kingdom’. They all watched her take a seat and before anyone spoke she asked, her voice empty, “what do you want me to do?”

Rick sat a little straighter, a smile filling his eyes even if he tried to keep his face even. “Mark told me that Negan visits you for… um…” he narrowed his eyes, finding the words and she knew what he was trying to say.

“Sex.” The room was silent and if she’d made these people uncomfortable then she was glad. If they were half as uncomfortable as she was feeling then she was happy enough to laugh and the sound of it was bitter.

“He visits with you,” Rick reaffirmed glancing around the table, “we wanna know when, we wanna know how many men he brings and if there’s a chance you can get him alone.”

Negan was due to visit her in a couple of days yet she found herself saying, “he’s not ‘visiting’ until next month.”

“Will he be alone?” Rick asked.

Rae knew exactly what these people wanted to hear so she told them it, “I can make sure he is.”

Rick looked at Michonne and chatter started around the table. Everyone making plans, everyone deciding the best way to hurt Negan as she focused on the door, wishing away the moments until she could leave this place and go home.

“When he’s with her could be the smartest move, the easiest way to get him when he’s vulnerable,” somebody said and she suddenly felt like she might actually be sick. Even if Negan did have five wives and even if he was a monster to everyone but her, the idea of his vulnerability being exploited had her taking a deep breath to keep the nausea at bay. Could she really be the one to do that?

“Are you sure she’s on board with this?” one of the Kingdom’s men demanded, his finger pointing in her direction as a room filled with eyes began to scrutinise her as if they could break the truth with one look.

Rae had lied to Grandma Ellie a hundred times and if she could do it then she could do it now. She stood, her hands gripped against the edge of the table, her voice loud and even. “I’m not here to prove myself to you people. I’ve seen and I’ve done everything you’ve asked me to do. I’ll give you a week to decide what you want from me and I’ll be waiting for your answer at the daycare.”

Nobody stopped her as she began to walk out the door, nobody stopped her as she walked out the front gate and when she was walking away she realised she was lost. She thought about turning around but something held her back, it might have been pride but she didn’t feel proud. Maybe she just needed to be alone and as much as she wanted to go home, being lost seemed like a better option. She heard the rev of an engine and her solitude was short lived.

Daryl pulled up alongside her, his boots falling to the cracked tarmac, a motorcycle between his thighs. Rae had been a teenager the first and last time she’d been on the back of a motorcycle. One ride had been all that was needed for her to know she’d never go on one again. He handed her a helmet and lit himself a cigarette while he waited for her to put it on. He wasn’t the kind of man that said much so despite the mode of transportation Rae was glad it was him out here and despite her reluctance she found herself doing exactly what he wanted without a single word of protest.

The ride home was just what she needed. It was thrilling to watch the world whip by, she couldn’t really think about anything but leaning into the turns, the wind hitting her face as she became part of the road. There were no red lights to stop the journey, no cars to honk their horn or exhausts spilling out clouds of fumes. There was just freedom and even if she had her arms wrapped around Daryl, it felt like the solitude she craved.

He stopped after a while, climbing off the bike and disappearing into a crop of trees to relieve himself while Rae took off her helmet and shook out her hair. It was getting late. The sun was hanging low, the breeze of the ride was starting to cut like ice through her parka. She shivered, rubbing her hands together to bring the numbness back to life and when Daryl returned he offered her a cigarette before lighting his own.

“Ya wanna keep goin’ or find somewhere to stop fer the night?”

Rae looked along the road, in the distance she could see a halfer ambling its way towards them. There were probably others creeping their way through the trees, triggered by the sound of the bike. “I just wanna go home.”

Daryl raised his eyebrows but he didn’t speak, he took a seat against his bike watching as she began to pace the road, trying to make sense of Negan in between puffs of her cigarette. She was in denial, the shock of five wives had worn off and all that was left was the idea that it was all a lie, a fabrication. But she wasn’t that stupid, she wasn’t that girl, the girl that clung onto false hope as all the evidence was laid in front of her face.

What did she really know about Negan? Did he have children? What were his wives like? Why did he do this to her? Daryl kept track of her every step making her feel like a caged animal but what annoyed her the most was that she couldn’t read him. “You must think I’m pretty stupid.”

“Nope,” he took a long drag of his cigarette and ventured no more information.

Rae found herself striding towards him and maybe she wanted a fight, “well I think I’m pretty stupid.”

He looked at her like she might be downright crazy and maybe she was. She didn’t look away,  she held his line of sight without blinking until relented and said, “I trusted someone, ended up gettin’ a friend killed with my own damn bow. Now the son of a bitch says he wants to help us an’ I’m trustin’ him again. How’s that for fuckin’ stupid?”

All her fight was gone, she sagged, her voice quite, “so we’re both stupid.”

“Looks like it,” he whispered, flicking the butt of his cigarette away.

Rae sighed, taking the helmet when he passed it to her and clicking the straps under her chin as she thought about how Daryl and Rick hadn’t mentioned Negan’s harem of women, how they’d thought she already knew about the arrangement.  “I would have never been with Negan if I’d have known about his wives.”

“It don’t matter.”

“It matters to me!” It bothered her that these people would think she was the kind of woman not to care, the kind of woman who was happy to be second best or in Negan’s case, sixth best. She wasn’t. She’d asked Negan not to hurt her and he had, more than he could have known, the lies, the humiliation. She wanted to hurt him back, she wanted to make him feel the way he’d made her feel. She thought about kissing Daryl, how easy it would be to press her lips to his and how well the revenge would satisfy her even if it was only for a moment.

“Are ya gettin’ on the bike or not?” he said and she laughed, scolding herself for even thinking about kissing another man. That wasn’t who she was, or was it? She hardly knew anymore. She felt like Negan, this whole situation, was killing a part of her and maybe it was the last part. The part that still tried to cling onto her old life, the part that still believe in honest people and a future where communities would come together.

“Take me home,” she said to Daryl, climbing onto the back of his bike and tucking her hands into the sleeves of her coat. She might not have known what she was going to do about Negan, Alexandria or anything else but she knew she trusted no one. Not even herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I’m sure you’ve noticed this story is reaching its climax and as much as I hope it can continue forever I know that one day it will end. With that in mind, I, along with some other incredible authors, have created a brand new story. It’s set In a town called Darling and it follows the Saviors Outlaw Motorcycle Club. If you’re interested in reading this new fic then you can follow the dedicated blog @in-a-town-called-darling where you will find all the chapters as we start to post them. Or follow the story on AO3.


	26. Everything and Nothing

Daryl left Rae with a map that would lead her back to Alexandria and she walked the final stretch of her journey, arriving home in the cover of darkness. She didn’t tell her people the whole truth of where she had been. Partly because she didn’t know the whole truth but mostly because she wanted more time. All she told them was not to talk to Negan’s men and not to let them inside the walls but everyone knew something wasn’t right. She could see it in the fear that began to live in their eyes and hear it in the hushed whispers that began to spread around the gardens.

Rae’s hesitation to tell Tim that Rick had been outright lying about Negan was all it took for him to believe Negan was everything he suspected and more. She thought he would say something to the others but he didn’t and for that she was grateful.

Now it was the day of Negan’s arrival, or at least the day he’d said he would arrive and Rae stood watch on the platform above the gate, worrying the wooden walkway as she paced. He’d promised her a visit in a week but that didn’t mean he would arrive on time, like all people good or bad a promise was much easier to make than it was to keep.

Tim spotted him first, “over there,” he whispered, his finger pointing to where Negan strolled through the long grass. He had Lucille on one shoulder, a shiny red gift box in his hand and he smiled when their eyes met. Rae waved, the gesture limp before she almost fell down the ladders to meet him at the gate. Her heart was pounding, fight or flight mode kicking in as she wondered if signalling for the gate to be opened was the wisest idea. It was too late. The gate cracked open and she stood on the threshold, unsure of how to hold the expression on her face as he finished the rest of his journey with a huge grin and a spring in his step.

“I’ve missed you Red,” he announced to anyone who could hear before taking her in his arms and holding her between the gift box and Lucille. Rae didn’t pull away, she savoured the feel of him, the hardness of his chest, the soft leather of his jacket. She closed her eyes, enjoying the way his face nestled his face against her hair, his lips soft and still comforting as they pressed to her temple. “I brought you the supplies I promised, baby, but I told my men they had to wait with them at the farm. I didn’t wanna waste another fucking minute without having you all to myself.”

Rae didn't answer, she pressed her nose further into the smell of his jacket, words sticking in her throat before he finally freed her from the safety of his embrace and held out his gift box with a devilish smile, “red for Red.”

She took it with reluctance, feeling the weight of it in her hands and wondering how this moment would have felt if she’d never met Rick Grimes. But she had met Rick Grimes and the moment could only feel one way, sullied. As she untied the bow Negan sidled close enough to whisper into her ear, “you might wanna open that in private, baby.”

“I’ll open in now!” Rae snapped, all the hurt of the past few days bubbling against the way he made her feel. Like she was special, like this thing between them was real. She tore open the box like a greedy child, letting the cardboard fall away until her fingers were clenched tight around racy red lingerie, her heart sinking, “you must have a lot of practice choosing out gifts like these.”

“I spent all week thinking about you,” he brushed his thumb across her cheek and she jerked away from his touch.

“Jesus Christ Red, it's been one week, don’t tell me you’ve gone back to being a fucking ice queen because I gotta tell you baby, I had very specific plans that involved your very soft sweet side looking very fucking hot.”

She glared at him, he didn’t care about her at all, “I suppose I should be grateful that you came here to fuck me, should I?”

Negan laughed, he even had the audacity to almost look hurt, “did you take a knock to the fucking head while I was gone?” She didn’t answer and his smile quirked back into place, “or are you playing hard to get? Or maybe…” his voice was low now, “you’re just itching for me to spank your smart ass.”

She held her tongue even if a million words wanted to come pouring out. The Taser Mark gave  her before they went to fight Jacob was currently sitting heavily in her coat pocket, she slipped her hand against it brushing her thumb over the trigger and then everything happened quickly.

The look on his Negan’s face was fleeting but it was enough to break what had been left of her heart, disappointment, confusion, betrayal. He dropped to the floor leaving her wracked with the kind of regret that told her just how much she cared about Negan, how much she was in love with him despite every reason against it.

She crouched to the floor, grabbing his wrist. Just because she loved him didn’t mean he wasn’t lying and this was the end of the world she couldn’t just delete his number from her phone and stop answering his calls. “Help me with him,” she called to Tim who was standing by just waiting for this moment. They each took an arm each, dragging Negan’s limp body to the barn where she’d prepared for his arrival.

///

Negan’s body was on fire and it wasn’t from the jolt of electricity that Red had shocked him with, it was anger. What the fucking hell had happened? He assumed the worse as he slowly came back to his senses in fact, he assumed he probably deserved whatever the hell he had coming to him.

His arms were tied above his head with rope, the tips of his boots scraping across the straw covered floor just enough to stop him from being in excruciating pain but not enough to be comfortable. When he looked up he saw Rae, patiently sitting on a bale of hay, her hands in her lap and her eyes watching his every move.

She looked relieved and even though the barn was lit only by the cracks in the wood he could tell that she’d been crying. “This is some kinky shit you’re into Red, even for my fucking tastes,” Negan said trying to lighten the mood and falling flat as for the briefest moment he thought she might cry again.

Rae stood, clenching her jaw and seeming to pull her big girl panties all the way up before she demanded, “tell me everything!”

He might have known. “Everything would take a long damn time, baby doll. Why don’t you tell me what you wanna know?”

Rae surged forward, any hints that she’d been crying now long gone, “don’t fuck with me, Negan!”

“Oh, I wish I could,” he laughed nervously, gently testing the strength of his restraints. If he thought he’d seen her angry before he was certain he was going to see worse now. Her eyes were sharp and wild, the eyes of a woman prepared to do much more than thrust a stun gun into his chest.

“I’ve met Rick, I’ve been to Alexandria.”

Negan could feel his face pulling into a snarl, he couldn’t help it. His arms jerked harder against his restraints, his mind conjuring images of Rick and how satisfied that fucker must have been when he found Rae. “That little prick!”

“I already know everything but I want to hear it from you so don’t fuck with me, sweetheart.”

The way she said it pissed him off and amused him in equal measures. He’d never wanted to take her over his knee more than he did in this very moment. It was laughable really, if he wasn’t chained up like a Virgin Sacrifice then he’d be laughing his fucking ass off at the way she’d taken him down. The way she was standing in this barn, interrogating him while he swung from the rafter like an oversized pinata.

“So what exactly did Rick the prick say? Hm… I killed his men? Well let me tell you something sweetheart, he killed mine so that makes us fucking equal in my books and I don’t regret a single fucking one of them. Hell, I gave him a chance, I told him I only had to kill one, he killed more than thirty of mine and I told him one.” Negan laughed, “let’s not forget that I killed for you and that you thanked me for it as I fucking recall.”

Rae kept her eyes trained on him, barely even flinching at his admission or questioning his answers and that’s when he realised it wasn’t the arrangement or the killing that bothered her. No, Rae was smarter than that. She was a practical woman like he was a practical man. He laughed harder, maybe the sound of it would cover the way his heart was starting to pound. There was no avoiding it now but he still tried, “or maybe he told you something more interesting?”

That got her, that had those green eyes lighting up like a feral cat, “why didn’t you ask me to marry you Negan? You like wives, right? Is there something wrong with me? Did I not suck your dick good enough? Or did you bring me a ring to go with that trashy lingerie? I guess asking sometime to marry you after the first fuck is pretty quick even for a man with a harem of women.”

He didn’t know if that was what she planned on saying, it was sloppy, her voice choking in parts, her words fumbling. She thought she knew everything but she was wrong. “You don't know jack shit, baby.”

“I know you fuck five other women!”

“We’ve all fucked people. As a matter of fact sweetheart, it was you fucking Jacob that got you into this whole fucking mess.”

Rae slapped him and it hurt like a sonofabitch but he shook it off, forcing out a bitter laugh. “I told you I don’t want a holy vessel, I don’t care who you fucked before you met me, the only thing I care about is that I don’t share, not with you, Red.”

“God, you’re an asshole!” she screeched.

“You already knew that,” he retorted. Part of him wanted Rae to find her own way to trust him, to give him the benefit of the doubt before she did whatever it was she had planned. Yes, he had wives but he hadn’t touched a single one of them since he’d met her and after one thunderous conversation he’d told them the whole shit show was over. Maybe he’d taken the heel of Kirsten’s boot to the back of his head for nothing.

Rae turned her back to him, staring at the door for the longest time while he stared at the back of her head, wondering how the hell he was going to get out of this and if he could make her see sense when she was so angry. When she turned to face him, she didn’t look angry any more she just looked tired, exhausted, it was how he had felt every morning he woke up in the Sanctuary, until he met her.

She wrapped her arms around her centre, holding herself together, “was this ever real for you, Negan? Any of this?”

Negan pulled his arms against the restraint the pain biting into his flesh as he held his tongue. Even if he was almost willing to confess everything to stop the look that was sitting on her face. He wasn’t the kind of man to spill his guts, reel off lines of love poetry or handpick bouquets of flowers to match the pink of her cheeks. He was the kind of man that forget anniversaries, the kind of man that always said the wrong thing.

Rae scoffed, barely giving him a chance to answer and barely even looking at him, “you know what? I don’t even wanna hear your answer. You’re a liar. You know just what to say and I was stupid enough to believe in you.”

His heart sank, he’d been holding onto to some sort of hope that she’d realise how much he cared about her but he hadn’t done enough, he hadn’t had enough time to prove himself. “Seems to me you’ve already made up your mind, baby doll.”

Rae opened her mouth to say something before reconsidering, walking away and letting the door slam shut behind her without a word of goodbye or a plan for what she would do next.

Negan didn’t call her name, it rested on the tip of his tongue, hIs pride stifling the words. He’d never begged for forgiveness and he wasn’t sure he could do it now, he wasn’t even sure he could be forgiven. He pulled his arms harder against the restraints, the rope cutting even deeper into his flesh and he didn’t stop. He’d make it out of this barn then he’d show Red exactly how fucking wrong she was. What came after he couldn’t say but he was in love with this crazy redhead whether he wanted it or not.

///

Rae didn’t look at anyone as she made her way across the garden to the potting shed. She slumped into her thinking spot, feeling the bite of frost cutting through her jeans as she settled onto the ground, trying to decide what she wanted to do.

Negan, Rick, it seemed to her they were both as bad as each other. Like children telling tales to a parent that hadn’t been watching. They’d put her in an impossible position with no easy choice. When she’d seen Negan in Alexandria and heard about his wives she’d wanted to kill him but from the moment she’d seen him walking through the grass she’d known she could never truly hurt him. It was like Mark had said, she wasn't a killer.

“Are you gonna tell me what’s going on? Or should I ask the gentleman you have tied up in my barn?” Grandma interrupted Rae’s thoughts, dragging her back to the cold.

Rae looked at her hands, rubbing them together to buy herself time. She hadn’t told Grandma Ellie the truths she should have shared but it was too late to keep avoiding things. “I don’t know if we can trust Negan, there are people out there that want to fight him, maybe even kill him. They asked for my help, they told me that he’ll hurt us when we he gets the chance.”

“Who are these people, Rae?”

She wiped her hands over her face, “does it matter?”

Grandma slumped against the shed, easing onto the floor with a groan that came with age. It’s funny how you never notice someone getting older, the change is so slow that you miss the point when the person you looked to for strength becomes the one you need to protect. When Rae was little she would press her head against her grandma's chest and let the rise and fall of her breathing chase away anything bad. Now her hair was all white, her ankles as skinny as a birds and her breathing raspy in the cold. Rae settled her head against Grandma’s bosom and she smelled the same even felt the same but the comfort of a Grandma couldn’t chase away the problems that were haunting her. “I don’t know what to do.”

Grandma stroked her hair, “Negan has never hurt us and I don’t think he ever will. I admit when he came to this house I saw nothing but questionable intentions but I think he left with honorable ones. Now, I might not always see eye to eye with him, he’s crude, brash and could do with more than one lesson in manners but I know a good man when I see one, in his heart, he’s trying to be good and when he’s with you,” she tilted Rae’s face so she was looking at her, “I can see you make each other smile and that's the most important thing, especially now.”

Rae forced her smile, she wished things were as simple as a smile. She couldn't tell Grandma about the wives or anything like that. She knew it would only hurt her and she wanted to save her from the pain even if she couldn't save herself.

“Thank you,” she whispered and she meant it, she knew what she needed to do now, it was what she’s known since she’d seen Negan walking through that field and prayed to God it was all some big mistake.

Rae told Grandma to get out of the cold and head back to the house before she made her way back to the barn. She opened the door, bracing herself for another conversation with Negan but when she stepped inside, Negan was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	27. Fight or Flight

Rae slid her glock from its holster. She knew Negan wouldn’t be in this barn just like she knew she wouldn’t shoot him if he was but she liked the weight of it in her hand. So with a racing heart and a firstful of pistol Rae crept past the bales of hay, her eyes scanning any potential hiding spaces until she was certain, Negan was gone. 

 

_ Gone _ . Bile rouse in her throat as she turned around on autopilot, one foot stretching out in front of the other until she was sprinting from the barn, calling Tim’s name. She ran around the corner blind, colliding with Zuzu who was happily zipping around on a scooter that Tim had found before Jacob or Negan had ever existed.

 

“I told you to stay inside!” Rae scolded, her tone harsh with frustration that was trying to find an outlet. 

 

One large tear rolled down Zuzu’s cheek, paving the way for a waterfall of followers and Rae felt more than a pang of regret as she abandoned her little niece and ran towards the front gate.  _ How could she have let Negan escape? How could she have been so careless? She couldn’t even control a child so how had she expected to control a man like Negan? _

 

“What’s going on?” Carly called, shifting her baby from one hip to the other, her eyes searching out Zuzu like a good Mother would. 

  
  


“Negan’s gone!” Rae choked, any control she might have had now long lost. She was afraid. She’d been too harsh and now she didn’t know what might come of it.

 

“Tim took him,” Caryl replied quickly, her eyes darting around Rae’s face while the words seemed to echo across every wall and weave between every blade of frosted grass. 

 

“What?” 

 

Carly’s face fell, her words stuttering, “he said you knew. He said you’d asked him to take care of-”   
  


“When?” Rae interrupted, already running to the red coupe that Negan had given her.   
  


“He put Negan in one of the cars about fifteen minutes ago.”   
  


Rae slid into the soft leather seat, the idea of Tim’s betrayal pounding her heart to a different tune as she reached into the glove box to find the keys gone from their usual spot. She wanted to think it was a coincidence as she yelled, “someone find me the keys for the goddamn car!” But when she ran into the house, upending the contents of her dresser drawer, to grab the map of Alexandria she realised that much like Tim and Negan, it was gone.    
  


“Fuck!” Rae shouted, her hands shaking as the drawer clattered to the floor. A million different emotions were racing in competition and when her gaze landed on the bed, the comforter pulled over to one side, climbing under the covers seemed so tempting, letting the inevitable happen would be as easy as lying down and closing her eyes.   
  


Grandma’s voice brought her back from hopeless feelings but when Rae turned wanting to find comfort she realised Grandma sounded less frightened than she looked, her face was pale, her hand worrying an old dishcloth. “What’s happening? What haven’t you told us?”   
  


Rae took a deep breath, a moment to gather her thoughts, “nothing. Everything is gonna be okay. I’m gonna make everything right.” She smiled, she thought she almost sounded convincing and maybe that’s all it took to be a leader, smoke and mirrors and the whatever it took to stop you crawling under the covers.    
  


She kicked the drawer out of her way and as she walked through the door Grandma stopped her, “we’re all counting on you and we’re all here for you.”   
  


“I know.” Rae jumped down the stairs, hurrying outside, she knew just how much everyone needed her to make the right decision. “Did you find the keys?” she asked, keeping her voice even as her people all gathered below the porch steps, their eyes wide like children. She supposed it was her own fault that Negan had escaped, she hadn’t told anyone the real stakes and in trying to protect them she’d made them useless.    
  


Carly held her baby in front of her like a safety net, her words a whisper almost masked by the breeze, “they’re gone.”   
  


Rae knew they would be. She knew that she’d kept them in the glove box just like the map had been kept in her drawer, the only thing she didn’t know was how long Tim had been planning this. “Okay,” she held her chin up, her shoulders straight, “nobody comes in or out of these gates except for me, I want the children inside and everyone on guard duty, do you all understand?”   
  


“What about Negan’s men?”    
  


“If they come here looking for Negan tell them he’s with me and he wants them to wait for him at the other farm. Do not let them inside.”   
  


“What if you can’t bring Negan back?”    
  


It was probably what everyone was thinking and Rae didn’t answer it. She grabbed a rifle from one of her people, walking to the gate with conviction, as if the question was a ridiculous one. When the gate opened wide enough she slipped through, running as fast as she possibly could and knowing the answer was ‘I don’t know.’ If Tim took Negan to Rick then she had no idea what would happen next except that it would change everything.     
  


There was another car, a spare she kept hidden across the fields for moments not unlike this one and as she ran towards it every passing moment felt like a lifetime. She worried she wouldn’t know which way to go without a map, she worried she’d be too late but more than anything part of her worried that Negan would hate her for what she did to him today.    
  


By the time Rae had made it to the car her lungs were burning, the taste of blood filling her throat and her worries had only intensified. She grabbed the keys from the glove box, her eyes filled with unshed tears as the engine spluttered to life on her fourth attempt.   
  


It might have been stupid, it might even have been the wrong decision but Rae had planned on freeing Negan. She’d hoped that despite everything she didn’t know about him she knew enough to know he would never truly hurt her, at least in the physical sense. Emotional was something else. If she thought about it then she’d been a fool to put even the smallest amount of stock into a man guarding her feelings, it had never worked out for her in the past so why would it be different now? Negan had made her feel special, he’d taken her away from the world for a brief snapshot of time and she was grateful for that even if it had all been a fabrication. He’d told her there would be no poetry in being with him and he’d been right.    
  


///   
  


Negan worked his wrists and ankles against his restraints and Timmy might have been a little dweeb but the fucker sure knew how to tie a knot leaving any attempt at brute force utterly  useless. He had nothing more than brush burn where the rope was starting to slice through the tender skin of his wrists and as he lay on the backseat of the old sedan he wondered if it was Rae who had given little Timmy the go ahead to do her dirty work. He pictured the fire in her eyes when she’d shoved the taser in his chest and chuckled despite the sticky situation. Rae had been angry enough to chop off his balls, she wouldn’t have sent him away without a farewell ‘fuck you’. No, Timmy was working alone.    
  


Negan watched the trees whizzing past the window, row after row as he decided not to accept his fate, “I need to go to the little boys room.”   
  


“Hold it,” Tim spat with what sounded like sadistic satisfaction.    
  


Negan held his tongue and with as much charm as a man hog tied like roadkill could muster he crooned, “I wish I could but I know how far we are from Alexandria, Timmy boy.”   
  


Tim ignored him, his hands at ten and two and his eyes glued to the road.    
  


It occurred to Negan that Tim hadn’t looked at him once, hadn’t spoken unless spoken to. Perhaps he was scared, either scared of Negan or scared of what he might do if he got started. Negan knew the second feeling well, he also knew how to push the right buttons to get a reaction. “What kind of man lets another man piss himself? Unless you like that? Maybe you wanna sit in a car with the stench of my piss for the next couple of hours. Fuck, maybe I should shit myself too? How about it Timmy? You can admit it, we’re just two men shooting the fucking...” Negan laughed, “shit.”   
  


The car slammed to a halt, Negan couldn’t stop the way he fell into the footwell just as much as he couldn’t hide the smile on his face.     
  


“Maybe I should just kill you right now?” Timmy spluttered, “I don’t think Rick cares if you’re alive or dead when I bring you to him.”   
  


_ Shit _ . Negan hadn’t planned on Timmy actually growing a pair of fucking balls here. He wanted him angry, not murderous. “You’re gonna kill a man because he needs to take a piss. Now what would Rae think about that?”   
  


Timmy smiled, “she’ll probably be glad you’re finally gone. Then she won’t have to sleep with you in exchange for whatever it is she thinks you provide.”   
  


Negan gritted his teeth, his hands balling into tight fists, “either kill me or take me to the little boys room but let's not try to pretend she didn’t wanna fuck me because we both know that she did.”   
  


Tim pulled a pistol from his belt, sliding the safety with his thumb before pressing the barrel to Negan’s temple, “maybe she did but not anymore. You’re nothing now, you’re pathetic and when I give you to Rick he’s gonna give us all the help we need.”   
  


“If you think you can trust that fucker Rick Grimes then you’re an even bigger idiot than I thought. He’s a liar and he wouldn’t think twice about slitting your throat. Or Rae’s. So do me a fucking favour and kill me now because I don’t wanna see Rae, Grandma and Zuzu being killed in the middle of the night by that merry band of assholes.”   
  


Tim hesitated, weighing his options before his face creased back into a snarl, “I don’t wanna hear your bullshit and if you try anything then I  _ will  _ kill you.”   
  


Negan didn’t say anything. He held his tongue again and it worked. Tim pulled Negan from the car by the scruff of his neck before turning to lead the way into a clearing by the side of the road.   
  


“You expect me to hop along like this?” Negan nodded to the rope that bound his legs. “Jesus Christ Timmy you are one inhumane motherfucker. You tie me up, shove a gun in my face and you can’t even let me walk to the john like a fucking man?”   
  


It must have struck a chord with Timmy because no matter how tough little Timmy tried to be he was still just the dweeb that followed Rae like a lost puppy.  “Remember what I said,” Tim warned, waving the pistol in Negan’s face before he crouched on one knee, loosening the knot.    
  


As soon as the rope was slack Negan did remember Timmy’s threat he just couldn’t care fucking less nor would he waste a golden opportunity to give little Timmy one swift knee to the face. Blood burst from his nose, his glasses hit the tarmac and it felt damned good. Negan laughed, even if he ended up being shot for his effort it was worth it to get one satisfying hit on the little prick.    
  


Tim fell to the road, his nose pouring blood and Negan didn’t even consider stopping his attack. He had a whole boat load of pent up rage that he’d been savoring for this fucker and now he had the perfect excuse. He kicked him in the stomach and Tim rolled over with a groan, drawing his pistol in a pathetic attempt to line up a shot. Negan kicked Tim’s arm, the impact sounding out with a satisfying crunch followed by the bang of the gun, the bullet whizzing into the tree’s.    
  


As Timmy began to scramble to his feet Negan kicked the pistol from his hand like he was kicking the football in a field goal and it flew through the air, over a short rail separating the road from a long ditch, landing in places unknown.   
  


“You’re one dumb little fucker,” Negan couldn’t help but taunt, even with his hands literally tied behind his back he was about to kill this dweeb. He was going to stomp him down like an oversized roach and the blood lust was insatiable.    
  


Timmy pulled a knife, it was a small thing made for gutting fish rather than men but he slashed it anyway, catching Negan’s chest in the process.    
  


“Motherfucker,” Negan shouted as he noticed the slit that ran all the way across his leather jacket. Not deep enough to do any harm but deep enough to ruin the jacket. With his face twisted into an even angrier line Negan advanced on Timmy who’s eyes were like two saucers, his knife suddenly shaking in his hand. Tim thought better of a second attack instead sprinting towards the trees where the pistol had disappeared.    
  


Negan chased him, no knife in a knife fight was one thing, no gun was another. He charged after Tim as hard as he could, shoulder barging him over the railing, the momentum sending them both tumbling down the side of a steep hill.    
  


If he’d have been a cartoon character he’d have had a ring of stars twinkling a halo around his head. Instead, Negan had spots clouding his vision and he couldn't tell if he’d been out cold or just momentarily stunned as he lay still, letting his body register a list of injuries. His head was throbbing and his arms were uncomfortable under his weight but other than that he was okay.    
  


When he rolled to his side Timmy was just lying there, motionless amongst the undergrowth and whether dead or unconscious Negan didn’t give a flying fuck.    
  


He pulled himself to his feet, spotting a roamer clawing his way through the trees before he noticed Tim’s knife lodged in the grass. The sound of the gun firing had no doubt lured the dead and there would surely be more so he wasted no time before attempting to saw through the rope that was binding his wrists. He had barely begun when he heard the rumble of an engine.    
  


“Shit,” he muttered, slowly standing and scanning the undergrowth for the pistol as he continued hacking away at the rope. He listened to the sound of a car door opening then slamming shut and what came next made his heart stop, the knife slipping from his fingers.   
  


“Negan!”   
  


It was Rae’s voice and he stood motionless in the wake of it before pulling his shit together, grabbing the knife and ducking behind the nearest tree. He couldn’t risk her capturing him again and he wasn’t going to fight if he didn’t have the advantage, if the end of the world had taught him one thing it had certainly been that. He peered around the trunk of the tree, scanning the road until he spotted her telltale red hair and the muzzle of a very large rifle.    
  


She called his name again and he wondered for a moment why she wasn’t calling for Timmy only to decide it was because maybe she didn’t really give a crap about Timmy. The idea inched a smile across his face, maybe there really was still hope for him and Red.    
  


One of the roamer’s was gaining on him and his hiding place was up if he didn’t want to get eaten alive so he only had one choice. “I’m here baby,” he admitted, kicking away the dead man that dived for him and finishing it with his boot when it tumbled to the ground.   
  


“Negan?” Rae gasped and when he turned he could see her slowly climbing down the side of the hill, her rifle slung over her shoulder and her voice wary as she asked, “where’s Tim?”   
  


Negan crept to a new hiding spot, making sure to keep Red in his line of sight “We had a fight, he’s out cold,” he said, he didn’t say the part where he might be dead, it wasn’t going to do him any favors. Instead he finished slicing through the rope, shaking it from his wrists as he watched Red finally make it to the forest floor. She crouched down, placing her fingers against Tim’s neck before shaking his shoulder and whispering his name.   
  


“You ask Timmy to take me to Rick?” Negan prayed the sound of his voice wouldn’t give away his exact location. He was far enough away and there were enough trees to cause confusion.    
  


Rae’s eyes darted towards him but he remained hidden, crouched behind a fallen tree. “No,” she called, standing, bringing her rifle in front of her. “I don’t trust you Negan, but I don’t trust Rick either. I know you might not believe me but I was gonna let you go, I don’t wanna be part of a war that might get my people killed.” She paused, her shoulders slumped and her voice had a broken edge, “I want you to leave and never come back, I don’t wanna see you or your people again.”   
  


Negan wiped his hand over his face, his heart pounding, “you breaking up with me, Red?”   
  


She held her rifle higher, her eyes searching down the scope like a trained riflewoman, “I’m not playing, Negan.”   
  


“Neither am I, baby doll.” He rolled the knife in his hand and the snap of twigs catching his attention. He turned his head he could see more dead filtering through the trees, enough to be a problem and enough to cut a path right between himself and Rae. “You see that, Red?” he called, standing up and keeping cover away from prying green eyes.   
  


She shifted her rifle towards the dead, her eyes darting everywhere else, “where are you?”   
  


“It doesn’t matter. We both know I’m not coming back with you right now so you better get your ass up on that road and into your car like a good girl before you get hurt.”   
  


She hesitated, taking several steps forward and he wanted to spank her ass for even thinking about putting it on the line, “you can try and catch me Red or you can get Timmy to safety. He’s not gonna make it without you and you haven’t got time to fuck around baby.”   
  


Rae glanced at Tim, huffing out a sigh before throwing her rifle back on her shoulder.    
  


“I’ll stay here while you get to safety and I want you to know, this shit ain’t over between us Rachel Honey.”   
  


“Are you threatening me?” she demanded and he could just picture the look that would be resting on her face.   
  


“I’m just saying, I’m not finished with you, not by a long fucking shot sweetheart.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. And a big thank you to everyone who has left comments and told me how much they're enjoying this story, you have no idea how much that means to me!


	28. Warmongering

Negan held off the dead with the help of Timmy’s knife and his natural ability to kick the shit out of roamers. Only when the sound of Rae’s car pulling away told him she was safe did he scramble up the embankment which he’d tumbled down.

He peered over the grassy edge with cautious eyes, double checking that a certain fiery redhead wasn’t baiting him into her trap. She wasn’t and part of him was disappointed, not because he thought she’d missed out on a golden opportunity but more because he’d spent the last week looking forward to seeing her and his plans had well and truly fallen down the shithole.  

Negan pulled himself all the way up onto the road, wondering how the hell Rae had managed Timmy up the hill and feeling surprised to see a set of car keys waiting on the roof of Timmy’s car. Although he shouldn’t have been surprised. This was Rae and she might have shot him with 50,000 volts and threatened to kill him but under those threats she was a good girl at heart. Regardless of her reasons Negan decided to take this small gesture to mean that she was still interested in him at least enough to give him a fighting chance and that was all he ever needed anyway.

With a smile he grabbed the keys and popped the trunk, sighing in relief when his gaze landed on “Lucille.” Negan had only hoped that Timmy had brought her and with the impending shitstorm he was going to need at least one of his girls on his side. He picked her up, admiring her before taking a swing at the roamer that had chased him to the road. Brain matter flew through the air, splatting on the tarmac like jello and it might not have been Timmy’s skull but it was a start.

With that in mind he considered following Rae back home but even with the men he’d left at the farm across the field it wouldn’t be enough for him to feel comfortable. He had no idea what Rick was planning and he wasn’t going to walk into a fight with his dick in his hand. So with the fuel tank running on fumes Negan made it back to the Sanctuary just after nightfall and he was barely through the gate before he was jumping from the car and yelling for Simon.

“What happened?” Simon said, following hot on Negan’s heels as they stormed through the halls to his apartment.

“Not here,” Negan replied, casting a wary eye to the people they were passing. He’d realised that Rick finding Rae would have been like finding Sherry’s personality, unlikely as fuck. That meant someone had told him about her and that someone could be anyone, he didn’t exactly have many friends around here. Negan didn’t want anyone to ask questions just as much as he didn’t want anyone to hear what he had to say, except of course for Simon. Out of all the fuckers in the Sanctuary he trusted Simon.

Kirsten was sitting in his room when they got there, her lipstick freshly painted, her breasts falling out of her bra as she stretched out across the chaise like cleo-fucking-patra.

“Jesus christ!” Negan exclaimed, storming through the door. “Did you not fucking understand the words leave and never fucking come back?”

A slow smile crept across Kirsten face, “you married me for better or worse, Negan.”

“Then you’re right in fucking time for the worse part sweetheart,” Negan ran agitated fingers over his face, his head pounding as hard as his heart. This was the nightmare he’d been trying to avoid and every part of it was his fault. The wives, Rae, Rick, his people. It was all a web of fucked up.

He remembered leaving Lucille’s room and the months he’d spent on the road. He’d promised himself he wouldn’t be one of those dead fuckers, he’d swore to himself that he’d stick it out alone and somewhere in between he’d ended up with all these lives in his hands and the responsibility to keep them breathing.

“Everything’s fucked,” he decided, ignoring Kirsten’s unholy presence as he paced around the room before pouring a glass of bourbon. He knocked the liquid back, relishing the burn and quickly pouring another.

“The redhead?” Simon said, standing in front of him with his arms crossed and a look of concern furrowed into his brow.

“The redhead, Rick-Fucking-Grimes, take your pick,” Negan announced gesturing his drink in a cheers to the universe before downing it in one painful gulp.

Simon’s eyes narrowed, his hand now resting on his pistol as if to show he was ready to fight, ready to do whatever it took. “What happened today? Are the men you took dead?”

With a second glass of bourbon sitting in his stomach Negan’s heart finally began to slow its pace. “Nobody’s dead. Not yet. But we need to send word to the outposts, they need to send every able bodied fucker they have. ”

“Sir?”

“Do I need to fucking spell things out? Rick Grimes is planning something with his merry band of assfucks and I’m not gonna sit around playing pass the pig while he gets organised.” Negan rubbed his temple, sighing, he’d been King Dick for a long time and part of him knew this moment would come he just didn’t know it would come so soon. “We’re going to war. ”

“I’ll send word tonight,” Simon replied coolly, his unwavering tone singing like music to Negan’s ears.

“Thank you,” Negan said, glancing at his right hand man. He meant it and he was starting to realise just how important the right kind of people were.  

“You’re tense,” Kirsten purred when Simon left the room, the sound of her voice grating his eardrums and the shock of her presence making his heart do a double take.

“What are you still doing here?” Negan muttered, his thumb brushing across his leather jacket, tracing the slice Tim had left before he shrugged it from his shoulders and screwed it into a ball.

“Till death do us part,” she whispered down his ear, her hands kneading circles on his shoulders, her body pressed close enough for him to smell the lotion she drenched herself in. Negan shrugged her off, throwing his jacket across the room, “I don’t remember agreeing to those vows.”  

Kirsten laughed, “well you’d say anything to get your end wet.”

Negan didn’t find the joke very funny, in fact when he thought about how Rae had accused of basically the same thing he found it quite the opposite of funny. Still, he didn’t say anything. Because despite what Negan liked to think about himself sometimes even he was all out of fight.

He’d spent part of the day strung up in a barn, part of it riding in the trunk of a car. He’d been tasered, punched and fallen ass over tit down the side of a hill. So, without a fight he let Kirsten pour him a glass of bourbon, he even let her ease him into his chair and when she knelt between his legs he snorted.

Kirsten frowned, her painted smile drooping like melted plastic, “I might not be her but at least I’m here and I’ll do whatever you want.”

Negan sipped his bourbon, his eyes closed. It had been so easy to get people to kneel for him and if he was completely honest he’d been addicted to it. Taking power and being King Dick. They were all dead anyway. At least that’s what he’d decided, or what he’d thought when responsibility tried to bite him in the ass. He didn’t think that anymore. Some people might have been dead but some people were living and Negan wanted to be alive.

Kirsten caressed down his legs before she began removing his boots, her hands delicately pulling at the laces as if a sudden movement would change his mind except his mind had been set for a while now.

“Kirsten, I don’t want you to take of my boots and I don’t want you to do what I want. That’s the whole fucking point. I don’t wanna fuck a dead girl anymore. Rae wouldn’t kneel and take off my boots unless my goddamn arms had fallen off and I wouldn’t want her too. We take off our own fucking boots and we do what we want.” He slid his tumbler of bourbon onto the table and laughed bitterly. “If she wants to kill me then I can’t really do anything about it but, and I want you to understand this part, I really fucking do. I’d still choose her, I’d still want her.”

Kirsten stood, scowling at him like a spoilt child, “then she’ll get you killed and I’ll still be here and there are other men that would kill to have me.”

“Maybe you will Kirsten and good fucking luck to you. I mean it. I don’t give you credit. You’re a survivor. You use your pussy and you’re fucking first class at it. But if you creep into my apartment and bring your dead pussy near me again then I will throw you from the fucking window, do you understand?”

She gasped, covering what was left of her modesty with her hands, her heels clicking against the floor before she hurled a last ditch attempt at an insult, “I hope she cuts your balls off!”

Funnily enough Negan had never liked Kirsten more than he did at that moment. He laughed, finishing his third glass of bourbon and falling into bed like he wasn’t on the brink of war. He needed to shut it out, he needed to sleep and tomorrow he’d do what needed to be done.

The next morning he was up with the sun and as requested Simon had already sent messages to the outposts. By this evening Negan’s army would be at full strength. Strength enough to crush Rick or anyone who stood against him. But first he wanted to have a conversation with Rachel Honey and this time it was going to be on his terms.

Negan took an armed procession to join him on his little conversation. Their first stop was the farm across the field where he found his outpost of men untouched and useless as fuck. Any other day he would have roasted them but today he didn’t have the time to ask exactly how they’d let Rick get to Rae or sat on their asses while he was almost killed. Instead he drove his procession of Saviors right up to the gate of the Matchstick Fort and it reminded him of the day he’d done the same thing only that day Jacob had been the bad guy and he was the hero.

As an unwelcome guest the 50 cal sitting overwatch on the gate looked more intimidating than he remembered but it wasn’t enough to stop him from stepping out of the truck, Lucille slung on his shoulder and a cocky bounce in his step.

Negan didn’t know the woman on the gate but she clearly knew him as she pointed her rifle his way and demanded, “what have you come for?”

Negan forced a smile, a bead of sweat rolling down the back of his neck despite the frost of the day. This could end up being a terrible fucking idea but if he acted like he was in control then maybe he would be. “I’m here to speak to Rae.”

The look that filled the woman’s face wasn’t what he expected. She looked surprised, her aim wavering as she glanced over her shoulder, whispering something he couldn’t quite hear.

Negan didn’t move a muscle except for his hand which wrapped in a death grip around Lucille. Hell, he was barely breathing as he tried to hear his whispered fate. The woman nodded, disappearing from view and his gaze focused on the 50 cal, his body tensing as he recalled how easily the bullets had sliced through Jacob’s men.

He was considering getting back into his truck and thinking of a better plan when the next face he saw was Grandma Ellie’s and she wasn’t standing at the 50 cal, nor was anyone else. He might have breathed in relief except the wrinkles in her face were a little deeper, her eyes ringed with red.

“What have you done to my baby?” she choked, her hands gripping the wooden fort as if she might collapse without the support.

Negan lost the cool he was trying to maintain as quickly as he forgot he’d been feeling afraid. “What the hell are you saying? Someone better start talking right fucking now!”

Grandma Ellie began to cry, her words even weaker, “Rae hasn’t come home. She left to find you and Tim and you’re here and they’re not.”

“What have you done with them?” the rifle woman demanded, her aim a little truer now.

“What have I done with them?” Negan roared, waving Lucille towards the walls of the fort as if he might smash his way through the wood. “Jesus Christ! If I’d have done something with them then you can be damn sure I wouldn’t have been rolling up and knocking on the fucking door! I don’t wanna hear anymore of this fucking bullshit, if I was gonna hurt you people you can fucking believe that I’ve already had every motherfucking chance!”

Grandma disappeared from sight and Negan swallowed the rest of his fucks but not his rage. He was considering ramming the gate open with his truck when it began to ease open on its own, making enough space for Grandma Ellie to hobble out, the bags under her eyes telling him she hadn’t slept a wink and his rage cooling down to concern.

She stood before him, her green eyes searching his and looking so much like Rae’s before she finally spoke, “I think we all know you’re not exactly a good man are you, Negan? But I don’t believe you’re an entirely bad man either. I’m sorry for what I said but I’m not ashamed to admit I’m scared right now and I know that you’re a part of all this. But no matter what I think or what anyone here thinks, Rae has decided to care about you anyway. If something has happened to her and if it’s something you’ve caused then you need to make it right. You need to bring her back to me. I can’t lose another one of my grandbabies. Do you understand me?”

Negan slumped, Lucille slipping from his shoulder, “I know I’ve fucked things up. Lord knows all I seem to do is fuck things up but…” maybe he wasn’t saying this to the right Honey but maybe he wanted to test it out for size, “I’m in love with your Granddaughter and I’m gonna find her and bring her home.”

Grandma cupped his cheeks, her hands frail and warm, her eyes watering on the verge of tears “good. Now you watch your language and bring her back to us.”

“Are you saying I’ve got your approval, Grandma Ellie?”

“I wouldn’t call it my approval but you’re not the worst boy that girl has ever brought home so I can make some allowances.”

“I think that might be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me, Grandma Ellie,” the nicest thing any potential in law had ever said to him. Negan kissed her cheek and winked, “I’m gonna leave some men to help you guard the fort and under no conditions do you let any fu- one in unless it’s me or Rae. I want you and Zuzu to stay in the house and let me and my men take care of everything else.”

The Honey House was home and it was worth fighting for, worth living for, worth dying for and if anyone had touched one hair on Rae’s head then he wouldn’t stop until everything but the matchstick fort was burnt to dust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! :D


	29. Cell- Part One

Night had long since come and gone, and if Rae had to guess the hour she’d say it must have been midday by now, maybe even later but then she’d never been a great timekeeper and the window was nothing more than a slit on the far wall. If she tried to look through it, which she had, she could see the leaves of a bush and beyond that a road with the occasional set of legs walking past on patrol.

Last time she’d been in Alexandria they’d said she wasn’t their prisoner and this time she more definitely was. Her empty stomach grumbled, betraying her indignation at the situation and a sign of exactly how powerless she was right now. Trapped and held at the mercy of people she barely knew. She couldn’t even get herself a cup of water let alone anything else.

With an agitated sigh she rolled over on the threadbare mattress Rick had given her to sleep on and ignored the hunger pangs, instead focusing her mind’s eye on Tim’s face. He’d looked so righteous right before he’d hit her and in hindsight she should have never stopped the car to check if he was okay, but most of all she should never have left Negan behind.  She’d chosen to save Tim’s life and he’d rewarded her help with yet another betrayal.

Foolish didn’t even begin to describe the way she felt as she stared at the breeze block walls. She’d spent the entire night with her stomach in regretful knots, playing out every instance of the last few weeks and wondering what she might have done differently. She couldn’t deny that she was glad to have met Negan but nor could she deny that he hadn’t caused the trouble she found herself in right now yet she still cared about him. At least enough to want no part in what was to come next.

The point where Tim had struck the side of her head was tender and for the hundredth time Rae pressed her finger against it, hissing at the inevitable pain and imagining the mottled bruise. She didn’t have a mirror to see the extent of the damage but the way Rick had looked at her when Tim brought her to Alexandria was enough to know it looked bad.

Rae bided her time imagining how Negan would have dealt with Tim and she knew him well enough to know exactly what he would have done. In fact, she’d heard him do it before. The thump of his baseball bat cracking across a skull and the cries of a dying man were not the kind of thing she could forget even if she had been glad of Jacob’s grizzly fate. She imagined Negan doing the same to Tim and it didn’t disturb her which in itself was disturbing.

Footfalls began to echo down the empty stairwell for the first time since she’d been brought here and despite her surprise Rae didn’t move. She remained stretched out across her mattress, her eyes staring straight ahead with a vacant expression.

“Here,” Daryl’s gruff southern twang mumbled and after a moment’s pause she rolled her head to see him standing on the other side of the bars, an apple in one hand and a bottle of water in the other.

“I don’t want it,” she snapped.

“Ya gotta eat.”

Now Rae’s hunger pangs didn’t seem as fierce. All she could think about was being trapped in this cell. “I don’t have to do anything!”

Daryl sighed heavily, his gaze holding contest with hers until she couldn’t fight the urge to blink and gave in pitifully. Suddenly she wanted to cry but she didn’t, she gathered her knees against her chest, wrapping her arms around them and holding as tightly as she could. She expected Daryl to walk away but he couldn’t seem to take his eyes off the bruise on her face, making her feel even more pathetic.

He shifted back on his heels, sucking his bottom lip and finally making a decision to join her. The door clunked open, the sound reverberating off the bare walls and she found herself holding her breath although she wasn’t sure what she was trying to anticipate.

Daryl walked slowly towards her, taking only three steps to cross the cell and when he stood before her he held the apple to her face, the faint smell enough to make her mouth water at the prospect of that first crisp bite. The shiny red skin reminded her of the day she’d spent picking apples with Negan and thoughts of eating it quickly soured.

She turned her face away from it, swallowing down the hunger and Daryl didn’t press her any further. He placed it on the floor with the bottle of water before digging into his pocket for something more enticing, a cigarette.

Without a single word he offered her one and without complaint she took it, her resolve less enthusiastic when it came to the chance of a smoke. Daryl didn’t even try to hide his soft wonky smile, his battle part won and she could have kicked herself for it.

He lit her cigarette before his own and took a seat besides her, grunting as he fell onto the mattress with a creak of springs, leaving the door of the cell wide open before them. Rae wasn’t stupid enough to try and run from Daryl even if the allure of freedom was tangibly close.

“What are you gonna do with me?” she asked.

Daryl’s gaze flicked to hers but he didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to, she’d had all night to think about what was going to happen next.

“You’re gonna use me to bait Negan?”

Again Daryl didn’t need to answer, the way his face fell answered her question entirely.

An overwhelming bubble of frustration pinged across her body like the slap of an elastic band and she stood from the mattress quickly, part of her feeling like she might be sick and the other part just wanting to run from the cell knowing it would lead to a fight with Daryl. She might not win but at least it would feel good to hit something.

She did neither impulse. Instead, she threw her cigarette to the ground, the tiny embers struggling against the concrete.  There was nothing but agitation in her voice when she whipped around to face Daryl, “this plan, whatever it is, it won’t work! You heard what Mark said, I’m nothing to Negan, I’m not even a wife and he has five of those!”

“I’m sorry,” he muttered and she believed him. Rae didn’t dislike Daryl, it wasn’t Daryl who had shoved her into the trunk of a car and it wasn’t Daryl who had thrown her into this cell but it was Daryl who was here right now.

“So let me go,” she said, desperate but hopeful.

Daryl scoffed, his eyes meeting hers, “Negan wouldn’t let ya go if ya were his prisoner.”

“You’re not Negan.”

“That’s right!” Daryl yelled, standing up, his face close enough to hers for her to smell the staleness of his breath. “I ain’t Negan. I ain’t gonna bash yer head in or let your people starve to death so they can collect shit for me.”

Rae swallowed the lump that swelled in her throat, “so, what will you do?”

Any fight Daryl might have been feeling quickly diminished, his shoulders slumping, “ain’t up to me.”

“Of course it is!” Rae said, reaching towards him and grasping hold of his forearm. Daryl’s muscle twitched under her fingers as he tried to pull away but she held him tighter. “What happens right now is up to you. You can leave me here to die or you get let me out, all you have to do is leave the cell door open and I’ll go.”

“Ya won’t get away,” he insisted, “there’s an army outside and they’ll either catch ya or shoot ya and then what?”

“And what do think’s gonna happen if I stay here? Negan’s probably not coming for me. The last time I saw him I tasered him and strung him up in barn for god’s sake. If Rick threatens to kill me and Negan doesn’t give into his demands is he really gonna just let me go? Rick doesn’t seem like the kind of man who won’t keep to his word.”

Daryl considered it, his face giving nothing away but his voice back to a gentle mumble, “we ain’t gonna hurt ya.”

“You expect me to believe you? All I want is to go home to my family. I’m not interested in fighting with your people or with Negan.”

“Ya ain’t always got a choice,” he said, prying her hands from his arm and  stepping outside the cell. “Yer a part of this even if ya don’t wanna be.”

The door slammed shut with the same heavy clunk it had opened with and Rae clung to the bars, her eyes pleading with the part of Daryl that didn’t like this any more than she did, “please don’t do this to me.”

“It’s already done.” Daryl turned the key, the lock bolting Rae into place.

///

Negan hadn’t even made it back to the Sanctuary to get the rest of his men when Dwight rolled up in the middle of the road. He had a black eye, a bloodied lip and the information Negan had been dreading. Rick Grimes had Rae.

“You’re fucking sure he has her?” Negan hissed after dragging Dwight far enough from the trucks so the men could only see the conversation rather than hear it.

Dwight’s good eye cast downwards, the bruised one already swollen shut. “They fucking ambushed me to tell me they did,” he said, quickly adding, “if you don’t meet them where they say then they’re gonna kill her.”

“Fuck!” Negan smelled a trap, the whole thing fucking reeked of it. The only problem was it was working. All he could think about was getting to Rae and returning her to where she belonged. If he set off right now then he’d have just enough time to make it to the meeting place which meant heading back to the Sanctuary for reinforcements would be impossible.

“We shouldn’t go without our full forces,” Simon warned as if reading his mind.

Negan glanced at the trucks filled with men, then he pictured Rae. More specifically he thought about her endless legs, her soft red hair tangled around his fingers and how warm and real she’d been when he’d chased her freckles with kisses.

“This’ll be enough,” he decided, his voice strained and his heart struggling to the bottom of his feet while his stomach swelled with an unfamiliar feeling.

“Are you crazy?” Simon hissed, turning so his back was to the trucks and nobody could see the horror on his face.  

“Are you disobeying me?” Negan growled.

“Just think about it. Are you really gonna rush into this fight for a… a woman? A goddamn piece of pussy?”

Negan clenched his teeth, biting back the urge to take his rage out on Simon who was only saying exactly the kind of thing Negan would have told himself a few weeks ago. But that was then and this was now. He’d made a promise to Grandma but more than anything, maybe even selfishly, he’d promised himself. He wanted Rae, he was going to take care of her and she was going to be his and for that to happen she needed to be alive. He wanted to take her home then he wanted to stay there with her.

“You want those fuckers to think they can just take our people? You want them to think we’re too scared to fight? Fuck, they might as well walk right up to the Sanctuary and shit all over us if we let them think that!”

“I wanna live,” Simon said, his face holding none of the humor it usually did and again Negan’s stomach took an uncomfortable turn.

Negan had lost Lucille so he knew exactly what that kind of pain felt like and no matter how much he’d tried to convince himself that Rae could never replace his wife he knew that losing her would be just as bad. The idea of enduring that kind of pain again and knowing he played a part in it was worse than any death he could imagine. Dying was easy, living with himself would be impossible.

“If you wanna walk away right now…” Negan took a deep breath, “I won’t stop you.”

Simon looked surprised. Hell, Negan felt surprised. But for all the dick swinging he’d done in the past couple of years it had never really caused him anything but trouble. “If you wanna leave I’ll make up some bullshit excuse about you heading back home for reinforcements but, I’d rather have you with me.” Negan cast a wary eye to Dwight, “you’re one of the only fuckers I can trust and to be honest, I’m getting real tired of all this bullshit.”

Simon chuckled softly, “that redheads done a real number on you, huh?”

“You have no fucking idea,” Negan lamented, twirling Lucille in his hand and trying to keep his face as straight and hard as it could be. “Are you with me or not?” he said, tired of waiting for an answer.

“Jesus,” Simon huffed, his hand scraping over his face. “You know me, boss. I’m with you, but, let’s at least try to be careful here.”

“You know me,” Negan said, forcing a grin across his face and making believe that everything was going to be okay as he walked back towards the trucks.  

“That’s the problem,” Simon called after but this time he was wrong. Negan wasn’t going to do a single thing to put his girl in danger. He was turning over a new fucking leaf here. Maybe he’d even play nice with Sheriff Rick. Or maybe, more likely, he’d put that fuckers smug face into the ground and try to play nice with the rest of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! As you can see I’m back from hiatus which I explained on my blog and I’m excited to finally finish this story. This is the penultimate chapter of Honey House so next chapter will be the last followed by an epilogue :)


	30. Cell- Part Two

Finding the meeting place was easy and to Negan’s annoyance Rick had chosen well. It wasn’t far from Alexandria and the high ground gave his opponent some advantage. But what surprised Negan most of all was how many friends Ricky boy seemed to have acquired in recent times. **  
**

Fighting Rick’s people was one thing but the scouts Negan had sent to the clearing and Alexandria had all come back with the same information; Rick wasn’t alone.

By all accounts he had an army, people from Hilltop, the Kingdom and fuck knows where else. Who they were didn’t really matter, what mattered was the numbers and together they were enough to make an outright firefight problematic at best.

“Fuck,” Negan decided, mulling his options over as the clock well and truly ran down. It was meeting time and as much as he liked to imagine Rick would never hurt a woman like Rae he knew exactly what a person could be capable of with the right motivation leaving him little option of how to proceed except one.

“We’re going in,” he said, turning to his men. “Nobody shoots until I say so. Nobody takes a breath in the wrong fucking direction until I say so. We’re gonna be real goddamn friendly here, do you fuckers understand?”

“Yes sir,” they all chimed in their own way while Simon raised his eyebrows, no doubt thinking Negan was one crazy motherfucker and perhaps he was right. Negan was crazy about Rae or at least crazy enough to do the unthinkable to get to her.

He knew Rick and his people would have heard the racket given off by the procession of trucks so there could be no element of stealth to the plan. Not to mention Rick was probably prepared for and expecting some sort of ambush and as a rule Negan never did the expected.

Charging in with guns blazing would be the easy play but the riskiest, people would die and one of them could be Rae. He wasn’t going to risk her life like that anymore than he was going to risk his own or the lives of his men. He’d play this little game like he had cards Rick couldn’t see and let the chips fall where they may.

This tactic had worked for him before, back in the early days when the Saviors were barely more than a handful of men trying to overpower much larger forces. If people didn’t know what to expect then they tended to play it safe and he needed Ricky boy to play things real safe.

To add to the illusion Negan was trying to create he decided not to carry a rifle. Instead, choosing Lucille as his only weapon although she seemed to weigh a little heavier on his shoulder than she had when he’d set of to the Matchstick fort. He’d hoped to talk some sense into Rae this morning but that seemed like a million miles away from where he stood now.

“We should make a move,” Simon whispered and Negan nodded, pulling his head out of his ass and back into the game.

“Saddle up,” he announced, zipping his jacket a little higher to fight the chill as he took his first step from the tarmac.

The frozen leaves crunched underfoot and the woods loomed before him with only the howl of a distant walker to give any indication they weren’t alone. A sense of dread lay heavy in his stomach but Negan kept walking, ignoring his instinct to run away just like he always did.

He’d barely made it ten paces from the trucks when he spotted the first Alexandrian and then the next, stony faced and alert as they sank into the shadows between the trees.

For a heartbeat Negan wondered if they would open fire and be done with him and the Saviors but they just watched as he continued to push one foot in front of the other, passing by more enemies than he could count or would even want to.

Negan kept his head high with each step and more importantly his men kept their cool and their mouths shut which was a fucking miracle by all accounts.

When the woods finally began to open up into a clearing Negan spotted Rick first, then Ezekiel. He’d like to say it was Rae who caught his attention next but in truth he couldn’t keep his eyes off the goddamn tiger rolling around in the dirt like a sideshow freak.

A tiger, a motherfucking honest to god tiger. Negan could barely stop staring at it and from the hushed whispers of his men it seemed he wasn’t the only one shocked to see this overgrown pussy baring its teeth, just waiting for a man sized snack.

The smug look on Ezekiel’s face when Negan finally looked up was almost enough to make him want to lose his shit right there and then but he didn’t. Still, a tiger, it made Negan wonder how the hell Ezekiel had been his whipping boy for so damn long as much as it made him wonder if the man really was a fucking lunatic.  

“Howdy Sheriff,” Negan said, ignoring the guns and eyes watching him as well as the furry sidekick.

“You made it just in time,” Rick replied, his brow furrowed so deep you could run the mississippi through it.

“Are you a callin’ me out?” Negan began, imaging them in the wild west, guns at dawn over ownership of the Matchstick Fort and some honey coloured freckles. “Or are you just arranging a ho down for the locals?”

“I’m not interested in your bullshit, Negan,” Rick spat, growing some melon sized balls as he raised his hand, signalling his people.

Negan’s heart stopped. Was this the moment everyone would open fire or would they throw him into a pit to fight the tiger while the crowd jeered on? They did neither but he couldn’t say he was glad.

Daryl hitched his rifle onto his shoulder and made his way to a blue pickup truck before opening the passenger door and pulling some familiar long limbs from the cabin.

Negan’s stomach churched even harder than it was already churning but he kept the smiling facade across his face, at least he hoped he did.

Rae’s hands were bound behind her back and her mouth was gagged but that didn’t stop her resisting, kicking out at Daryl who was trying to corral her unruly ass before he finally accepted the help of another man.

Negan was proud of her and in this moment he realised something he should have probably considered before. This was real. Rae was Rick’s prisoner. Maybe he was stone cold stupid but never once had he considered that Rae might be part of this, that she might be baiting him. Like a lovesick teenager he’d ran to her without thinking twice and he didn’t know whether to be pleased or horrified at the revelation.

On instinct Negan inched towards her, wanting to reach out and scoop her up into his arms but the wave of guns levelling on his head reminded him that this wasn’t a happy reunion by any account so he stepped back, playing it cool and winking at Rick like this was all a game. One big fucking game.

It wasn’t until Daryl set Rae at Rick’s feet that Negan got a good look at her face. Her green eyes were ringed red from crying but more startling was the ugly purple bruise curled around her cheek and eye, blemishing all that ivory skin so dark it looked like she’d had a run in with a bottle of ink.

Rage didn’t even begin to describe the way Negan felt. His grip on Lucille tightened so hard he could almost feel her splintering under the strain and any facade he wanted to wear slipped like water through his fingers.

“What the fucking fuck have you done to her face?” he demanded, pointing Lucille with so much vigor she almost flew from his hand.

“It wasn’t me,” Rick said calmly.

“The fuck it wasn’t!” Negan yelled, stepping forward to the chorus of metal catching into place, bullets readying for fire and somehow he didn’t give a crap about the repercussions.

Daryl came at him with his rifle and on instinct Negan slapped it away, the sting of the metal rapping across the back of his knuckles feeling like nothing compared to the bite of pain as his fist slammed into Daryl’s nose, dropping him to the floor.

Then he turned to Rick, zeroing in on him like a nuclear missile.“You’re a fucking dead man!” he shouted and suddenly he was being pulled back. Simon’s hands gripped tight around one arm and Donnie’s around the other.

“Nothing stupid, boss,” Simon urged desperately, reminding Negan why he was really here. Rae. He could fight these fuckers to the ends of the earth but it would be for nothing if she got hurt. Or worse. The idea was sobering enough to quell the rage and when he looked at Rae he felt like an asshole for even putting her in any extra jeopardy.

“Who did it?” he asked calmly, wanting to chalk that fucker up for a painful death when the time was right.

“It was me,” Tim said, creeping from the shadowers like a fucking ghoul.

Negan looked at him long and hard, not saying a single word. He didn’t have to. If Tim hadn’t been a dead man before, he certainly fucking was now and the way he shrank back into the crowd made it clear he’d got Negan’s message.

“We’re not here to talk about who did what. None of that matters now.” Rick announced, his words quieting the whispers to leave everyone standing in silence. It was the kind of theatrics Negan likes to do when he was giving people the run down of how things were going to go and standing on the other side of it had the desired effect. He didn’t like it one fucking bit.

“So what are we here for Rick Grimes? Making best fucking friends with lowlifes who hit women?” So maybe he would say  _something_.

“I’m here to give you a choice, Negan. The kind of choice you didn’t give to Glenn or Abraham.” Rick cocked the hammer of his revolver before pressing the barrel against the side of Rae’s head. “You can surrender,” his finger caressed the trigger, “or you can choose to fight and get a lot of your people killed. Either way this ends today.”

“You’d kill an innocent woman?” Negan said, his voice strained as his gaze held onto Rae’s.

“My people come first,” Rick said, unwavering.

“You’re all gonna stand for this?” Negan asked, watching as people stood a little smaller, most of them looking surprised but none of them daring to make any stance except silence.  “I guess killing people doesn’t really fucking matter as long as they’re on the wrong side, as long as Rick fucking Grimes is pulling the trigger?”

“Make your choice Negan,” Rick said and Negan had no doubt he would do exactly what he’d promised.

Rae squeezed her eyes shut, preparing herself for the inevitable and for a split second Negan wondered what Rae would do if she was in his shoes except Rae would never have gotten herself into a situation like this, that was the point. She would never take what didn’t belong to her and she would never truly hurt someone.

“You know the funny thing, Rick?” Negan chuckled darkly. “You and I are cut from the same fucking cloth. The pair of us are just two unfuckingscrupulous assholes on different sides of the playing field.”

“We’re not the same!” Rick spat, his voice wavering and for the first time he seemed nervous.

Negan could keep baiting him, he could order his men to open fire, he could do a million different things. Instead, he placed Lucille on the ground, resting her on a tuft of grass and remembering the first time he’d picked her up. He’d been a different man then, softer, weaker, still an asshole but not a killer. He could be King Dick or he could go back to being Negan, just Negan.

“Put your weapons down,” he muttered, looking at Rae and watching the way her eyes crept back open. For a moment it was like they were alone in this clearing and he smiled at her. Had he ever told her how beautiful he thought she was? Or how she reminded him what he was like before he’d ever wrapped a baseball bat in barbed wire. He wasn’t sure he had but their time together had felt endless even if he should have known how precious time really was.

“It’s over,” he said, leaving Lucille behind as he stood up.

///

Tears rolled down Rae’s cheeks, soaking into her gag as she watched Negan’s surrender unfurl in stunned silence. She was surprised by his actions but more than anything she was terrified of what they would mean for him. His men looked equally confused, each of them whispering to the man standing closest as they tried to decide if they would fight or follow Negan in surrender.

“It’s over,” Negan confirmed again, his voice rising above the hubbub of uncertainty. “I don’t want anyone else dying for me, today or any other fucking day. I’m too old for this shit,” he added, glancing to Rick. “I think we all are. Now let’s cut a deal and go home.”

“We can’t trust him!” Dwight shouted, striding from the Saviors to reveal his switch in allegiance as he took a stand beside Rick.

Negan didn’t say anything but Rae could see the sting of betrayal as it slapped across his face, the situation only made worse as Mark and two others joined Dwight on the other side of the line that had formed. Saviors versus everyone else. Good versus bad if you asked any of the people here, the only problem was the answers would all be the same. Nobody ever saw themselves as the bad guys and as Rae watched Negan holding up his hands she saw nothing but all the good things he’d done and how he’d made her feel.

“I’m surrendering,” Negan said, raising his hands even higher, “and don’t call me fucking unreasonable but I’d say this was over. We all walk away. We all get to go home and sleep in our own beds tonight.”

Rae didn’t want to feel hope but she did, dangling precariously in front of her as if she could just reach out and take it.

“No,” Rick decided, one word to snatch that glimpse of hope away. “You don’t get to walk away from this, Negan. Not after what you’ve done. We want you to surrender yourself to us and if your people hand over their weapons then this can end peacefully for  _them_.”

“And what the fuck are you gonna do with me?” Negan demanded. “Put me on fucking trial? Execute me when I’m giving into your every goddamned demand?”

Rick glanced to Daryl, then to Morgan who nodded his head, encouraging what seemed to be a preconceived arrangement. “We have a cell,” Rick said, reminding Rae of the grey walls and bare mattress she’d spent the night on. “Hand yourself over to us and we’ll keep you there. Nobody has to get hurt and you can pay for what you’ve done to our people.”

“And what about what you did to my people?” Negan countered, glancing to Lucille as if he’d changed his mind about surrendering.

“Make your choice Negan,” Rick demanded, tension hanging thick in the air as he pressed the muzzle of his revolver even harder against her head. “You have to the count of three. One…”

Rae’s heart raced, her stomach turning in knots as she imagined never returning home or having a single moment outside of this clearing. She didn’t want to die.

“Two…”

“Okay!” Negan spat and suddenly Rae couldn’t breathe as she imagined Negan caged in those small walls, his wings clipped and the humour in his eyes fading away with day after day spent staring at the ceiling.

She hunched forward, trying desperately to suck down air through the confines of the gag as her head began to feel fuzzy, black spots joining where the tears were already blinding her. She felt like she was in the eye of a storm, a whirlwind of movement happening all around her while she sat slowly suffocating.

Rae didn’t know how long it lasted only that it was Negan who brought her back.  “It’s okay, baby,” he whispered his voice so close she could feel the heat of it on her face as she blinked away the tears and looked up to him.

He kneeled in front of her, his hands gentle as they pulled away the gag so she could fill her lungs and try to pull herself together instead of sitting on the floor and crying like a child.

“You’re okay,” Negan said with a little more certainty and Rae didn’t know whether his words were a command or a question but she definitely wasn’t okay. As much as she was trying to be strong she was falling apart.

“Don’t do this,” Rae sobbed pitifully and Negan chuckled, sliding his scarf from his neck and gently wiping away her tears.

“Looks like I’m fresh out of options baby doll and let’s face it, you’re the only one that matters any more.”

Rae sniffed back another sob, “that’s not true.”

Negan laughed again. “You know all this crying over me is not a good look on you. Smile a little, I wanna remember your red hair not your red nose when I’m lonely at night…”

She laughed, she hadn’t thought it would be possible but the sound sprang from her lips on its one accord and made her feel a little lighter despite everything else.

“That’s better,” Negan grinned as if he was oblivious to the way everyone was watching them. “And right now might not be the best fucking time to tell you this Red but I was always fucking terrible at choosing my moments so here it is… I’m in love with you Rachel Eleanor Honey. Hook, line and fucking sinker. From the moment I laid my eyes on you it was only you, nobody else could even come close to you and maybe I should have said that before but let’s fucking face facts here. I’m an asshole and I thought I’d have more time to win you round without having to lay it all out like fucking hallmark greeting card.”

Rae’s response was stunted, words tripping over her tongue as Negan pulled her against his chest, his face nuzzling into her hair and his voice rich and warm as he said it again, “I love you, Red. Only you, baby.”

“Negan-” she whispered softly, her heart aching more than she thought possible as she tilted her head to kiss him. Rae wanted him to know she felt the same way, that Negan had changed her. “You’re a lying, egotistical asshole but I love you too.”

“And you said you didn’t care for poetry,” Negan teased, not needing an answer before his lips landed possessively over hers. He kissed her like a dying man taking his last taste of life, his hands stroking down her spine and squeezing her so tight she couldn’t breathe of think of anything but him or the way his tongue danced over hers.

Rae never wanted it to end but this wasn’t just a kiss. This was a kiss goodbye. Rae slumped forward, losing her centre of gravity as Dwight and Mark dragged Negan across the ground before pulling him to his feet. He didn’t fight them and he didn’t stop looking at her, both of them drinking in every last second of eye contact.

“You go home to Grandma. You hear me, Red? Go home and don’t look back,” he shouted as they forced him into the same truck she’d arrived in.

When the door slammed shut Rae’s heart jumped but she didn’t cry. She felt hollow, her willpower squashed to a tiny flicker and even as Daryl cut through her restraints she didn’t react. Her hands fell limp to the ground, her heart hanging just as heavy. She was wondering if she’d even have the strength to make it back home when Tim stepped into her line of vision and that tiny flicker of willpower sparked a little brighter.

Rae’s breathing steadied, her fingers curled along the frozen ground and like a halfer returning from the dead she stood on shaky legs. She didn’t want Tim to be here, she didn’t want him to have the chance to gloat but more than anything she didn’t want some half assed attempt at an apology.

It all happened quickly, Rae took one step forward and suddenly she was sprinting, picking up Lucille and swinging her. The crack Tim’s skull made surprised her, she hadn’t thought she could hit him hard enough to make a sound like that but it rang out loud enough to stop everyone else from moving as her former right hand man slumped to the ground.

For a moment she thought she’d killed him and what surprised her was the way it made her feel, happy, no remorse but maybe that would have come later if he hadn’t began to twitch, his eyes slowly opening. “Please,” he begged, scooting away in terror.

Rae couldn’t deny it, she felt powerful, Lucille serving as a bloodthirsty extension of her arm as she raised her over her head in preparation for the next strike and it would be so easy, so satisfying. Afterall, Tim deserved it… he’d betrayed her and people had been killed for less.

Somewhere in the background there was a scuffle and the sound of Daryl telling Rick to “stop,” but that wasn’t what made Rae lower the bat or why she glanced towards Negan. He knew what this would mean to her, what it would mean for Rae to take Tim’s life, her first human life.

Just as she suspected Negan was watching her every move from the truck, his face faded through the windowpane but even so she could still see the horror all over it. There were all kinds of monsters in this world but like her heart was trying to tell the adrenaline that was urging her on, Rae didn’t belong with them. She wasn’t a murderer even if that didn’t mean she wouldn’t kill.

She nodded to Negan, lowering Lucille even further and giving Tim nothing more than a sideways glance as she warned, “stay away from me or next time I won’t stop.”

“I’m sorry it came to this,” Rick said and Rae turned to look at him, Lucille hitched on her shoulder.

“No you’re not. You said yourself, you don’t care about anything but your own people and he’s right about you. You’re no better than he is.” Rae turned to Dwight and Ezekiel, looking them up and down, “none of you are and if you hurt him I won’t stop until I hurt you.”

“It’s gettin’ dark,” Daryl interrupted, cutting in between Rae and the others.  “Dwight said there’s some trucks on the road. I’ll walk ya to one of them and get ya home before somebody gets hurt an’ this was all for nothin’

Rae scoffed, snatching the keys from his hand, “I don’t need your help, Daryl and even if I did I wouldn’t ask for it now.”

“Either way ya still got it.”

Rae wanted to hate Daryl but she didn’t, it didn’t mean she could like him right now either. “Go fuck yourself,” she said, channelling her inner Negan as she straightened her spine and turned on her heel. She’d go home, not because of Rick or Daryl or anyone else but because of Negan. It’s what he wanted. It’s why he’d handed himself over to the enemy and she wasn’t going to squander the chance he’d given her any more than she was going to play nice with the people who had taken him away.

So, with one last glance towards Negan and a silent goodbye she swallowed down a fresh crop of tears, pushed through the army of Saviors and sank into the woods, running when she lost sight of the others.

With every footstep Rae’s head was pounding as fast as her heart, replaying every moment of Negan’s capture and wondering if she should go back even if she knew going back would be pointless. Eventually she stopped running and leant against a tree to catch her breath, the temporary break causing her to hear the footfalls that were following her.

Rae gripped Lucille and swung around to defend herself, missing her target as he dodged out of the way.

“It’s me,” Simon held his hands up, looking as startled as she felt and Rae kept the bat aimed at his head.

“What are you doing?” she hissed.

Simon lowered his hands, “I figured every leader needs a right hand man.”

Rae almost choked on the laugh that echoed around the trees. “I’m not a leader.”

Simon looked over his shoulder, nodding to where a large group of Negan’s saviors were slowly making their way through the trees. “You tell them that.”

Rae shook her head, feeling the weight of the world settling on her shoulders as the idea of leading these men and women in a fight for Negan crossed her mind. But Negan was right, it was over. “I just wanna go home.”

Simon nodded, his hand catching under her elbow to push Lucille back onto her shoulder instead of aimed at his head. “Whatever you say, boss.”

///

Negan would be a liar if he said he didn’t have a moment of honest to god, almost shitting himself, panic in between putting down Lucille and hearing the clang of the cell door as it sealed shut. He did. More than one. But now he was here, staring at four grey walls and twiddling his thumbs.

_Jesus fucking christ._

Sitting on the bare mattress he decided tonight would be quite possibly his worst nights sleep in a long time and as his hand swept over the rough checkerboard fabric he found a strand of hair, long, red and oh so familiar.  _Rae_.

He twirled the hair between his thumb and forefinger, admiring it like a piece of light amongst the dark. Maybe that’s what it was. She’d slept here so he could do it too. He lay back, stretched across the mattress and could almost feel the press of her lips and the curve of her body.

Negan’s plan had worked, sort of. They were both alive and that was what really mattered. As long as they were breathing then he had a second chance and if he was anything it wasn’t a quitter. Hell, yesterday Rae had been threatening to kill him and today she was telling him she loved him so the anything was fucking possible.

It probably wouldn’t be today and maybe not even tomorrow but one day Negan was going to make it out of this cell and when he did he’d go home. He’d walk past those scrapyard gates, up that long drive and right up to the door of the Honey House. Hopefully Rae would be waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! This is technically the last chapter and its how I always imagined and wanted the story to end but at the same time I do wanna give you guys a little taste of whats next so I am going to do an epilogue. I hope you guys have enjoyed it. I know its not a traditional ending but I wanted to walk the line between the show and the comics and try to stay true to them as best I could while still making Negan fall in love. I just love Rae and Negan’s journey so much and I can’t believe I’m only going to be writing a little bit more of it! <3


	31. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2 years later...

For the most part everyone kept to their side of the Freeway. Alexandria, Hilltop and the Kingdom to the North, Rae and her Savior’s to the South. Everyone with the exception of Daryl, who was already waiting for her when she arrived at the usual spot. 

“Hey,” she said, letting go of the tension she’d been carrying in her shoulders and like clockwork Daryl dug into his pocket for a packet of cigarettes and his lighter. There was no doubt that Rae would take one and then they would lean against the faded white fence and enjoy each others company in a whirl of smoke and silence like old friends. 

Maybe by now they were old friends although their first meeting after Negan’s arrest hadn’t gone so smooth. Back then Rae had been reeling, wracking her brain and searching her conscience for an answer to a question that could have changed everything. To rescue Negan or accept his fate? Some of the Saviors had wanted to wage a war to get him back, others had simply wanted to stay alive. In the end she’d chosen the latter but the day she’d spotted Daryl stalking her through the garden of this old abandoned house she’d had war on her mind.

Rae had ambushed him besides the very fence they leant on with every intention of ‘making him pay’ except making someone pay for something that wasn’t their fault wasn’t exactly Rae’s style. In fact it was the exact kind of thing that started wars and got people thrown into makeshift jail cells. Not to mention it was cruel and despite the shitty hand the world had dealt Rae she didn’t want to be cruel, even if being cruel was sometimes far easier than being kind. 

In hindsight Rae realised Daryl had let her catch him that day but she’d never asked him why or if he’d been afraid she’d hurt him. Regardless, letting Daryl return home had helped her take back some of the control Rick Grimes had stolen and in the end it had helped sway her decision towards peace. 

And that was how the meetings started. They would meet every other week, leaning against the fence that was as unremarkable as the house it surrounded but over the past couple of years it had become as familiar as the well worn lines in Daryl’s leather vest. It felt like even the trees recognised them as they stopped their rustling and settled down to listen in silence. 

“Ezekiel wants to know if he can send you another horse,” Daryl began, flicking a flurry of ash to the ground. 

“The first one was too much,” she replied and Daryl shrugged, rolling his cigarette between dirty fingers before taking a long thoughtful drag. 

“It's his way of keepin’ peace between all y’all,” he said eventually and something inside Rae snapped.

“I can keep the peace without bribery!”

Daryl paused, his narrow eyes scrutinising her as she tried to hold onto indignation even if she didn’t really feel  _ that  _ offended. No, it wasn’t offence that bothered her it was betrayal. Every charity from Ezekiel felt like a betrayal to Negan and her friendship with Daryl was already a betrayal she could hardly stomach when she thought about it too long. 

“I think ya should take it,” Daryl insisted quietly and Rae knew, regardless of what she thought, he’d be bringing the horse to her anyway.

It was like that with Daryl, he’d show up with things she hadn’t asked for and leave her with no choice but to accept them. A deer at Christmas, some antibiotics when Grandma Ellie was sick, one of two stray puppies he’d found. Zuzu had been pleased with Banjo, who was now as big as a pony, Grandma Ellie not so much. 

Rae sighed, changing the subject to something she could be proud of. Something she’d done with nothing but sheer determination. “The crops are good, the summers barely started and we’re already up on last year's yield.”

Turning the Saviors into farmers hadn’t been easy and Rae’s hands bore the signs of hours and hours of hard work but bringing the fields around Grandma’s house back to life had given her an indescribable feeling. It was much more than hope. It was as if she could see into the future and almost reach out and touch it. 

“That’s good,” Daryl replied, the almost invisible hint of a smile creasing his cheeks and Rae couldn’t help but grin in return. He knew how much she’d struggled to keep things going with the Saviors and her people and if his reply sounded condescending it wasn’t. Daryl was a man of few words which was part of the reason she liked him. 

“Can I ask ya somethin’?” he said when their cigarettes were crushed into the ground and Rae nodded, curious. Afterall, Daryl  _ was  _ a man of few words and that meant he didn’t ask many questions. “How come ya never ask me ‘bout Negan?”

The colour drained from her face as quickly as her stomach turned over which was her usual reaction to the sound of Negan’s name and the exact reason she never volunteered it. 

For Rae, who had slept in the very cell which held Negan, it wasn’t difficult to imagine him there. His wings clipped, the space barely big enough to contain his personality. Nor was it difficult to picture the soft tawny colour of his eyes when he smiled, how the warmth of his touch had made her shiver or how it had made her feel when he said ‘I love you’. 

Rae swallowed the lump in her throat, looking at anything but Daryl. “If there was news I know you’d tell me.”

The fence creaked as Daryl shifted his weight beside her and the uneasiness Rae felt at the mention of Negan’s name began to increase with every heartbeat. “Has something happened?” she asked, barely able to take another moment of not knowing.

“Negan’s escaped.” 

Daryl said it so plainly Rae wondered why he hadn’t said it sooner and why on earth they’d sat through an entire cigarette like it was any other day but her anger was fleeting leaving behind the hollow confusion of shock. 

A thousand questions swirled around her head, she seemed to have a hundred things to say but all she could repeat was “ _ escaped _ ” like it was the first time she’d ever heard the word.   

“If he comes your way-”

“I’m not gonna hand him over to you if that’s what you think!” 

“If he comes yer way... keep him close,” Daryl’s eyes levelled on her, his words unexpected. “Yer gonna need him.”

Now Rae was even more confused, her heart still thundering. “Is this about your people who went missing?” 

“They ain’t just missing. They’re dead. There’s people out there, The Whisperers, an’ it ain’t gonna be long ‘fore they find all ya’ll.”

“I should get home,” Rae mumbled, her thoughts consumed with Negan as she turned to walk away but Daryl stopped her, his fingers firm and rough against her skin. His touch startled her, not just because it was tight enough to leave a bruise but because Daryl never touched her or even made a motion to. He merely looked and she’d caught him looking more than once. 

“I wanted him to stay in that cell forever,” he said, his voice strained, “but I knew ya didn’t.”

Rae cocked her head to one side, a small spark of realisation dancing on the outskirts of her mind, “did  _ you  _ help him escape?”

“I’ll bring ya that horse,” Daryl replied, ignoring her question as he climbed onto his bike. “Ya should get home ‘fore dark,” he warned and with a kick of his foot to start the engine he was gone.

Rae found herself staring at the outline of the tree’s, unable to shake the sudden feeling she was being watched. It was stupid really but she’d spent so much time thinking about Alexandria that she’d almost forgotten there could be others. But of course there were. There would always be others. The prospect troubled her but not enough to keep her from thinking about Negan. 

Negan was free and even if his freedom had been what she was waiting for it seemed to have arrived so abruptly that she felt unprepared. Would he look for her? If he did what would he say? What would  _ she  _ say? 

Rae often wondered if Negan thought she’d given up on him even if he’d been the one who’d asked her to stay away. Their last moment together felt both recent and long ago at the same time. If she closed her eyes she could replay every nuance right down to the way his skin had smelled but she could barely remember the drive home from the clearing. Simon had been by her side and he’d stayed there ever since, a constant shadow of unwavering support. What would he and the Saviors think of Negan’s return? So many questions and all of them whirled tirelessly as she hurried home to Grandma’s. 

If Negan was looking for her, Rae decided he’d probably start there but first she’d take a small detour for a forgotten friend. 

///

Negan didn’t quite understand why Daryl had decided to let him out of his cell but he guessed it didn’t really matter. He’d done his crime and by fuck had he done his time. 24 hours in a cell gave a man enough time to think and he’d become a goddamn expert in thinking. 

He’d thought about Lucille, the Saviors, Rick, but most of all he’d thought about Rae. Dear God he’d fantasized over every last inch of her creamy white skin, tormenting himself with thoughts both explicit and mushy enough to make him want to throw up and give himself a short hard slap in his soppy face.  

Today was the moment he’d been waiting for, the start of his new life, his third life. His first had been Lucille, the first woman he’d ever loved. His second had been with the Saviors, where he had loved nothing more than he loved himself. His third would be with Rachel Honey, if she’d still have him. 

But despite all the excitement Negan couldn’t escape the reality that two years was a long time and in between all the fantasising had been the nightmares. He’d imagined Rae moving on, finding comfort in another man's arms and telling him to fuck off if they ever had the chance to meet again. Negan swallowed hard, if he dwelled too much on those kinds of ideas then it would make his nerves creep into his asshole, stopping him from doing what he wanted to do and he wasn’t going to turn back now. He hadn’t spent two years turning into a complete pussy even if he was a little softer around the edges. 

When the matchstick fort finally came into view Negan stopped in his tracks. The sun was hanging low in the sky and in its wake it cast a hazy glow which seemed to find every crack between the wooden beams, lighting the fort up like St Peters gates. It was more beautiful than he remembered but more than anything it felt like coming home in a way that the Sanctuary never had. 

“Jesus,” he said, finally exhaling the breath that had caught in his throat. This was real. With one slow swipe Negan palmed the scruff that covered his face and thought about freshening up but it was too late. 

The sound of someone approaching through the fields of corn caught his ear and he braced himself, questioning if walking right up to the Honey House had been a wise idea or just plain stupidity. Negan knew the answer to that but waiting a second longer than he’d had to hadn’t seemed like much of an option when he was picturing long legs and soft red hair. 

With his breath back to being trapped in his throat and nothing but the clothes on his back he stood on the dirt road like a lonely traveller watching as Rachel Honey stepped out from the corn in a moment that he knew he’d never forget. 

Even in the twilight he could see the way her freckles polka dotted across her cheeks and rich redness of her hair as it tried to escape her ponytail to dance with the breeze. If he’d thought the house had looked beautiful it wasn’t anything compared to the way Rae looked to him now. 

At the sight of him her eyes lit up in surprise while her lips pursed in the most kissable way, the exact way he’d imagined them. 

“Red,” he said, rolling the word off his tongue with the care of a man who’d barely spoken these past years. 

“Negan,” Rae whispered back, the softness of her voice barely carrying over the breeze but it was enough to make his chest fill with warmth and his arms fill with longing. 

Yet despite the overwhelming desire he had to scoop her up he remained rooted to the spot, neither of them daring to make the next move, both of them barely breathing. Eventually Negan couldn’t help but chuckle a nervous laugh hoping it would crack the tension that lingered in the air or help him ignore the way his palms slicked with a layer of sweat that couldn’t quite be blamed on the heat of the day.

Rae met his nervous laugh with her own and with one step forward she held Lucille out in front of her. “She’s a little rusty but I kept her for you.”

Negan felt even more unsure of what to do next. For all his fantasizing he’d never imagined this and with hesitation he accepted Lucille, his finger grazing against Rae’s for a moment as brief as a heartbeat but long enough to make sure his heart was thundering in his chest. 

The weight of Lucille in his hand was as familiar as his own dick but this time it was different. The wire was rusty, the wood dirty and by all accounts she was a goddamn mess but it didn’t bother him like it might have done because by all accounts she was just a bat. That’s all she’d ever been. 

Negan swung her three times and on the third he let her slip through his fingers to hurtle into the corn. The truth was Lucille was gone and it had taken Negan a long time to accept it and the cell had given him the time to do just that .

There was no warmth or life to be found in a baseball bat but there was warmth and life in Rachel Honey and he’d been so cold he thought he might freeze over. So what was he waiting for? She was here and he didn’t want to waste another second. 

She didn’t fight him when he pulled her close and she didn’t protest when his thumb brushed under her chin to tilt her face to his.  

“I haven’t changed my mind about you, Red,” he admitted with a smile and before she could say a single word he kissed her. He didn’t want to give her a chance to say something that might spoil this moment and Negan wasn’t the kind of man who could easily put his feelings into words. So he put them into a single kiss. He kissed her with his entire body, pressing her against him, enveloping her into his arms and claiming her lips as his tongue explained all the things he could never say. 

“Tell me you haven’t changed your mind about me,” he said, hoping he hadn’t sounded as desperate as he felt. 

Rae’s fingers skirted over his leather jacket, curling into his lapels. “I haven’t,” she whispered, giving his jacket a tug and it was all the signal he needed to kiss her again. It might not have been poetry but it was love.

Part of Negan wanted to take Rae and run away for a night away from prying eyes but the other part of him couldn’t truly feel at ease until he walked into the fort and faced whatever would come next. He knew there were a lot of people who hated him and he was uneasy at the prospect of what they might do. 

With Rae at his side the gates opened easily although he could almost hear the uncertain whispers of the people manning the wall. He even recognised a couple of them from the Sanctuary and with that came an unexpected rush of pride. 

Rae had done it. She’d taken his people and made them her own. Not only was he proud of her but he was grateful. He’d hoped she’d help the Sanctuary recover from the mess he’d tangled it in and she hadn’t let him down. 

As they walked through the courtyard Negan noted it was just as lush as he remembered and it was still bustling with people only this time it wasn’t just women. There were men, kids, even a dog was bounding between the vegetable boxes.. 

But despite the happy bustle of a thriving community Negan's nerves began to tap a rhythm into his chest because no matter if they were man, woman or child they all looked at him in the same way.

It was the kind of way motorists looked at a car crash on the freeway. Curiosity, disbelief and the unsavory knowledge that you probably shouldn’t stare too long. He kept his head high, it hadn’t been too long ago that some of these people had knelt in fear at the sight of him and if they smelled blood they’d probably eat him alive. 

He glanced at Rae, finding shelter in the way she smiled at him and when she offered her hand to his he took it. To everyone watching it was a sign of acceptance and any uncertainty they had towards Negan was trumped by the respect they had for Rachel Honey. Although Rae wasn’t the only Honey he had to impress. Negan had no doubts about that.

By now Grandma Ellie was standing on the porch looking as feisty as he could remember her and Negan couldn't help but grin. The idea of losing Rae to another man hadn’t been the only nightmare that had plagued him and he was pleased to see the oldest Honey alive and no doubt kicking.

“Grandma Ellie,” he said, hoping the hard line of her lips would curve into a smile and thanking god when they did. Even if it was a small smile.

She put her hand on her hip, the hint of disapproval in her eyes as she looked him up and down, “you have the look of a man who’s been dragged twice through a hedge backwards.”

Negan held back a chuckle, his hand once again rubbing across his scruff, “yes, ma’am.”

“Well,” her eyes showed a smirk that didn’t quite make it to the rest of her face, “you better get yourself cleaned up and… welcome home, Negan.”

Her words hit him in an unexpected way. He wasn’t going to shed a tear and didn’t feel like he needed to. That wasn’t his style but he could feel her acceptance hitting him right in the chest and her kindness choked him enough that all he could do was smile.

“I’ll see you inside,” Rae said, letting his hand loose and hopping up the steps to follow Grandma into the house.

Negan supposed they needed time to talk and he would let them have it. After All, this was Rae’s world and he was willing to do whatever it took to be a part of it. He wanted to give her everything he could with the exception of one thing. 

Negan would never ask Rae to be his wife. He’d been married more times than any sane man should and he didn’t want to add her name to the end of a very long list. She was a Honey just like her Grandma and in this matchstick fort, with the hubbub of life, laughter and a dog barking, he wanted to be one too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a longer than expected to finally be published but sometimes life gets in the way of writing. I hope you all enjoyed it. I’m gonna miss writing for Rae and Negan. Maybe one day I’ll add a little more but for now, thank you for following their journey and this story <3


End file.
